* Disclaimer *
Takahashi Rumiko created Ranma 1/2 and all of the characters and
situations found therein. I have no rights to them whatsoever,
and hope that she and anyone to whom they have been properly
licenced do not sue me.
William Shakespeare has been credited with the creation of Much
Ado About Nothing, but regardless of whoever actually wrote it, I
don't think I'm in danger of being sued for misusing it. My
apologies nonetheless to the Bard.
Nabiki chuckled with glee. Her Literature final project was a
doozy--a complete film, properly edited, based on one of William
Shakespeare's plays. She'd made a further side bet, with an
undergrad, that she could do it in under one hundred thousand
yen.
To be sure, that wager might yet come back to bite her in the
wallet. But so far, so good. Some of the people she'd asked to
take part had agreed to do it for free; some of the others had
agreed to do it in exchange for a reduction in their interest
rates. A few others, she'd blackmailed. She'd only had to pay
wages for three. And since both Tsubasa and Kodachi had bit
parts...well, it helped keep the fees down.
Her scriptwriter, on the other hand, didn't need to be paid,
bribed or blackmailed. He'd heard about this project, and had
jumped in with both feet. Never mind that he was a gaijin...this
just meant that he understood the play better. At the moment, he
was slouching in a folding beach chair, script in hand, near one
of the cameras.
After wages, camera rental, copies of the script, and the
purchase of her editing software, she had 79,000 yen left in her
budget. But of course, this was merely the first day of
shooting...
"Okay, people, here's the situation." Nabiki leaned back in her
director's chair--she'd swiped it from the college, but she
figured nobody would notice before she returned it.
"What we're gonna do is a modern remake of a classic play. I
downloaded the original English version off of a web site and
translated it into Japanese." She waved a sheaf of papers in the
air. "Each of you will get a copy of these."
"Hey, Nabiki." Ranma stepped forward out of the small crowd.
"Why a modern remake?"
"I saw a version of Romeo and Juliet done like that. I didn't
like it." Nabiki shrugged. "DiCaprio made a reasonably good
Romeo, but everything else was..."
"DiCaprio?"
"Leonardo DiCaprio. Famous movie star. Did Man in the Iron
Mask, Titanic..."
Ranma scratched his head. "That's the guy that did the
MasterCard commercial, right? Pretended he was a martial
artist?"
Nabiki sighed. "Right."
Tofu spoke up. "When do we begin?"
"Today. I want to get Act One, Scene One out of the way
quickly." She double-checked her casting call. "So, clear the
gate area. Dad, Kasumi, Akane, on stage. Tsubasa, just outside,
please."
The crowd milled about, till only the three were left on stage.
Nabiki hopped to her feet. Her videocameras were mounted on
sturdy tripods, and activated by remote, but she wanted to be
closer to them. Just in case. She touched the record button on
the remotes. "Rolling...Action!"
Tail Kinker Presents
In Association with TN Enterprises
Much Ado About Ranma
"Girls! I have wonderful news!" Soun re-read the letter in his
hands, as though not quite believing it. "My old friend, Saotome
Genma, comes here very soon! He is bringing with him his
protege, Ono Tofu."
>From just outside the gate, Tsubasa nodded. "Doctor Tofu has
demonstrated both skill and mercy. Saotome has praised him to
the stars. I've already delivered a letter from Tofu to his
mother, here in town, as well as one from Saotome."
"Oh?"
"Yes; she wept with joy. Though she still desires to see her
son wed to a good woman..."
Akane butted in at this point. "What about the Grand High
Pervert? Is he coming as well?"
Tsubasa blinked. "Surely you don't mean--"
Kasumi smiled. "My sister refers to Genma's son, Saotome Ranma."
"Ah!" Tsubasa nodded. "Yes, he is with them, and as pleasant a
person as always."
Akane snorted. "That bad, eh? Probably still chasing after
anything female."
Soun laughed. "I think you protest too much, Akane. Never fear,
I believe young Ranma will treat you properly." He began to walk
towards the house; the other three followed him.
Tsubasa added, "He has done well on this training voyage with his
father and Ono."
"Don't fret over my daughter's attitude, Kurenai. She and Ranma
have this war of the wits every time they meet--"
"Pity he's unarmed," Akane muttered. "Last time we met, he acted
so stupidly that you couldn't tell him from a wild horse. Who's
he hanging off of now?"
"Hm?"
"Every time I see him, he's either got some tart hanging off of
his arm, or he's following some martial artist around like a lost
puppy."
Tsubasa cleared his throat. "I believe that Ranma has spent a
lot of time with Tofu."
