Suggested changes: {before : after}
On Sun, 9 Jun 2002 13:59:04 -0400 Nuki_mouse <Nuki_mouse@hotmail.com>
wrote:
Lina descended the stairs, plunging straight, steep and deep until she
reached the {cave like : cavelike} chamber before the door. Round and rough hewn, the
chamber was bare of any furnishings save twin torch holders flanking the
shrine's outer door There a tall bored senior journeyman leaned against
the wall, arms crossed, and eyes half closed. Startling to full
wakefulness, he stood before the door and spoke in a tired, jaded voice.
Lina eyes went round in astonishment, never had the door {open : opened} on her
first attempt. <The Master's amulet?> she wondered for the second time,
<did... IT? ...cause the door to open.> she asked herself.
Lina started to turn down the right hand passage, towards the library,
her ultimate goal when a flash of red caught her eyes. Looking into the
alcove, on {its :} the back wall chest high was a bright ruby red spot the
size of a copper piece that glowed like a baleful single red lidless
eye. It surrounded by a recessed circular indentation a hand span across
and maybe a quarter inch deep.
Over this she donned a pair of sunshine yellow mini-shorts and a red
tunic with a steel gray hem and edging, tight fitting round the neck and
short {shelved : sleeved}, or would have been if it didn't hang to her elbows and
knees. Then the same weird sensation passed over her torso as did her
legs and the tunic fit as well! It even cinched in at her waist and
flared out over her hips making a proper little skirt of its lower
portion, almost too short to be decent or not long enough to be
indecent, depending on your views.
The tiny yellow shirt or cloth band had Lina confused. Being only
twelve, petite, and ...well... somewhat under developed in some areas,
she did not yet learned about chest bands or breast bindings, depending
on what you want call them and ended up slipping it on OVER the outside
of the tunic. The yellow chest band did accent well with the tunic and
helped emphasize what little bust she had there, plus she thought it
looked nice and made a great fashion statement. But for years to come,
no one had the guts (or stupidity) to tell her she was wearing her "bra"
on the outside.
I'm sure Gourry would say it's not big thing, and get clubbed for it.
Now fully {adorn : adorned} and clothed in the new raiment she found, Lina wished
she had a mirror to see herself <I bet the red of the tunic sets off the
blue in my eyes!> So captivated was Lina with her new attire no thought
or question about keeping it entered her mind. She found it and it {were : was}
hers and that was OK as far as Lina was concerned.
Then a little reality set in. Save for one small magic light, Lina was
alone in the dark, far from the great door of the shrine that she should
be guarding. Time had no meaning, no way to judge its passing, one hour
could {had : have} passed or a whole day, she couldn't tell or guess. <Though it
can't be midnight yet, Sara would have raised an alarm if the door was
found open and unguarded> Lina knew. <I must get out, {hid : hide} my outfit...>
Still afraid, Lina could not leave the light, even if she did know where
the main hallway was. Then the shadows {deepen : deepened} and colors faded and Lina
looked up in terror, the light was now steadily fading, going dim then
dark. Blackness flowed around her again but this time it lasted only for
a moment. <There! Another light!> Lina rejoiced.
Indeed another light now grew, a dull red glow like a hot forge
reflecting off the far wall of the chamber and Lina slowly walked
towards it. Its hue seemed sinister, foreboding, if not downright evil,
but she could not deny its lure, its attraction. Then she could see the
light's source, a glowing red-amber stone, ten inches high, shaped like
a half melted pyramid, sitting on a waist high block of dull ebony black
stone before a {flatten : flattened} portion of the wall beyond it. Tongues of fire
seemed to flicker deep with in it, yet no heat did it {radiant forth : radiate : send forth}.
The light {reflecting : reflected} off the {flatten : flattened : flat} wall beyond the stone, {reveling : revealing} an
elaborate engraving almost like a mural. The mural, if that be what it
was, {seem : seemed} to be {of :} a chart or diagram, five red-gold circles around a
larger central star of red. All were inter-connected by thin silver
lines making the whole thing a giant 5 sided pentagram with the star at
its center. Words in a language unknown to Lina, unknown to all but the
eldest of the demon race, the mazoku, also covered the mural making it
look more like an illustration from a book...! <Damn, its a different
shape and there's no symbol for the god of gods, the Lord of Nightmares,
but it could be a diagram showing Ruby-Eye and his five demon lords....>
And to Lina amazement she felt the presence reel back and retreat as if
{repulse : repulsed} and reviled by her will and spirit. Ruby Eye was shocked, surely
this girl did not think she could deny HIM. He stuck back at Lina's
will, whispering silent thoughts into her mind of how weak and pitiful
she was, how great and mighty was He, and how futile was her resistance.
Almost it worked, almost she gave in, but Lina was always the optimist,
never a pessimist and such thoughts were strange and un-natural to her
and she drove them out and {listen : listened} to them no more.
Anger and rage radiated from the amber stone, and it flared to a
blinding red light and Lina cried out as the light burned and seared
her. She had stopped Ruby Eye from buying or seizing her soul, but she
didn't stop him from trying to hurt or even kill her. Pain lanced {though
out : through : throughout} her body, and the stone felt as if it was draining her life
energies, feeding on them.
"MASTER!" Lina cried out "Wa... WHY?" was all she could force out amid
the sobs and {tear : tears} of anguish peering up from the floor at the figure
standing in the forefront, that of Master Durian. His stern face was
masked with a cold fury, his sea blue eyes were ice cold with contempt
and in his hands...! In his hands was a ball of pure energy, a deadly
spell ready to cast.
Master Durian looked down at the wretched creature that {laid : lay} before him.
It had yet to use any magic, but it wore the attire of an Adept and his
inner sight told him it was powerful, very powerful. It had {broke : broken} the
seal to the inner sanctum and {open : opened} the door, no mean feat. Pain and
sorrow filled Durian, <Lina missing!> He hoped beyond reason that Lina
was still alive, but vile creatures such as this one seldom showed any
mercy, just malice and death. <It's one of Shaby's mazoku, evil and
cruel,> as Durian's anger welled up <I'll kill it if it even touched
Lina!> as his heart ached for the young girl who was more than just a
student to him <Da old shouldn't out live da young.>
<How typical, it pleads for its life> Durian's lip curled up in disgust.
<Oh don't ya hurt me, all I did was kill'd Lina> he thought mockingly.
<Shows how little THEY (meaning mazuko) care for life, It thought I'd be
more upset over me damn amulet!> Still looking down at prone figure with
its pure white hair and red eyes, {wizen : wizened} with age, Durian saw its head
was upturned to stare at him, and tears were streaming down its face.
<Its... crying? ITS CRYING!> Rage at its gall raced through Durian and
he raise a foot to stomp on it, like he would any foul vermin. <NO! that
won't do it, won't HURT it!> and instead poured his anger into the
glowing globe of red, a Fire Ball to end all Fire Balls <I'd wish I
dare'd use Dragon Slave, but that'll toast us all!>
Durian bent down, closer, shoving the glowing ball in the {mazuko : mazuko's} face,
so it could SEE its death. For the first time Durian noticed that its
face was strangely un-creased and not a wrinkle or age spot showed, <As
if... 'IT'... was a child!> Durian spat. The light from the ball cast
its red glare over the hag, making its snow white hair seem red in
color. A vision of the same face with skin of pale peach, the red lit
hair, and blue eyes instead of the red ones suddenly swam before his
mind and he gasped out "Li-! ...Lina?"
This is an interesting take on why two of the most powerful magic users, of
opposite powers, come from the same family.