--- Andrew Painter <sanjiyan@blueyonder.co.uk> wrote:

Greetings,

I have had this idea floating aroundi n my head for
weeks if not months,
please can you read and review or comment where
needed, or even just to tell
me to forget fanfic writing altogether.

Its a Self Insert that will be based around the Ah!
My Goddess theme, and

AMG does seem to attract a lot of these. ^_^

eventually will become a crossover, to Ranma 1/2 and
more if I continue it.

One word of caution? I'm not suggesting you would do
this, but most AMG/Ranma crossovers make the Ranma
gang much too powerful, or the AMG goddesses/demons
much too weak in order to let the Ranma gang play in
the same game as the goddesses and demons. At which
point the writer is keeping neither AMG nor Ranma
canon and the story becomes less interesting to fans
of either series. Not saying you would do this, of
course. There are good AMG/Ranma fanfics out there
which don't rely upon distorting both realities.

     "Take the different 'hells' of each religion",
Brett
explained, "and combine them in one place".  He
noticed their
expressions and nodded, "It's *not* even a nice
place to
visit", he confirmed.

     "I'd like to re-decorate it", Chia-Neko pipped
up, "With
a fusion bomb in the hundred and fifty megaton
range...".

-- Series 7 - The Cat's Chia-Yao - Ah Oh My God? -
Brett Handy

Since you quoted Mr. Handy's fic, I'll make a couple
observations. 

First, one of the reasons "Oh My God?" is so highly
regarded among AMG fanfiction is that Brett's
character isn't too powerful. Sure, he has some cool
abilities, but those abilities came over time, and
much more importantly his abilities don't trump anyone
else's abilities. He isn't overall more powerful than
the original cast (not including the mortals, of
course).

Second, I remember when Brett began this fic. At that
time there wasn't much known about Heaven and Hell. We
still don't know that much, but what we do know bears
very little resemblance to Brett's descriptions. The
biggest difference being the fact that gods and demons
never try to kill each other (unless they're a rogue -
who would be hunted by both sides) because of the
Doublet System (Dark Horse has just finished the
Velsper story arc which is based around that system.
You might consider picking up the last few issues if
you don't have them already). I only mention this
because it's the most commonly glaring error fanfic
authors make with regard to god/demon interaction in
AMG fics these days. Killing mortals is still OK, by
the way. ^_-

God/Goddess of Children - AMG!/Ranma � Self Insert
with various other crossovers�.

*** WARNING!!!! First Fic Alert ***

Some if not all the characters might be OOC, if this
is a problem for you, then please do not read any
further�

Dare I continue? Ah, what the heck?

So I did the only
thing I could think of at this time, I asked her
what she would wish for, what wishes has she granted
in the past, and asked about what she did, and any
family she might have had, anything just to pass the
time a bit more slowly, and help in granting me more
time to think about this wish I was being given, its
something I did not want to waste on something silly
and stupid.

�Do I have to? You know I am in a rush, I already
said to hurry it up, I have places to be and places
to go, after all Bell is going to have dinner ready
soon, and I don�t want to miss one of her dinners�
she wined, I nodded my head quickly, with out much
thought to it, I was still thinking about what to
wish for as she started to tell her tale and
everything I had asked her to tell me about.

Urd sounds a bit whiny here. She only gets whiny with
Kami-sama and Belldandy. Any lesser being would only
make her PO'd. She'd be threatening, though if the
client stuck to his guns not to make a wish until he
had some background information, she'd give in.
Shouldn't require much of a modification to the story,
the following paragraph can remain largely untouched.

�Well OK then, lets get this finished as soon as
possible, as I said I have things to do, so the
sooner I have this wish finished and sorted the
better, I have 2 sisters, called Belldandy and
Skuld, both of them are of course Goddesses, we are
the Norse Goddess, Belldandy is Goddess of the
Present, and Skuld is Goddess of the Future, between
us we represent and run time, and space, after all,
I am the past, Bell is the present and Skuld is the
future, without us there would be no meaning of
time, I�m the oldest, and Skuld is the youngest of
us, as I said we are the Norse Goddesses, which
means we are old, and the first of the Gods and
Goddesses after The All Mighty of course, I live in
Japan at the moment, but as you see I get around a
lot, and normally Bell handles this wish granting
business, I normally deal with system administration
of Yggdrasil, which runs Asgard which is where us
Gods and Goddesses live and Midgard which is where
you mortals live and the rest of the Universe is.
You asked about what wishes I have granted and to be
honest as I said I don�t normally deal with this
wish granting or even with the Goddess Relief
Office, but I have granted the odd one or two wishes
in my time, mostly mortals wish for riches, love or
to live for ever, you know the normal, dull stuff.�

The main technical problem with the story in general
is the run-on sentences. It would be much easier to
read if you replaced many of your commas with periods
(full stops, they're called in the UK?). The spelling
and grammar errors weren't too prevalent.

Brian W.

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