Suggested changes: {before : after}

On Mon, 17 Jun 2002 15:03:08 -0500 Donald Lee Granberry
<noharness@mac.com> wrote:

This will be all of this one for a few days. I'm going to make lunge at
getting Part XVI of Comes the Cold Dragon out to pre-readers. Meanwhile,
here's a little more for the purists to stew over:

I look forward to seeing more Comes the Cold Dragon soon.

 
I have a sizeable chunk of the next chapter written.

       "I'm Ranma Saotome," Ranko said, fiddling nervously
with the end of her pigtail and looking rather embarrassed.
"Sorry about this."

Great playback from the first episode.  You are one sick juvenal canine.

 
Why, thank you, Michael.

      "Who's been doin' the cookin'?" Ranma asked.

      "I have," Nabiki said, "but don't you dare tell anyone."

Now that's scary.

 
Isn't it? Standby for another Nabs in the kitchen gag.

     Ranma Saotome had pitched tents a countless number of
times during his young life, but by the time he had finished
digging out the combined camping gear of the Tendo and
Saotome clans he was tired. They had two older tents that
would sleep four, then four smaller tents intended for one or
two people. Ranma pitched them all, deciding that if they
were not needed immediately, someone would need a place to
sleep by the next {nighfall : nightfall}. He was still trying to tighten
the last rope on one of the smaller tents when Soun and Akane
came stumping through the front gate, both of them covered in
sweat, scratches and dirt. Soun's face looked especially
haggard, but was clearly relieved to find Ranma at home.

      "Yes, Daddy, but that leaves the railroad as the only
passable route into Nerima, assuming the trestle wasn't
damaged," Nabiki said as she handed Akane a plate. "There
won't be any trucks coming in here with those two highway
bridges gone."

Most of the trains seem to be electric, so they'll probably have tons of
grounds in the system to clear before they can use it safely.

 
Or "opens". One of the worst problems we had here was trash and debris left
on the trestles after the water went down. Fortunately, our system is
diesel-electric, not strictly electric. One of the really nasty problems you
can have without electricity is...I'll save it for the story.

       "Well, the wind wasn't {to : too} bad when we first started out
after the old freak, but the higher the wind got, the farther
he could jump. Finally, he jumped up over a wall and I knew
there wasn't any point in chasin' him anymore," Ranko said.

      "Anyway, I told Pops I was goin' home and turned to
leave," Ranko said, "but he grabbed me from behind and threw
me up into the air."

      "At least he threw me high enough to clear the wall!"
Ranma exclaimed.

It's nice how you toss the story back and forth between Ranma and Ranko
with both using I since they were the same person at the time.

 
Thanks. It seemed the logical thing to do.

        "A philothampus," Ranma supplied helpfully.

        "Philanthropist!" Akane said sounding exasperated.

Gee Porgie, I didn't know you...

 
What do you mean you didn't know?
 
Thanks for the feedback, Michael.
 
Don.


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