NOTE: I decided I would have a crack at the old Ranma solves
everything genre. Rather than agonize over how to do it I just
wrote whatever came to mind that seemed to make some sense.
As a result this probably won't make any sense:-)

If this was supposed to be serious, I'd have to hate you.  As it is, it's
fairly amusing.  ^_^;

She was stuck as a girl.

'She was stuck as a girl.' isn't very effective, because there is no loss of
identity in a girl being a girl.  Saying, 'He was stuck as a girl.' would be
more appropriate, because it indicates something that is obviously wrong.

"It's your karma." an old, wise voice told her. "You have
brought this on yourself, young one, and it is you alone who
can undo it."

karma," and old...

"Who are you?! You're the ghoul, Shampoo's not so great
grandmother, Cologne."

not-so-great

"Huh? I'm Ranma Saotome of the Anything Goes School of
martial arts."

Martial Arts.  It's part of the title.

"I don't know what the hell your talking about, ghoul. Look
dya know how I can go back ta bein' a man or are ya just
gonna keep confusin' the shit outta me?"

Look, dya...

"What does that mean? You are not, after all, physically male
at the moment are you?"

moment, are you?

"It MEANS that I ain't some weak willed wishy washy good
for nothin' cry baby."

weak-willed, wishy-washy, good for nothin' crybaby."  --i don't THINK that it
would be good-for-nothing, but i'm not sure about it.

"Cause... she's just so cool...she don't let anyone get away
with anythin'  and, she don't hurt anyone who can't take it. I
love that about her. I love seein' that."

Why would he tell Cologne this?

"She's not 'wishy washy' then?"

wishy-washy

"Nah, anythin' but! I mean even Shampoo, Ukyo, and
Kodachi, they got spunk but they'll do anythin' I ask! It's
irritatin'."

I mean, even Shampoo.... spunk, but they'll do...

"You want someone you can count on. Someone you can relax
around and not worry about hurting am I right?"

hurting, am I right?

"I'm just using your definition. You said a man was someone
who wasn't wishy washy and who could be counted on to
accomplish things."

wishy-washy

"Look, I see what your sayin' but if that were true I'd be goin'
after Ryoga too and I am NOT atracted to pig boy in the least."

Ryouga, too, and I am NOT attracted (sp)...

"Interesting you should mention Ryoga, someone with whom
you've flirted with quite forcefully in the past."

Interesting that you should... --cologne might say 'It's interesting that...',
actually, which is more correct.

"Perhaps. But he never could deny you anything while he
thought you were female, am I right. He was weak...wishy
washy. He was a girl."

am I right?  ...wishy-washy.

"In fact, I would wager that the only people you are around for
any significant amount of time who are men by your definition
are the Tendo sisters, myself, and perhaps your mother.
Everyone else has some weakness that makes them loose their
willpower."

Um... cologne jumped for the chicken during the splitting cat-tails or
whatever technique... heh.  can't remember the right name right this second,
but that's an obvious lack of willpower.  she's also demonstrated herself to
be rather foolish.  nodoka... ^_^;

"And you love them all don't you. They're your true family,
the ones you go to if you're in need. Take me for instance.
Why are you talking to me of all people, when you know that
all I want is for you to marry my granddaughter. Or Nabiki,
you continually ask for her help even though she charges you
an arm and a leg for it. And Kasumi will not tolerate bad
behavior from you at all. She wields her caring, pleasant
attitude like a great weapon that cuts you only when it's absent.
These are all opponents you cannot truly defeat."

them all, don't you?

my graddaughter?

"I can take ya anytime" Ranma said half heartedly.

anytime," Ranm said half-heartedly.

"Yes you could probably beat me, even without the cat fist
now. But would it be a true victory?"

Yes, you could...

"No..." Ranma admitted,  " Jeez! When did I start liking
you?!"

admitted.  "Jeez!

or

admitted, "jeez!"  --the first seems more correct.  either way, there is a
space between the quote mark and the j.

"Happosai is another story isn't he? Even though you have yet
to defeat him in a clean fight, you have no respect for him. He
is led by his emotions, his base desires. He is not a man. Every
now and then your father actually comes close, and that is why
you have not left him even though you could have gone home
or back to China at anytime, but most of the time he is led by
his stomach, his greed, and his fear of Happosai. When he
gives into these feelings is when you hate him the most."

story, isn't he?

at any time -- seperate words, here.

but usually he is led by... --you just used the word time, so rephrasing is
recommended.

"Damn how do you know all this stuff about me?"

Damn, how do...

"Think of Kuno. Do you know why you fight him even though
now he isn't anywhere near your level anymore? You're afraid
of him. You're afraid of him because he doesn't give up. He is
actually quite manly by your definition, and you are attracted
to him."

even though he isn't... --drop the now.

um. how does kuno not fit the wishy-washy description?

"Then you are submerged in the water, taken over by emotion,
and the water changes from hot, meaning male, to cold,
meaning female. You go from having something to attack and
defend against to being helpless. You are then in the pool
where Kuno groped you, where he revealed your femaleness,
your helplessness, and strangely enough Kuno attempts to help
you out. But he does this by extending his bokken, an obvious
symbol of manhood. He offers to help you out of your
emotional turmoil by giving you his manhood. By making you
his girlfriend. But you refuse and are submerged once again
sinking deeper and deeper into emotion passing your father in
his cursed form- a reminder of the cause of your curse.

emotion, passing your father in his cursed form--a reminder

two dashes, not one.

