Ranma stood at one side of the small island that Keitaro
remembered from his own duel with Motoko. The kendoka stood at the
other, facing Ranma intently. The other girls lined the bank of the
stream at either side of him, watching with varying degrees of
emotion -- apprehension from Shinobu, confusion and worry from
Motoko, and simple curiosity from Mitsune and Suu.

Interesting trick, Motoko being in two places at once. I'd be confused and
worried too. Of course, one has to wonder where Naru is...

         The kendoka, uncaring, charged through the smoke towards
Ranma, sword in a ready position. "I will strike you down, fell
minion of perversion!" she declared.

I think you wanted "foul" minion of perversion there.

         "He's paid for half the repairs to the inn himself," Mitsune
countered, her grin widening. "As far as turning into a girl -- just
think how much fun that could be!"

         "Auuugh..." Shinobu wailed. "Kitsune-san too!"

*snrk*

         "But... but... but..." Naru protested. Turning to Shinobu
for support, she asked, "Do _you_ want him living with us?"

         Shinobu sniffled, wiping tears from her eyes, and managed,
"I don't know! Maybe he's a pervert!"

         "Exactly!" Naru said, nodding and turning to Keitaro.

         "But he can't be nearly as bad as all the perverts we
already have!"

*falls over laughing*

         "And you are a more worthy opponent than I had thought," the
kendoko countered. Her sword was still held in a ready stance, as

I like this typo. Kendoko. Hee.

         "So you're _are_ mocking me now?" the kendoka asked,
furrowing her brow.

Extraneous contraction.

         "Uh... yes," Keitaro managed, nodding. "Tamago was a gift
from Otohime-chan, he's kind of a pet for the whole inn."

Tamago's a girl turtle. ^_^

the wavering strands of ki-flame. "And he lost something very
important to him."

         ***

         The kendoka swallowed nervously, gaze fixed firmly on the

Doesn't seem like there's any need for a scene break there...

         "I think he's left, Koara," Shinobu apologized, pouring a

Kaora...or Kaolla, if you want to spell it right ^_^

         Suu straightened up, crossing her arms over her chest and
looking suddenly very thoughtful, considering that she was suspended
by having her legs wrapped around Ranma's chest. "It's a specially
devised technique to throw people off and learn more about them from
their indirect reactions, allowing me to gauge what kind of person
they are and study them better."

This from the girl who tried to eat Tamago whole and alive once...twice...at
least five times...

         "With his curse?" Naru asked skeptically. "I doubt it. But
I'm worried -- we used to have such a peaceful and happy inn. Now
that Oe has moved in, there's so much violence!"

*SNRK*

         "Well why not?" Ranma asked, frowning. "I mean, yeah, I'd
like to get to know him better and get more settled in before I do
it, but there's too much money in this to just blow him off."

         "So that's how she paid for the repairs," Mitsune mumbled.

*cackles*


Quite hilarious.

-------------------------------------------

Studio ELL: Back in Crack!
http://www.lurkerdrome.com
The Eternal Lost Lurker
lurker@lurkerdrome.com
http://www.livejournal.com/users/lurkerdrome



             .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'