I did all the basic spelling and grammer changes.
Um. This doesn't work very well. Try to go from a standing position to
putting your hand into the ground. It's not very natural as a way to lash
out, I think. Better to completely trash a fence or some rather
solid-looking
structure that is at chest level.
Regardless, 'He crashed through..' doesn't work. his fist, perhaps, but
saying 'he' makes it sound like it was a full-body thing.
Your right.... I changed it to sending a cast iron mailbox crashing through
the front end of a nearby Toyota. :)
quiet sigh, a resignation...
quite != quiet.
quite right.
be quiet.
-_-'
I know, I know... Sama no Baka...
bound up onto the roof...
As he ran, he could not help but notice how Hotaru relaxed...
next on the list? wouldn't 'most recent' be more appropriate, or
something of
the sort? the damage has already been done by this point.
changed it.
Ranma laid back and laughed, "Hotaru, you have no idea! I have three
fianc�es that I know of, probably more, countless people out to kill me,
a
curse, and If I don't life up to my mother's twisted version of
manliness I'
m honor bound to commit seppuku."
probably more out there somewhere,... --probably more applies to the ones
he
knows about, so adding 'out there somewhere' indicates that there is
probably
more that he DOESN'T know about. a slight difference.
and if I don't live up to...
I'm honor bound --you have I 'm, extra space.
makes sense....
She didn't know what was going on, but...
should casanova be capitalized? I don't really know anything about
casanova,
other than it is used to describe guys that sleep around a lot or
something.
is it an actual name, or what?
I think Casanova was a spanish nobleman who slept with... well... the court.
Will, I KNOW he was a man with a reputation for sleeping with everything
female and two legs.
He enganged me to one...
Er... Ranma was eating the food, too. ^_^;
I know.
Hotaru wondered what he was doing. She stood up and walked over to the
edge,
just in time to see him jump back up. He was holding two paper cups
...that was fast.... ^_^;
Ranma
Ranma sighed. "Two years ago my...
Jusenkyou has hundres of pools, each with its own curse.
Had. It got blown up ^_^
for the day.
mallet, spatula, or...
the kami
eh... not sure about the Ruin-Ranma's-Life thing, if that is capitalized
properly.
Dito, but it works
How could she not see it?
she has pale hair? what? it's like, black! o_O;
made her look...
I know. I messed up there.
Um.... I'd drop the first two lines. They don't work well. Just use the
dialogue, here.
That was a hold over from a prior rewrite that I did not delete.
The girl is a fool. Can't she see? She was beautiful, she wasn't a
freak. It
was not her who was at fault. It was everyone else. "Hotaru. You're not
a
freak. You gifted and beautiful. You're a very special person."
Um... again, the thoughts don't work well.
Same as above.
Eh. that's the end... already... what? Short... ^_^;
Chapter 2a. I still have another half. to go
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