"This is the place where Ranma the girl lives. This is the place
where you keep your fears... your doubts... your weaknesses.
This place existed ever since the first time your father called
you a girl because as soon as he did so, he provided you with a
label to put all the feelings you didn't like under. A label you
still use today. At the bottom of this place Kuno surounds you,
professing his love.  You dare not move because to move
would be to accept it. But you need to move. You need to get
out of this dark emotional place you're in. The dream ends
when you drown.

surrounds.

"If you did not care for Kuno at all, then you would not have
had that dream. If you could not imagine being his wife you
wouldn't have dreamt of having his children on watermelon
island. And before you protest I ask you why when you were
affected by Happosai's moxibustion making you weaker than a
child you said, of all things 'the day Kuno beats me is the day I
stop being a man?'"

um.  he had that dream immediately after meeting kuno.  it's a bit early to
care for him, when he's only met kuno a couple of times, and briefly at that,
and those times kuno was attacking him.

"There you go with the double negatives again.  But I'm proud
of you. That's the first time you've referred to being female as
being a 'woman' and not a 'girl.'  And I think you have come
upon the true name for what you have been calling manhood.
It's maturity. Kuno is by no means wishy washy, but he is not
your ideal. He gives no thought to his actions. He has no
femininity. He is not woman enough to be a true man. He is not
mature. Akane still dislikes boys. She dislikes them for the
same reason you don't like girls, because they aren't mature.
What you realized after the wedding is that while in many
things you have reached a maturity beyond your years, in
relationships you have yet to grow.  That you felt that you had
to be female for this to happen is regrettable, because it's put
you in your current situation."

eh... i really don't think a 16 year old is either a man or a woman.  i don't
even refer to myself as a man, and i'm 22.  it's 'guy' instead, which is more
generic.  i'm not sure how most other people view this, but 16 is stretching
it for anything with connotations more mature than 'young woman'.

wishy-washy

this could really be broken into 3 or four paragraphs.  the one about
maturity, the one about kuno, the one about akane, and the one that returns to
ranma's maturity again.

"I think you are a man, but you are also a girl. What you need
to do is become a woman."

what is the definition of woman being used here?  something as trivial as a
girl is a woman when she has sex?  i don't really get it.

"I agree. You aren't 'never' going to be a woman. You will
become one right now."

again... this doesn't really make sense.  being a woman is simply a matter of
perception?  'i believe i am a woman, because my alternate, old ghoul,
personality, told me i am.'

"If I'm dreaming then...you're not really here. But then why
am I talking to you? How did you know about the dream about
Kuno? How come I could talk to you about Akane? You're not
Cologne you're..."

Cologne, you're...

"You're me. You're that part of me that is a woman, that
knows what I am feeling, that is patient, that works things out."

eh... i wouldn't really associate those with being a woman, but whatever.
^_^;

"I am what makes you a man I am your wisdom, your
experience. I am the reason you excel in martial arts."

a man.  I am your wisdom...

Ranma woke up. Looking at the ceiling he saw that he
was in his room. He smiled. He was male. He got out of his
futon on the floor and walked toward Akane's room. He
opened the door and leaned over Akane's sleeping form.
"Akane?"

ceiling, he saw...

walked towards Akane's...

akane is right inside the door?  what?

The day after the second wedding, which was held privately
with only Ranma and Akane's immediate family in attendance,
Ranma and Akane were on their way to school. Ranma could
see Shampoo coming from a mile away. He dodged her bicycle
of death easily and made sure he was between her and Akane.

eh... 'saw it coming from a mile away' is more an expression that anything, it
doesn't really work when it's not actually being said.  ranma isn't actually
SEEING her from a mile away, after all.

"Airen go on date with Shampoo yes?"

Shampoo, yes?

"Sure, Shampoo, but only if my wife comes with us,"

us."

"What you mean 'wife?'"

'wife'?" --i BELIEVE.  not sure about this.

"Akane and I are married. I'd still like to be friends and lunch
sounds great. Why don't you bring Mousse and we'll do a
double date?" Ranma smiled. His eyes were issuing a challenge
though.

smiled, but his eyes were issuing a challenge.

"Ranma no BAKA!" Akane's mallet hit Ranma's head
unexpectedly.

why wasn't he expecting that?  i mean, really... ^_^;

Akane smiled and retracted her mallet. "Sure Ranma sounds
good. How about you
Shampoo?"

Sure, Ranma, sounds good.... you, Shampoo?

the shampoo is on an extra line, it shouldn't be.

Ranma sighed, "I guess that's a 'no' then?"

sighed.  "I guess..

"If Akane Airen's wife then Shampoo must kill!" Shampoo got
into a fighting stance.

wife, then Shampoo...

"Oh grow up, Shampoo," Ranma admonished "We're not in
China now and I'm beyond your reach. I'm sorry your laws are
so stupid that they won't forgive you for making an honest
mistake but that doesn't mean I'm going to marry you. If you
want to fight Akane issue a challenge, but you should really
stop this hobby of yours before someone actually does get
killed." Shampoo just stood speechless. Ranma smiled. "Well,
we're goin' to be late for school if we don't get goin'. Tell your
grandmother I said 'hi!'" And with that Akane and Ranma left
for school leaving a broken hearted Shampoo in their wake.

