In a message dated 6/1/2002 5:11:50 AM US Mountain Standard Time,
sommer@3rdm.net writes:
Finally getting to this as well. Backlog isn't so big this time:
All-righty, then!
Glad to see you got to it. We all get so busy sometimes. ^_^
> 3 April, 19XX
> London, England
>
> Dear Daddy,
>
> I had my first real, all-out battle a couple of days ago. They
>
> came straight out of nowhere and started busting up the town.
They do that, you know.
Yup! Villains pop up from the oddest of places.
I figure that in this series, since we've got two bona fide heroines, we can
have the duo deal with two separate sets of villains. We'll just have to
vary them sufficiently to keep things interesting. One will be concentrating
on point-strike attacks and the other will be just attacking en-masse from
time to time.
We
>
> of the building before it burned down. Since then, we've become the
>
> best of friends. She's got the best fashion-sense I've ever seen!
And in the end, isn't that what really matters?
In this series, yes. ^_^
Even Katrina's been shown as significantly more stylish than the snippet
in the anime.
I
>
> like her a lot and we've become a great team.
Err, duo. It takes more than two people to make a team.
"I like her a lot and we've become a great duo."
"I like her a lot and we've become a great team."
Well, it sort of sounds better to say 'great team,' and I suppose it is
possible
to have a two-person team, a team being a group of more than one person
working toward a common goal.
Hmmm... which reminds me: a constitutional anarchy. A very odd government.
ArbyFish: Ya see, we awl work against each otha' for a common goal.
> energy makes my powers stronger, and, if I swing it right, it can cut
>
> through just about anything! I honestly think that now, I could crush
>
> Endymion's
Endymoon's (I think that's how you spell it.
'Endymion' seems to be the traditional way of spelling it. I mean, last time
I checked a site with Greek and other myths on it, I think it was spelled that
way...
> Don't worry, though. I'll come back someday, I promise.
>
> Lotsa Love,
> Yours Truly,
> The Cute and Fluffy,
> Formerly Oneshot Warrior,
She actually refers to herself as a Oneshot Warrior?
She's honest in that respect, and remembers how she came about.
In NETTG Ch.6, that's how ASK popped up in her form, as a oneshot,
last-ditch effort to combat a possession.
> Lynne signed her name with a flourish, put down her pen with
> the pink feather-puff on the end,
I once dated a girl who had one of those. Thankfully, it didn't last. :)
The ditzy, cutesy sort? ^_^;;
> "Should I really tell him that?" the teenage girl asked
> herself. "It sounds so cliche!" Her lips fell into a pout. "I hate
> out-of-style, non-retro cliches..."
She should use neo-retro ones instead. :)
Exactly!
"Should I really tell him that?" the teenage girl asked
herself. "It sounds so cliche!" Her lips fell into a pout. "I hate
out-of-style, non-retro cliches. But what could be neo-retro...?"
> The girl ran her fingers through her long, orange hair while
> continuing to think to herself aloud. "Daddy overreacts most of the
> time to everything, so how can I put it so he won't take it in the
> wrong way?" She took up her pen and started writing again, speaking
> aloud in a gruff voice, "Sweet Ol' Pops, I'm sorry I had to duck out
> on you, but I found lots of new opportunities to blow things up real
> good over here, where there isn't as much competition from other
> people trying to do the same thing. Bet you'll like that, heh heh
> heh!"
Actually, that probably would work.
Knowing the Atomic Starlight Knight, probably. Actually, Stylin' probably
knows a perfect way to make dear ol' dad proud of her, but the easiest
way conflicts with her choice of lifestyle, etc.
> "Well, eliminate the probable, and all you've got left are the
> impossible," quoted the girl
Yep. Mina's rubbing off, all right.
Hoo-yeah. When they first met, one of Mina's first comments was,
"I think we'll get along just fine..."
> going about here. Would you believe the hamburgers here cost only
>
> about half a pound? That's not even one sixth of a kilogram!
Sigh. I should have seen that coming.
It had to be said. ^_^
> "Ha-hah!" she whispered to herself in triumph. "I don't HAVE
> to taste the foul envelope-stickiness, not when I've got my handy-
> dandy bottle of glue!"
