"Jerry Levine" <patchmonkey@patchmonkey.net> wrote:

A lot of this is really good advice, based off a lecture I'm working on.

I'm afraid for me, this was a case of too much lecture, not enough
story.

Don't get me wrong, I think it's great that you have something to say,
and I don't disagree with it. It's just that putting your message in the
mouths of your characters is not an effective way of getting it across.
The "show, don't tell" rule of thumb never applies more strongly than
when you're getting your story's main point across. What I think would
work better is if you:

1) Invent a character (or choose an appropriate one from the wide
selection which manga/anime offers) who *needs* to learn your story's
lesson.

2) Put that character in a situation in which he or she is hampered by a
lack of appreciation for your advice. This can be life-threatening
emergency, emotional distress, or whatever else you'd care to write
about.

3) Let events take their natural course. Perhaps your character will
learn your lesson and hence be able to deal with the situation. Perhaps
not. If necessary, you can have someone else there to explain your ideas
to the character, but if at all possible, don't do this; let the
character stand or fall on his or her own, and let the readers draw our
own conclusions about what is to be learned.

That's my two yen on this one. Good luck with this and any future
stories.


Gary Kleppe
http://www.akane.org/gary/comics.html

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