Hi, I'm Troy Thomas. Here are some comments. Take what you like. Ignore the rest.

A small white archway marked the entrance of the school.  Ranma stared skyward, peering at the emblem boldly emblazoned upon the crest of the arch.

'Ranma stared skyward' is a bit awkward. I suggest something like:
Ranma stared at it, peering at the

<

Ranma walked onto the campus grounds, the months of searching behind him.
It felt lighter, a little happy as he finally arrived.  

What is 'It', exactly?
Ranma? The campus grounds? Or the months of searching?
It can be any one of the three, so 'It' needs to be identified with something beforehand.

<

Eyes wandering, he took in the lush feel of the campus entrance as he walked
under the arched gateway treading slowly down the main walkway.  He was
awestruck by what he beheld, his vision absorbed the majestic beauty of the

his vision absorbed by the

manicured floral arrangements and he felt like he had entered another world.
Gulping, he remembered he had to breath as he walked erratically down the
beautiful walkway that was composed of white marble and lined by a small
brick wall that seemed to hold back the teeming mass of white and pink
flowers beyond.  The flowers were in full bloom, beautiful pastel colored
petals that overlapping each other gave the impression of a lovely picture

The flow seems a little bumpy. I suggest something like:
The flowers were in full bloom, beautiful overlapping pastel colored petals gave the impression of a lovely picture.

as they completely covered the life-giving soil that would threaten their
beauty with the damp, dark, ugliness below.

Slowly making his way to the campus proper, he spied small hills and trees,
and the occasion knot of people talking in small groups.  The beauty of the

occasional

place never relented; full green trees and grassy knolls interspersed
themselves between numerous flowerbeds that seem to make up this place.

Slowly people began to interpose themselves in landscape.  Small groups of

in the landscape.

<

Eventually he made it to a walkway that was covered with intermittent, but
even placed white marble arches.  He had trouble interpreting how the entire

intermittent but evenly placed

place made him feel.  Looking at it caused a longing deep inside him he was
unaccustomed to, and ill prepared for.   The beauty was inviting,

ill-prepared

transfixing, and ultimately compelling.  It made him want to be worthy,
worthy of his promises made, and worthy of himself.  Unfortunately, in
contrast he felt small, inadequate, ugly in comparison to its proud and
unparalleled beauty.

Coming to a central plaza, he stopped and looked around, searching for any
indication of where he should venture to, where he could find his entrance
into this world, if there was any for him.  He would need to enter this
place, if he were to conquer it and prove himself worthy of his promise.

Third time I've seen 'worthy'. Suggest using something else: deserving, hono(u)rable with his promise, good to his promise

<

"Ah. thanks," he replied hesitantly, biting back the retort in his throat

"Ah. Thanks,"

and knowing she would one day be chasing him around, like all the girls in
this school would be.

I think this could be a good place to show off a bit of Ranma's arrogance:
and knowing if he was cleaned up, her entire demeanor would be quite the opposite of dismissive.

<

He stopped halfway down the hall, spying a huge forest out in the distance
in back of the campus proper.  It was noteworthy in its difference.   It
appeared dark and foreboding; the dense leaves of the tightly packed
woodlands made it seem impenetrable from the distance.  An arbitrary point
marked its stark border; where the dark green and brown of the woods and the
lighter, sun illuminated green of the hillocks met.  He considered the

sun-illuminated

<

He paused to consider his answer.  This man set him on edge and he wondered
if he should bolt.  It was unidentifiable, but likewise undeniable the
sexual energy that this person exuded and it creeped him out.  It wasn't the
crude overt feelings that Shampoo or Kodachi would sometimes try and employ,
nor was it the casual cuteness that he noticed from Akane or the occasional
other girl.  This was something in-between, it was more subtle, more
enticing... disgusting.

Very nice scene.

<

He believed he saw the man twitch at mention of his name, but Akio said,

He twitched at what name, exactly?

smoothly, "It's not far from here, the office you need.  Let me lead you to
where you need to go."

"Okay," Ranma replied reluctantly as he began to follow the other man down

to follow the man

the corridor.

