Notes: This is a resend.  Feel free to charge me for the bandwidth (but
really, don't, life on a college budget is not cool at times) if you get
this twice. *g*

Notes: This is a tentative version, so please scrutinize and pick apart
this writing to the best of your ability, if you please. :) - Roehl

Only Human
An Ah! My Goddess Fanfic
By Roehl Sybing (indef@infinitedeferral.com)

Chapter Four: Listen To Your Heart

Belldandy was gone.  There was no getting around it.
Her two sisters and Keiichi returned after a long early morning of
searching for her.  The town was, all of a sudden, far too big for their
liking.  And as the sun climbed into the sky and the town began to fill up
with those going about their normal business, it was quickly becoming no
use to continue their search without having to take some sort of respite.
"If only she weren't human," Urd said, upon sitting back onto the steps of
the temple, "Then I could use my powers to find her.  Otherwise it's just
trying to find a needle in a haystack."
"There must be something," a distressed Keiichi replied.
"Well, it's not our fault," said Urd, as she and Skuld gave him rather
nasty though unfounded looks.
Keiichi stared them back, despite being on the wrong side of a mismatch,
"Hold on, what're you blaming me for?"
"Flirting with that woman yesterday, although you knew she didn't like
it," Urd accused, "Real smooth, kid."
"Wait a minute," Keiichi snapped, "You knew it too!  But, of course, you
never raise a finger to help anyone, do you?"
"You better take that back, or--"
"That's enough!" cried Skuld, who quickly drew their attention, "Big
sister's out there all by herself, and we're stuck here fighting?"
The two stopped to consider. "She's right," Keiichi admitted.
The youngest of them all, strange enough, took charge, saying, "Now, I'm
going inside to launch a few satellites, and when I come back, we're going
out to find her, OK?"
"Well, don't take too long," Urd said as Skuld walked past her.
Said Keiichi, "I suppose we could use a quick br--"
"And after I find her," Skuld said in his ear, "You're gonna get yours,
mister!"
As the youngest goddess stepped into the house, Keiichi dropped his head
into his face, partly because of Skuld's half-credible threat, but more
importantly because of having spent a great deal of time not sure of
Belldandy's fate.
Urd walked up to him, saying, "Don't worry.  She wouldn't go far.  If
Belldandy's in town, she's not going anywhere."
Keiichi looked up, "How do you know?"
"She's my sister," she said, shrugging, "I know these things."
---
In fact, Urd was right.  Belldandy had exhausted herself after so little
sleep and so much running away that she had spent the morning curled up on
a public bench in an out-of-the-way spot in the park on the edge of town.
It was hardly a dignified position, but no one saw her, and when she was
too fatigued to go on, she simply stopped and did whatever was necessary
to grab some sleep.
Perhaps it was foolish to run away.  She was, after all, having second
thoughts, those ugly moments of doubt and second-guessing and uncertainty
that she had seldom before experienced.  Usually, whenever Keiichi or Urd
or Skuld was in a predicament, Belldandy was the one who took charge and
decided what was best.  With her mind so clouded by both wonderful and
terrifying emotions, however, the goddess could no longer be so confident
about it.  At that moment, she wasn't even sure what was best for her.
Such indecision made her feel...inadequate.
The morning air was cold.  Belldandy took off from the bench and walked
around in search of some warmth.  Besides that, away from the comforts of
home, she didn't even know what she was looking for.
One thing was for certain, though; she was hungry.  She had spent the
early hours of the morning tiring herself out and she needed some
replenishment.
---
"Hey, what're you trying to pull here?"
"It ate my money, mister!" said a boy, repeatedly hitting a ticket vending
machine as the clerk behind the counter shouted at him.  This conversation
of sorts is what Belldandy heard as she walked through the restaurant door
and sat down at the table to put down her things.
"I didn't see you put no money in there, kid."
"But I'm telling you the truth!"
"This ain't no charity case, boy, if you want food, you better pay up or
go somewhere else!"
Either the boy, an urchin off the streets from his appearance, was just
unlucky or purely desperate.  He stood his ground, though, and insisted
that he had the money and that it was simply lost in the machinery of the
device on the wall.  The clerk saw right through him, however, and was two
steps from throwing the boy off of his property.
"Good morning, ma'am!" a server said to Belldandy as he put down cloth and
some water.  But she paid him no mind, as her attention was directed
towards the rather one-sided argument over breakfast money that never
existed and an ordering ticket for food that remained inside the machine.
