Somehow, I missed this chapter the first time round.  But after
reading chapter one, I just *had* to find the prologue.

And I wasn't disapointed.


******


A Ranma � story
by DB Sommer
Any and all C&C is appreciated. You can contact me at sommer@3rdm.net

Disclaimer: Ranma � and its characters and settings belong to Rumiko
Takahashi, Shogakukan, Kitty, and Viz Video.


<Snip!>


A pair of eyes half the scroll's age widened. An astonished smile
broadened across Happosai's features as he read the ancient characters
contained on the scroll. "Why, this isn't a recipe for an aphrodisiac
at all. It's a wish scroll."


<>  Oh boy.  Wishes are *never* a good thing.   Sure, *some* people
are lucky enough to get wishes that aren't programmed by malicious
lawyers.  But those are the exception, and not the rule.

And in the world of Ranma 1/2?  In *Happi's* hands?

I think I'll make sure my emergency shelter made from fruitcakes is
ready to be sealed at a moments notice!  <>


<Snip!>


The answer struck him all at once, like a woman's slap when he tried
to show them his appreciation by embracing their chest. He stared down
at the parchment and said, "I wish everyone else in the world were
nubile young girls with large breasts, that they had an unlimited
supply of panties, and that they'll let a venerable old man like me
grope them so that he can enjoy his twilight years in peace and
comfort."

Nothing happened.

Happosai read the scroll more closely. "Oh, I have to summon the genie
and tell him my wish so he can make it on my behalf. Now let me see.
How does this go?" It took the old man a moment to sift through his
memory and recall how to read the ancient symbols of power. Once
satisfied he knew how to pronounce them correctly, he invoked the
spell.


<>  <Whimpers faintly>

He didn't read the instructions before trying to use the wish?

<Wonders if making an offering to Eris Discordia, on behalf of all the
poor souls in this reality's Nerima would be out of order.>

<>


"Klatuu. Barada. Necktie."


<>  While in this reality, Happi uttered the spell properly, the
Multiverse is filled with possibilities.

Like this one, where his own drool caused some of the writing to be
obscured and altered:

"Kutulu.  Byagoona.  Naggoob."  <>


<Snip!>


"Sweeto!" Happosai declared and leaped for the first in what would be
a long line of women to fondle.

"Get away from me, you pervert!" Akane yelled as her fist met
Happosai's jaw right before he could land in the valley- or at least
relatively large ditch- that her cleavage created.

"That's not what was supposed to happen!" Happosai declared as he flew
off into the distance from the force of the blow.


<>  It's people with the same fine attention to detail that Happosai
has that make the line in the evil barbarians handbook about how you
rape and pillage everything *before* you kill and burn everything
necessary.  <>


<Snip!>


"If you're looking for Happosai, he already left," Akane told the
being, pointing in the direction the little pervert and flown and
hoping the weirdo in front of her wasn't going to cause any problems.


<>  Oh, right.  Like *that* is going to happen in Nerima! <>


<Snip!>


Small wisps of vapor began to peel away from the genie's form and hung
in the air. "My time on this plane of existence is short. If you do
not make your wish within the next five minutes, it will be lost to
you forever, as you measure time. Make your wish."


<>  Glancing at his Rolex, the genie continued, stating "I have to
head back to New York, you see."  <>


Akane began to panic. It was real. She knew it. This being could grant
her any wish, but she had to make it quickly. Immediately her mind was
flooded with dozens of possibilities all vying for control. So many
ideas, and so little time to consider them. She could wish to be a
better cook or better martial artist. She could wish to have better
grades or to make it to a good school or take care of any future money
problems she or her family could have. What about more personal
things? Good health? To be more attractive? To lead a less stressful
life? Have a successful career? Wish for everyone to be cured of their
Jusenkyou curses? Never having her or Ranma's life placed in danger
again, like at Mount Phoenix?


<>  Ah.  This answers the timeline issue, at least.  It's after Mt.
Phoenix.  Is it after the end of volume 38, or are the events the
followed Mt. Phoenix, before the end of the series, still playing out?
<>


<Snip!>


"Kasumi, I need help!" Akane said in a gasp.

Kasumi placed the knife down on the cutting board. "What is it?"

"If you could wish for anything in the world, and I do mean anything,
what would you wish for?"


<>  "Lifetime passes for the Male Strip Club and Escort Service two
blocks down?"  <>


"Oh, well that's an odd question. Let me think about it." She placed
her hand to her chin in thought.

"There's no time!" Akane blurted out. "I can't decide. Give me an idea
of what I can do."

Not quite understanding, but sensing the urgency in Akane's request,
Kasumi quickly pondered the dilemma. Almost unbidden, one desire rose
above all the others.

Head tilted to the heavens, Kasumi said in almost reverent tones, "If
I had one wish, I would wish that mother hadn't been taken from us in
that accident."


<>  Erk...

Involving the *Past* of your own bloodline, and a *Dead Person*, in a
*Wish*?!?!?