"Why did you want to attend?"

That sounds a bit awkward for someone to ask. I'd actually expect him to ask in the present tense, do rather than did.

<

"Wait here please," he said quietly as he walked up to one of the desks.

"Wait here, please,"

<

He took an obvious breath before opening the door and stepping inside.  The

stepped inside.

<

Two weeks later Ranma was strolling around the campus.  Classes had been let
out for the day  and he was exploring the campus again.   His initial
impressions about his classmates had so far proved true, as he found he had
no attachments to any of the people he actually met.  Their superior manner
had been hard for him to endure, and he wished for at least one of his old
challenger to show up; which would allow him to show everyone what he could
do.

challengers
rivals might work better

His classes were hell, as his initial showing had been poor.  An attempt at
getting aid from his roommate had proved fruitless, he had barely avoided
rearranging the boy's face to fix that condescending attitude he had.  It
had forced him to study a little more, even if it was boring, he didn't want
to flunk out, at least till he was through here.

His roommate had turned out to be a total bore, caring predominately about
scholastic work, and his social life, which Ranma found boring.  He had
tried to participate in volleyball one day, but had been asked to leave
after he had outclassed both sides.  The losers had said he was too good,
and it ruined the competitiveness of the games.  When he had tried to tone
it down, it was just way too boring for him.  He felt everything here was
just so damn boring.

boring's been used twice, try one of the following: dull, dreary, dim, uninteresting

That let to his daily walks after class.  After this, he would go to one of

That led

the gyms, finding them emptier after six, and work out for a while before
returning home to study and finish whatever assignments he had.  It was a
bit of a lonely life, but after Nerima, he had thought that maybe he needed
a chance  to learn something about himself.  Unfortunately all he had
learned so far was how much he missed the struggles.

He looked into a greenhouse as he was walking passed; he was in a previously
unexplored section of campus.  Like everything else on campus, the flowers

Like everything else, the flowers

<

"Anthy!  Prepare us!"  He ordered.

he ordered.

<

Ranma's unfamiliarity with the forms that Kuno was using, plus his initial
lack of focus preventing him from reciprocating his attacks.  Just then he

was preventing him

was forced to parry a strike, and the awkward defense was too much for his
bamboo blade as it snapped.  Jumping back, he decided to reset and regroup.

"Coward!"

"I've got you now, Kuno!"  Ranma ran forward.  A move that was mimicked by
Kuno.

The two ran at each other, a bestial growl came from Kuno, as Ranma ran
silently forward.  Looking for an avenue to attack the boy who was aiming
his sword directly at Ranma's heart and protecting his rose at the same
time.

The met in a flash, Ranma dodging at the last minute, protecting his rose,

They

and his head, while at the same time flicking out at Kuno's.

The after slowing he turned back to Kuno, delivering a contemptuous smirk at

Then

<

Ranma waited for his moment, and countered.  He sidestepped the rushing boy
while leaving his knee in place to deliver a devastating blow to thee boys

the boy's

gut.  Kuno was winded and hurt, but just right for Ranma to have a little
fun with.  The ensuing battle, while allowing Ranma to vent his pent up
frustrations, was ultimately disheartening to the boy, who wasn't
challenged.  He looked at the dented man, huffing in annoyance at his lack
of challenge, and turned to leave.

"See ya," he called to the now stunned Anthy and bounded back down the
stairs.


-----------------


On what appeared to be an old castle's wall, a woman lowered her binoculars.
Her brown shoulder length hair was wavy and curled up at the ends.

"So, the new challenger is here," she mused to herself.  "And not bad
looking at all."

She watched as he descended the stairs until he was covered by the forest,
she would have to talk to Kuno tomorrow.  The game had taken a new turn.
Shiori Takatsuki, turned and walked away.

Shiori Takatsuki turned and walked away.

***

Check out my writings webpage. Find my stuff. ^_^
http://ca.geocities.com/therealsilentnova/entrance.html

I hate my e-mail signature, because it's not long enough to say anythin
___________________________________________________
GO.com Mail                                    
Get Your Free, Private E-mail at http://mail.go.com



             .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'