Belldandy felt the texture of coins that rattled in her pocket.  They were
left over from her last trip to the store, not one week ago.  She reached
in her pocket and mentally counted them.  It wasn't much - just enough for
a bite to eat - but, all of a sudden, it was just enough to make her feel
a sense of guilt.
There was this boy that couldn't buy what he so desperately needed, out to
be rejected one more time.  On the other hand, she was tired and cold and
hungry.  And coupled with a sense of confusion that had been haunting her
for the past few days, Belldandy couldn't help but think that she was
feeling a bit desperate herself.  But as she clenched her fists on the
table she decided which one - that empty feeling in her stomach or the
enormous sense of pity in her heart - would make her less unhappy.  What
troubled her, as she left her seat, was why it took her so long to choose.
"Excuse me," Belldandy said, breaking up the rather heated argument.  With
one hand on the boy's shoulder, she took the change from her pocket and
put it into the machine.  The child pointed up and what he wanted, letting
the goddess push the right button to dispense the order. "Please don't be
upset at this boy," she said, handing the ticket to the clerk.
The man nodded silently, and let the boy finally have a seat at his
counter.  As the child neglected to look back to offer a sign of
gratitude, Belldandy would have been needlessly upset that she didn't get
one, had she not used up what little money she had while still feeling
deprived of nourishment.  She left the restaurant shortly thereafter, and
though she knew her decision to be the right one, her stomach needed quite
a bit more convincing.
---
Eventually, her feet hurt more than her sense of hunger.  It was a strange
sensation.  Every now and then the ground would be uneven; a rock here, a
patch of grass there.  Belldandy had thought she would just be left to her
thoughts, but after quite some distance of walking she was quite fixated
on the sharp pain in her feet, which translated into a dull but equally
persistent pain that traveled up her spine.  It was new to her, and
Belldandy knew not where it came from and it frustrated her greatly, until
she sat down and the pressure finally eased.
>From her seat in public, Belldandy looked around at all the passersby who
hardly took notice of her.  It was all she could do to take her mind off
whatever it was she was experiencing.  But her consciousness drifted to
thoughts of Keiichi as a couple sat on a bench on the other side of the
walkway from her.  Of course, she couldn't hear what they were saying, but
their body movement told everything.  Belldandy especially associated with
the girl, who pushed her partner away because he had come in closer for a
kiss.  She had made some excuse, while the boy tried to persuade her
otherwise.  As they argued, Belldandy thought about the other night.  She
ran her finger across her lips, trying to imagine what might have been.
Her pleasant thoughts were broken suddenly, though, when the argument
simply turned out to be too much for the couple, with the boy simply
walking off, leaving the girl behind.  She felt for the girl, whose face
showed all the signs of distress.  She ran off in the other direction,
partly in tears, and it was then that the moment hit too close to home for
Belldandy.
She turned away, trying to force her mind onto other things.  But, to her
dismay, she would find no relief when her head turned to see a familiar
sight.
"Bell-dandy!" cried a voice that had a tone that could only belong to
Sayoko.  Her apparently new wardrobe, including a shopping spree's worth
of bags in her hand gave away the motivation of her largely-superficial
grin.  Despite the woman having such a sly walk that turned all the guys'
heads as she drew closer, Belldandy didn't understand that she was
approaching her simply to insult her, with the plain and worn and
insignificant clothes that the goddess wore.
But as Sayoko put down her bags and bragged on about herself in place of
proper pleasantries, a thought from Belldandy's unconscious emerged.  It
was dark and unpleasant and was hardly becoming of her and she didn't even
know where it came from, but it stuck in her mind as she looked at Sayoko.
For the very first time, Belldandy simply did not like her.
"Now, as for you," Sayoko said, with the first words that didn't escape
Belldandy's attention, "You do not look at all lady-like today.  Look at
you, all dirty and jumbled!  Are you trying to play some trick on me
again?"
The goddess tried her best to put on a pleasant smile, saying, "I've been
out of the house since this morning.  It's been a long day."
"Well, it looks like it," she said, offering no remorse.  Belldandy looked
in the other direction, and it was then Sayoko gave her a very studious
look.  She gasped, "Oh my, it looks like you have man trouble!"
Belldandy looked at her again, her vulnerability apparently exposed.
"Sayoko--" she said.
"Well, well," her adversary interrupted, ready to pounce, "I guess
everyone gets off their game once in a while, eh?  But, boy, do you show
it!"
She stood up, ready to storm out. "Excuse me," she said somewhat
forcefully.
Sayoko watched her take two steps in the other direction, and clicker her
tongue. "Oh, come on," she said, walking in front of her, "Don't be sore!