"Ah. I see. I do hope that Doctor Tofu knows a cure for it."
"For what?"
"Ranma."
Tsubasa blinked. Soun turned, and looked back at the gates. "We
have guests!"
Tsubasa let out a sigh of relief. "Thank the Kami, they're
here!" He bolted through the gate, grateful to escape.
Saotome Genma strutted through the gate, larger than life and
three times as ugly. Behind him were Ranma, Doctor Tofu, Kuno
Tatewaki and Gosunkugi Hikaru. As soon as he came into Kasumi's
presence, Tofu's glasses fogged up, and his face took on an
idiotic expression.
Genma's voice boomed out across the compound. "Tendo! Good to
see you!"
"It's been too long, Saotome." Tendo stepped forward and gripped
his friend's hand, a rare smile crossing his face.
"So it has, so it has." He glanced over at Akane and Kasumi.
"Are these your daughters, then?"
"Well, their mother told me they were..." Tendo grinned.
Ranma snorted. "Did you doubt her?"
"No, not at all." He tilted his head. "You were only a year old
when Akane was born, so I had no reason to doubt her..."
Ranma scowled, as the rest of the small crowd burst into
laughter. All of the crowd, save Akane, who waited for the
laughter to die down.
"Maybe you would like some salt for that foot?"
Ranma scowled at her.
Akane tilted her head. "I always wondered why you keep talking,
when nobody's listening to you."
"I shoulda expected to see you here, Akane. I suppose it's a
little beyond belief to expect you'd be out on a date or
something. Nobody's interested in a macho chick like you."
Suddenly, it was Akane's turn to fume. "I'm surprised I don't
see a bimbo hanging off of you. Did you manage to lose them all?
Maybe they realized what a pervert you are?"
"I ain't a pervert!" Ranma's scowl deepened. "I ain't never
encouraged any of 'em."
Tendo raised his hands. "Enough of this! This is a happy
occasion! Genma, my old friend. Will you stay with us awhile?
Perhaps a month or two?"
"I shall be happy to, Soun. I believe my friends will not
object?"
"Indeed not, my lord and master." Kuno drew himself forward in a
bow. "Good sir Tendo, let me thank you from the bottom of my
heart. To have such a fine residence in which I might stay, and
under the roof of the beauteous Akane--"
"Cut!" Nabiki hopped off of her chair, hit the stop button on
the remote, and stormed onto the set. "Kuno!"
"Yes, Tendo Nabiki? You were about to comment on my excellent
diction and ad lib performance?"
"Not at all." She handed him the script. "Please open this to
page three, second column, line five, and read to me your line."
Kuno opened the script, and flipped the page. "'I am not of many
words, but I thank you.'"
"Perfect." She tore the script from his hands, and turned to
walk back to her chair.
"But, surely my lines are far more melodious--"
"No."
"But they are inspired--"
"No, Kuno." She turned and leveled a finger at him. "My lines.
Unless you'd like to forfeit those photos?"
"What photos?" Akane and Ranma yelled at the same time.
"None of your business." She turned back to Kuno. "Well?"
"I...shall recite your lines."
"Good. From Dad's line. Rolling, and...Action!"
Tendo raised his hands. "Enough of this! This is a happy
occasion! Genma, my old friend. Will you stay with us awhile?
Perhaps a month or two?"
"I shall be happy to, Soun. I believe my friends will not
object?"
Kuno sighed. "I am not of many words, but I thank you."
"It is good to see you reconciled with your old teacher,
Tatewaki." Soun turned back to Genma. "Please...this way?" He
led them into the house, leaving only Ranma and Tofu standing
outside.
Tofu's glasses, and possibly his mind, cleared of the fog. "Did
you see her? Tendo's daughter?"
"Who? That tomboy Akane?"
A shoe flew out of the doorway, and smacked into Ranma's head.
"Ranma, you jerk!"
"Cut!!" Nabiki threw her script down on the ground, jumped up,
and stormed towards her little sister. "Akane!"
"He called me a tomboy!"
"Ranma is merely reciting the lines that I gave him."
"But--"
"No buts!" Nabiki jabbed a finger in Akane's direction. "He
didn't say the lines. I did. Are you going to throw a shoe at
me?"
"...No."
"Fine." Nabiki picked up the shoe, and threw it back at her
sister. She turned and stalked towards the director's chair.
The scriptwriter chuckled. "I told you this wasn't going to
work, Nabs."
"Shut up. And don't call me that." She dropped into her chair,
grabbed her remote, and clicked. "From Tofu's line. Action!"
"Did you see her? Tendo's daughter?"
"Who? That tomboy Akane?"
