Finally got to this!  :)

Galaxy Police Squad
 File 1
Bad Cop, Bad Cop
First Class Detective Kiyone Makabi made her way through the 

Thought it was "Makibi" (sp)? 

The headquarters was the epitome of the term 'pandemonium';

"all demon land", hmm?  [Latin, from 'Paradise Lost']

I'm the greatest lawyer every produced from Shysteria.

Heh.  But I'd bet quite a few readers don't know
what the word "shyster" means.

She grabbed his hand and began shaking it up and
down as though it was an air pump.

Like some of the other commentators, I like this simile;
very visual.

Kiyone said, "He was walking around the street, covered in 
the victim's blood, shouting out, "I did it. I butchered
that pig."

"Circumstantial evidence, I assure you."

"He was under the influence of hypnotic recovery of 'lost'
memory!"

Mihoshi said, "And then there was that case with Izze Borden. 

A cousin of Lizzie's.

Montisque fell to his knees and began pleading, "Nooooo. Pay 
no attention to that awful detective.

Be kind of cute if you could arrange for Mihoshi to be
behind a curtain at this point.

holster. Once convinced there would be no further shootinh, 

"shooting"

Kiyone, absolutely delighted at being so well known that 
sector commanders would request her presence, saluted again.
"Whatever it is, Sir, I'll be more than willing, eager, and
able to help in the matter.

Drebbin stared at her. "I was referring to Officer Kiramitsu. 
Her reputation as one of the most brilliant and courageous
members of the Galaxy Police Force is known throughout the
entire organization. I assume you're her subordinate."

After all, she did take down Kagato and brought in Dr. Clay!  :)

his guard, while Kiyone knew she could act like a real bitch 
when she wanted to; it was something all of her former
boyfriends could agree upon.

Heh.

Mihoshi shook her head. "No way, Kiyone. You're too nice and 
no one would ever believe you could be a bad cop. I'd be much
more convincing at the job.

Somehow I can just see Mihoshi saying this, too.

Rather than act intimidated, Pheriton simply rolled his eyes.
"I got a better idea. Why don't you and the walking tits here

Mihoshi looked around.  She didn't see anything else that the
suspect could be talking about; certainly, no tits from
Aldebaran Five had walked in with them.

"I'm not some hick from the outer rim. I've known a
couple of guys on the JSD. They're an okay bunch.

"In fact, they're the ones who hired me.... Oops!
I wasn't supposed to say that!"

There was no such things as an 'Evil Mihoshi'.

Heh.  Bets?

Mihoshi nodded in agreement. "Okay. I'll kill him before we leave."

<clip> 

Just as suddenly, Mihoshi, stopped laughing and said in her 
usual, cheerful voice, "I wasn't joking."

Heh.  I like it.

Mihoshi sniffed the air. "What's the smell?"

"I soiled myself," Pheriton quivered.

Mihoshi pinched her nose shut. "Yucky."

Heh.

However, before she could bring the weapon up, Mihoshi moved 
next to her and wrapped an arm around her dark-haired partner,
firmly placing it on the injured shoulder. Kiyone let out a
squeal of pain and dropped the firearm.

Mihoshi proudly stated, "Kiyone's as much responsible for the 
suspect's confession as I am. I couldn't have played the role
of bad cop if she wasn't there to be the good cop."

"Pain," Kiyone rasped.

Mihoshi said, "That's right, Kiyone, it did pain me to play 
the role of bad cop, but I knew it would have hurt you worse
since you're the epitome of goodness. That's why I took it
upon myself to be the bad cop; I couldn't let
you be hurt that way."

Heh again.  Nice back and forth.

Mihoshi happily agreed and began exiting the room with the 
captain. "We'll get her a jelly and sausage filled one.
Those are her favorite."

Might be worth trying to work in, towards the beginning,
something about how Kiyone hates even the smell of these.
Say, she passes the desk of another officer who has one;
Mihoshi smiles in delight at the smell, but Kiyone almost
gags.  And Kiyone says nothing to Mihoshi.

And no, Kiyone won't meet a grizzly demise. She has to 
show up for the sequal as she and Mihoshi go toe to toe
with 'Gregarious' Spacey and the 'Unusual Suspects.' ^_^.

Not sure how you can make a shortfic out of that one,
though...

Not quite as satisfied as I thought I would be when
I first came up with the idea of Mihoshi's 'Bad Cop' routine 
being better than anyone, including Kiyone, would suspect.

Well, it's not one of your funniest efforts, IMO, but it's
not bad.  It has its moments, but it drags a bit in one or
two places too.  I think this could be extremely funny if
you worked at it some more (not necessarily right away,
but after sitting on the shelf for a bit).  It feels to me
like it could use another major ingredient, say from Barney
Miller or some other funny-cop source.  Instead of going
for near 100% farce, vary the humor a bit.


             .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'