Look, why don't you tell me about it, huh?"
"I don't think so," Belldandy replied, shaking her head.
"Come, now, let's grab a bite to eat, it's on me.  I want to know all
about how my dear friend here fell from grace!"
As Sayoko wrapped her arm around her, Belldandy ignored an unexpected
instinct to grit her teeth.  All she knew was that she was quite offended
by her mock pity.  She knew, however, of pride, and that she didn't want
to be a victim to it today.  And the offer of a meal rang in her ears...
"Alright," Belldandy said with humility.
---
"What time is it?" Keiichi asked half-heartedly.
Skuld checked the clock, "We're coming up on thirty minutes.  Should be
any moment now."
"Think it'll work this time?"
"Hey, my devices always work!  They just take a bit of trial and error!"
"That's what I mean!" he cried.
Urd slid the door open and stepped out to find Keiichi and Skuld sitting
on the steps. "Did it come back yet?"
They started to answer, but the three looked from afar as Banpei slowly
wheeled itself onto the temple grounds.  The initial disappointment set in
as they realized that, obviously, Belldandy was not behind Banpei, but
Keiichi gazed in curiosity as it carried a plastic bag in its hands.
"What's he got?"
"Oh, that must be for me!" Urd said.  She rushed up to Banpei as it
stopped in front of the temple, and took its contents.  The two on the
steps gasped in plain disgust as Urd happily removed the item from the
bag. "Now we're set for the next few days!" she said, treasuring the
liquor that Banpei had brought for her.
"Urd, you idiot!" Skuld cried angrily, "Banpei was supposed to be on the
lookout for Belldandy!"
"Yeah, what gives?"
"I must've forgotten to tell you guys," Urd replied, taking a step back
from their hostile advances, "I reprogrammed Banpei to get this for me."
"Urd!  How could you--!"
"Well, the stupid thing didn't find her the first gazillion times you sent
it out!  And the cupboard is absolutely dry, Keiichi, you haven't filled
it in ages!"
"That's not the point, Urd!" Keiichi replied in futility, "And it wouldn't
be empty if you didn't keep drinking my stuff without asking!"
"You see?  Now you know what the problem is!"
"Grrrr," was the sound Skuld made as she examined Urd's makeshift
reprogramming of her Banpei.  Urd, oblivious to everything, walked back
inside.
Keiichi tried to stop her, saying, "The hell have you been doing in there
all this time?  Shouldn't we be out looking for Bell?"
"She will turn up, trust me," she said, not turning around, "Besides, I've
been on the phone in there.  I've got some really great news."
---
Sayoko sat there with her mouth agape.  Her eyes twitched in bewilderment
as Belldandy told her why she simply had to get some air that morning.
The guest, her car, the tension, everything.  She tried to piece together
in her mind what had happened, filling in the holes where details didn't
exist.  In the end, after a few sips of her drink and a couple moments of
silence between her and Belldandy, she burst out laughing.
"That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard in my life!"
Belldandy did not understand or grasp the humor of it, and sat there,
still thinking her dilemma a dire one.  She waited for Sayoko to calm
down, and then said, "What?"
"I'm sorry, really!  I shouldn't have!"
"I'm serious!"
"Yeah, yeah, I know.  I really don't know what he sees in--no, you know
what?  Scratch that--you two were made for each other," she said,
scoffing.
"Yes, we are," Belldandy insisted.
"Well, I don't mean whatever silly reason you think it is!  I mean...you
two are so childish!  You've been living under the same roof since
forever.  He must really love you (I don't know why), and the sight of
another woman makes you worry?  That's for the books, my friend!"
"I keep telling you," Belldandy said, "It's not that I don't trust him--"
"I understand what you're talking about, you've just never felt you've had
any competition before!" Sayoko cried, "I wish I could've been there to
see your face!"
That did it.  With an emotionless composure, Belldandy laid her tablecloth
down in front of her and rose up, saying, "Thank you for the food, Sayoko,
I think I'll be going--"
Sayoko, however, was not finished.  She grasped Belldandy's hand and
leaned forward, saying in a wicked tone, "You know, Belldandy, Keiichi
won't be a boy forever.  He's got to grow up sooner or later."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Well, let me tell you, honey," she said, smirking, "One of these days
he's gonna wake up and want something more from a woman, something that
you don't have.  When that happens, he'll--"
The diatribe broke suddenly once Belldandy could not stand to hear one
more word.  It was almost involuntary, but she took her free hand and
struck it against Sayoko's cheek.
