--On 5/9/02 10:55 AM +0000 R E wrote:
The stone did not impact - instead, Akane was surprised by a splash of
cold water in the face. She coughed, shaking her head as water went up
her nose, and opened her eyes.
Would "...and she opened her eyes." be better? I assume the water didn't
open them. :-)
Akane stared, open-mouthed, as the hunter stepped forward into the light.
Buried beneath a billowing black cloak was ... Ranma. A taller, male
Ranma, with jet-black hair tied into a ponytail that touched the floor,
but Ranma nontheless. The scars on his face matched Ranma's perfectly,
the intensity burning behind his eyes was identical, the expression he
bore was an exact replica.
That was a surprise. nontheless -> nonetheless Unless, of course, that's
the British spelling. I notice that you're using British spellings.
She leaned in and ran her tongue along his bloodied lips, purring into his
mouth as she tasted his blood. She pressed her mouth to his, kissing him
sensually in the very moment before his body and his soul turned to ash.
Well. That's scary. :-)
Ranma nodded, following Akane up onto the mound and watching her step down
off it. A glimmer of blue atop Akane's head caught her eye; she blinked
in surprise and looked closer. A thin streak of deep blue mingled amongst
the Tendo girl's hair, stretching from the centre of her forehead in a
jagged line toward the nape of her neck.
Oh gods, she thought, it's happening already.
Akane gets to turn into some supernatural creature too? Lucky her. :-)
Seems I only found one nit. Excellent story and excellent writing. I look
forward to future chapters.
Jim