Oh, grow up, Shampoo," Ranma admonished.  "We're not...

what shampoo just made wasn't a challenge?

why is she standing speechless?  nothing has happened that should cause her to
do so, really...

i really don't like the 'hi!'" bit... it doesn't look right.

school, leaving a broken-hearted

"I'm sure she'll be fine. As long as she has someone she can
talk to. I remember when I realized I could never be with
Tofu...It'll be rough but she'll get over it I'm sure."

it, I'm sure.

"But she won't be able to go home now..."

awefully late to start thinking about that, isn't it?

"Heh, I guess you're right." Ranma said thinking. A splash of
water hit his side changing him from male to female. Ranma
turned to see the ladle lady. "Good morning!" She said sunnily.

right," Ranma said, thinking.

Ranma said it, or the ladle lady did?

morning!" she said sunnily.

"Good morning, dear" the old woman replied. "Sorry if I
splashed you, I'm afraid I've been almost completely blind
since the eighties. Would you like some tea? I always keep
some hot water handy you know."

dear," the old...

why is she washing sidewalks if she can't see?  it's not like she can tell
they're dirty....

handy, you know."

"Oh that's okay. I'm running a little late, but maybe some other
time."  Ranma and Akane walked on.

Oh, that's okay.

"Well I guess that solves that mystery" Akane said with a
laugh.

A bit more of a transition here.  Describe their walking away, and then
Akane's bursting into laughter and saying that solved another mystery, or
something.  It's too abrupt, 'Ranma and Akane walked on.'

mystery," Akane said

"Cause you're a baka that's why." Akane supplied.

baka, that's why," Akane supplied.

"Oh yes I forgot."

Oh, yes, I forgot.

"Aside from possibly giving the woman a heart attack when I
changed forms? I dunno. I figure I'll probably end up getting
splashed again anyway. It's just not worth the trouble. It's not
like I need to be a man right now or anything."

....

....

...

.....the old lady splashes ranma all the time, is the idea here,  yet has
never seen him change forms?  why would she actually notice if he changed from
female to male, if she never notices the reverse?

Akane pretended to get angry"RANMA!"

angry.  "RANMA!"

"Ranma PREPARE TO DIE!" A bandanna clad martial artist
(who really WAS angry) jumped in front of Akane and Ranma.

Ranma, PREPARE...

bandanna-clad

"Okay Ryoga, I've had enough of this. I want you to apologize
to Akane right now."

Okay, Ryouga, I've...

This is rather stilted... not very smooth at all, ryouga's arrival and then
the sudden conversation.

"Ap-p-poligize?"

...so, he jumped in front of akane and ranma... then what?  he was about to
attack, wasn't he?  why did he stop?  what did he do instead of attacking?

"She trusted you and you continually betrayed that trust. I
know you had your reasons but I can't let it go on anymore. If
you do not tell her than I will. Promise or no promise"

her, then I will.  Promise or no promise."

"Akane," Ryoga started, nervously putting his hand behind his
head,  "I...that is...you know how Ranma's always..." Ryoga
shut his eyes tight and balled his hands into fists as he raised
his voice to the heavens: "I'M P-CHAN!"

A bit more description here... why did Ryouga cave so quickly?

his head.  "I... that is...

"Oh I knew that already." Akane replied, smiling sweetly

Oh, I knew that already," Akane replied...

"Oh sure. I knew it as soon as Ranma chased you out of the
furo that day. I knew it made him jealous and you were a pig so
it wasn't like you would do anything. I figured the best revenge
I could have on you was to pretend that you were just a normal
pig. If you ever did anything really mean to Ranma I might
have gone to the vet..."

Oh, sure.

"I gave you every clue I could think of, I mean I purposely
ignored it each time you called Ryoga P-chan and when he had
the Charlotte collar on. And I would always treat Ryoga just
like P-chan except without allowing him near my breasts of
course."

of.  I mean, I purposely ignored it... like P-chan, except without... breasts,
of course.

"I made a woman to woman promise with Nabiki that I
wouldn't. She said that I'd find out why later." Akane laughed,
"I guess now I know."

...eh?  i don't get this... why?

The only one not enjoying themselves was Ryoga. "You mean
I never had a chance?"

only one... themselves is plural.  ^_^;

should be themself?

Akane stopped laughing. "Well, if you had told the truth to me
earlier, if you ever actually asked me out, if you didn't almost
kill me those couple of times, who knows? But you just don't
think before you act, do you, Ryoga? You just plow straight
through life without paying any attention to where you are or
where you're going. Ranma and I tried to help you along.
Akari is perfect for you, but you just can't follow directions. If
you don't like Akari that's fine, but you can't like her and not
like her at the same time. You can't have it both ways. You are
a lost boy, Ryoga. Right down to your fangs. I hope at some
point you find the way out of never never land. There's a
reason they call it that you know." Akane walked away.

This... was totally incomprehensible.  ^_^;

Why did Akari get brought up?  How have Ranma and Akane tried to help him
along?  What does his fangs have to do with being a lost boy, unless it's a
reference to that vampire movie?  The never-never land bit was odd, too...

it that, you know.

