Troy Thomas wrote:

Chapter Two

"Ranma, lets start from the beginning," Lina said, adjusting

let's

her cape, readying to leave the tower's bottom floor for the
outside. "Because of that big mess, I don't think that there
was any time to introduce ourselves."

Ranma, a confused expression covering his face, said in a
defeated tone, "You talk a lot. I didn't catch half of what
you said... But I think I can say this, at least. Magic isn't
just point, boom." Slowly, looking to the sky, he suddenly
asked, his voice faraway, "Am I all alone here?"

far away

"What was that?" asked Lina.

"Nothing."

"Then whatever," said Lina. "But hey! We're at the bandit
hideout now! And isn't it ever ugly?" she asked, staring at a
greasy-wood looking building, which stood drunkenly leaning
against the air, almost ready to collapse at the briefest
hint of a wind.

"Would you just hurry up?" Zelgadis asked. "Those two, Maria
and Golbez have probably already gotten too far ahead for us
to catch up to!"

"Don't worry, Zel! Even if they have, I bet they've left a
trail for us to follow," Lina responded. "And purposely too.
They seem like that type." She looked at the bandit hideout,
the rooftop seemingly falling off like a bad toupee. "And

the rooftop as crooked as a bad toupee

like all head bad guys, I bet they also sent their minions
after us!"

"Damn it! That hurt!" Ranma groaned, holding close to his
body his arms.

"I don't really know who you are, honestly," Ranma started to
say, as he loosely shook his arms. "Probably some poor girl
that Maria tricked into putting on one of her weird masks."

Shouldn't be separate paragraphs.  

Ranma cracked his knuckles, and then began shaking his whole
body into a lax state. "And that's what the mask does, right?
Makes you do whatever Maria wants you to do, right?"

A second later, Ranma fell to his knees. "Damn, didn't want
to believe it, but that magic took it all out of me... Never
felt anything like it before." He looked to Zelgadis. "Was
that electricity that came out her hands? Feels like I'm
burned all over..."

Geez.  What a wuss.  Also shouldn't be separate paragraphs.  

Standing from his relaxed leaning position, Zelgadis replied,
"Yes, Digger Bolt is Shamanic spell, with electricity as its
element."

Looking at the servant, Zelgdais slowly unsheathed his sword.
"I guess even if he's a capable fighter, he still doesn't
know what to expect in this world."

Zelgadis' hand burned with a fiery light, "Magic can't be
beaten by your body alone. 

Sure it can.  Just punch out the opposition before they can cast.
In this case what Ranma should have don't is just used a martial
arts move to shatter the mask without harming the person wearing it.

You also need to know magic, or

else, you're useless against the wizards and sorcerers of the
world."

Hooey.  

Looking at the young pigtailed man, Zelgadis asked, "Ranma,
can you run? I have a feeling we'll get left behind by Lina
if we don't hurry and find her."

Also shouldn't be a separate paragraph.  
Except...what is the mind controlled woman doing while all this
time is passing?  

The fire light danced about, warming his face, as he
defiantly stared into the fire's heart, deeply thinking,
processing the whole day. A movement to his side, stirred him
from though, and slowly, he asked, "Lina, can you teach me
more about magic?"

<sigh>


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