--On 5/15/02 7:48 PM -0400 Sam Vilsmeier wrote:

Haruka's eyes narrowed but she was silenced by a wave from Michiru.
"Hotaru. We're worried about you. You're to young to be having sex."

...too young...

looked down, towering over her. "You on the other hand are dating a boy.
You can get pregnant! How long have you know him anyways?"

You, on the other hand...

"Two months! Are you ready to marry this boy, cause that is what you'll
have to do if you get knocked up..."

Rather an old fashioned attitude for her, I would have thought.

"Well Hotaru, what if you get pregnant and he does not marry you? What
then? Your honor will be ruined, that's what. Your only real choice would
be an abortion!"

Take no prisoners, mission above all, I'll let my partner/lover/friend die
to get the job done Haruka cares about something as intangible as honor?
How about career?  Or schooling?  Or Sailor business?  I just can't see her
choosing 'honor' as the most important point.

Hotaru released a cry of bitter anguish and pushed her way past her
parents. Ignoring their calls she ran out the door, into the night =

street.

Micharu administered a dope slap.  "Way to go, Haruka!"

Ranma shrugged and took a drag. "I'm not sure. I think it was before my
fight with that Akuma guy, but after I rescued Akane from the Squirrel
King... Anyways, I only smoke when it gets too stressful."

<blink-blink>  This is getting weird.  But I suppose if you're using R1/2
manga as basis where Soun smokes, then it would be possible for him to
cover it up. =20

Ranma plinked and placed his hand on Ryouga's forehead. "You sick man? I
though I just hear you not blame me for something."

"Where's Ryouga, and who the hell are you?"

plinked -> blinked =20

Ryouga growled and pulled Ranma's hand of his head. "What, you want me  =

to

blame you?" he paused for a moment then continued, "So, how do you know
she' s pregnant?"

Extra space in she's.

Ranma rubbed his temple, "I have no idea. Absolutely no idea. I want to =

do

the right thing but what is it man? I still have three fianc=E9es, my =

life

is a train wreck, and chaos follows me where ever I go. How can I drag
her into it?"

...what is it, man?

Ryouga shook his head, "Don't be an idiot Saotome. That is not your
choice. You're not going to chicken out on this one, cause I you do I
WILL KILL  YOU!"

Extra space ...KILL YOU...

Ranma blinked. Oh, well best not her pig-boy started. "So... I'm headed =

to

my mom's. See ya Ryouga."

...not get pig-boy started.

"Come on, P-chan," said Ranma as he jumped to his feet but was stopped by
Ryouga's hand on his shoulder.

Why's he saying 'Come on' if he's leaving before Ryouga stops him?

Hotaru nodded and spent the entire walk crying on her best friend's
shoulder. When they arrived, Chibi-Usa sat down on a benched and motioned
for Hotaru to sit next to her.

So one can assume that 14 year old Chibi-Usa isn't so chibi anymore, if
Hotaru can cry on her shoulder and still walk?

Chibi-Usa sighed and slowly started to digest the information. It was =

hard

to chew. "When did you find out?"

Digest and chew in that order bring to mind unpleasant images, for me, at
least.

Whatever Haruka had said really hit her hard. Chibi-Usa silently swore
that she would not let her get away with out a severe tong lashing.

tong -> tongue

Chibi-Usa embraced her friend. She turned her head to Hotaru's ear and
said. "I love you Hotaru. You the sister I never had. I'll always be
there for you and your baby."

...love you, Hotaru.  You're...

Chibi-Usa shushed her friend with a raised hand. "Come on Hotaru. You can
come to my place. I think we should talk to my mom about this. She might
know what to do. Tell her what you told me, okay?"

Chibi-Usa referring to Usagi as 'my mom'?

Ranma gulped as he pressed the doorbell of his childhood home. Now he had
to talk with his mother. While Ryouga gave him some ideas, and an
'incentive' to do the right thing, I would be he mother who had the
greatest say about his fate. She would know what would preserve honor.

...be his mother...

Oh, yeah, advice from the katana lady!  I shudder to think.

Nodoka quickly answered the door. Her face filled with joy the moment she
saw who her visitor. "Ranma! How are you, my son!" She quickly yanked

Either ...saw her visitor. or ...saw who her visitor was.

