As always, thanks for taking the time to read it and
comment on it.  I appreciate the effort.

Wee. Wanted to get to this:

Nice to know I've a steady fan out there.

Sketches of Tenchi 11:  Those Who Hunt Mihoshi

Cool. Is she going to be stripped to see if she has part of 
the magical tattoo inscribed on her body? *Drool*

Heh. But of course.  You don't see any 'NOT A FUSION
OR CROSSOVER' disclaimers, do you?  ;)

    A Tenchi Muyo! OAV/MnE fanfic
Usual lime warning applies, partly for vocabulary.

Should have put it in the subject line then. :P

I got out of the habit of there somewhere along the
line.  Good reminder, though.  I'll reinstate.

"Most people, yes," returned Kiyone.  "But there are
always a few obsessive nutcases."  Kiyone opened her
mouth as if to say more,

primarily the words, 'like me.' but it wouldn't do to
tip her hand just yet.  Mihoshi's death had already been
planned for. All she needed now was patience.

Heh.  But, as things stand, that's a sentence of death
for herself, as well...

Shortly the Tsunami

Not sure if you really want 'the' there. Never really heard 
her referred to like that.

I was referring to Tsunami the spaceship.  How else would
you refer to it/her/whatever?

"Ultraviolet overload," agreed Ed, floating horizontally above
Tenchi.

Heh. Now Ed, we can't forget. Nice semi-fusion there.

Writing Ed's dialog just came to me this time out, somehow.

While I did think making Radical Edward a Tenchi girl would
be interesting, I've been surprised at how well it's working
out.  (One might have thought, based on movies 2 & 3 and TV
series 2, that it was almost impossible to add a new Tenchi
girl that would actually stick.)

"Umm..." Tenchi glanced at the oblivious Mihoshi.  "And she
pressed the wrong button?"

"Low-yield orihalkonite explosion," Ed noted, still typing,
"matching a device in the Daikyou military's secret database
codenamed 'DragonSlayer'.  Two missing from month preceeding
radioactive-dating of crater."

Two missing what? Sounds off, but it could be I'm reading it
wrong.

Well, grammatically it would be "two bombs" or "two devices",
but this is Ed speaking, so I felt I needed to be precise in
tech detail while sloppy at grammar.

Ed grinning, still typing.  "Yessiree!  All-woman lunatic fringe
environmental group.  Survivors blame Mihoshi for former leader's
death in explosion which destroyed space platform."

I see she's racked up a number of enemies. And someone like 
Mihoshi just doesn't kill them. :)

Of course not! :)

Aeka smiled condescendingly and stepped forward.  The reporters,
however, ignored Aeka, dashing past her to interview Mihoshi.
Ryouko snickered ostentatiously at Aeka's discomfort.

Heh. neat touch.

Thanks.  :)

Tenchi nudged Kiyone, indicating several of the reporters towards
the back of the crowd surrounding Mihoshi.  "Is it normal on this
planet for reporters to wear cloaks which conceal their faces?
Or sunglasses and scarves over their hair?"

Heh. I can see Mihoshi trying for that as a disguise as well. 
I take it she's not really that much of an exception to her race
in her somewhat straightforward approach to life? :)

I see her as not nearly as exception among Daikyoans as among
Earthlings in that respect.  But, you'll notice later in the
story, not ALL Daikyoans are incompetent at disguise.

Kiyone glanced at the unusually-dressed reporters.  "No.  But
that doesn't mean there'll be an assassination attempt here and
now.  More likely they're just scouting at this stage."

And she's content to let them do so?

;) Hey, you had Kiyone plotting assassination just a few paragraphs
ago!

Seriously, though, this is a bit of a weakness, I think.
Maybe I'll add something about Kiyone fiddling for GP tracking
devices, only to realize that Mihoshi accidentally smashed them
all.

"No, I don't mind, Warutaa!" Mihoshi chirped.  "And I'm so happy
that you don't mind interviewing me any more.

anymore (I think)

Probably.

"Like this!"  Ed grinned.  She had been typing maniacally while
Washuu explained; now she turned her holographic laptop around and
displayed its screen to Mihoshi and Tenchi.  Tenchi saw an
elaborate circular pattern rather like a Buddhist mandela.

Tenchi: I must kill, the Queen of England.

Ayeka; Oh no. That 'Naked Gun' marathon did have an effect on him.

Heh.

"But what happened to the 'anti-mimetic-virus refresh' she took
just yesterday?"

"Ed designed a new virus to avoid her scans!" Edward smiled in
glee.

How thoughtful.

Hee-hee-hee.  Isn't she just?

The man smacked one fist into his palm.  "Not enough!  It'll
never be enough until we get our hands on Mihoshi Kuramitsu
and strip her naked!"

