Now, I think I've mentioned before how much I enjoy the amount of detail and
information you manage to convey in your stories (the crash course in
diamond sales you've just given us in the last few chapters, for instance)
but I wonder if all that information is really _necessary_ to advance the
plot. Fascinating and educational though it is, (and it *is*) if it serves
no purpose to the story, you might (*might*) consider excising some or all
of it.

I disagree, if the information is relevant ( and the diamond
stuff is ) then it belongs in the story. If it is irrelevant
but interesting and doesn't detract from the story ( say a
few paragraphs or a setup for the future. ) then it does no
real harm to the story and might help a slow section along.
Only if it is taking over the story ( say a whole chapter
dedicated to "how to sell diamonds for a profit )
then it is excessive and needs to be trimmed or removed.

In fanfiction, background is often assumed, in a normal
story that can't be done. Mr. Granberry is apparently
writing by normal rules for the most part. Oh some of the
Ranma stuff is assumed but most of it is explained in one
way or another. The material is treated as if from an older
novel in a series. Which is fair as it is available via the
internet, video store, and book store. Any true Ranma 1/2
novice could pick up a fair idea of what is going on simply
by reading this story from the beginning. I don't think
anything of importance to the story has been skipped or
anything useful padded.

Of course this is just my idea, not Mr. Granary's or Ms.
Takahashi's. Anyone who wants to disagree with me is welcome
to. I am publishing this because I believe this is an
important part of good writing.

It is also one I get complaints about, I tend to cut things
too short and not give enough detail, especially in my first
and second drafts. So maybe I feel to strongly about it.
However I do feel that Mr. Granberry is doing a wonderful
job.

I especially enjoyed the Diamond selling background
material. I wouldn't have minded seeing him adding some
diamond grading information. I looked up some of the terms
he used on the internet, especially concerning the colors
and grades. I had never heard of Fancy Colors or Brown
Diamonds before. Which I admit wouldn't have advanced the
story much but would have been useful to understanding some
of the things mentioned.

Any way, I enjoyed the story and your review.
Congratulations to both of the writers.
--
Rick Robinson
RICHARDROBINSON@prodigy.net


If violence is not solving your
problems you're just not using enough of it.

     Misato

"I guess I'm just an old-fashioned sentimentalist at heart.
I refuse
 to accept a no-win scenario.  I hate the thought of a
universe without
 justice.  If the maneuverings of dark powers can't be
exposed and
 defeated by the pure of heart, then there's no point in
anything.  I
 can't believe that."
                               -- Benjamin Hutchins




             .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'