Suggested changes: {before : after}
On Sun, 9 Jun 2002 08:38:56 -0400 Nuki_mouse <Nuki_mouse@hotmail.com> wrote:
All Nodoka and Ryouga could do was watch in horror, both too far away to
do anything. Neko-Ran was in mid-leap, claws slashing forward when a
blur of bright colored silk launched itself from the dark canopy
surrounding the clearing. A slender leg emerged and struck Neko-Ran in
the side, forcing her to miss her intended prey. The blur continued on,
landing in a roll on the ground and a slightly disheveled Konatsu rose
in a fighting stance, ready to protect his 'mistress.'
I don't see a need for quotes around mistress. My understanding is that
that is how he thinks of her.
Nodoka {edge : edged} forward, towards Neko-{ran : Ran}, ready to confront the transformed
girl. <Ranko... is she possessed? a Bakeneko, like in the legends?> If
true, it was now doubly her duty to help the poor girl, as a martial
artist sworn to help the innocent, and as a servant of the Silent Dragon
Kami. Years ago, while learning her skills from her mom and aunt, she
didn't believed in the supernatural, but as she mastered her family's
art, she couldn't deny the divine power she felt or the authenticity of
the secret moves.
Although Nodoka had spent her youth immersed in training to battle the
supernatural, the need for such skills had apparently {lessen : lessened} in modern
times. In fact she had never fought a Bakemono, Oni or any other type
of demon before. This did not lessen her determination to face the one
she believed possessed Ranko.
All of the paragraphs in the story have extra lines between them.
She {: was} just in time to witness Konatsu's colorful, graceful arrival. <Is
that Ranma...? My gods, I'm too late! She has been attacked, raped...>
Cologne exclaimed to herself when she saw the battered form of Ranma.
Cologne realized that her worst fears since discovering the "Succubus
Blood" had indeed come true. <Shampoo, I hope you'll like being a cat
permanently, that'll be the MILDEST punishment the council might give
you>
Ryouga's instincts and fighting style was always the direct approach,
just to wade in and try to overpower and outlast his opponents. His
"honor", and Ryouga had believed himself to be very honorable, un-like
Ranma, <Damn!, there I go again..., blaming him!> did not normally
include stealth or attacking unannounced. Sure , he might wait in
hiding for Ranma, otherwise the {honor less : honorless} cur <damn, damn, damn!> would
duck out of the fight, but Ryouga kept his 'honor' by always announcing
his pending attacks with a loud "Die Ranma" and a list of Ranma's latest
{offensives : offenses}, as he leapt out and attacked.
<But that won't work right now> Ryouga acknowledged. Ranma had
transferred his fear of cats to include men. Ryouga always claimed he
seen hell due to Ranma{: ,} but looking at the hell Ranma must have just
lived though made that all that pale in comparison.
<I can't beat him...um HER.., not now> Ryouga knew. <Hell I couldn't
beat him before, how can I beat her while Neko?> Also, he didn't want
to beat her, but to help her! Ryouga had spent much time researching
Neko-ken during his "travels" and how to counter it, knowing one day he
might have to face Neko-Ranma. Ryouga believed he knew more about
Neko-ken {: than} even Cologne, definitely more than Ranma. It's power came from
the Neko's ability to channel their chi back into themselves, a kind of
super bio feed-back, and not from its parody of a cat's movements. The
stronger the victim's chi, the more powerful was their Neko, and Ranma's
chi was nearly inexhaustible. In all of Ryouga's research, he found only
three ways to defeat the Neko-ken.
Neko-Ran felt her hair stand on end, as Male/fake {slide : slid} closer to
Female/Not-mate. It was stalking new prey. "Rraaooowlll...." Neko-ran
tried to warn Female/Not-mate. Though it attacked her Pride/Mother, but
something about Female/Not-mate told her, what? Neko-Ran shook her head
in confusion. Female/Not-mate was... sister?, friend? Neko-ran could
not let Male/Fake get Female/Not-mate, no..., was Female/Friend. If it
tried to ...hurt... friend, she'll defend Female/Friend, even if
killed/{die : died}.
Then Nodoka saw it was back, the Bakeneko, the demon that possessed
Ranko's soul took control again and the madness returned. Ranko spun
back around, facing the two "girls" once more.
Again, I don't think the "quotes" are appropriate. This is from Nodoka's
viewpoint and she _knows_ (mistakenly) Ukyou and Konatsu are girls.
<She doesn't love me..., she still loves HIM, even after he attacked
her!> Konatsu thought with venom. <HE only loves..., likes Ukyou as a
friend, or sister! She should had realize that long ago!> Konatsu
mentally ranted. <Even if he didn't love Akane, Ranma would never marry
her.> Konatsu sighed, <{just : Just} like I had to realize Ukyou likes me as a
friend only. At least I can be near her...>