Looks like this is all I'll get to tonight. Actually, I'm sure there are
many people out there who find that reassuring. I'll be causing less trouble
that way. :)

Oops, sorry if you get this twice, didn't set the To: addresses right.

I did. S'all right.

Finally getting around to putting dents into my backlog of stuff to do,
one of which was reading this :P

You are one of the few people who's backlog is bigger than mine. I salute
you.

DB Sommer wrote:

You can freely blame Donny Cheng for this. He's the one that put the

seeds

of this idea in my mind. I would most likely have never come up with

this if

he hadn't just kept going on and on about Dual! lemons and getting my

mind

flowing in this sort of direction. It is entirely his fault.

I think you're giving me too much credit

Oh no, no, no, no, no. This would never have come about without you and your
ramblings in FFIRC. Now about your next chapter of 'Lesbian 1/2'...

and being too hard on

yourself.  Given the content of this story, I'd say your mind flows in
this direction quite easily without any help needed whatsoever. ^^

In general, yes. But you were the director of these devient forces.

Some general thoughts on the story as whole as I read it purely to help
you with your writing and not because it contained the tags
[lemon][Dual!]:

I found the internal reflections of the Rara and Sanada interesting.
It's nice to see a character work out her process of thought in finding
her motivations and interests.

Thanks. With their inclusion, it sort of became more 'story' then 'lemon',
which is not how I originally envisioned it. An abberation, I assure you.
You don't want to know what that private piece I'm working on is like.

Though as I said before, I am happier with it this way.


'
  One small nit was that too much of it

was told rather than shown to us.  For example, her plan with Sanosuke
was a great sequence that did more for me in showing how far she would
go for him than when she later thinks about how far she went for him and
ended up just being redundant thoughts.

Hmm. True. Most of the thoughts were to show her remorse as time went on
becoming ever worse. She did a bad thing, but she isn't a bad girl.

And speaking of Sanosuke, great

job of characterizing him.  I hate him very much >_<

I kind of thought he was a two dimensional cut out, I'll admit. Just a plot
device to get things going.

The most interesting concept I found in this story and wished it was
explored with more was Kazuki's subconsciously affecting both Mitsukis'
minds.

Actually it was the most 'believable' way I came up with to get the two of
them in bed together. Godlike powers and a subconscious: Look out world,
anything can happen.

Actually, I'm sure someone is going to do a fic where it's implied Dual! is
merely the result  of Shinji using his powers at EoE to create a world he'd
rather live in.


Mistuki S.-Asuka: Gee, Shinji-Kazuki, all that power and you could still
only envision yourself as a less angstful weenie.

Shinji-Kazuki: Oh hush. I'll get it right the next time. You see, I planned
it so that I'll be able to access the god-like force again in this universe.
It's just in case I'm dissatisfied with what I made and want to try again.

I would have liked to see more hints that could have been placed

in the story to suggest Kazuki's involment was in the creation of this
universe like in the anime with Hartzenen present and Akane Sanada.

Actually their extreme emotional shifts and unexpected attraction to one
another were supposed to be a sign of Kazuki's tampering. I was going for
subtlty, for a change.

Creating new lives for people is one thing, but affecting their minds
would be another based on his subconscious desire for how he wants the
world to be: like say, newspapers signalling peace everywhere.  Slightly
darker and more angsty themes could have Mitsuki rethink her entire
reasoning and wonder if any of her liking him, came from him.

Oh yes. If one wanted to play with the idea of him accidentily meddling with
things to darker purposes, that could easily be done as well. He's tampered
with people on a fundamental level, and it could easily end up that way.


This

would veer off from being more of a lemon story... well, not
necessarily.

Rara:    The whip.
Sanada:  You're kidding, he likes you like that?
Rara:    I don't think so.  When I thought about what "I" would like to
do with him in bed, I purposely thought of something innocent like
cuddling like you told me to and suddenly I got an image of me whipping
him, while he licked my toes... oh, my, he likes pink toe nail polish.

Heh

Sanada:  I'll try this time... what the... but I don't like being tied
up.
Rara:    Ahem, what about earlier.
Sanada:  ...I'll kill him.  Well, not before I find some silk ropes that
won't chafe me.

Double, heh.

Rara:    You know it's kind of ironic.  He likes you submissive and me
domineering.
Sanada:  I don't like to be...
Rara:    Shut up and lick my whip clean.
Sanada:  Yes, Rara-Sama.

Anyway, not to get side tracked.  I enjoyed it, and hope to see the
sequel soon.

No sequal planned. This was a one shot. You want anymore Dual! lemons,
you'll have to till the fields of someone else's perverted mind. :)

D.B. Sommer






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