--On 5/28/02 7:41 AM -0400 Sam Vilsmeier wrote:
Hotaru blushed deeply, and began daydreaming with a big happy smile on her
face. Her mind began to fill with happy images of her and Ranma.
I'd make it: 'Her mind filled with...' to avoid the second 'began'.
Ranma was dumbfounded. He moved closer to her, held her for a moment, and
then wiped her eyes with his shirtsleeve in a futile attempt to dry them.
"Hotaru, thank you. Thank you very, very much"
Missing period. Weren't his cloths all wet already? :-)
Hotaru nodded. "Good, I'll tell them the truth."
Ranma gulped. The truth hurts and he had a feeling it would be painful.
"You sure that's a good idea?"
Hotaru nodded. "Sure it is! I'll say you're a 'friend' who has been kicked
out of her house! I'll just neglect to mention that you're actually a man,
or the details of out relationship!"
I see that 'the truth' is a flexible commodity...
"We can say you're my Girlfriend, if you want," said Hotaru with a
suggestive wink.
Oh yeah, pregnant *and* has a lady love interest too. Haruka's gonna be
*thrilled*. :-)
Ranma nodded. "I'll be going by the name 'Ranko'. I used to use that name
a lot when I'm in girl-form."
Hotaru has told all to her parent figures and everybody's dealing with it.
I would not expect her to be emotionally prepared to start lying to them
now--especially since it will all come out eventually anyway.
I think it would be more entertaining to see Hotaru maneuvering Haruka &
Michiru into demonstrating that they're more accepting and reasonable than
Ranma's obviously over-reacting family. <shrug>
"Michiru, what do you think we should do to this kid Ranma?" growled
Haruka.
Nuke him from orbit. It's the only way to be sure. :-)
Michiru shook her head. "She is not out little Hotaru-chan anymore. She's
...our little...
Haruka nodded. She really didn't want to kill the little prick, but he was
not going to get away with this unharmed. "Your right, but that still is
"You're right...
Michiru looked up at the clock. "Ten-Thirty? Who would visit at this time
of night?"
Haruka sighed. Who the hell would visit this late? With a grunt of
displeasure, she stood up and walked to the door. This better be
important.
I'd remove the redundant 'Who the hell would visit this late?'
Ranko shook her head violently. "It can't I really have to speak to her!"
"It can't! I..." or "It can't--I..."
Haruka scowled. Hotaru had a long day, and she doubted the last thing she
needed was some girl waking her up. "I'm afraid it'll have to wait."
Either '...and she doubted she needed...' or '...and the last thing she
needed...'
In a cry of desperation she said, "Oh no! This was my only hope! No all I
No -> Now
Suddenly the tears were gone, and the girl was smiling brightly. With a
cheerful cry of "Thanks," Ranko grabbed her packs and ran back inside.
Back inside? I thought she was inside?
Ranma blinked, and then lowered his head. "Your right."
Your -> You're
Ranma blushed and looked at Hotaru. She was right. He was going to marry
this girl. He had all but asked, and she had all but said yes. In no much
more then half a year, they were going to be parents. There really was no
reason to resist.
...not much more... None but explaining it in the morning...
The developing relationship between Hotaru & Ranma is done nicely.
Jim