Hallo there,

Thanks for your comments.  :)

The stone did not impact - instead, Akane was surprised by a splash of
cold water in the face.  She coughed, shaking her head as water went up
her nose, and opened her eyes.

Would "...and she opened her eyes." be better?  I assume the water didn't
open them. :-)

It might have done, if it was carbonated.  I know it does when I get Coke up
my nose.  :)

Akane stared, open-mouthed, as the hunter stepped forward into the

light.

Buried beneath a billowing black cloak was ... Ranma.  A taller, male
Ranma, with jet-black hair tied into a ponytail that touched the floor,
but Ranma nontheless.  The scars on his face matched Ranma's perfectly,
the intensity burning behind his eyes was identical, the expression he
bore was an exact replica.

That was a surprise.  nontheless -> nonetheless  Unless, of course, that's
the British spelling.  I notice that you're using British spellings.

Whoops.  No, it's not the British spelling, it's the incorrect spelling.
Consider it fixed.

She leaned in and ran her tongue along his bloodied lips, purring into

his

mouth as she tasted his blood.  She pressed her mouth to his, kissing

him

sensually in the very moment before his body and his soul turned to ash.

Well.  That's scary. :-)

Good, good.  :)

Ranma nodded, following Akane up onto the mound and watching her step

down

off it.  A glimmer of blue atop Akane's head caught her eye; she blinked
in surprise and looked closer.  A thin streak of deep blue mingled

amongst

the Tendo girl's hair, stretching from the centre of her forehead in a
jagged line toward the nape of her neck.

Oh gods, she thought, it's happening already.

Akane gets to turn into some supernatural creature too?  Lucky her. :-)

Ah, don't go jumping to conclusions just yet... time will tell what happens
to Akane.

Seems I only found one nit.  Excellent story and excellent writing.  I

look

forward to future chapters.

Thank you very much.  I'll endeavour to provide the next chapter in a timely
manner.

Thanks again for your comments, they are much appreciated.


Regards,
R. E.

========

Ten
http://ten.waxwolf.com
Perfection has a price.

========

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