DB Sommer wrote:
Finally got finished with chapter one. It's a short one for me at only 40K,
but it was necessary for this sort of transition chapter to set things up
before we get to the real meat of the story. Only went through it twice with
no prereaders, so there should be stuff to find.
_Finally_ found the time to read this and reply. Those 76 hour
work-weeks are murder, so I might not be able to do this again for
some time....
The staccato tapping of Kachiko Tendou's fingertips playing across the wood
of the dining room table filled the air. The gentle taps lightly echoed in
the room. She sat lackadaisically, slouching slightly, giving an air of
lassitude that was only contradicted by the half-lidded, and highly
suspicious, stare that was directed towards the two girls seated on the
opposite side of the table.
First sentence: Repeitition of room. Repetition of tapping.
Then all four fingers struck the table at once and remained there, signaling
an end to the waiting. A soft whoosh of air was exhaled, and Kachiko's
posture straightened slightly. "So let me get this straight, you somehow got
this wish granting ability?" she pointed to Akane, "You wished your mother
hadn't been in a car accident which killed her. A noble sentiment, I
suppose. However the result of this wish was that I get plucked out of time
and thrown over twenty years into the future, where I get to meet the two of
you, who it just so happens, are my children, one of which is older than I
am now."
ability?" she pointed to Akane, "You -- ability?" She pointed to
Akane. "You
Akane: I didn't imagine it would turn out like *this*!
Kasumi (hiding the boxed set of Battle Athletes): Oh, my, um, neither
did I! And I certainly wouldn't have done it for an excuse to act
like a wild party-girl, because I'd know that in comparison to my
own mother, I'd be perfectly normal, no, never that!
Kachiko leaned over the table and close to the girls. "Tell me something,
don't you think I would be a bit insulted at being told such a stupid lie? I
mean, come on, you've not only got magic, but time travel paradoxes thrown
in there as well. What sort of sucker is going to believe that?"
Akane: Um, anime fans?
"Ha!" Kachiko slammed her hand down on the table, not hard enough to crack
it, but with enough force to make it shift. "Oh please, changing some of the
furniture around in my house is not going to make me fall for this pathetic
lie. Especially since all of the new ones you used are incredibly tacky.
Don't you people believe in bright colors? You're as drab as my parents."
"Tacky"?
Erm....
Can't wait until she meets her 'husband'.
"We can prove this is the future, and you're our mother," Akane said.
'Said', while there is nothing wrong with it, makes Akane seem very
passive in this scene, and mother or not, I'd expect Akane to
respond a little more intently than that.
"I don't remember Mother being quite this sarcastic," Kasumi quietly
confided to Akane.
Hehee!
The girls looked at one another. Akane said, "Wacky Wakaba?"
said -- asked (?)
"Oh sure, she's one of my close friends, as if you didn't know," Kachiko
said slyly. "She's always pulling practical jokes like this. Did she tell
you about the time she tried slipping a bomb in my locker, only I saw her
plant it, so I switched the lockers? Boy, you should have seen the look of
surprise on her face when she went to get her books and that baby went off.
She was out of the hospital in a week. She's a tough little thing. And then
there was the time we were at the celebration for the baseball team coming
in second in the national championship, and she tried to slip me a powerful
aphrodisiac. Only our drinks got mixed up and she ended up drinking it
instead. Boy, was she surprised the next morning. And sore. She couldn't
walk straight for a week. Oh, oh, and best of all, up until now anyway,
there was this time that she sent love letters to this locked up stalker
serial killer and pretended they were from me, so he would get fixated on
me. And then she helped him escape, only he turned on her, so it turned out
I had to save her. That girl always knows how to keep me on my toes."
Kachiko nearly doubled over in laughter at the memories.
Heh, that Wakaba girl sounds nearly as inept as Kachiko is savy.
"I... see," Akane admitted.
Admitted? I don't think I understand. Is there a 'I understand'
implied there? Feeling kinda dense today, so don't mind me too much.
And before I forget, feel free to ignore any comments I make that
don't help you. :D
"But we can prove it to you," Kasumi said, "We have your shrine in the
living room."
said, "We -- said. "We
Pausing, Kachiko looked to where she had tied the girls together,
back-to-back. Upon entering the house, and believing the intruders to be
thieves, she had managed to grab some rope that had been conveniently lying
around and spun it around Akane, whom Kachiko had sensed was the more
physically capable of the pair, and immobilized her. It was a simple matter
to quickly do the same to the completely untrained Kasumi. Once they were
incapacitated, they had revealed their fraudulent tale to her, which
eventually led to her losing her temper at the inexplicably elaborate
scheme.
PoV shift, here?
