--On 6/12/02 9:45 AM -0400 Sam Vilsmeier wrote:

He smiled and though of how they were intertwined. Her head was buried

though -> thought

into his chest, and her body was pressed against his, while his arms were
around her and his led was thrown over her hips. It was kinda appealing,

led -> leg

alone. It was his child, and he would be at her in this side no matter

...be at her side...

sweet floral scent of her shampoo. The feelings which this prompted we're

we're -> were

He closed his eyes and laid as he was. He did not know for how long it

laid -> lay (I think.)

was. He knew there was something special about her. She was so kind, so
caring, so gentle, so... non-violent. He could feel something in his
heart when he though of her. He cared about this girl, deeply.

Non-violent.  Sailor Saturn. <snicker>

After a while, he slowly squirmed off of the bed, managing not to awaken
her. Laying like that with her was nice, but he had things he need to get

need -> needed

the package. That bed is far small for two people, at least in the long

is -> was

He quietly dressed and left the room. He put on a simple pair of slacks
and a Chinese shirt, the Saotome Ranma classic.
=20
After a few silent early morning stretches he opened Hotaru's bedroom
door, and began to slip out. He glanced around for a moment. Hotaru sure
had a big house. It was really nice. He hoped that he could stay here for

Wow, she has a bedroom within her bedroom?  It really is a big house. ;-)=20
I presume Ranma only leaves the room once.

He gazed back into Hotaru room, at his mate. He hoped Hotaru didn't =

resent

...Hotaru's room...

He silently exited the room exited the room and started down the stairs.

Dang, there really must be two rooms to exit... ;-)

The cursed martial artist turned to see Hotaru's father figure coming =

down

the steps behind her. The butch lesbian slowly scanned over Ranma's

I honestly don't know, but would 'butch lesbian' be considered offensive?

figure, taking time to appreciate every curve. It made him fell like a
piece of meat.

But then she's being a bit offensive herself...

The two bowed respectfully, and with a resounding cry, Haruka charged
forward and struck at Ranma with a skillful and lightning fast =

combination

I'd take out 'a skillful and'.  It reads awkwardly to me.

Ranma slipped back onto the offensive and considered this. Haruka could =

be

Ranma was just on the offensive.  Is he going back to defense now?

fighting of the fianc=E9es.

of -> off

woman was getting sloppy, leavening herself open. Time to end this.

leavening -> leaving (Ah, spell checkers, gotta love 'em.)

depended on her Senshi form's super human durability by ignoring her

depended -> dependent

Ranma looked at Haruka, deep in thought. She might not be skilled enough
to handle it, but she was fast. Of course the question was should he. She
probably would use these skills against him. While she would be no real

Yes, just as soon as who you really are is revealed...

It's an ancient Chinese Amazon technique that had the Emperors of China
shaken' in there boot for 3,000 years, or at least that's what they told
me."

The Emperors of China, of course, only had one boot amongst them and it was
a prized family heirloom... ;-)

...there boot... -> ...their boots...=20

anger. "That little fucking bastard... first he string along these girls

string -> strings

"Why we're you kicked out of the house anyways?"

we're -> were

Hotaru smiled as she opened her eyes to the morning light. Her nights =

rest

nights -> night's (I think.)

pulled those chestnuts from that fire with ease! Imagine how fast would

...how (I|Uranus) fast would be...

Hotaru the space she needed to work. "Your friends in the kitchen. I had

friends -> friend's

Of course, that was not the big shocker to Hotaru. This was: Ranma could
cook?

LOL!

Moments later 'Ranko' exited the kitchen, still dressed in Michiru's =

apron

holding an over sized tray of food. Laying it on the table he looked at
the others and said, "Dig in!"
=20
Hotaru could barely hold her surprise when she glanced at the meal. It
appeared very well prepared!
=20
She slowly took a hefty helping for herself and sampled the cuisine.
"Ran... Ranko-chan this is really good!"

Is it traditionally Japanese breakfast (rice, miso, maybe grilled fish),
omelets, green eggs & ham...?

Michiru closed her eyes, and nodded. "Haruka... your right. We almost =

lost

your -> you're

Ranma gulped. His cover was blown! Maybe the missed it.

the -> they  (And you wish!)

"Did you just call her, Ranma?" Asked Haruka.

This one shouldn't have a comma before Ranma because it's part of the
question, not an identifier label. =20

Setsuna slowly wobbled her way down the steps. God he head hurt. It was =

as

he -> her

a bad sort. He was crude, but he means well, and he could be a very

means -> meant

She also noted, that despite her anxiety, not having to play the master
manipulator was a weight off her soul.

...noted that, despite her anxiety, not...

Her eyes narrowed as the pain in her head increased ten fold. She sat
down, smiled insincerely, and in an acidic voice she said, "Good morning,
Saotome," while looking Ranma directly in the eyes.

Leaving it open as to whether she gives him away or not.


There were a couple places where you had extra newlines.  Sorry I didn't
point them out, I assumed they were an artifact of my mailer's quoting.

Looking forward to the next one. :-)

Jim

--=20
Jim Miller
whonk@xinu.nu


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