Yes, this one follows the standard pattern of boring spamfics; ie, it
retells the already intimately familiar events of the early manga changing
only a few minor details. However, it is only a brief spamfic without much
potential for further development, so grin and bear it. :-)
There have been several alternaverse fics toying with the idea of changing
the gender roles of Ranma 1/2. None of these go quite far enough. This
one however, to borrow a line from ol' Tom Lehrer, goes too far.
Thus, it is my dubious pleasure to present:
***
Reverse Ranma
or
A really stupid idea
by
"What? You mean this author is still alive?"
***
Chouko Tendou, mistress of the Tendou school of unlimited Chadou (or
Tea Ceremony), read the joyous message with tears in her eyes.
"Finally," she cried to herself, "my dear old friend is coming back,
and bringing her daughter no less. Ah, Ganko Saotome, how long have
I waited for this day? I must gather the boys immediately."
She found the oldest boy in front of the TV, scratching his groin
absently as he flipped between channels in search of something
attention-grabbing amidst the mediocre offerings of day-time-telivision.
"Tarou, my son!" cried Chouko, still wiping tears from her eyes, "Gather
at the table immediately, I have important news!"
"Yeah, whatever," the boy yawned, and slowly rose from his half-lying
position on the sofa while his mother proceeded up the stairs.
She found her entrance into her middle son's room blocked by a locked
door, and knocked heavily. "Jirou? Are you in there?"
>From within came the sound of a magazine being hastily tucked away under
the bed, followed by "Mom? Yeah, what is it?"
Chouko sighed at her poor lot in the world, to be given two such
undisciplined children. "I have something important to say, so can you
find your little brother and gather at the table right away?"
"Sure, sure, I think I know where he is anyway."
As expected, Jirou found his sibling in the doujou, where the younger
boy was busying himself arranging a group of lowers in a pot.
"Dude, it's 'cause you're into all that stuff you can't get any girls. And
grow some hair already - who ever heard of a monk cut in this day and
age?"
Sanjurou sniffed condescendingly. "What care I for the fickle hearts of
women, when there are such eternal matters such as beauty and purity
of form to pursue?"
His brother sighed. "Whatever, bro. Anyway, mom's got something to tell
us, and she seems to think it's important."
* * *
Soon, all four of them where gathered around the family dining table,
where Chouko could bring them the joyous tidings.
"What!?" Sanjurou protested. "A fiancee? But, but, I'm just not ready!"
Tarou grinned lecherously. "I do hope she's younger than me. I mean, older
women just aren't sexy, you know what I'm saying?"
Jirou frowned. "You say your old friend and his daughter have been to China,
right? So, why on earth would they go to bloody China to practice Tea
Ceremony?"
"Ungrateful wretch!" Chouko hit her son on the head with a mug. "If you
point out plot holes like that, the readers are going to notice them!"
"That hurts!" Jirou protested. "Well, whatever, I just hope she's cute."
* * *
Soon, the door burst open, letting in a snarling panda and a tall, somewhat
androgynous and certainly flat-chested girl. In fact, had it not been for
the skirt she wore, one might have taken her for a boy, flowering long
hair or not. (Of course, any attempts to create dramatic tension over
this will be somewhat hindered by the fact that everyone knows it actually
is a boy already, but that's what you get for rehashing the same old stuff.)
"Sorry about this," said the boy - girl - whatever. "I'm Ranko Saotome."
"Aaah!" cried Chouko joyously. "Ranko! You are here at least! How we
have waited!"
"She's kind of ... tall, isn't she?" commented Tarou.
Jirou eyed Ranko dubiously. "Erm. Mom. You do realize this is really
a boy, don't you?" He pulled down the skirt unceremoneously, displaying
to all the world a quite healthy piece of manhood. "And some crossdressing
freak at that!"
Ranko blushed furiously, pulling at the skirt to cover himself again.
"W-would you please not do that?" he stuttered.
Sanjurou rallied to his defense immediately. "Jirou, dude, just cut the
crap, can't you see the guy has enough problems already?" He turned to
the new boy. "I'm Sanjurou Tendou. You practice Tea Ceremony, right?
Wanna go to the doujou?"
Ranko nodded fervently, and off they went.
* * *
Soon, Sanjurou had no choice but to admit defeat, as he found Ranko's
grace far outshone even his own quite spectacular skills. "You're
incredible," he said. "I never thought I'd find another man capable
of such astonishing elegance and refinement; if I hadn't already seen
proof otherwise, I would take you for a woman! Umm. Only in a positive
sense, of course..."
Ranko blushed under the flow of compliments, but shyness prevented her
from responding further.
Jirou appeared in the door, a look of disgust on his face. "And I expect
you're both such neatness freaks you'll want to take a bath now?"
"Splendid idea, brother!" Sanjurou nodded. "You want to go first, Ranko?"
* * *
Soon, Sanjurou came running down the stairs, chased by a steady stream
of implements being thrown from the bathroom. Towels, soap and a pail all
sailed past his head. High-pitched screams of "PERVERT!" followed in
their wake.
Sanjurou had to stop the rushing nose-bleed with one hand and steady
himself against the wall with the other. "Th-there's a... a... naked
young girl in the bathtub!" he exclaimed.
Jirou laid an arm across his shoulder. "And you went in to peek on
her? Way to go man, didn't think you had it in you!"
* * *
And so forth...
---
Ronny Hedin (KSC), thark@mangakai.org, http://i99ronhe.island.liu.se/
"Finn, you're a dead man." "No, sir, I'm an anarchist."
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