From: Thermopyle

This is just great! More AMG fics than I usually see in a whole month.

This story takes place during the Mushroom of Aging arc in the Ranma
manga, and during the Trials of Morisato arc in the A!MS! manga.

I think it would be more accurate for you to say that this is an
_alternative_ to what took place in those stories.

"I... I'm sorry... Those were the last ones," Akane said, her soot-stained

face downcast.

She _does_ still have those last two hidden and will be trying to reach him,
right?

No doubt about it, though, if she was older she would have been a fiancee.

That just sounds so... wrong...

They might have been rivals but he still didn't want Ryouga to get killed

for his foolishness.

Quite a contrast to his earlier thoughts.

"Why don't you just make two more of them?" asked Skuld, who, she noted

with no small amount of annoyance, was still bigger than her.  At least
she was flat for her age, even if she was still bigger than Urd
currently was.  That was a small victory, at any rate.<<

You can make the paragraph less akward if you change it to something like
this:

"Why don't you just make two more of them?" asked Skuld, who, she noted
with no small amount of annoyance, was still bigger than her.  At least
she was flat for her age. That was a small victory, at any rate.

She noticed Belldandy was standing on the table the other two were sitting

at, quietly watching them talk.

I saw that some readers weren't clued to the fact that Belldandy was shrunk.
All you have to do is change 'She noticed Belldandy was...' to 'She noticed
that the still-miniture Belldandy was...'

she wondered where Belldandy had gotten clothes small enough to fit her

without raiding Skuld's closet.

Actually, Urd is younger than Skuld (who is now normal and no longer
slipping in age thanks to the moonrock) at this point. So much so that
Skuld's clothes couldn't fit her.

Eventually the exited and headed down one of the roads that ran alongside

it,

That should be 'she exited...' I think.

Despite the way the girl was having a bit of difficulty making her way up

it, she still had that annoying smile on her face,

Ranma is not in a position to see her smile.

feeling slightly guilty that he was about to walk around the house without

taking his own off first,

He could always put them in his pack.

"Skuld," she said, "it's time to eat."

After the other fic, I don't even want to comment on this matter.

You and Belldandy already used up the moon rock's power!

Skuld used it up. Belldandy get any.

Otherwise he wouldn't figure he could learn how to use my secondary power

source himself.

How about 'Otherwise he would figure out he couldn't...'?

True.  Forgot to mention it at some point beforehand.  Actually, there's

not

any more warning for that than there is for the Skuld being grown bit.

By this point, Skuld is back to her normal age.

I'll try to figure out how to fix the whole miniature Belldandy thing,

without just dropping a summary straight into the fic.  That might be
necessary, but I'd hate to have to do it.  It'd just
interrupt the flow of things too much for my tastes.  >_<

You never explained why Ranma is 5 years old either, assumning that the
reader knew what you were talking about. You can do that for the AMG part
too. If you get an opportunity in the story to explain things then do so.
Otherwise, it's not a priority.

This is such a sweet and WAFFy fic. I'd look forward to seeing more of it.


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