Max M wrote:

Man, the list has been slow lately. I guess everybody's out doing stuff

now

that finals are over.

Yeah. Seems that way to me. Or it just might be a slow point. These come
about from time to time as well. I know I'm fairly busy.

The man turned around from the

 seedy-looking human he had been speaking
to,

If you are going to mention his race, you might want to make him somewhat
alien.

Well, techincally he is an alien to them. :) But he's human in apperance,
save for the mechanical eyes.

produced from Shysteria. You have the honor of meeting J.H.K.M.
Montisque the Fourth."

"My apologies, Sir." Kiyone wondered if the previous three Montisques

had

been eaten by the fourth.

ha

I'm sure I've seen a line similiar to that. It's an obvious opening, but I
can't recall it.

Mihoshi gaped at the man in surprise. "I know you. It's an honor to meet

a

lawyer of your caliber." She grabbed his hand and began shaking it up

and

down as though it was an air pump.

I like the 'air pump' analogy. good way of descibing an active mihoshi

Thanks.

"Innocent victims. Paying clients. Is there a difference?" Kiyone

snorted

contemptuously.

I know you need to call them innocent victims in the lawyer's words, but i
think the slogan might sound better as something like 'Indicted Criminals,
Paying Clients, is there a diff?' or something similar. dunno.

Not sure. Will consider it, but I think the idea that 'Paying
Clients=Innocent Victims' is pretty straightforward there.

Mihoshi said, "And then there was that case with Izze Borden. The way

you

made it sound, why, if I was on that jury, I would never have found her
guilty of dismembering that entire church choir, like they did."

not sure this sentence makes it obvious that this girl *did* dismember a
choir (which, in
 montisques favor, sounds outlandish)

Well, she was convicted of it. Obviously Mihoshi thought she was innocent.
:)

Mihoshi didn't take the bait. "And then there was that one with Mr.
Corporation himself, Slick Billy Gates. I remember you saying to

reporters

before the trial, 'There's no evidence of any wrongdoing involving my
client. It's an easy case that will be over in less than three weeks.'

It's

too bad you lost it. But it did happen in less than three weeks, like

you

said."

The seedy-looking man Montisque had been talking to stood up and said,

"Hey,

that's what you just told me."

what did he just tell him?

That there's no evidence of any wrongdoing and the easy case will be over in
less than three weeks.

The seedy man turned away, "I want a new lawyer."

see, and now im just nitpicking for the f$#! of it, mihoshi's comments

make

the guy sound like a damn good lawyer. He almost got of three ridicuously
guilty criminals. Shit, if i did somthing that bad, and there was that

much

evidense against me, this is *exactly* the guy id want defending me.

Oops. Good point. Will have to revise that bit.

, she poked her
head in. Seeing only the captain present at his desk, she hesitantly
entered. Mihoshi took the opposite tact

'took the opposite tact'? never
heard that before

Should be opposite tack.

Both she and Mihoshi entered the office and gave a crisp salute.

"Captain

Drebbin. Officers Makabi and Kiramitsu reporting for special assignment.
Umm, your muzzle seems to be smoking, Sir."

unlike the other guy, i think using drebbin worked fine, i never expected
you to make him *be* like frank drebbin. As an alusion it works fine. Or
maybe as ananalogy: like if you think drebbin was waky, hes absolutley
nothing compared to these two! (though that means you have to make kiyone
and mihoshi much more wacky)

Well, Kiyone is the straight man in this, so it's only Mihoshi and the
people around her who are wacky.

"Quite right," Drebbin said gruffly. "Here's the situation. Five months

ago,

a large quantity of an explosive chemical compound called PYTX was

stolen

from a Juraiain military base."

have you seen 'Shiri?'

Yes. Recently too. How'd you guess? :)

"Delta Igneous Omicron Mokra," Mihoshi corrected.

i liked this too. while not generally though of as a mihoshi thing to

adhere

to tiny details, i think it works as a perfectly good in-character thing
here. shes being this great royal pain in the ass, and only kiyone seems

to

be noticing it. Though you probably knew that when you wrote it.

