In a message dated 5/15/02 4:53:00 PM, Bert.Miller@unisys.com writes:

I'll try not to repeat any of my comments from
the previous draft of this.  I did find a few
new things.

All righty.

"I said, stand down your men, Captain," Makabi said, a hint 

Not sure if you had "Makabi" in the first draft.  I
just rechecked for my C&C on D.B. Sommer's fic;
Kiyone's family name is "Makibi".

Got it. will fix.

The simple fact is that I am the most powerful ship in 
the Juraian Navy and I can barely hold my own.

...which raises the question of how it is that Jurai
is still there.  Looking forward to the answer in 
chapter 3.

Where did I say it's Jurai? The Christopher's crew assumed that they're 
heading for Jurai...and the Maru sure aint no planet.

Of course, it could be in orbit around Jurai...but where's the fun in that?

Clay obtained a sample of Ryo-Oki's DNA at the 

Technically, I think Clay would also need access
to the Masu themselves... or at least something
tricky.  Or why wouldn't Funaho or (the other)
Misaki have simply taken a sample during OAV 13?

Who said they didn't? I said Clay obtained a sample. I never said from where.

but he had spent much of his Navel career around diplomats

Jeffords has a career involving belly-buttons?

Yep.

(It's "Naval" (sp).)

Will fix.

Or in the case of Tsunami, walking on an emotional 
powder keg. King William's daughter, for example.

??? this meant nothing to me ???

It wasn't really supposed to. Jeffords is a Brit, if you'll recall. 
Essentially in 2048, Prince Willam is King of England and his progeny is a 
rampaging diva who's an emotional powder keg. A little side note on things.

spoken directly to, and make no eye contact with the Emperor 
or his wives unless I indicate you should do so."

Shouldn't that just be, "the Empresses" or "the Queens"?

Wives seemed to work.

On the dais, a woman who, aside from the difference in hairstyle, was

Tsunami's twin in appearance, though her kimono was a 
pleasant light blue. 


That sentence lacks a verb.

Where?

It took Jeffords a moment to realized that the younger man
was in fact Masaki. A strangled gasp from his 

Then Jeffords realized that he'd never met Tenchi
before, so it must be Misaki instead.

"Misaki" (sp).

You sure? ::Checks back of Moldiver DVD:: Huh. You're right...oh well, simple 
enough to fix.
::Makes adjustment::

right proclaimed that Moldiver had realized it to.

"too" (sp)

Tsunami gestured them to stop and then continued onwards to 

This time through, I find this scene actually more
confusing than I did the first time.  I think this is
because your description is clearer, paradoxically
enough, so that I can understand what you're describing
better, but don't understand WHY the scene is the
way it is.


their platform. "Special Assignment Minister Tsunami," she 

For instance, Sasami is still on the platform, right?
These scene seems to suggest that Sasami, as a separate
person, outranks Tsunami, which seems very unlikely
to me.  Unless maybe most of Jurai doesn't know that
this is the First Tree/"Most Powerful Force in the
Universe"?

Sasami and Tsunami hold different positions. It's not a spoiler so I can say 
that Tsunami holds a rank especially created for her due to her unique 
abilities.

The white haired man stepped forward. "It is the Emperor's 

Now the crux.  The first time around, I thought this
standing white-haired man was some unnamed major-domo.

Correct Sir!

What it was is that Jeffords got distracted when Tsunami moved forward to 
speak.

Slight spolier for Chapter 3 here... If you want to skip it, close this mail 
right now. Or reply to everything above and then close it. Go further only if 
you want a mini-essay on Juraian Court Customs.
*
*
*
*

SPOILER SPACE

*
*
*
*
By custom, tradition, and everything else, the Emperor is forbidden from 
speaking during formal court, which is what we have here. Therefore, The 
Master of Court must speak for him. This requires someone who knows almost 
exactly how the Emperor's mind works. Someone like Yosho, who holds that 
positition.

Therefore, even though Tsunami is talking to Tenchi, it's Yosho who answers.

A similar rule applies to the Terran, hence Tsunami's warning for them not to 
speak unless directly addressed. I'll clean it up so it makes a little more 
sense.

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