Ok... my mind's gone blank as far as everything else goes.
So, after a real long break, here's some C&C.
For the Honour of the House -- Prologue
Now that PoE book 1 is complete, will you be coming back to this fic?
Disclaimer: Takahashi owns the paint, I am, as ever, using my own
easel to make a new picture.
Notes: Altaverse. You'll know it when you see it. Do _not_ expect
this fic to be accurate of the era it (kind of) portrays. It's written
to be fun, not edutainment.
Duly noted.
------------------------------------------
The Saotome family was, by its history, an honorable one.
The family had been raised to its position by the Emperor in years
dimmed by memory, but not entirely forgotten.
Knowing that their military strength was not the greatest, the
family survived by wits, cunning, and strategic non-involvement. Due to
this, the family was also small, as time bore on, until the passing of
one Saotome Hikaru, who left his title to his son, one Saotome Genma.
Don't think you need the second 'one'.
Also the last sentence sounds off as is. Maybe you should change the
following:
'was also small, as time bore on' -> 'grew smaller as time bore on'
Genma, then the eldest male, found himself unsettled by the loss of
his father, himself only being a young man, and left his holdings and
Can't be that young if he had a few children ^_^
wealth in the hands of his equally young wife, then venturing with his
youngest son on a voyage of training.
So Ranma has older siblings here?
***
Nodoka waved tearfully, bowing by the door, and watching until her
husband could be seen no more. As was proper for a dutiful wife.
Might want to connect the above two sentences.
***
In a seedy bar just outside of Kyoto a young man with thinning hair
'Kyoto, a'
stared blearily into a sake cup. His young son sat at his side
dutifully, fidgeting uncomfortably in the presence of the girl who was
seated opposite him.
The girl was dressed up in an immaculate formal kimono, her face
made-up slightly, and her hair bound, as was proper. She stared demurely
at her hands, which remained inside the sleeves of her kimono, while the
Sounds like the two kids are having fun.
two man spoke with one another.
'two men'
"Ah, a splendid question! Saotome-sama, as you are an honorable man,
of honorable descent, and you can see that I'm but a lowly merchant.
With more money, you could easily expand your holdings, and you're young
yet -- plenty of opportunities to do so! But I understand that you need
'yet' or 'still'?
"An exchange, Saotome-sama, not just a gift," the man said, shaking
his head, and smiling. "Look at our children, aren't they lovely
together?"
'head and smiling.'
Blinking away the blurs in his vision, Genma squinted at the pair
for a long moment, before answering, "Yeah." Ranma in truth looked
bored, waiting pensively, and seeming to disapprove of the entire
affair. The girl was not fidgeting, but seemed no more pleased then
Ranma. "Cute kids."
Heh
"So, in exchange for my assets -- my daughter's dowry, you see -- we
could secure an alliance between our families, yes? With the money, and
some attention, you could talk to the emperor, yes? You've already
spoken with him before, haven't you?"
"Owes us a favor," Genma agreed tiredly, setting his cup down.
"Little favor. Why?"
Ukyou's father seems to have done some research on Genma before this it
seems....
***
"Quiet, boy! You want to go back there?"
The child shook his head quickly. "Boring," he mumbled.
Genma snorted, hefting the large sack of money in one hand, and
eyeing it unhappily. "Look, boy, I made a mistake. We're going home."
Oh boy... Genma should have just left the money there.
This is going to turn out bad....
"Already?" he asked with childlike curiosity.
"I have to put this somewhere," Genma muttered. "DAMN Kuonji and his
cunning-- I can't get rid of this, no matter what. There's no way he
Though taking the money away isn't that better of an idea either.
I'm guessing Genma's plan was to hide it somewhere and return it later
on?
would let me just give it back. He'd demand that you marry that girl.
You don't want to marry her, do you?"
Of course this is mostly because Genma has someone else in mind ^_^
"She acts just like a servant," Ranma complained. "She's no fun."
Well, we see what type of girls Ranma likes.
"Because I said so, boy. It's a cunning trap, but he's just a
merchant-- the Shogunate would see our side of it if it came to light,
'merchant -- the' - I think.
She nodded, blushing like a little girl. "I'm glad you came back,"
she said quietly. "Where are you taking our son to train, next?"
'train next'
"China, I hear there are some excellent training grounds there, and
'China. I'
***
She was watching everything quietly from the corner of the main
hall. She was so slight and unassuming that she was seldom noticed,
except on those rare occasions where she had to be made-up, first.
'made-up first.' - I think.
Cuffing him in an ungentle manner, just above the ear, the man
glowered at the Kuonji. "Do not presume. Kuonji, tell me, where are your
dues?"
"D-d-d-dues?" he sputtered, staring upward from where he had been
thrown by the man's errant blow. "I.... I paid them not seven weeks ago!"
He forgot to make sure that he paid all his taxes?
The Imperial representative fished a ledger from his suit, and
'suit and'
"You owe four million yen," the man snapped.
Am guessing that yen is worth much more here.
"Four million-- that's madness! I don't have nearly that much right
now!"
Especially since Genma took most of his money.
Why didn't he mention that?
Kuonji heaved a quavering sigh, while his daughter watched quietly,
impassively, and not understanding the whole of what was transpiring. "I
'quitely, impassive and not understanding'
The Imperial soldier's eyes flickered across her briefly, before he
nodded. "Fair enough. Send your sons, we'll wait outside." He smiled
thinly. "Perhaps next time, your grievances can be addressed."