Ryoga looked stunned. A strange energy filled the air. Ranma
could tell what he was about to do... "Oh no, bacon breath!
That's not going to work!" She chuckled "It's HAPPY
thoughts that get you back the real world. HAPPY thoughts.
Think about Akari, man. She loves you." And with that, Ranma
followed Akane toward school leaving Ryoga to review his
choices.

...what?  how did ranma stop anything?  why would ryouga not blow up in a huge
SSH just because of what ranma said?  need to give ryouga's reaction to his
words to make that believable.

Ryoga turned and walked the other way...in exactly the
direction he needed to go.

this was cute, though.  ^_^

Ranma and Akane smiled at each other. Then Ranma spoke
"But oh noble Kuno! Which of us will you serve! Surely I, the
moon, am your only paramour!" she leaned into Kuno and put
her fists under her chin cutely.

But, oh noble Kuno! --is he saying kuno is noble, or that he IS a noble?  odd
phrasing.  ^_^;

Ranma put the back of her hand to her forehead dramatically
"Indeed, should steaming water touch my skin I would become
that man you hold most vile! It's true! Our love could never
be!"

dramatically.  "Indeed...

"Is this so?" Kuno had the look of revelation "This...explains
much...I never fully understood how the sorcerer could hold
such sway over you! Alas! Until such time as you are free of
that wretch I could no more serve you than he. But what of the
sun! Yes the ever present sun shall forever be my love! I have
decided!"

look of relevation.  "This... --I'm not sure the relevation bit works quite
right.

ever-present sun shall...

Ranma pointed at Kuno "You would turn from me so easily!
But know this: the Sun doth leave you nightly and even as she
burns today she doth burn for another. She too is under the
thrall of that dark demon that did smite a fiery god!"

at Kuno.  "You would...

She, too, is under...

Akane gave Ranma a half lidded expression and then continued
"Yes, and even though he is brash and full of himself...he yet
keeps my heart in check. Alas good Kuno...I cannot in good
faith accept your love."

then continued.  "Yes, and even...

Alas, good Kuno...

Kuno knelt in front of Akane "But...but surely I may free your
heart from his insidous clutches! There must be a way!"

in front of Akane.

"Chaos and Darkness bind her in truth. For she is the daughter
of Darkness."

"She is the daughter of Darkness in truth. For to Chaos, she is
wed!"

repetitive, 'in truth'.

"It can and is,  Oh noble Kuno of the sword! In truth the Sun
and Moon cannot be yours!" Ranma enthused with a slight
smirk.

oh noble Kuno of the sword!  --?

"But cast thy nighted color off! There are others for whom
your affection will not be wasted!" Akane said worried.

why worried?

"I dunno, what about her?" Ranma suggested pointing at a girl
with long black hair wearing a red and white hakama and
weilding a wooden sword.

"Keitaro, you shall die!" the girl swore to the heavens briefly
before plodding onwards.

...this is so not cool.  bastard.  >_<

"Wow, that wasn't hard at all. What did I tell you? We just had
to speak in a way Kuno could understand!" Akane said as she
watched the girl -she said her name was Matoko or something-
and Kuno fight.

It's Motoko.

"Easy for you ta say! I almost died tryin' ta keep from
laughin'!" Ranma said.  Matoko forced Kuno back with a surge
of air pressure from the rapid movement of her bokken. "Hey
she's pretty good!"

Motoko.

...Motoko is way better than Kuno is, and I have a lot of trouble believing
this fight scene at all.  She'd kick his ass in no time at all.  She's easily
better than any of the girls in the Ranma manga, so for her to have trouble
with Kuno, when Akane just knocks him into orbit without any problems, is
really rather rediculous.  Even from early in the manga she can do ki attacks
with her sword, knocking Kietaro flying without even having to hit him to do
so.

"Yeah it was fun! We ought to do that again sometime. I mean
I thought we were pretty good...imagine if we practiced!"
Kuno got up and attacked Matoko. She met him blow for blow
until he cut down a large tree with a wide strike, catching her
off guard and allowing him to get a hit in. "Kuno's good too
though. A hit, a palpable hit!"

Yeah, it was fun!

Motoko.

good, too, though.

"Akane, I know you like it and I gotta admit some of it's pretty
cool but let's lay off the Shakespeare for a little while okay? It
makes my head hurt." Matoko whamed Kuno on the noggin
with her bokken. "Ooh that was harsh."

cool, but lets... while, okay?

Motoko

Ooh, that was harsh.

"Okay no more Shakespeare for now," Akaned relented.
Kuno, barely fazed embraced Matoko firmly. "I guess we hit
him there so much he developed an immunity..."

Okay, no more...

Motoko.

Keitaro is far more immune to damage than Kuno is.  ^_^;

All hail Keitaro!  Kietaro, the immortal!  ^_^

"Suki da" Kuno said. Matoko squirmed out of his arms and ran
away, her face as red as her pants.

Suki da," Kuno said.

Motoko

She's wearing pants?  I thought she had a hakama or whatever on.

"Ah young love." Ranma commented as Kuno chased after the
girl. "Shall we?" Ranma offered the crook of her arm.

...why is Motoko here, and why isn't Kuno going into the school?  ^_^;

Ah, young love," Ranma commented...