Yep. Looks like my first call was on the ball. Groovy. :)

Glad you like it!  :)

"Oi!  Washuu!  Why didn't you give me lighter-than-air
boobs?"

Washuu; I couldn't give them to myself, and if I don't get 
them, there's no way in hell you will.

You know, that's not a bad reason.

Lying on the white sand in the shade of a palm tree, Tenchi
tried to ignore the sight of Aeka and Ryouko engaged in a
splash-fight in the shallows, and the sight of Mihoshi
stretching as she stood up from the sea, reveling in the sun,
droplets glistening against her firm, tan skin.  He steeled
himself against the feeling of warm pressure from Washuu and
Kiyone, cuddled against his sides.  Looking up at the clouds,
Tenchi thought aloud.

Tenchi: I need a clone. Maybe even two. Trying to put out for 
all of you is tiring me so much I barely know my name.

(Snarf!)  Heh.

Washuu raised one eyebrow.  "A strong one?"

"Hee hee hee.  Very," Ed replied, grinning ear-to-ear.  "A
lifetime compulsion to never visit the beach."

How evil. To not be treated to Mihoshi beach style fan 
service is too much for a fanboy to bear. Death to the
scum that would do this :)

Indeed.  For a Daikyoan, what greater torture is imaginable?
:)

BTW, my apologies, but I just haven't found any grammar 
errors. Your style is pretty minimal descriptivewise,
and the shorter sentences flow well, so I guess you find
the tiny errors on your own.

No need for apologies;

This probably isn't going to be useful, other than to
tell you what parts of the humor work and what don't
for me.

That's very valuable feedback, actually, of the sort
you CAN'T get from grammar or spelling checkers.
Any and all feedback is helpful, but humor checking is
especially so, IMO.

"And they need to... what, catch Mihoshi and look at
the tattoo on her bottom?  In order to be able to go
to the beach?

Hence the people trying to find her. Nice plot device.

Heh.  Glad you like it.

Tenchi stared at Ed, trying to imagine it.  Ed didn't help by
zooming so close that she was almost nose-to-nose with Tenchi,
then giving him a huge grin with almost split her face.  "I think
the Tenchi-fiance-unit gets it.  Tenchi and Edward, sleeping in a
bed," she chanted, "doing the beast until we're dead."

Evil. Very nice too.

Hee hee.  It is evil, I know, to do this to Tenchi; but he
makes such an appealing victim!

it.  Members of two species of flying fish left the water in arcs
which landed them smack on top of the grill.  Several other fish
got up out of the sea and walked over to the grill, carrying
mollusks and a tasty array of ocean vegetable life.

Now that is convienent. I take it the fish draw lots or something.

I had proximity in mind, or maybe the oldest fish first.
(Not that I thought this through in detail, mind you.)

"If you MUST know, Ryouko, those 'enhancements' of Mihoshi's
you're so envious of, and their male counterpart, count among the
'mistakes' made by this planet's bio-researchers.  They failed to
calculate how much of the available blood supply might be diverted
from the brain to support their 'enhancements',"

Ryouko: Why not just increase the amount of blood in the body 
to counteract it?

Washuu: ....

Now this whole thing I WILL be making changes to, largely per
Adrian's comments.  Actually, I may do a more thorough revision
and repost it here; I'm not sure yet.

Kiyone's eyes widened slightly.  She found herself smiling a bit
in spite of the situation.  "But what about..."  Kiyone gestured
in the direction of Ryouko and Aeka.  "...tonight?  They have
that look..."

"Err..." Tenchi thought quickly.  "Mihoshi, didn't you say
something about a special sake you have on this planet?  Something
Ryouko and Aeka ought not miss while they're here?"

Heh. He's learning.

He's had to. ;)

Tenchi followed Mihoshi out of the curtained alcove the girls had
assigned him into the main room of Mihosh's suite.  Ryouko and
Aeka, he noted, were still snoring, propped up against each other
on a sofa.  Tenchi felt thankful that Alielle had stayed behind
on Jurai; with

Now I'm one who encourages the often underutilized 
semi-colon. But I'm not sure it works here. I think two
sentences might be better. I minor nit, I assure you.

I'll look at it.

"Right.  So your mother, whom you believed to be half-way across
the galaxy, just called you to come pick her up at one of the few
spots on this planet not near a beach."  Tenchi summarized, trying
to will Mihoshi to see where he was going with this.

"That's right!" Mihoshi replied cheerily.  "So we should go!"

Ironically, Tenchi really was being paranoid and it really 
was Mihoshi's mother. Proving once again no matter how well
one tried to wield logic and reason against Mihoshi, they
never won in the end.

Heh.  You know, that never occurred to me.  But it might
make a nice wrinkle.  Probably do it with the President,
though.

