----- Original Message -----
From: "Donald Lee Granberry" <noharness@mac.com>
To: "FFML" <ffml@anifics.com>
Sent: Monday, May 27, 2002 3:10 PM
Subject: [FFML] [fanfic][Ranma]Comes the Cold Dragon: Part XIV


Whee, more Cold Dragon! all commentary is purely my opinion, take it or
leave it as you please.

    "So how come the drugstores don't have 'em?" Ranma asked.

    "Because so many men are shy about buying them, it
doesn't pay for the drugstores to stock them, that's why."

    "Oh."

I think a comedian once said that condoms should be sized large, extra-large
and jumbo so that no man would ever feel embarassed to buy 'em...

       "Jewelers, yes, but very few of them cut their own
stones. They have it done or buy stones that are already cut.
If I walked into a retail store with an envelope of these,
they would start asking questions and making telephone calls.
We have to find someone who cuts diamonds and sells them to
retailers."

       "We'll make less money that way though, right?"

I don't know squat about diamond sales, but wouldn't the gang have to worry
about "provenance"? As in explaining where the diamonds came from? Or have
you addressed that somewhere else and I just missed it?


    All in all, another well-written chapter. I'm beginning to enjoy the
interplay between the three Ranmas, as well, I think it's growing on me.
Now, I think I've mentioned before how much I enjoy the amount of detail and
information you manage to convey in your stories (the crash course in
diamond sales you've just given us in the last few chapters, for instance)
but I wonder if all that information is really _necessary_ to advance the
plot. Fascinating and educational though it is, (and it *is*) if it serves
no purpose to the story, you might (*might*) consider excising some or all
of it. Of course, you've surprised me before with apparently-irrelevant
details in the past (the river-barge references in "Spreading Wings", for
one) so maybe you've got something up your sleeve here, too. If that's the
case, forget I said anything. ~_^

    I also particularly enjoyed the Ob-Gyn scene, it was tastefully handled,
and a nice way of bringing up a few new points about Ranma's psychology and
sexuality without having Doctor Tofu give a speech.

    What I'm *really* looking forward to is the meeting between Herb and
Ranma- you keep drawing it out any further and I'll have to hunt you down
and force you to write it at gunpoint. ;p Did I mention I'm *really* looking
forward to it?

Looking forward to the next installment!

Dave Menard


             .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'