Akane slipped her arm in Ranma's "Oh you're so gallant!"
Akane laughed. They both entered the school. And yes they
were both girls at the time.

Oh, you're so...

why is he gallant?

And yes, they were both...

Ranma slept through her classes while Akane tried to learn
something, which was difficult, considering one teacher talked
in a perfect monotone and  the other spent half the time playing
children's games and eating candy, and the other half draining
random students of the life energy with little or no provocation.

'and the other' --extra space between and and the.

students of their life energy...

At lunchtime Ukyo confronted Ranma and Akane. "You too
are awfully...close to each other. Why aren't you
fighting...what gives?"

You two are...

"Well, I guess you could say we both sorta woke up." Ranma
explained. "A coupla nights after Jusendo I had this weird
dream and after that everything just sorta became clear ta me. I
realized how silly I was bein'. I'm just glad Akane changed
too...I don't know what I would've done if she was still inta
her jealous tomboy routine..."

woke up," Ranma explained.

"Aw come on Akane, ya gotta admit you were ta blame
sometimes too."

Aw, come on, Akane... sometimes, too.

Ukyo looked a little worried. "So what about OUR
engagement, Ran-chan?

Ran-chan?"

Akane spoke "You're not serious are you, Ukyo? You don't
REALLY want to be MARRIED to this jerk do you?"

jerk, do you?

Akane ignored her. "Think about it. Do you think he'd just let
you make Okonomiyaki in peace? No! Sooner or later he'll
start complaining 'Why is it Okonomiyaki again tonight! Why
can't we have something else!' Until sooner or later he says he
hates it. Could you really live with someone who hates
Okonomiyaki?"

okonomiyaki.  it's not capitalized.

complaining, saying, 'why is it...'

"But Ran-chan loves my Okonomiyaki, don't you Ran-
chan?"Ukyo smiled sweetly at Ranma

okonomiyaki.

Ran-chan?"  Ukyou smiled sweetly at Ranma.  --add spaces, a period.

"Well, actually, Ucchan ta tell ya tha truth it does get old after
a while..." Ranma admitted sheepishly. Ukyo's smile
dissapated.

actually, Ucchan, ta tell...

"See! And I hope you don't plan on passing on your fighting
style to your children, because Mr. Anything Goes over here
won't allow that for sure."

Anything-Goes, I think.

that, for sure.

"Alright, I'm on your side, Akane" Ranma said, causing Ukyo
to grit her teeth, "but that's not a very good reason. I mean I'm
sure I could incorporate Ukyo's style into Anything Goes
without any problem."

Anything-Goes without a problem.  --loses repetitive 'any'.

"Jeez, calm down, Ucchan I ain't gonna marry ya."

down, Ucchan, I ain't...

"I was tryin' get back at Akane! I thought you'd realize that!
How was I ta know you would take me serious! I mean I still
thought of you as a guy fer cryin' out loud!"

but he doesn't anymore?  ^_^;

"Aw come on, Ucchan can we not talk about that please?"

on, Ucchan, can we not...

Akane raised her finger in the air."Actually I'm a little bit
interested in that myself."

air.  "Actually, I'm --spaces, comma.

"Aw jeez, I was feelin' bad okay? Think about it. How would
you feel if Tsubasa started hating you. I mean you don't even
like Tsubasa right? But what if he actually hated you? Now
you see Konatsu. Wouldn't ya want some reasurance that..."

Aw, jeez... I was...

Tsubasa, right?

"Well I certainly wouldn't..." Akane offered.

Well, I certainly...

"No...Akane, I think I see what he means..."Ukyo started to
chuckle then she pointed accusingly at Ranma "You just
wanted to feel attractive! You can't stand the thought of not
being pretty!"

means..."  Ukyou started... at Ranma.  "You... --spaces, period.

"Hello? I'm still here ya know."Ranma interjected.

know," Ranma interjected.  -comma, space.

"Oh don't worry Ranma, that's one of the reasons I love you."
Akane hugged her currently female husband tightly.

worry, Ranma, that's one...

Ranma put her arm around Akane's waist, returning the hug.
"Ukyo you're my best friend, even like a sister or somethin'
but I couldn't marry ya. I don't love ya like that. I only love my
wife like that." Ranma looked at Akane affectionately.

Ukyou, you're...

Ukyo was at a loss "I...you mean?...I guess ...
congratulations, JACKASS!" Tears welled up in her eyes and
she ran off.

at a loss.  "I... you mean?

"Well, I feel like crap now." Ranma said.

heh.  good.  :)

now," Ranma said.

"I know, Ranma, I do too, but it had to be done sometime. We
did the best we could."

I do, too, but it...

After they got married Ranma and Akane agreed to be open
and honest with each other at all times. That included this one.
Ranma hesitated, then responded,"It's 'cause I think...maybe
you and Ucchan were right. That still sorta scares me ya know.
I just need ta... make sure I'm still a man." The last part was
almost a whisper.

me, ya know.

Akane nodded and sat back down. When Ranma came back,
male, class was just starting again. When Ranma got to his seat
next to Akane, she angle the sheet on her notebook so he could
see. "I want to go back to Jusenkyo," it said.

she angled the sheet....