Sigh.
One has to at least demonstrate a few examples of Mina's manic
personality. Other, more serious, fanfics tend to tone that down and
miss several perfect comic opportunities.
Of course, not everyone has the same taste for that sort of happy-
fluffy-boinky humor, and granted, it's not appropriate for every sort
of story... but still! It's fun. ^_^
> The blonde bombshell laughed nervously to herself while the
> angry mutterings came through the line. "Oh, yeah! Time zones.
> That's right. That would explain why I've had this sudden,
> overwhelming urge to wear loose-fitting denum trousers lately. Isn't
> that what they call jet drag?
Sigh.
Well, sometimes we have to go way out on a limb to find the properly
effective puns. As I always say, you can tell how good a pun is by how
loud the other person groans.
> Mina laughed wryly. "Not really. I've always had Mom and Dad,
> and since I've been traveling, Artemis never seems to want to close
> his mouth." She glared down at him suspiciously. "I wouldn't mind
> so much if he'd actually say something useful, like maybe telling
> us EXACTLY HOW MANY BAD GUYS WE'RE UP AGAINST???" She directed her
> capitalized words at her cat.
Heh
Gotta ask these things. Wouldn't be proper otherwise!
> Artemis grinned sheepishly, and wandered off to the window
> sill. "I'm not quite sure myself," he whispered in a soft voice to no
> one in particular.
>
> "I miss not having anyone to talk to,"
Makes it sounds like she misses solitude. Maybe 'I miss having people to
talk to.'
Good point...
"I miss having people to talk to," Lynne admitted wistfully.
"It'd be nice to have someone like Artemis around when we're not
fighting anyone together."
> "Ah-hah! That's what local phone calls are for, girlfriend!"
>
> "Yeah, I guess so... But still, I'd like to have some cute,
> sweet, cuddly, furry, lovable, huggable..."
Mina; You're in luck. I'm available. I'll come over for some hot lesbian
cuddling in a few minutes.
Ah, excellent! If people are asking for that sort of thing, then that means
that my characterization of them is sufficiently well-done that people notice
that they're very good friends.
And DB, if you wanted to write that Omake, you're welcome to do so, with
my full permission and my blessing, but I'm not touching it with a twenty-foot
pole. ^_^;;
> Lynne took a breath and went on, "Fuzzy, fluffy, puffy animal
> to hug and talk to." She sighed, looking at one of her plush toys.
> "You know what I want? A seal. A cute little harp seal."
How's about an Arbyfish instead?
She secretly wants an ArbyFish, but she'll just get some depressed,
puffy seal that learned to speak English through correspondence courses.
I considered giving her a Pink ArbyFish, but they'd get along too well and
push the sugar-rush for the series over the edge. So, I need something
to counterbalance the saccharine content. I need a naysayer. Not even
a White ArbyFish would cut it. A Red one might, but...
Why a seal when we've already established another new species that
looks a lot like a seal? I don't know, maybe we find seals particularly
funny.
And besides, I considered a dog or a tiger or other animal, and none feels
quite appropriate or with sufficient comic impact... except perhaps a pygmie
marmoset or a badger.
THAT would be something to see. Some crazed magical girl with a badger
for a mascot...
> Meanwhile, sitting in a small dog house somewhere in central
> Wyoming, a harp seal groaned in utter depression as he felt Destiny
> calling upon him.
Heh
He knows his place, and it's sooo depressing. ^_^
> Touring the studios of the world-famous BBC Television Centre
> was nice, Mina thought. Coming face to face
face-to-face
Ya think? Hmm... Okay.
Touring the studios of the world-famous BBC Television Centre
was nice, Mina thought. Coming face-to-face with sharks at that one
aquarium and riding the observation wheels was pretty fun, too. Even
> She had also blown a hefty wad of cash seeing it all, and that
> was why she couldn't afford bus fare and had to walk all the way over
> to the appointed meeting spot.
Ah ha.
And the crux of the exposition becomes apparent!
I've been trying to adapt writing styles such as Pratchett and Adams
to make this seem more English. Can't beat English humor, that's
for sure.