"No, I don't think so. You're staying here. Once I get to the bottom of
this, I'm going to make you two apologize for trying to drive me nuts. See
you later." Kachiko headed out of the room and into the hall. A moment later
she opened and front door, closed it behind her, and entered the world
beyond.
she opened and -- she opened the
The time lost girl's footsteps were confident as she hurried in a familiar
direction. She knew damn well where she had to go to get to the bottom of
matters. Sakura was the one person in the world Kachiko would trust with her
life, and more importantly, she had no tolerance for Wakaba's pranks. The
idea that she would was as alien as Kachiko giving up martial arts. It would
be a simple matter to visit the best friend she ever had and hear from her
mouth how this whole thing was an elaborate hoax and boy would Wakaba pay
for going way over the bounds this time. Bombs and aphrodisiacs were one
thing, but playing with a poor young girl's mind was quite another.
Hehe....
As Kachiko made her way through Nerima, the unsettled feeling, that had come
feeling, that -- feeling that
into being since watching the fake television programs, grew to ungodly
programs, grew -- programs gre
"Maybe it was some sort of post-hypnotic suggestion," Kachiko murmured to
herself. Time travel was impossible. Those two girls at her house were not
her non-existent daughters. She was a virgin. With one notable exception,
virgins didn't have children, and certainly not three grown offspring. It
was a stupid joke that Wakaba was really going to be given hell for.
I have a suddenly forming sneaky suspicion that Wakaba is Kodachi's
mother.... Probably wrong, of course, but it would explain quite a bit.
Ten steps up the walk, the same ten steps it had always taken, and Kachiko
found herself standing next to the entryway of the house. Finger shaking
with uncharacteristic nervousness, she pressed the familiar red button for
the doorbell (or was it a different shade of red?) and heard a familiar
ringing from inside. Already her spirit started to ease at the familiar
sensations.
Repetition of familiar.
"My feet," Kachiko joked.
"Oh dear, you seem to have inherited your mother's pitiful sense of humor as
well."
HAH!
Kasumi made her way between the two and spoke in soothing tones. "Now
everyone needs to settle down." Kasumi forced her own worries under control
for the sake of her sisters. Her words had the desired effect as both Nabiki
and Akane cooled off.
The image of Kasumi bossing around and... well... mothering her own
mother is just priceless.
"Whatever. Someone else must have picked that stupid name." Kachiko plopped
down and sat cross-legged on the floor, staring off into space.
Nabiki: That's what I always thought.
Akane and Kasumi approached her hopefully. Akane was the first to speak,
"Um, I don't mean to be nosy, but where did you go?"
speak, "Um -- speak. "Um (I think)
Without giving the astonished girls a second glance, Kachiko headed directly
for the refrigerator and began rummaging through it. Within seconds she
pulled out a large bottle of saki and removed the top.
Kasumi waved her hands and tried getting her mother's attention. "Excuse me,
but that's father and Mr. Saotome's saki. I don't think it's really proper
to..."
Both paragraphs:
saki -- sake
Everyone turned to see Soun Tendou looking crossly upon the scene. His anger
was short-lived as his eyes fell upon a young woman again for the first
time. He blinked once for Disbelief. A second time for Denial. A third for
Acceptance.
He was across the room in a flash, embracing the impossible dream. "Oh, my
love, I've missed you so much!" he wept.
I feel so sorry for the man.
Alas, poor Soun, we knew him well.
Hold that thought. I need a drink.
Okay. That's better.
Kachiko was about to bellow out a general condemnation about clobbering the
next pervert that dared to enter the room when her eyes alighted on the
speaker and the words floated out of her mind and into the void beyond.
Yeah, that's about par for the course.
Upon hearing the shouting, Ranma had entered the room fully expecting the
typical scene of carnage and confusion. Instead he found himself looking at
Akane, who had mysteriously gained narrower hips. It took him a second to
look more closely at the face and realize, "Hey, you aren't Akane."
Kachi: Aren't YOU perceptive!
Ranma: I like to think so.
"Actually, I didn't kiss anyone. I jus' lost my balance since the room's
spinning so much," Kachiko explained as she slid down Ranma and all but
pooled onto the floor at his feet. "I feel dizzy and nauseous. I think I'm
suffering from the side effects of time travel."
Couldn't be the alcahol, of course. No no, never that. ;)
Seeing what terrible shape the girl was in, Ranma did as he was requested by
picking her up in his arms. "Um, which bed are you sleeping in?"
"Yours will do," she said groggily.
HA!
In a completely bewildered voice, Ranma asked, "Um, exactly what is going on
here?" as the girl in his arms began singing, "I'm not very dead; I'm just
very happy," extremely off key.
singing, "I'm -- singing:
"I'm (If that makes any sense)
Well, got this one finished. This was a transition chapter, and subsequently
I wasn't able to get into the flow I really wanted to with it. But it was
necessary since I had to get some groundwork put down and the way paved for
future chapters. Hopefully, the next chapter will be more in line with the
more humorous style of storytelling I really want to go for in this series
as Kachi begins her first steps in actually interacting with the fun loving
lot of people around her, and we get to see their reaction to her.
I loved it. I had a faint doubt initially, but your skill as a writer
has easily demolished those. Excelent fic, and very funny. I can't
wait to see where it's going; knowing you, it could be _anywhere_.