Going to be busy for the next few days, so I might not get back to the other
C+C for a while. We'll see:

$Ah, was waiting on this.

But not for overlong. Next project prolly will be a while, though. I'm doing
an off list project, and then I'll try to do some more C+C.

I lied. Instead of shrinking like the first part, or being the size I
anticipated, this baby grew on me.

$Thought so!  And I'm not displeased, either.  This is fun.

Well, that's reassuring. :)

Between classes, Mitsuki located the object of her hunt: the last row of
classroom 2-C, two seats to the left of the window. He was leaning on
the
back two legs of his chair while his feet were propped up on the desk.
His
uniform was open at the collar. He was trying painfully to act
non-chalant,

$nonchalant
I'm pretty sure it shouldn't have a hyphen.

You're right.

Mitsuki was torn between saying, "But I don't see any around,"

$Heheh.  Excellent reply.

Thanks. I'm cutting it. ^_^ Someone mentioned Sanosuke's speech is a little
cliche, and I was inclined to agree. When I redid the ending, that response
had to be dropped. I'll probably put it in another piece, though.

effective
way to go about it. Her acerbic reply met a silent demise in her mind as
she
recalled that she needed this lecherous idiot for her scheme to work,
though
his open arrogance nearly made her walk off and choose someone else.

$Morals?  No, we don't got that.

Sure there are. It just doesn't occur in a form you'd understand. :)

She reevaluated Sanosuke. Conceited jerk though he was, there was no
shortage of girls that were eager to go out with him when he asked.
Alternate captain on both the soccer and baseball teams, he was a star
athlete, extremely handsome, and came from a wealthy family whose money
he
spent enthusiastically.

$If I had money like that, I'm sure I would, too.

I don't think I would. Pride would make me want my own and spend it. I'm
stupid that way.

of
them would want to go out with him. The contrast made her realize how
different other girls' standards were from hers. Lesser standards, as
far as
Mitsuki was concerned. However, if Sanosuke's attributes served as an
effective lure to the school of hungry fish that were her fellow women,

$You come up with the damndest metaphors.

I'm very bad with them. That's why. :)

"For your information I'm not going out with Kazuki," she said, unable
to
keep a touch of anger from her voice. "And I'm not here to ask you out."

That seemed to deflate Sanosuke, but only slightly. "So why are you
here?"

$I was feeling bored, so I decided to drop by and kick you in the
balls.  Don't worry, it's completely personal.

Heh.

not
turning out the way she had envisioned. The longer she talked with
Sanosuke,
the more she reluctant she was to set Rara up with this ape.

$Pay no attention to that little voice in your head telling you not to
do it.  No matter how insistently it claims to be your concience, it's
just one of those little pre-schizophrenia indicators.  Acknowledging it
makes it worse, but if you ignore it, it just goes away and all is well.

Heh. True.

just
I want to make sure she doesn't have any second thoughts. She's odd that
way. It's like she doesn't think she's good enough for a guy like you."
Though in Mitsuki's estimation, most rats would be good enough for a
walking
piece of garbage like Sanosuke.

$You'd be surprised.  I've found rats to have surprisingly good taste.

In the sense that they'll eat just about anything, yes. :)

"She's definitely hot enough," Sanosuke confirmed. "Just as hot as you,
Sanada, which I didn't think was possible."

$Funny you should mention that.  You see, there was this parallel
world...

Heh.

Sanosuke sidled himself right next to Mitsuki, invoking images of a
snake in
her mind. She liked snakes. Liked crushing the slithering vermin flat
with
the nearest heavy object she could find.

$Aww.  I like snakes, and they like me.  I cleared out a supermarket by
chasing people with a water moccasin once when I was seven.  I got in a
lot of trouble, but it was worth it.

You're just plain evil. :)

He placed his arm around her shoulder and forced her closer. In a deep,
throaty voice, he said, "Hey, Sanada, I got an idea. Why don't you go
out
with us too? Kind of make it a threesome. I know I can show you girls
the
time of your lives. Don't worry about anything. I guarantee I'm a man
enough
for both of you."

$Mitsuki: Oh, too bad.  You see, that's the trouble.  I recently found
out that I'm a lesbian, and I'm just not interested in you.

Sano: Can I watch?

him,
but it was too late. She couldn't back out now and pick someone else; it
would risk blowing everything. Swallowing her recriminations, she said
in a
voice dripping with false sincerity, "I don't think that's such a good
idea.
You see, I have this vaginal yeast infection that's-"

$Eww.

It works, though.

"Don't say anymore! I understand." Sanosuke removed his hand from her
shoulder as though she had informed him she had a case of the plague.

$Heheh.  Good one.

I wouldn't go near anywhere near those parts either.

Mitsuki smiled falsely again and headed for the door, feeling dirtier
than
she had in months. As she exited the classroom, she overheard Sanosuke
boasting to a nearby classmate, "Yeah, and Sanada wants me too. I can
tell
these things."

$Wants him used in place of rats and monkeys in painful medical
experiments, yeah.

Close.

The veins in Mitsuki's forehead bulged badly enough that people in the
hall
kept mentioning the words 'brain embolism' as she walked past.

