Roja Cyd <roja_cyd@yahoo.ca> writes:

Prologue~
        
       "It's over," Ranma said in a dead voice.  "Goodbye, Akane."
       I watched as Ranma Saotome turned and walked out of my life.

Good tease!

       At last everything will go back to normal, I thought. I'd
really been worrying about my studies for a while now. All that
fighting and all those women-hunting princes could really take their
toll on a girl.
       I sighed. What a relief.
       A lone maple leaf drifted down to land near my ankle. I stared
down at it. And then I broke into tears.

Again, this beginning made me excited to read a fic, something that
hasn't happened in a while. :)

       Eight Years Later ~
       
       I exhaled as the maple leaves swirled down around me like a
shower of blessings. I wanted to shut out the sight, but, though it
sounds odd, I never closed my eyes if I could help it anymore. I
always flashed back to that scene when the maple leaves fell.

Good way to tie in the prologue to the main story.
 

	That was one reason I preferred to be out of the United States
during the fall. It was a bittersweet season for me.

I would think that she'd prefer to be out of Japan...perhaps you
should specify the Northeast, as the US is as diverse in climate as
just about any place you're likely to go.

      It was eight years ago, I reminded myself. Get over it. New
life, new memories. He's probably some isolated hermit teaching some
mountain kid the tenshin amaguriken in those mountains of his, where
he and Mr.  Saotome used to train.

Repeat of "some." I'd probably write: "He's probably an isolated
hermit teaching some mountain kid..."

Though "isolated hermit" is a bit redundant.

       I shifted my grip on my J&B leather briefcase.  I was
comfortable with it, but it was only part of the act. It matched my
navy blue silk business suit, my slim gold watch and the elegant
Italian pumps. The ensemble belonged to a woman walking on Fifth Ave
in New York, as I was doing right then. It helped me fit in.

Good attention to detail.

on Shampoo when I got back to my apartment. The vain little cat I'd
named after my one-time nemesis was sure to have missed me.

I love this!

       I snapped the locks open and raising the cover, took out a
small velvet-covered box and placed it on the table.
       "Ahhh....here we go." Bartlett got a happy shine in his eyes as

A happy shine sounds a little awkward to me here...you've done really
well describing things in a unique way, so this seems to stick out.
 

        "It must be delivered to Sir Phillip Blaine within two
weeks. His employer is expecting the stone in a month. That's
it. That's all. It's up to you to find Sir Blaine. Not a soul in the
world knows where he is, not even his secretary. He's an adventurer,
you see. Sometimes he goes off on expeditions. And now he's hidden
himself somewhere. I can only give you the vaguest idea. Last week, he
was known to be in Shanghai. But he's left the province, we believe."

So did Ryoga take on one of Asuza's names for real? :)

"Sir Blaine!! Sir Blaine!! Do not run away from Asuza!"

       "There are a lot of people after this package, Ms. Tendo. I
think they will slow you down even more," the old man said dryly. He
leaned forward. "I will send you one bodyguard. Just one. I've picked
the best. I know you prefer to work alone, but in this case, that
would be inadvisable."

I suspect....

******************************************************* Notes: Okay,
was it edible? Sickening? Y'all like/hate Akane in first person? Let
me know!

It was a great little romp, and I hope to see many more chapters. (not
like I can talk, but oh well)

Colleen

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