Mark Gunther wrote:

     "So, Gosunkugi has been babysitting your sister?" Nabiki asked Tatewaki
Kuno lightly, her hands resting over the cup of tea she was nursing. Both
young people were sitting in a small, out of the way coffee shop. Both had
small pads of paper and pens in front of their teacups. Both hated every
minute of being with one another.

     "Yes. It was the only way I could assure that I would be able to meet
with you and know my sister would not be in peril." Tatewaki sighed as he
looked over his shoulder, out of the window of the small shop onto the
brightly lit midday sky. His hands idly spun the pen he wrote with in his
fingertips as he spoke. "Normally during the midday, she would be finding a
new way to seduce Ranma Saotome or practicing her gymnastics with the team
at her school. Since she is away from both of those things, I didn't want
her to lose herself in the loneliness of being away from what hurt her..."

     "So you decided to play matchmaker with someone I used to take pictures
for me?" Nabiki asked lightly, her face showing a calm fury behind her
serene expression. "What gave you that right, Kuno?"

I really don't get why Nabiki cares.  

     "The name is Tatewaki and what gave me that right, as you so glibly put

Goodness, isn't Kuno being chummy.  Inviting Nabiki to use his first name?

it, was the fact that you have used my obsession for both Ranma and your
sister to fund your household. You used me, now I'm using you." The kendoist

Now that line of reasoning really doesn't fly.  Even if Nabiki, for some 
silly reason, thinks she owns Gosunkugi, there's no reason why Kuno would 
agree with her.  His use of Gos is between Gos and Kuno and none of Nabiki's
concern.  

smiled a nasty smile to the middle Tendo as she sipped at her tea. "You're
just angry because your grip has been loosened on the school at my sister's
benefit."

That sentence does not make sense.  

     "And why shouldn't I be?" Nabiki's sharp words pierced the air like a
knife. "All you could have done was come to me and told me the problem and I
would have solved it for you."

     "For a price..."

     "Do you honestly think I'd do anything for you, for free?"

Does she honestly think that Kuno is obliged to buy something from her that he
can get for free?  

     "Even after I offered to help your family, Nabiki? Even after I offered
to give you more then you could ever need?" Tatewaki said with a sad smile.
Nabiki's frosted over face blanched with the innuendo behind his words and
she looked at him with a tight expression.

     "Please. Don't. Not here. And not now."

     "Then when, Nabiki? When you've stripped me of all my money? When your
sister is married off? When will you ever take time out to take care of
yourself?" 

Nabiki has never shown the slightest inability or lack of inclination to 
take care of herself.  

Tatewaki glanced at his watch and saw the hour hand creeping to a

critical point. "I must go. We'll continue this soon. Make an appointment
with me tomorrow at school."

     "It'll cost you."

     "It always does." Tatewaki stood up and gathered his things. With a
slight bow at his waist, he left the table leaving Nabiki alone to collect
her thoughts. A tear ran down her cheek, silent and alone. She could feel
the shivers along her spine as she watched Tatewaki walk out the door. Her
hand touched the edge of a silky paper envelope as she shut her eyes to
block out any more tears from falling.

     Tatewaki walked out the door to the waiting car, the driver already
starting to drive off as he sat down in the cushy rear seat. His eyes
strayed over to the window, the clear blue sky rolling past his eyes. He
still felt the sadness...

*****

     Tatewaki Kuno could feel the eyes of the young woman on him as he sat
in the large cushy chair. He didn't like the idea of anyone looking at him
as intently as Nabiki did but he also knew that this woman in front of him

Do you realise that in this context, that implies that this is another
occasion on which he dealt with Nabiki?  Try introducing the character properly
by name or job instead of just as "the young woman".  

held the key to his sister's breakdown and recovery. He didn't like to know
a woman could still make him go week in the knees as he felt when he desired

weak

Akane Tendo.

     "So, Tatewaki, please tell me why you're here," The woman said, her
hands placed chastely in her lap, a small tape recorder in the lap of her
skirt.

     "Well doctor, my sister was just admitted to the hospital after
she...she..." Tatewaki said softly, his normally theatric voice now cut down
to a slightly sane murmur, "She cut herself with a gymnastic ribbon."

     "Was she trying to commit suicide?"

     "No!" Tatewaki replied sharply, his eyes meeting the doctor's for a
brief moment. He then looked down and sighed heavily. "She was trying to
harm herself because she had just helped to ruin a wedding for someone."

     "How did she ruin a wedding for someone?"

