Michael Chase wrote:

Suggested changes: {before : after}

On Thu, 6 Jun 2002 13:37:18 -0400 DB Sommer <sommer@3rdm.net> wrote:

Kachiko rose back to her feet and returned to the table, staring at the

two

girls again. "Tell me something, and you can be honest with me, this is

all

one of Wacky Wakaba's little practical jokes, isn't it?"

Sounds a bit like Ryouga.  Tendou! Prepare to Die!

Along those lines, yes. Also shows Kachi's got blind spots like any other
character. I'm trying to keep her from becoming an ANC by showing some of
her  limitations early on.

Kachiko rolled her eyes and rose to her feet. "All right, let's see what

I

can find to prove this isn't the future." She looked around until her

eyes

settled on the television. Triumphantly she walked over to it and

examined

the buttons along the strip on the bottom. "Now we'll see what the
television stations of the future are broadcasting."

Sounds sort of like the guy who was in a coma for 10 years and found out
there was still a George Bush in the White House.

Heh. I forgot that one. It is ironic.

Using the same TV to cast doubt a little later was a nice touch.

Thanks. I needed something to erode her confidence quickly. It was an ideal
tool. Having to come up with channels that had lines with dates in them was
annoying.

the doorbell (or was it a different shade of red?) and heard a familiar
ringing from inside. Already her spirit started to ease at the familiar
sensations.

I'm a little surprised she didn't note the changed name plate.  Curse you

Wakaba!

Heh. More a case of the author forgetting about details like that. A
surprise since a nameplate played a role in Dual! that I looked over
recently. I think it's okay to have Kachi not paying close enough attention
to that, or it's been taken off for a proper cleaning.

"Oh dear, you seem to have inherited your mother's pitiful sense of
humor as well."

Ouch!

Of course, when I throw in lines like that, I'll have to make sure i have
her make bad jokes in the future. Just more work for me. *Grumble* Grumble*

Kachi's first meeting with Kuno should be interesting.  I'd guess she

knows

Principal Kuno from the past too.

Hmm. Don't recall if it's said he's been principal of the school for over
twenty years. Unless you mean as a student.

Hmm. Horribly enough, you've made me think about who might have run the
school in the past. Now that has humorous potential.

It will be interesting to find out what's happened to Wakaba as well.

I definitely look forward to seeing more.

Thanks. Not sure if it'll be another chapter of this or an effort to finish
the current story in Avenging yet. Depends on mood. I do know Avenging is
going to be a timing nightmare with several different scenes going on at the
same time. Worse, I have to tie them all together to end at the big climatic
finish, so proper sequencing is going to be everything. That's something I
may have to outline.

Thanks for the C+C. It's apprecaited.

D.B. Sommer

             .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'