"Yeah mom..." replied Ranma.

"Yeah, Mom..."

come into my home, young man. But you will not lay a hand on my son or
damage my house or its contents. If you can't I will ask you to leave."

Those last two sentences don't mesh. :-)

Ryouga blinked for a moment but said nothing. Nodoka on the other hand
turned her head to Ryouga and smiled brightly. "You my son's friend?"

You -> You're

She knew that Ranma was disturbed by his mess of fianc=E9es, most of them
thanks to her idiot husband, she was proud that he son could attract so
many women.

...husband, but she was proud...

Unfortunately his answer was far from sufficient. "Define
please."

"Define, please."

Nodoka frowned, what ever it was it really was hurting her boy. "Please
continue, Ranma."

...it was, it really was...

Ranma sighed and just spit it out. "I kinda... knocked a girl up."

spit -> spat

Nodoka just gawked. He mind raced with possibilities. As she stood there
blankly, Ranma began to get more and more nervous.

Her mind raced...

"Yeah mom..." replied Ranma. He was obviously nervous and was sweating
heavily.

"Yeah, Mom..."

"Your so manly!" cried Nodoka as she jumped forward and embraced her son.

Your -> You're

Ranma blinked. This is not what he had been expecting. "Well, yeah!"

Well, it was either this or the sword.  Be happy. :-)

Nodoka paid her son no heed and continued her rampant chatter, "Anyways,
while it was manly of you to pleasure a woman, it was irresponsible to
forget to use protection."

After lecturing him on grammar, she's going to say "Anyways"?

Ranma scowled, it was time to make a point. "Mother, what about the other
two or three dozen engagements that my Old Man made? What makes them any
different? Those were nothing but the old mans bullshit.

old mans -> old man's

Either capitalize old man, or don't, but be consistent.

What they hell do I have to live to this one."

??

Nodoka nodded. "I know, my son. I would like to ask you friend to step =

out

for a moment. I wish to speak to my son alone."

...ask your friend...  I wish to speak to you alone.

He has run our name through the dirt of the last ten years.

...dirt in the last...  ?

"...and that was when I ran into Chibi-Usa," finished Hotaru. For the
third time today she had repeated the story of how this all started. She
hoped Usagi would have some ideas. She was out.

Third?  Is she counting talking to Ranma?

...going to be a mother.

"What about the farther? Do you know what he plans on doing?"

farther -> father

Usagi smiled, "That's good, but is it what you want Hotaru-chan?"

...want, Hotaru-chan?"

Hotaru smilled. Chibi-Usa always knew the right thing to say when she
needed cheering up.

smilled -> smiled

...call them, Hotaru.

Usagi nodded, "I really can't think of another way, but I will not tell
them if you don't want me to."

Oh yeah, tell them over the phone.  That'll be good.

Hotaru curled up into a ball. She had not been this afraid sense the =

night

sense -> since

she found out. Tears started to stream down her eyes. They would find out
tonight, and she could only hope that she still had a family in them
morning. In a meek, fearful voice she said, "Tell them."

...in the morning...

"You should be Haruka. You went to far," growled Michiru.

...be, Haruka. =20

Should be what?  Doesn't fit with previous paragraph.

"Really?!" screamed Michiru. She was very angry about the situation.

She's screaming mad now, but couldn't be bothered to say anything earlier?

"I agree with Michiru," said Setsuna, as she looked up from her favorite
copy of Machiavelli's 'The Prince'. They should really calm down.
Everything was going to plan.

Just in case it wasn't transparently clear that Pluto's a heartless
manipulator.

Michiru took this to her advantage "That's right! I wanted to sit her =

down

and talk about it, not scream until  she ran off crying!"

Extra space ...until she...

"I want absolutely no part of this argument." grumbled Setsuna.

*After* taking a side in it?  Bit late for that now.

Haruka winced, she had once been stupid enough to try that stuff. The
'liquor' made her go temporality blind. "What the you talking about?"

...had made her...  What are you talking...

So either Setsuna's vaulted time sense just failed her, or she's being even
more manipulative than usual.  Given her choice in reading material and the
way she's being portrayed, I assume the latter.

Jim

--=20
Jim Miller
whonk@xinu.nu


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