     "The boy who was getting married was someone she held a candle for,
doctor. She disrupted the wedding as a last ditch endeavor to win his heart
or at the very least, delay the inevitable. I should know; I was there to
witness it."

     "And she was feeling remorse?"

     "I don't know."

     "I see." The young doctor adjusted her glasses, her hands needing to
stay busy as she looked upon the younger boy. "So your sister was admitted
because she broke down internally. Why are you speaking to me?"

Oh, don't make my head spin with all that technical terminology.  

     "Because I realize that I was at fault as well, Doctor."

     "How so?"

     "I was in love with the woman my sister's beloved was marrying. I was
also in love with the boy's female half, an anomaly I had once attributed to
sorcery. I soon found out it was a curse that he had afflicted upon
himself." Tatewaki's voice began to falter a little as he spoke. "He was a
martial artist and on one of his trips with his father he was cursed by fate
to become a woman when splashed with cold water. He changed back to a male
when splashed with hot water but for many months I thought that he was in
fact two different people."

     "...I hope you can understand that this is a little difficult for me to
believe," The young doctor said softly, her hands fidgeting slightly in her
lap, "considering that I'm trained in the normal events in human
experience."

Oi!  He should be a little worried about telling a psychiatric professional
about sex changing curses.  Of course the real question is, how did Kuno's
obsession make a different to Kodachi's?

     "If you think this is difficult for you, doctor, think about me
yearning for two people and trying to fill a hole inside my heart with that
yearning." For a long moment neither person spoke, their thoughts resonating
inside their heads. "Doctor, my sister and I have both been trying to fill
holes inside of ourselves for years now. Ever since our mother went away and
our father became insane, we've both succumbed to the serpent of lust.
Anything we fancied became what we'd obsess about to try and fill the hole
inside our hearts."

I think it would work better if Kuno wisely avoided talking about the curse
at this point and just went straight from "How so?" to "Doctor, my sister and
I have both..."

     "How do you know this?"

     "Sitting with my sister, seeing her strapped to the bed at the
hospital, it made me search deep inside of my soul to figure out how we
could have fallen so far. We weren't like this always, doctor. At one time
we were happy children but we've had to grow up so fast. And I feel like I'm
falling over into a well of despair..." His breath came slow and heavy, his
hands shook as he spoke. "I just want to take something to slow it all
down..."

    "I see. Well, lie out on the couch and take that pill on the small
table. Take it and the water and then we'll begin." Tatewaki nodded as the
doctor turned her chair and watched as he laid down on the studio couch. The
kendoist felt his body react favorably to the soft cushions as he reclined.
The water was cool in his mouth as he drank it down with the small red pill.
He laid his head back and looked up at the ceiling. Soon the voice of the
doctor was wafting over his ears but he couldn't hear it. His mind was
already falling away.

*****

     Tatewaki smiled slightly as the memories passed before him. He could
see the doctor listening beside his body as he reclined on the couch. It
felt so good to know she had helped him. Each session passed before his eyes
as he watched the scenery around him go by. With each session the doctor and
he delved deeper into his past and his obsessions. With each passing day,
his heart began to exorcise the demons of the past and begin anew.

     His heart grew weary as he realized just how much he really loved
Nabiki Tendo. Really loved, as opposed to merely lusted after. Over time,
the sessions with the young woman gave him the confidence to tell her his
true feelings for her. He had no clue that she was going to react the way
she did. Nor did he think she was going to react as she did when he revealed
how he knew she was using him for her families' benefit. It was something he
had figured out with the help of the doctor and it was something that put an
immense strain on how Nabiki related to him. He had no clue she'd react like
she did.

You are being redundant.  

     Just as he put the noodles for his soup on to cook, the phone rang out
loud. He picked it up and spoke into it for a moment. Then, after a brief
conversation he hung up the phone and began to make more food. While the
soup finished, he set two plates at the small table. Soon the dinner was
finished and he set everything up for he and his visitor. For Hikaru had
just found out that he was going to have an unexpected visitor. One he hoped
would make his evening more interesting. The doorbells rang and upon the
doorstep stood a blushing and slightly out of breathe Kodachi Kuno. She wore
a demure white blouse and a long length black skirt and her hair was done up

long length is redundant

in a bun. She smiled softy at the boy as she took a step forward.

softly

     "Good evening, Hikaru. Won't you invite me in for dinner?"

     "Of course. It's not like I have a choice."

     "No, you don't." And with that, Kodachi walked into his house. Hikaru
closed the door with a barely audible sigh.

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