Was hoping it would come across as that.

ever believe you could be a bad cop. I'd be much more convincing at the

job.

Why is your jaw hanging open, Kiyone? Did it get knocked loose in that

fight

at Altair 5? You should get it looked at if it's becoming unhinged like

that

regularly."

id drop the last sentence

Hmm. Will consider.

Rather than act intimidated, Pheriton simply rolled his eyes. "I got a
better idea. Why don't you and the walking tits here take a hike and

leave

me alone until my lawyer arrives and springs me?"

Mihoshi cheerfully said, "We're on duty and can't go hiking anywhere,

though

I heard the central mountain chain on Delta Igneous Omicron Mokra is

ideal

for such pursuits."

eh

He told her to 'take a hike'. She thought he meant it literraly.

Pheriton laughed. Mihoshi laughed with him, making his laughter die.

haha, great, homeresque

Thanks.

Mihoshi nodded in agreement. "Okay. I'll kill him before we leave."

Maybe: "Okay, just let me shoot him before we leave."

Nah. She's not leaving any doubt as to what her intentions are supposed to
be here.

"We can't just shoot him!" Kiyone protested.

and here, switch 'shoot' back to 'kill'.

Pheriton's head was a blur as
he nodded in agreement.

"Actually, I've found that if you have a loaded gun, you can shoot just
about anything." Mihoshi cheerful pointed out as she aimed at him again.

hmm, but here it would mess things up a little, so i dont know

I think this time I'll leave it as is. I kind of like the way it sounds.

Kiyone brought her hand down on Mihoshi's arm as she fired once more.

The

shot barely missed his head a second time.

"You're insane!" he cried as he ducked behind a chair.

this guy always has perfect dialogue. I can picture him easily.

Thanks. His were the easy lines. He just has to talk and not say anything
amusing.

Mihoshi sniffed the air. "What's the smell?"

"I soiled myself," Pheriton quivered.

Mihoshi pinched her nose shut. "Yucky."

ha

"Noooo!" Pheriton wailed as he was dragged out of the room by the other
officers. "I won't press charges. I won't tell a single soul what

happened.

I'll plead guilty. Throw me in jail forever. Leave me in my soiled

pants.

Just so long as you keep that psycho away from me!"

maybe if mihoshi herself was dragging him, because i dont see a precedent
for this. he *just got* away from her.

Pressing charges would mean a A trial and coming into contact with her. He
would rather go to jail than go through that.

Mihoshi turned to her partner. "Like they always say at the Academy,

'Being

shot is part of the risks we take when we don the uniform of the Galaxy
Police. Those not prepared had best quit now'."

this part seemed alittle cold. you might wanna make it clearer that

mihoshi

really isnt aware of what she actually did to kiyone

"YOUR PARTNER SHOOTING YOU IS NOT MEANT TO BE ONE OF THOSE RISKS!"

Keanu: but i got a medal!

Heh.

Kiyone
tried going for her gun, but since it was her shooting arm that was
immobilized, she had difficulty reaching across and undoing the snaps

that

held it in place.

ha

That one was easy to picture in my mind. :)

Drebbin said, "We'll get her coffee and a donut. I know I always feel

better

after one of those."

ha

Can't have any police around without coffee and donut lines.

Mihoshi happily agreed and began exiting the room with the captain.

"We'll

get her a jelly and sausage filled one. Those are her favorite."

hope thats not any kind of sex ref.!

No. I just can't envision a sausage filled donut is all. Not even at Dunkin'
Donuts.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

over all, i sort of see this more as a prologue than a first ep.

It's more like just a scenario. If I do others they'll be in the same vein
there's no overall story to this.

Maybe cut

it down a little and add it to something else. Still, I await File: 2.
And what happened to that ranma/genie fic a few months back? I wanna see
more of it.

Odds are that will be next once i finish this project i"m working on, but
we'll see what the muse has to say then.

Thanks for the comments. They are very appreciated.

D.B. Sommer

later,
Max

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