Suggested changes: {before : after}

Thanks, guys. ^_^

Shouldn't that be ^_^!! ?

Or it could be: #@$%^&*!!!  :p

         The ringing of a bicycle {: bell} proved that.

        <The boy has used that line so many times already,> Genma
realized, frowning. <He should expect that it won't be any more
successful now then it had been before. How long will he let things go
on like this, until he {makes : takes} a stand?>

        "Why not pervert-girl go away so Shampoo can spend {spend : 

time} with

husband? Akane never treat Ranma right, not like Shampoo!"

Either of these changes could be a matter of dialect.

Changes look mostly good so far, so yeah, they help.

         Genma hid the smile that was starting to appear, as Ranma began
to show the {tatctical : tactical} thinking that the elder Saotome had 

driven into

Spelling error. Now if I could just remember to USE my spellchecker...

         The pig-tailed girl exploded out of the water, fist extended.
Genma was nearly caught off-guard, but recovered and {attempted to leap 

: leaped}

back.

         Or tried to.

Since you are saying 'or' in the following paragraph, attempted doesn't
fit.

Good point, though it could be argued that he couldn't even attempt to leap 
back. Still, I think this change is better!

         Genma grunted and looked down, knowing inside it was true.
Ranma had surpassed him, had even beaten him in her female form. He may
have a few tricks and surprises left, but it was quite clear that Ranma
was {far :} superior to him... physically.

I don't think he'd admit to 'far' yet.

Another good point. Ranma had to get his ego from somewhere... :)

I wasn't expecting the start of a multipart story, but it looks
interesting.  I hope to see more soon.
--

I hope to write more soon... as soon as I sort through all the good C&C I'm 
getting and fix part 1! Thanks your insights and thoughts, as they are much 
appreciated!

Brad aka Kaiphantom
www.geocities.com/kaiphantom2000
"Why can't I be molested? Phooey..."  - Hinako

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