Ranma sat back in his seat, wide eyed. He stayed like that
almost the rest of the school day looking at Akane from time to
time and thinking. He'd just as soon forget about Jusenkyo and
all the trouble it caused him, and he didn't want Akane to go
through what he went through, but if Akane were to be cursed,
they would be that much closer. There was a selfish part of
Ranma that wanted that despite the counsequences. There was
also a mischievious and disturbingly female part of him that
wanted to see what Akane would look like as a man.

It'd be far more amusing if Ranma got himself cured after Akane got herself
stuck as a guy.  ^_^

The teacher was just happy that he could see Ranma's face.

this sounds odd. it's not immediately obvious that it's a reference to  his
tendency to sleep through class.

There was a sudden storm of black rose petals and a sound that
seemed to echo from the walls of the school and ring through
the metal of chainlink fence."AHhahahahaha!
OHhohohohoho! Hee hee hee! It seems the peasant Akane
thinks she is worthy of my darling Ranma-sama! Surely even
one as dense as she can tell that she is no match for the Black
Rose!"

fence.  "Ahahahahaha!  --spaces.

"Wait," Ranma said softly. He walked to Kodachi and bowed
low to the ground on his knees. "Oh Kodachi-sama! You are so
right, you're blood is so noble you deserve what's rightfully
yours! But first, please grant me one request?"

Oh, Kodachi-sama!

"What is it my darling Ranma?"

is it, my darling...

"It's just that since our relationship is going to change into
something more...beneficial for us both I thought that we
might start using pet names."

more...beneficial...for us both --sounds a bit better, imo.

"What a delightful idea! But what should I call you if not my
darling?"

you, if not my...

"I've always wanted to be called...Little Pony. It's a fantasy of
mine. My name you see."

My name, you see.

"How fitting! But then what would you call me?"

But then, what would...

Ranma hesitated "Princess...as befits your rank and stature
Kodachi-sama."

hesitated.  "Princess... stature, Kodachi-sama."

"Oh that's perfect! Rise, my Little Pony. You have no need to
beg for such a thing."

Oh, that's perfect!

"She's all yours," Ranma whispered in Akane's ear as he
passed her using the Umisenken. He found Nabiki hiding
behind a bush. He reappeared crouched beside her. "Are they
coming?" He asked quietly.

He reappeared, crouched beside her.

coming?" he asked...

"They should be here any second now, little pony." Nabiki
replied with a smirk.

Little Pony," Nabiki... :)

"This one's on the house. The entertainment value alone more
than makes up for it. Plus I've got all sorts of bets on this one.
Besides... its fun having a little brother." The last part was said
a little more seriously than intended. The wedding had brought
out the worst in Ranma's fiancees. Even Ukyo used explosive
okonomiyaki on the pair, even if  it wasn't very powerful.
Shampoo's arsenal was about ten times more lethal. Tatewaki
Kuno was actually one of more innocent of the suitors. while
he had brought a metal blade, he revealed later that it was his
family blade and that since the marriage was a matter of honor
he could use no less, but that he intended to only use the blunt
edge. Kodachi however, was by far the worst. There was a
reason she wore a black wedding dress, and it wasn't because
she happened to like the color.

it's fun having...

you should probably break this paragraph up after the dialogue.  maybe a bit
more, if you want to, because it's rather unweildy.

"What have you done with my little pony, harridan!" Kodachi
demanded of Akane when she couldn't find Ranma.

my Little Pony...

"He is. not. yours!" Akane's mallet winked into existance, and
she brandished it in righteous fury. Ranma had convinced her
that killing Kodachi wouldn't be right, but for that wedding
dress...she deserved to SUFFER.

He.  Is.  Not.  Yours! --if you're going to break it up by periods, each needs
to be capitalized.

A couple of days after the wedding Happosai tore throught the
wedding presents to see if there was any lingerie. When he
opened the one from Kodachi a poison cloud enveloped him.
Even with his supernatural constitution, he almost died. If the
wedding had gone as originally planned Ranma and Akane
would have certainly been dead. Kodachi was dressed for a
wedding and a funeral. The other fiancees and rivals had
actually saved Ranma and Akane's lives.

tore through the wedding...

I wouldn't expect that happousai has a stronger constitution than ranma
does...

She was, by nature, a violent girl. It was time to show Kodachi
HOW violent. While Kodachi was distracted, Akane unleashed
a haymaker into the inside of Kodachi's right arm, breaking the
bone with an audible pop. Kodachi screamed in pain. The
ribbon and mallet disappeared. "That was for trying to kill me
and Ranma," Akane declared,  "and THIS, " Akane said as the
mallet suddenly appeared in her hand once again, "Is for the
dress!" She swung the hammer in an upwards motion,
connecting with Kodachi's jaw. Kodachi was lifted four meters
into the air and when she landed it was with a meter long skid

again, "is for the --same sentance as the previous dialogue.

Many people lost money today, but Nabiki wasn't one of them.
Sure Kodachi might have superior skill, but the ones who bet
on her never saw Akane in full berserker mode. "The way I
figure it," Nabiki muttered, "I still owe you."

today... that's present tense.  should be 'that day'.

Sure, Kodachi might have...

Ranma smiled. He saw the men in white coats come on the
scene just in time. "Nah, I don't think so...Nabiki, I think it's
pretty cool havin' you as a sister too."

sister, too.

The men in white look at each other and the broken, bleeding
girl before them. "Looks like her," One said to the other.

her," one said to the...