$Heh.  You know, I've always wondered whether or not if, when all those
characters who get really angry and start having bulging veins get
older, they're going to have varicose veins of the head.

Hehehehe. Sounds like a spamfic.

gym teacher. He seemed to think being last indicated one was reluctant
to
exercise, which meant that student needed it the most. In Mitsuki's
mind,
there were few things more irritating than fitness zealots.

$I dunno, I've met a lot of people that needed to work out more.

True. This is from Mitsuki's POV, though.

She had only undone the first two buttons of her top when an idea struck
her. Earlier she had only been able to test her interest in other women
by
remembering them naked. Now there was a chance to actually see some
girls in
the buff and give herself a real test instead of one that relied on
memory
and imagination.

$Not to mention some cheap fanservice for the readers.  ^_^

Yep. :)

The
only thing that caught Mitsuki's attention was a splotch on the left
cheek
that reminded her of a tiny Rorsach inkblot. It made her count her
blessings
that she lacked any sort of hideous birthmark. Besides that, no
reaction.

$I bet guys find that cute.  One of those things you love to kiss and
praise.

I perfer mine without the colorful additions. But then I care little for
tattoos as well.

So far Mitsuki was passing the test as easily as if it was her math
class. A
smile blossomed on her face as she turned to stare at the chest of 'Top
Heavy' Tanaka. A couple of weeks back, Mitsuki had sneaked a look at a
survey one of the more perverted guys had organized.

$Heheh.  There's always one.

At least.

only
by a white cotton athletic bra, the only reaction Mitsuki had was one of
gratitude. Those babies had to be a strain on Tanaka's back, and from
the
looks of things her lifelong battle with gravity was already taking its
toll.

$Heh.  That's the price you pay.

A bit of 'realism' added there (not that there's much else to be found in
this. ^_^)

Tanaka's cleavage, he would have gotten one of his patented 'speechless
and
dumb' looks on his face. But not Mitsuki. Even as the breasts drew
nearer
and she could see a network of veins under the skin,

$Varicose veins of the breast?  Hmmm.  That'd be funny.

True. But it's a bit much. I've cut the reference.

"You were staring at my tits like there was something wrong with them."

$Personally, in Mitsuki's position, I'd have asked if she needed to
borrow any base to hide those veins.  Sure, I'd have gotten the hell
beat out of me, but I wouldn't have been accused of being a lesbian.

Hehehehe. True

Mitsuki saw that she now had everyone's attention, and would have done
just
about anything to return it to them. "Relax. I was just looking and
making
sure I wasn't interested in you." As soon as the last word left her
mouth,
Mitsuki knew that had come out horribly wrong. Pretty much as horribly
wrong
as she could have managed.

$You're an evil man, DB.

Coming from you, I think it shows simply the evil minds think along the same
lines.

"You mean Arisa what's her name who had to leave school after she and
Rei
got caught doing you know what in the restroom?"

$you-know-what

also 'what's-her-name'

No, I don't know what.  Come on, don't make me guess.  What I'd come up
with would be creative, but probably wrong.

But it's the creatvity that's the fun part. I'd tell you to just write a
lemon, but you are, so that won't work.

"Yep, that one."

"Then that means Mitsuki must like girls too."

Panicked, Mitsuki shouted out, "But I don't,

$I hate you all!  You disgust me, really!  I find you physically
repulsive!"

This also proved to be the wrong thing to say.

Heh. True.

Tanaka led the charge this time. "Oh, so what you're saying is, we
aren't
attractive enough for a pervert like you, is that it?"

$Mitsuki: Damn straight, I've got standards.

Another good way to get your butt kicked.

"Get out, you disgusting pervert!" Bottles of shampoo and other cleaning
utensils headed towards Mitsuki's way. She bolted out the door to the
locker
rooms before they started throwing something heavier, like lockers, at
her.

$If I only had a dime for every time that's happened to me...

...women test if they're lesbians by looking you over too?

gain everyone's attention. In an exaggerated voice, she said, "I have
plenty
of money. You don't need to loan me any." It had the desired of effect
of
making everyone return to eating and talking.

Rara released a deep breath and placed her hand to her chest. "That's a
relief."

$Rara: I was worried that you were going to hook up with some other
lesbian before I could work up my nerve to proposition you.  Whoops, did
I say that out loud?

Heh. That would be a cute slip.

The hope and trust in those eyes made Mitsuki feel a pang of regret for
what
she was about to do.

$Kinda like the way your dog looks at you before you carry him to the
vet to be neutered.

I have no compunction against doing that to my the cats I've owned
throughout my life. They tend to be frisky enough even afterwards.

Eyebrows twitching, Mitsuki forced out, "He's a major hunk." Of brain
dead
beef. "Pleasant personality." Just like a limp dishrag. "Very popular."
With
himself. "Knows how to treat a girl like a lady." One that hangs out at
street corners and is paid by the hour. "He's an all around great guy."
Whose greatest contribution to humanity will be donating his body to
science.

$Heheh.  This worked pretty well.  I quite enjoy that kind of humor.

Thanks. I prefered it with them as well.