"No! Kasumi! Isn't she lovely? And so nice..."
"Look, Doc. According to Akane, I'm some sorta pervert. You
want my opinion on Kasumi?"
"We both know it isn't true, Ranma."
Ranma shrugged. "She is kinda nice. Not my type, really."
"She is an angel! A goddess!"
"Hey, Doc." Ranma sighed. "She's just a girl, y'know? Heck, I
think Akane's even better looking than her, as long as you stay
away from the sharp end."
"Not to me!"
Genma stepped back out of the house. "Hey, what's keeping you
two?"
Ranma raised his hands. "Nothin'!"
"Ranma..." Genma sighed. "On your honour as a martial artist,
you must tell me."
Ranma patted Tofu's shoulder. "Sorry, pal." To his father:
"The poor guy's in love."
"With?"
Ranma hesitated. "With Kasumi."
"So?" Genma raised his eyebrows. "He could make a worse
choice."
"That's what I said."
Genma grinned. "You disapprove of her?"
"Why would he wanna get married, anyway?" Ranma folded his arms
and leaned back against the stone wall. "I mean, he's gettin'
ready to give up all his freedom. You think she's gonna let him
wander the world? You think she's gonna be happy bein' home all
alone? Heck, you think she even likes martial arts?"
Genma laughed. "It's not like she'd marry you!"
"And a good thing! I don't intend to get married any time soon,
or possibly ever!"
Tofu poked Ranma in the arm. "I think we'll see you fall in love
yet."
"Maybe fall in debt, fall ill, fall in a pit, or have a windfall.
But never fall in love." He snorted. "And if ever I do, I'll
just break out the sake and drink until I fall out of love." He
pushed himself away from the wall. "I'm outta here." He stalked
into the house.
Genma glanced over at Tofu. "You really like Kasumi, huh? I
tell you what..." He grinned. "Tendo and I go way back. I
could vouch for you. Of course, you still gotta win the girl
yourself, but..."
"That's a bit of a problem." Tofu adjusted his glasses. "I'm
not exactly myself when I'm around her."
"What do you mean?"
"Well...I lose control of myself. I'm likely to do or say almost
anything."
"Hm. Tell you what. Not only shall I speak with Tendo...I shall
help you win the girl!"
Tofu laughed. "You?"
"Indeed." He leaned closer to the younger man. "You've met my
wife. You recall how much like Kasumi she is?"
"I always wondered about that..."
"Trust me. This old dog still has a few tricks." He stepped
back, and clapped a hand on the Doctor's shoulder. "Let's go in.
Dinner's being served shortly." The two turned, and walked into
the house, leaving the courtyard empty.
"Cut! And print!" Nabiki grinned inwardly at the needlessness
of the last order; she had no camera crew beyond herself.
The group filed back out of the house, talking animatedly. She
heard a subdued "Hallelujah!" from someone in the back.
"Okay, listen up!" She waved her hands over her head, and waited
for the group to fall silent. "Second and third scenes are
really short. I want to get them both out of the way tomorrow.
Tsubasa, I don't think we need you until Act Five, about a week
from now."
"I can change?" Tsubasa was scratching at the jeans.
"Yeah. Go put on a dress or something. Everyone else: Nice
work so far. If the next two scenes go as smoothly, we can be
done this thing in two weeks at the outside." She grinned...such
a finish would leave her almost thirty thousand yen under budget.
"Scenes Two and Three have Dad, Happousai, Hiroshi, Daisuke and
Kuno. We need everyone here on Thursday for Act Two. Be here,
people!"
The crowd began to disperse. Nabiki turned back and began
disassembling her camera gear.
The scriptwriter was still seated in his chair. "Not a bad first
day, Nabs."
"I told you not to call me that."
"You think you can keep them from each other's throats tomorrow?"
"Scene Two should be no more than two minutes long. I think we
can keep Happi in line that long. Scene Three is only a bit
longer." She narrowed her eyes. "But we still don't have anyone
to play Antonio's son. I don't want to hire an extra."
"I'm not willing to do it, Nabs." The scriptwriter shook his
head. "A lot of people would be very upset at me for doing it."
He grinned. "I got a better idea. You know that Shakespeare
often used a young boy to play a girl, right?"
"What's your point? It is customary for a son to be a boy." Her
eyes widened suddenly.
The scriptwriter grinned. "You just got it, didn't you?"
"Ohhh, yes." She grinned. "I'll have to talk to Ukyou for
the...costuming. Nice thinking. We'll keep you around."
"You'd better." The scriptwriter tapped the cover page of his
creation. "Without this...you've got nothing."