'time your'
He grasped her like a dying man, rising to sit upright, and clinging
to her, sobbing into the shoulder of her soft short. "I've traded your
brother's lives away, Ukyou-chan. I've given away your brother's lives
for your freedom." He heaved a shuddering sigh, then pushed her away,
If he didn't do that, all their possessions would have been taken away?
"Father?" she asked, confused, as Akira stamped his seal on the
corner of the letter, and folded it up.
'letter and'
Feet faltering, eyes wide, and still confused, Ukyou did as she was
instructed, and ran for all she was worth, a slowly building furnace of
hatred building in her heart. "Saotome," she swore to herself, nearly
Suggest changing one of the 'building's to 'burning'
blinded by tears as she charged down the street. "I will destroy you!"
'street, "I'
Doubt calling Ukyou 'cute' here will help out Ranma....
She was silent for a moment, before she raised her head. "I want
revenge," she said quietly. "Father said you knew someone."
"The Emperor's ninja," Sentaro breathed. "I can't call a favor like
that from them; they don't owe me enough. But, perhaps, they could train
you...."
This will be interesting....
Ranma nodded his understanding, pointing to a sign by the side of
the road. "This says that we're close to Jusenkyou, I think. Can we go
there and train before we visit Lao-Shen-san?"
Genma hesitated for a moment, considering, then nodded brusquely.
"Very well, Ranma. Why not?"
Famous last words....
Does Ranma still end up studying under Lao-Shen?
***
"Kinnosuke, are you certain that this is safe?" the crown prince
asked uncertainly, observing the battle from the location that the
Shogun had chosen.
"Absolutely," he assured the young crown prince. "If you'll forgive
me, Favored Son of Heaven, I must attend the battle."
Kinnosuke: There's a 99.9% chance of nothing going wrong.
(All of a sudden a bullet whizzes by Mikado)
Mikado: What was that?!
Kinnosuke: That, oh Favored Son of Heaven, was the 0.1%
Still, the Divine Son of Heaven, the venerable Sanzenin Happosai had
...
Happosai being Mikado's grandfather or father? Makes sense in a scary
sort of way.
***
The venerable Sanzenin Happosai, Divine Son of Heaven, raised a
trembling hand, and spoke authoritatively, his voice carrying through
the hall. "Kinnosuke," he said, climbing to his feet, and frowning. "You
displease us."
Kinnosuke stared away, not meeting the Emperor's eyes.
"We request that you end your services to us," he said quietly. "And
we also ask that the Kasha-oo line end here, today."
He must have screwed up badly (well, other than for almost allowing
Mikado to be captured) to have that happen.
The Shogun hissed, nodding brusquely.
Mikado repressed a shudder, looking away as Kinnosuke and his two
sons committed the grisly act of ritual disembowelment. Once it was
Here's hoping it wasn't on the royal carpet.
"We are pleased," Happosai murmured. Turning his attention abruptly
to a trio of men, one grizzled and old, the other two much younger,
though all sported fresh bandages, the emperor called out, "We
'all sporting'
Clearing his throat, but not daring to raise his head and rest his
eyes upon the body of the emperor, the man intoned, "Most exalted and
beloved Son of Heaven, I humbly request that you reward us as you see
fit, and no more."
'fit and no'
Though now I'm not sure if those are wrong or not.
Mikado nodded absently. That was an appropriate request, ensuring
that he didn't try to step over his bounds. The Emperor also seemed to
approve, and inclined his head in a slight nod. Calling out loudly
enough to be heard at the farthest ends of the hall, the Emperor stated,
"Then henceforth, the Kuonji clan shall hold the lands previously
belonging to the Shiratori." He smirked very slightly, and pitched his
Guess they died in a previous battle.
voice lower, "We never liked them much anyway." Clearing his throat, he
Hehehe
Or maybe not.
raised his voice once more. "Rise, Kuonji Akira, and accept from us this
honor."
The man stood proudly, smiling grimly. "I am deeply honored, exalted
and beloved Son of Heaven."
So Akira gets what he originally wanted and more. Except it was at a
huge price.
The emperor nodded, ambling to his seat once more, and gesturing to
Ryu.
'more and'
Catching himself, still somewhat stunned by the changes, the newly
appointed Shogun said, "And too, ask of the Shogunate what you will."
Kuonji Akira was hard-pressed to restrain his satisfied smirk. "Of
you, I request permission to avenge a breach of honor from clan Saotome."
Not surprised there.
The court was almost instantly flooded with alarmed babble, which
made Mikado wonder. _He_ certainly didn't know what was special about
them.
Neither do the readers... guessing there's some sort of special
connection here between the Saotomes and Happosai.
Akira most likely did, which is why he was waiting for that moment.
Ryu, however, apparently did, and grimaced distastefully. "It is a
'did and'
poor thing to request," he said quietly. "Make it honorable, break no
laws, and do not trespass upon their lands." He paused considering, and
'paused, considering, and'
------------------------------------------
Author's Notes:
Enjoy, or not.
I enjoyed it a lot.
Here's hoping you'll post chapter 1 soon (though I'm guessing you'll
wait for a bit since you posted DR yesterday.
Ginrai
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