You wrote:

----- >

    The memories of Ryuunosuke's final day of life swirled through his

head.

If there was only something he could have done...  something any of them
could have done.  It had been a typical day...  some gadget of Lum's was
causing trouble.  He could barely recall what it was...  it just wasn't
important when there was a human life at stake.

Can't say I care for the ellipses there.

    Ataru had been hiding from Lum, from that gadget whose name he

couldn't

remember, when the phone call came.  "Come out"

out,"

    "It's Ryuunosuke.  She's barricaded herself at the top of the fifth

floor

of the school.

Hmm. Didn't think it went up that high. But my memory of UY is sketchy

  She left a suicide note...  she's going to jump out the window

and kill herself."

    Kill herself?  Ataru had been zapped, fried, mind-controlled, and

punished

in just about any way an Earthman involved with aliens could be.  But he

had

always bounced back.

More proof he isn't really human.

"That's impossible!" he said.

    "Ataru, she needs us."

    "But she's...."

    "Megane read the note to me over the phone.

He put it in the form of an MST. :)

    There had to be some way to convince her that, however seductive death
must seem to someone whose life was full of pain, it was the wrong way.

The

right way was hard; it was full of rejection; but ultimately the rewards

of

friends and family, of school, eventual graduation, and an entire

existence

in the world of adulthood afterwards, were something that was too precious

to

discard.

An adulthood, like the one his parents had. Raising a family with a son,
just like... him.

"I'm jumping too!" Ataru shouted.

 "No, Ryuunosuke!  Don't jump!  Think of how everyone will feel!

Think of yourself, even!"

    Ataru was not the only one.  Mendo was there, yelling at her too; all

his

riches were worthless against the failure of will of one teenage girl who

was

raised as a boy.

Mendo: Not if I buy an giant inflatable cushion and open under where she
would drop.

    It was useless.  Ryuunosuke's final words could have been something

about

dying as a girl and not a boy, but they weren't.  The last phrase that

passed

through her lips was "I'm sorry", as she plummeted out of the window and

down

to the ground.  Maybe it did occur to her that her death would not only

end her

own life, it would create horrible memories for everyone else, who

whenever

they thought back to Tomobiki High would forever recall the short-haired
crossdresser who took her own life.  Ataru couldn't bear watching, but he
couldn't bear to look away either, and his eyes followed the girl right

down

to the moment she hit the ground.  There was a sickening thump, and then

all

that was left was a pool of blood and a limp sack of clothes, bones, and

flesh

that was once a living, breathing, human being.

Ryuunosuke: Crap. Landed on Onsen Mark. Now I must try again.

Note: I wrote this mostly because I've seen far too many stories of this
type.

Have to agree with Sean. I'm not sure I follow the logic of writing this if
you think there are far too many of them, unless you want to become one of
the crowd as well. Not that you can't, but it does seem pretty generic since
there are so many others like it out there. Prosewise it flowed well, and I
spotted very few mistakes. A good work, but not notable in and of itself
either.

D.B. Sommer

             .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'