> By far the most economical solution, dumping sewage into the
> River Thames became a commonly accepted practice by the early to mid
> 1800s. The Thames, already weighed down somewhat by silt and other
> dissolved solids by the time it entered the city, soon became
> saturated with unwanted compounds and slowed down substantially
> before it passed through more than a fourth of the way. By the time
> it left, an agnostic could have hopped down and walked across it.
Hehehehehe. I loved that one.
My inspiration: the Ankh river from the Discworld series, though the Thames
isn't quite that bad, I understand. More like what they have in Venice...
> Then, just as Mina finally started making progress on her quest
> for delivery from her gastronomical burden, a heavyset man in a black
> shirt, brown trousers and a grey cap ran by, shoving Lynne aside and
> knocking the blonde over the railing.
Oops.
Some nice, blunt way to get the action going. ^_^
> Mina cracked her joints. "Oh yeah, and besides, I've gotta show
> 'em for trying to knock me into that stinking, dirty river!" She
> wrinkled her nose and, finding as concealed a spot on the open bridge
> as possible,
Yeah. Wondered about that. She is out in the open.
In the open and in broad daylight, too. But the transformation sequence only
lasts about, oh, twenty seconds. And in big cities, nobody cares about what
anyone else is doing, so long as they get out of the way. ^_^
> His resolve beginning to fail him, Artemis turned away. He
> determined
'determined' seems off. 'decided' woudl be better, IMO
Well, determined is technically correct, I understand, but I'll trust you on
this one...
His resolve beginning to fail him, Artemis turned away. He
decided to take a long, cold bath later that evening.
Or how about...?
His resolve beginning to fail him, Artemis turned away. He made
the determination to take a long, cold bath later that evening.
Do we want the short version or the long version?
> "Mommy!" the adorable little blue-haired girl cried, struggling
> in vain within the large man's strong grip.
>
> The girl's mother stared agape in shocked horror. "Oh no!"
Woman: That's the third time this week she's been taken hostage.
Hmm... Does this insertion work, for the later part?
Without so much of a cry of "Lovely," "Refresh," "Beautiful,"
or even "AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH," the devastated
beast groaned weakly while it melted into a pile of ash.
Sailor V released the toddler, who spun around to look at her
rescuer, and beamed, "Thank you!" Then she went back to her mother,
who, picking her up, said, "Oh dear, that's the third time this week
you've been taken hostage. You really must stick closer, child."
> "Sailor V Kick!" Fluidly leaping into a somersault, V dove
> face-first off the building, then spun into a kick. Her cumulative
> velocity drove the toe of her right slipper into the beast's neck.
> The impact not only shattered all of its neck vertebrae; the
> reverberation also cracked its skull and destroyed what remained of
> its circulatory system.
Now that's a kick.
I just want to let everyone know that V's an established fighter and
heroine, and easily a match for Sailor S, despite her background,
energy abilities, and sword skills.
> Unseen by the two warriors for Love, Justic, Beauty, and
> Fashion, the pile pulsed, then melted into a puddle of goo before
> beginning to expand.
Ah ha. So it was too easy after all.
In the prereading stages, I was told that the first version _was_ too
easy, so the request came in to add to it, and this is what I came up
with. I'd say it worked out well, wouldn't you agree?
> "My, that certainly was a shock," Katrina noted. The two
> sailor-suited girls turned toward her. She smiled pleasantly. "Ah,
> the famous mistresses S and V.
Better than S and M. :)
Ah, much better, yes. I imagine we'll be hearing a lot about that in the
future. ^_^
Thank you ever so much for taking care
> of that villain for us. I thought he just wanted to avoid paying a
> parking ticket--how odd he would turn out
he turned out
Well, tecnhically, what I have seems to be correct, given the context and
accent, but...
of that villain for us. I thought he just wanted to avoid paying a
parking ticket--how odd he turned out to be a monster."
Or...
of that villain for us. I thought he just wanted to avoid paying a
parking ticket--how odd he would turn out to be a monster."
I'm still not quite clear on which sounds better in a soprano upper-class
English accent... I'm leaning toward the second one, but I can't discount
the actual C&C. ^_^ So, which one do you think?