Belldandy gasped.  Sayoko's face, red from the force of her hand, was one
of shock.  She covered her mouth out of instinct, and looked on in
wide-eyed trauma.
"I'm sorry!" Belldandy said, all of her rage having left her and replaced
with intense contrition.  She ran out of the eatery with all of her might,
unable to continue with Sayoko for another moment.
---
The tears ran down Belldandy's face as she tensed up in fear over what she
was suddenly capable of doing.  Did she just hurt someone?  And did she
gain some undue gratification from it?  The questions were terrifying to
consider.  She didn't want to think about it, but Belldandy had to own up
to what she had done.  Naturally, she had to go back to apologize to
Sayoko--
Oh, but what she said!  So harsh, so biting, she had deserved what was
coming to her!
No, no, there was no excuse for her action.
But what she said...they weren't true, of course.  She knew a lot of
things that had crossed her mind lately weren't true.  All of them,
however, were hard not to believe.  Belldandy wanted so much to dismiss
what her feelings were telling her.  But their pull on her was so strong,
that she was simply rendered frozen to make sense of anything.
At that point, after much frustration, Belldandy realized that a low point
had been reached.  It was better for her to have just stayed at home,
where she understood many things.  And she was too tired and too drained
to go on.  She had had enough.  Her time to herself had come to an end.
So, then, began the long and dreary trip back to
that...easy...comfortable...place called home.
---
Skuld rushed outside once the sound of Keiichi's motorcycle could be heard
from inside the temple.  It was absolutely certain that he didn't find
Belldandy; she went outside anyways, hoping against hope.
"Did you find her?  Did you find her?" she said, jumping all over Keiichi.
He shook his head, much to her disappointment. "Well, we can't quit now!"
"I have to put some gas in my bike," Keiichi replied downheartedly, "I'll
go out again in a couple of minutes." He did his best to screen out most
of Skuld's nagging as he headed for the work area behind the temple.  He
was too busy blaming himself.
Was he just too stupid to pick up on any of the warning signs?  Or was it
that he just didn't want to believe that anything was seriously wrong?
That one time where he was, without any effort at all, so strikingly close
to Belldandy must've really made him turn a blind eye to everything else.
His selfishness was going to cost him something quite dearly.
A dejected Keiichi took the things he needed and headed back out to his
bike.  If it took him all night and much longer, Keiichi was going to find
Belldandy and get her back.  With everything ready to go, he got back on
his bike and prepared to set off again.
He was determined to find her this time.  Why, he could almost hear those
happy sounds when the moment would arrive.
"Big sister!"
Keiichi turned around, surprised.  Only one thing would prompt such a
noise.
---
"Belldandy?" Keiichi cried, almost tearing off the door of the
entranceway.
Sure enough, there she was, exchanging happy greetings with Skuld.  Her
next move, once she looked his way, made her wrap her arms around Keiichi,
holding him tightly as if to never let go.
"I'm so sorry," Belldandy said softly.
Keiichi choked back a bit of laughter, saying in a lighthearted tone,
"Just don't ever scare us like that again!"
"What were you doing out there, sister?" Skuld asked curiously.
"Did you do what you needed to do?"
"Well," Belldandy said, beginning to sit down on a chair, "I'm not sure,
really."
"Tell us later," Keiichi replied as he took her hand, "Urd has some
wonderful news!"
Urd stepped into the hallway, like clockwork. "Is that who I think it is?"
she asked.
"Urd!  It's so good to see you!" Belldandy cried, running up to embrace
her as well.
"I know," Urd replied confidently before catching herself, "I mean, it's
good to have you home."
"What did you want to tell me?"
"Oh, that's right!  I got--"
"--They called us today!" Skuld interrupted eagerly, "They figured out how
to make you normal again!"
"Isn't that wonderful?" Keiichi asked.
Naturally, they all waited with delight for Belldandy's response.  They
knew she would be happy.  No, they knew she would be overjoyed.  Much to
their surprise, though, she took a step back from Urd.  She tried her best
to glance at all three of them, but ended up turning away, sitting back
down on the seat to find some degree of comfort.
"Sister?" Skuld said.
"What is it?" Keiichi said.
Belldandy struggled to speak, "I...I don't want to."
"What?" the other three cried.
"I said...I want to stay like this."

TO BE CONTINUED...
---
Roehl Sybing
"The past is gone but something might be found to take its place" - Gin
Blossoms, Hey Jealousy

Infinite Deferral - http://www.infinitedeferral.com/
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