"Dear, you can't come get me; I'm halfway across the galaxy,"
gently reminded Mihoshi's mother.  "I just called to make sure you
and your guests aren't having any problems, and to meet your young
man.  Is this he?"

he or him?

Maybe it is 'him' here.  It sounds wrong to me, but as I look
at the sentence, 'this' is the subject, not 'he', meaning that
it should be 'him'.

Although I think this speech will be completely rewritten
in the rewrite, as Mihoshi's father will say it instead,
with a different speech pattern.

Tenchi and his fiancees and daughter

Tencih, his fiancees, and daughter (works better, I think)

Yep; will change.

Later, a few well-muscled local boys showed up to challenge Aeka
and Ryouko, who'd won the first match.  Tenchi noticed, with a
little discomfort, that the local boys seemed to have a somewhat
bigger bulge in their speedo swimsuits then his own would have
been, he felt sure, if he'd been wearing a speedo.

Washuu did explain this to him.

:) Just driving the point home.

An angry-looking Ryouko materialized above the flirting girl
and lifted her into the air by her hair.  "If you even TOUCH
my Tenchi," she growled.

Ryouko: You'll get that awful fungus from him. He's 
contagious, you know. It makes vaginal yeast infections
like a walk in the park by comparison, I'm telling you.

Heh.  The 'Mitsuki Maneuver' is a special occasion tactic,
I think:  while I might use something like that at some point,
I wouldn't think Ryouko would use it for situations as common
as this one appears to be.  And story-wise, you can't use
a line like that very often without spoiling it.

Meanwhile, Mihoshi found that trying to free her hands had only
caused her bare feet to wind up in unexpected places, up another
couple of bikini tops.  Fully half her kidnappers now appeared to
be out of action, judging by the way they collapsed in a heap,
pulling Mihoshi down on top.

Fan service galore. I love you, man. :)

Heh.  Thanks.

 

And I would recommend the lime tag next time.

[LIME.  LIKE SERIOUSLY, MAN!  LIME!]

Ryouko nodded back, crossing her arms behind her back and bending
forward for a closer look.  "Mihoshi does seem to be displaying an
expert touch.  No wasted movement that I can see."

"Exerting just the right amount of pressure, too.  See there,"
Aeka pointed, "through the rip in this one's top."

Ryouko: Tenchi, you'll be sleeping with the same girls you 
did last night.  Aeka and I will be taking Mihoshi off your
hands this evening.

Heh.

"The Planetary President herself!" Mihoshi exclaimed in
glee, clapping her hands.

Again, in a fit of irony, this was exactly the case.

I think I'll see if I can use that in the rewrite...

The cloaked woman shook with rage as she pointed a shaking finger
at Mihoshi.  "Sometimes I'm a suspicious reporter.  Sometimes I'm
an explosive food vendor.  But I'm really..." The woman swept off
her cloak with a single gesture, revealing a thin-but-endowed,
scantily-clad, green-haired girl.  "...Martina Navrachova, whose
lifelong home Mihoshi destroyed!"

The two dozen high-school girls smiled nastily at Mihoshi, hands
poised to sweep off their fukus.  "Sometimes we're a group
of obviously-disguised reporters.  Sometimes we're beach bunnies
flirting with your fiance.  But we're really..."  With one
synchronized motion, the schooldresses were swept off to reveal
monochrome dresses with extremely short skirts, some bright blue,
others black, one gold.  "...the Daikyou Environmental Limits
Mobilization Organization, whose orbital headquarters and founder
Mihoshi destroyed!"

Very nice touches.

You know, not one person (well, maybe you are...) commented
on one of things which motivated me to gather THIS group of
antagonists:  both Martina and Airi, in their original series,
do separate parody/copies of Cutie Honey's signature pronouncement
schtick.  One of my starting points for this ep was the sudden
image of a whole series of such "sometimes I'm a...  sometimes
I'm a... but i'm really..." revelations.  I'm not sure any
of the Delmo-tachi ever do, but then, I can hardly admit
to scrutinizing _their_ series of origin very closely, can
I? ;)

In the event, I don't think the series of pronouncements
turned out nearly as funny as I'd envisaged it.  Maybe I
ought to have separate scenes, so it seems coincidental?
(shrug) Oh well, not all gags work as expected or desired.

Mihoshi beamed.  "Okay!  THen,

Heh. Nice fanservicy chapter. The humor worked for me in all
the right places. Look forward to seeing more, as always.

I'm glad you liked it.  I have two more eps in various stages
of development; one isn't fanservicy at all, and, if it gets
off the ground, will use REALLY obscure series; the other might
beat this one for citrus (or it might just evaporate on me; I can
never tell).


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