Kodachi crawled around aimlessly "Where are you my little
pony! Your princess needs you!"

Little Pony, Princess.  titles, need to be capitalized.

"Yep," said the man in white, "Definitely her. Help me get her
to the van." They picked up Kodachi's writhing form and with
an ii uu ii uu took her to the white van. The back doors were
open, welcoming Kodachi into the padded interior. When the
men closed the doors the lettering read: "Happy Holiday
Sanitarium."

white, "definitely her."

ii uu ii uu?

i hope they're being careful of her broken arm, and she SHOULD have a broken
jaw, as well, if that mallet hit didn't just plain tear her head off.

Akane's hammer lightly bonked him on his head. "Baka."
Akane declared. She couldn't keep from smiling though. Most
girls would be upset if their husbands left them to fend for
themselves, but most girls weren't Akane. Ranma believed in
her, trusted her. That was worth any of his jibes, accidental or
otherwise. In fact, the teasing somehow made her love Ranma
even more.

Baka," Akane declared.

A bell sounded, signaling the school day was done.

"Well I guess we might as well get home and start packing
huh?" Akane said.

weren't they in gym or something?  they'd need to change clothes.

Akane's stomach grumbled in agreement. "Yeah I guess you're
right!"

Yeah, I guess...

Nabiki smirked at Ranma and Akane's repartee. "Well, I'm
going to go home, but I think you two should celebrate.
Here..." Nabiki brought a billfold out of a pocket in her
uniform. And took out something shiny and plastic. "This is
called a credit card. It's in YOUR name... and don't think I'm
going to pay it off for you, but I thought you should splurge a
bit today." Akane took the card and Nabiki walked off.

uniform and took out...

"We really should celebrate huh?" Akane said looking at the
card.

celebrate, huh?

said, looking at the card.

"Well yeah. I mean we got Shampoo ta stop botherin' us...We
found out why the ladle lady kept splashing me...Then there
was Ryoga, who I think we helped..."

Well, yeah.

"Right, then there was Kuno, Ukyo, and Kodachi... Wait a
minute that's six impossible things isn't it?"

Wait a minute, that's six...

"You didn't have to finish it in a single night though!" Akane
said with a smile.

night, though!

"Well it WAS pretty cool...And you ARE my Red Queen...in
all the good ways" Ranma looked away blushing slightly.

ways."  Ranma looked away, blushing slightly.

Ranma had a dopey grin on his face. "Yeah we should
DEFINATELY celebrate. How about we eat over there,"
Ranma pointed to a new restaurant that dominated a street
corner with the katakana for "Miriwaisu"  "It looks good and
expensive. And  we can use that thingy Nabiki gave us. A
'Credit Card' was it? I want to see how this magic works."

Yeah, we should... over there."  Ranma pointed.... "Miriwaisu".  "It looks
good and expensive.  And we can use..." --comma, period, period, extra space
between and and we.

Ranma and Akane walked through the door hand in hand. It
closed behind them with an odd click WOOSH.

click-WOOSH. --?

When they were inside they saw an odd video display behind a
strange cylindrical aquarium that held about twenty little
yellow fish. The display seemed to show various types of
beings pressing a black button on the cylindrical aquarium,
picking up a fish, and sticking it into various orifices.

That sounds... sick.

"Stick it in your ear. Didn't you see the display?" The display
reminded Ranma of his training in China before Jusenkyo and
the Amazons. The instructer would show him the moves and he
would copy them. It was second nature to him now. Ranma
stuck the little fish into his ear. There was small, audible pop.
And Ranma's eyes went wide. "Hey it's translatin' or
somethin'!"

pop, and Ranma's eyes...

Akane crinkled her nose at the fish, shrugged and stuck it in
her ear. Suddenly she heard what sounded like garbles and
tweaks turn into a calm mechanical voice with a cultured
accent saying "Welcome to Milliways, the Restaurant at the
End of the Universe. A server will seat you shortly."

She stuck her nose in her ear?  HOW?  ^_^;

accent saying, "Welcome to... --I think you need a comma before the dialogue.
Not sure, though.

"Wow," Ranma noted, "They sure pulled out all the stops
here!"

noted, "they sure...

or

noted.  "They sure...

Akane had to agree. The place was much, much, bigger on the
inside then on the outside, and the ceiling opened out into a star
studded space-scape. Oddly the stars seemed to be moving in a
slow spiral toward... something. The entire restaurant was
filled with monsters, demons, and other types of youkai, all
apparently drinking and having a good time, except for a few
that seemed to have had a little too much, and were busy trying
to keep all their body fluids in one place.

Oddly, the stars...

"You said it." Ranma agreed.

it," Ranma agreed.

A dignified, elderly humanoid gentleman approached Ranma
and Akane wearing a tuxedo and holding two menus. He had
an air about him of polite snobbery, mixed with a touch of
depression.  "Welcome to Milliways," He sighed, "Please
follow me to your seats."

Akane, wearing a tuxedo...

Milliways."  He sighed.  "Please follow...

Although I really don't think the sigh fits that well as an expression of
boredom... something else might work better.

"The service here is great! We didn't have to wait long at all
did we, Ranma?"

at all, did we, Ranma?

"Huh?" This shocked Ranma out of his...shock. "How's that
possible?"