> "MMMH!" S grimaced when a short spike bit into her back, but
> her innate flexibility helped guard her spinal column from serious
> damage.
Heh.
She's VERY flexible. Considering that she's a mostly magical/energy-projected
being, a lot of rules that apply to most human beings wouldn't apply to her,
including but not limited to the ability to survive for extended periods in a
vacuum,
the ability to absorb survive enough severe bodily harm to make Ataru
Morobishi
wince, and a mind like a supercomputer.
However, even though she's got all of this, a lot of it will prove highly
unnecessary
in the story. It's just some stuff she can write down on a list, put it on the
refrigerator, and say to herself, "I'm special!"
> Regaining her composure, S reached over her left shoulder and
> unsheathed the Crystal Wink Sword. In a smooth motion, she lopped
> off the beast's head before it could react. In the same combination,
> she proceeded to impale it in the heart, slice off the arm that
> held her, and bisect it vertically, straight down the middle.
Now that takes talent.
She's got the sword reflexes of several legendary-level swordsmen. Inherited
a lot of her daddy's skill, who got it from all over the universe.
> "I beat you, so your powers are mine," S whispered at the
> dust, looking rather miffed. She held out her hand toward the dust
> and scrunched her face down in concentration. The ashes disappeard,
> and in their place formed a greenish, eight-sided crystal with a
> glowing sphere in the center. The gem floated toward her chest and
> vanished, absorbed into her body.
Interesting. So she can absorb them. Didn't realize that.
I was looking for a good way for her to copy powers, since ASK can do it,
so should she. But that's too much of an advantage to start off with. However,
it's a happy compromise to say that she can keep the powers if she can
actually manage to kill the one that has them. Fair is fair, I suppose.
> Relaxing and sheathing her weapon, the girl felt a new power
> flow through her. Her clothes shifted slightly. Her two-piece red,
> white, and blue sailor suit turned to emerald shades, her shoulder-
> guards elongated down her arms slightly. Yellow flowers appeared in
> her hair and a few green vines weaved themselves into her bangs. Her
> short boots became embossed by images of trees, flowers, and other
> things of nature.
Ah. Power Up crystals. How nice.
Since she gets a new outfit every time she absorbs a power, I imagine she'll
be wanting to go in for the kill quite frequently.
Of course, once the villains figure it out, they'll be wanting to taint the
prize a bit...
> "The creature," Katrina cut in, "claims to be part of an
> organization called the Dark Agency. I imagine such accomplished
> warriors such as yourselves have had to deal with it in the past?"
>
> V tensed noticeably. "Y-yes."
Why is she tensing?
Well, I get the idea that, after some of the experiences she had with
the Dark Agency and thinking that they've been wiped out, any further
mention of it would bring back some unpleasant memories.
> "Really?" S whispered to the blonde. "What happened?"
>
> "I'll tell you later," V replied quietly. "For now, let's just
> say I had a couple of bad relationships."
Oh.
For example. ^_^
> "Brilliant, absolutely brilliant the way she found those
> two," Chief added to himself. Something occurred to him. "Now if
> she'd have told me why she was wearing her dress uniform to
> work. There weren't any large public events scheduled for today..."
Katrina; Because it's stylish.
Exactly! A bunch of stylish people can beat any group of villains,
eventually. They have the odd ability to not know that they're outnumbered,
outgunned, and that it's impossible to win. But, not knowing that it's
impossible is pretty much a requirement in beating the odds. ^_^
> Think it needs more sugar? ^_^
Nope. It works as is.
Glad to hear it, then!
Nice work, as always. Look forward to seeing more.
Thank you very much, and I'll do my best to come up with some more
soon. I just have to get the dynamics of the battle nailed down and make
the villain sufficiently competent without actually having to kill the
heroines.
Starwars Episode II did a pretty good job at the end in that respect, so I'll
see if I can't learn anything from that.
Thanks again for commenting!
-------------------------------
Benjamin A. Oliver
boredcollective@aol.com
"We are the Bored. Lower your shields and surrender your fics.
We will add your standup and slapstick comedy to our own.
Your humor will adapt to entertain us.
Resistance is and always has been: Futile."
Collective works available at:
http://rakhal.com/florestica/ben-oliver/index.html
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