Damn...  I can almost see my old Game Master's face lighting up with
fiendish glee.  <>


<Snip!>


"I have my wish!" Akane gasped. It took her a moment to figure out how
to phrase the question so that it was simple enough to not be
misinterpreted. Satisfied with the phrasing and unwilling to waste
another second lest she lose this chance, Akane said, "I wish my
mother had never been in a car accident."

As the last words left her mouth, a sudden memory filled her of a
story her English language class had to read to show their
comprehension skills. She remembered it all too well, knowing that
with her luck the same thing probably would have happened to her had
she been in that situation. Now she found herself in hauntingly
familiar surroundings, and fearful events would occur just as they had
in the tale of the Monkey's Paw.

"So that she can be with us today," Akane quickly added, hoping the
being didn't refuse the last second addition to the request. She
didn't want her mother to not die in a car wreck, only to have her
life end because of some lingering disease or equally premature death
three months after the crash had been avoided. If the genie protested
the addition, Akane could claim she had merely paused for breath. Less
than a second had passed between "accident" and "so", and he would
almost certainly have to accept that as an explanation.


<>  Not bad.

But there are still enough holes for a rules-lawyer to drive a Mack
truck *sideways* through the wish's logic.  <>


<Snip!>


Turning to her sister, Akane was about to quiz Kasumi on her memory of
their mother, to see if their memories corroborated, when the
screeching sound of a car's tires came from the street just in front
of the house. Both of the Tendou girls turned to the noise, eyes
widening.

Hot on the heels of the tire screech, a feminine voice shouted out,
"Watch it, you jerk! You nearly ran me down! Are you blind, or is
Alzheimer's affecting you so badly you forgot your glasses? Hey! You
wave that finger at me again, and I'll break it off and shove it so
far up your butt you won't be able to crap right for the rest of your
life!" There was the sound of a car moving off at an accelerated
speed, and then the voice said, "Yeah, that's right! You take that
piece of $#!@ car outta here before the rust that's holding it
together gives out and it falls apart! Loser!"


<>  My.  How..... Energetic.  <>


Both of the girls looked at each other, their eyes twice as wide as
before. Neither dared to speak, maintaining an aura of silence even as
they heard a key turn in the lock to the front door. There was the
sound of shoes being removed, and then the thump of someone moving
through the house. As the sound drew near, a high-pitched feminine
voice declared, "I'm home! What's for din-"


<>  <Blinks>

They haven't changed the front door's lock in the last 10 years?!?  <>


The speaker stopped abruptly as she entered the living room and
spotted Akane and Kasumi sitting in the middle of it.

The sisters looked closely at the stranger and drew in deep breaths.
The newcomer's black hair was a familiar short cut, nearly identical
to Akane's. Deep brown eyes were guarded closely by short eyelashes.
She wore a simple white blouse and pleated skirt. Her body was
slender, though one look at her arms and legs showed that she
possessed a sort of wiry strength. Her chest was somewhat demure,
though at the same time there could be no doubts concerning her
femininity. She was on the attractive side, Kasumi comparing her
closely to Akane in appearance, though she could see some of Nabiki in
the face as well. Akane's observations noted the same thing. The close
resemblance was made all the more uncanny by one simple fact:


<>  Hmmm.... So for imagery, we should just try to picture Akane, with
some of Nabiki's looks thrown in?

And if the dialogue heard before is any indication, her personality is
a mix of Akane and Nabiki's too! <>


The girl was seventeen years old.

Kachinko Tendou looked strangely around the room, then leveled an
accusatory finger at the gaping girls. "All right! You two got about
three seconds to explain what you did to my house, or else there's
going to be some ass-kicking going on, and from the looks of things,
you two got more than enough butt to last me a while!"


<>

<Voice-over:  The Sorcerer "Tim" from Monty Python's Quest for the
Holy Grail>

"Ahh told ya nah ta do it!  Ahh told ya!   But would ya listen?
*Noooooooo!*"

</Voice-over>

By the way, that last sentence cracked me up!  I can almost *hear*
Akane screach about how she doesn't have a big ass.   <>



<Snip!>


Honestly, I came up with this idea long before I saw the Battle
Athletes TV series. As soon as it hit those last few episodes, I said
to myself, "Well, looks like I'm not the only one that thought such an
idea has a great deal of mischievous potential." Things will not take
quite the same course obviously, but there might be a handful of
similarities as well. Hopefully I'll be right, though only future
chapters will be able to see if I can execute things in an enjoyable
manner.


<>  Haven't seen Battle Athletes, so I don't have to worry about being
prejudiced about this idea. :-)  <>


This is the next 'sizable' project I have planned once I'm done with
the current arc of Avenging. Tentative scheduling has me doing a
two-part Dual! fic next (didn't have enough time to properly start it
today, or I would have) and then the conclusion of the Herb arc in
Avenging, then working on this. I've had it in my mind for quite some
time, and discussed it with the gang on FFIRC a while back. It seemed
to meet with favorable responses there, so hopefully the same will
happen here.

Thanks for reading.

D.B. Sommer


<>

So far, it looks quite interesting, and I'll be eagerly awaiting
Chapter 2 onwards.

I hope to C&C chapter 1 by the end of the weekend.

The Apprentice




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