Indeed.  How?  ^_^;

"The universe shall be exploding for you momentarily," the
waiter said, ignoring what was apparently an assinine question,
"In the meantime, would Sir or Madame like anything from the
bar?"

assinine question.  "In the meantime...

Akane smiled "You wouldn't happen to have any Nannichuan
water by any chance would you?" She winked at Ranma, and
they both chuckled a bit at the joke. Although Ranma laughed a
tad bit more nervously.

Akane smiled.  "You wouldn't...

The waiter wrote something down on his pad and asked
"Would you like that sparkling or flat, Madame?"

asked, "Would you like...

Akane jaw went slack "Uh...flat's fine, " she said absently.

went slack.  "Uh...

absently indicates that she wasn't paying attention.  she's more startled than
anything, right?

 "Um...uh...Just some green tea I guess," Ranma ventured.
Ranma was feeling a little on edge about the Nannichuan, and
he wanted something to calm him down. Kasumi would have
been proud.

tea, I guess...

All these drinks sounded to Ranma like they would do nasty
things to someone's mind, "Dya have anythin' non-alcoholic?"

mind.  "Dya....

"Yes, Sir. There's Nannichuan water, Nyannichuan water, the
water of Lethe, water from the river Styx, Tears of a Dragon,
Blood of a Dragon, Unicorn Blood, Blood from the Ravenous
Bugblatter Beast of Traal, and Apple Juice."

Water of Lethe... not sure of Nannichuan Water and Nyannichuan Water should be
capitalized.  Sparkling Water is capitalized, isn't it?  So, probably.

Ranma sighed. "I guess I'll have some Apple juice then."

Apple Juice, then."

Ranma held the gaze for a moment then looked at the space
scape out side as it swirled. "Well...if you really want to...we
could get some instant Nannichuan..."

Instant Nannichuan.  Just like Instant Grits... I think.  ^_^;

"Ranma." Akane interrupted.

Ranma," Akane...

Ranma stared at Akane stunned. "NANI?"

Akane, stunned.

Ranma was at a loss"Akane...I...for how long?"

loss.  "Akane... I... for how long?"

"What do you mean 'for how long?' baka?"

mean, 'for how long', baka?

or

mean, "for how long?', baka?

Think it's the first one, not sure.

"Well...its just...I wasn't...that is before I got the curse..."

that is, before I got the curse...

Akane's eyes widened. "Goodness! No wonder you hated the
curse!" She looked down at the table a little darkly. "Me, I had
no one to hate but myself...and you."

you hated it! --just said curse a minute ago.

"You said..." Ranma's eyes widened in revelation "You said
she looked cute! And you would never mallet Shampoo...only
me! You wanted Shampoo to yourself!"

revelation.  "You said...

Akane's eyes thinned in irritation. "You don't have to put it
quite like that"

that."

"Gomen gomen... I'm one to talk. I mean ya prob'ly already
know about Ryoga right?"

I mean, ya probably... Ryouga, right?

Akane almost stood up as she she slapped her hands on the
table, smiling triumphantly. "I KNEW it! You're such a flirt
Ranma!"

flirt, Ranma!

"Uh...yeah...Look I'm still gettin' used to the idea so let's
move on to somethin' else okay?"

Look, I'm still...

Akane rose above the table and kissed Ranma , holding his
head with both hands. "I'm so glad!" She said after releasing
him.

she said...

Ranma, red faced."But why tell me this now?"

Ranma, red-faced, asked, "But why...

"I live in that moment eternally." Ranma said wistfully.

eternally," Ranma said...

Akane smirked "Careful Ranma, you're getting poetic...."

Akane smirked.  "Careful, Ranma, you're...

"Aw, Akane I'll be more poetic than Kuno...for you. What
were you saying? About That Night?" The capitalization
Ranma put on "That Night" was audible.

Aw, Akane, I'll be...

"Remember I had a dream before you came in... It was in that
dream that I realized... that I really was a tomboy. That part of
the reason why I loved you...was that you were a girl."

part girl might work better...  because ranma is a girl implies that she's
gay, not bi.

"Why you, silly! Who else would I dream about?" Akane
lightly whacked Ranma's arm smiling sunnily. Then her smile
dimmed a bit and she cocked her head in thought. "Wait a
minute you had someone in your dream too?"

Why, you, silly!

a minute, you had.... dream, too?

"Hello there," The pig creature greeted from atop a large silver
platter. "I'm the main course. Might I suggest something off
my shoulder?"

Hello, there?  --not sure.

"Because," Ranma said, looking at the stars outside and the
other creatures in the restaurant with a new respect, "Suddenly,
I don't think we're in Nerima anymore."

respect, "suddenly, I...

C&C apreciated.

This... was TOO LONG!  I'M NEVER GOING TO DO THIS AGAIN!

*runs away, screaming.*

well... i'm not sure how much longer you can keep this up and still have it as
being entertaining.  basic premise is amusing, but you'll have to pull out
some wierd stuff to keep this interesting... of course... if it's too wierd
it'd just be dumb.  i kinda got more and more bored as the story went along,
but this really just isn't my type of fic, so...

heh.  now, go post 'thyself known' to the ffml, now that you've managed to get
subscribed.  not all at once, though, or people might get mad and not read it.
^_^


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