"I AM NOt going out with him." What had started out as a shout ended in
a
whisper. Mitsuki decided she had had enough attention for one day.

$You know what they say about hammering in the nail that sticks out.

If you can hammer it back in with your cock, you're set for life?

"It's not me he's interested in! It's you!" Mitsuki felt like pounding
her
head into her tray as the whispered voices throughout the cafeteria
sounded
like shouts by the time they reached her ears.

$She's determined to embarrass herself good and proper, isn't she?

Yep. Wouldn't be fun of our protagonist had it too easy.

"Gee, I wonder who that could be?" Mitsuki said dryly, wondering why
Rara
even bothered with the pretense.

Rara blushed. "Uh, well. It's-"

$A rhetorical question, stupid.

Heh.

"But that was only because I thought he was interested in you. If he's
interested in me, that's completely different."

"Oh, why is that?"

"No reason."

$That's...  One of the best peices of dialog I've seen in a long time.
The sheer honesty of it boggles the mind.

You're welcome.

"That's pretty cold. I would hate to think what would happen if Kazuki
heard
how you blew someone off like that. I'll try to keep it quiet, of
course,
but you know how gossip spreads around here. Hard to keep anything a
secret."

$"Including your budding sexuality," one student whispered as he walked
by.

Hehehehe. You're in good form tonight.

Leaning in close for a conspiratorial whisper, Mitsuki said, "I'll let
you
in on a secret. I had a crush on Sanosuke even after I knew Kazuki. I
think
he's even... even.... even better than Kazuki." Her lips were trembling
by
the end.

$At soccer, she added mentally.

Heh. That would be going over the top, though. :)

"Oh." The placid expression returned, almost as though it had never left
in
the first place.

$Rara could easily relate to that.  She'd only known Mitsuki Sanada for
a little while and she already wanted to gag her, tie her down, and ra-
Wait, where did that thought come from?

Kazuki: I have no idea (picks up his 'Lesbian Orgy' magazine that just
arrived in the mail)

Kazuki
needs to be intimidated sometimes to keep him in line. Of course, it
wouldn't hurt if he could act intimidating once in a while when the
situation demanded it. "Kazuki would like a girl with a little
experience."
It was getting increasingly difficult to keep from blurting out what was
on
her mind.

$Mitsuki's got issues besides her own confused sexuality.

Too much sarcasm, eh?

"Are you sure?"

Unwanted recriminations swept through Mitsuki. She ignored them.

$Atta girl.  Welcome to the dark side.

Only briefly.

"Enjoy your date tonight." Mitsuki left Rara and went to sit by herself
at
one of the tables. She spent the entire lunch period staring at her
food,
her appetite completely abandoning her.

It was a pity her conscience hadn't as well.

$I know it hurts at first, but trust me, it's best for the long run.
It's not healthy to have voices in your head telling you what and what
not to do.

Best to operate on instinct, it's true.

Rara's appearance was perfect save in one area: the face. She looked
absolutely miserable. It was the worst hang dog expressions Mitsuki had
seen
in her life. It was more like Rara was preparing to march towards a
firing
squad composed of poor shots armed with BB guns instead of a date with
one
of the most popular guys in school.

$Again the metaphors.  I'll agree with the earlier comment, this one is
a little off the wall.

Switched it around a bit, making it pellet guns and dropping the poor shots
bit.

"It's too bad he's staying at a friend's house overnight." It would have
been one of the few times Mitsuki could have had Kazuki alone in the
house.
Her parents were staying overnight at some research center to discuss
what
to do about Zinv, taking D along to make certain she was suffering no
side
effects from the artifact's return.

$Ah, a setting paragraph.  Completely meaningless to me, but hey.

It's just an excuse for them to be out of the house so the two Mitsukis can
get down on one another without interruption.

fashion and declined. Mitsuki had done something to make herself feel
better, though. All that was left was to wait until the old bag returned
from her little trip and tried to violate Kazuki's room by her usual
invasion route and discovered her walkway had 'accidentally' been sawed
most
of the way through.

$I like Sanada.  She's evil in all the right places.

Like me, I daresay.

"It's nice to see someone's happy," Rara sighed again as she looked at
Mitsuki.

$Heheh.  I can _see_ that smile now.  Great way of giving details
without actually giving details.

Thanks.

"This is it," Rara said with all the enthusiasm of the condemned walking
to
the gallows. "What were you going to say, Mitsuki?"

$That metaphor has a more immediate meaning.  That's a good thing.

true. It was the second execution metaphor I used, though. Wonder why they
stand out so much. I rarely take note of metaphors myself.

"Beautiful? I could never use that word to refer to anything other than
yourself when in your stunning presence." He bowed deeply.

Mitsuki gave her back to the couple before rolling her eyes. Could he be
any
more insincere? Did girls really fall for lines like that?"

$Heh.  I think we can both give her an answer to that one.  "No, they
don't."

Actually I think it's more like "Only if they want to."

Sanosuke pulled out into the street without looking. He nearly struck
another car. Luckily the other driver was paying attention and pulled
out of
the way with a screech of rubber at the last minute, avoiding an
accident
that would have ended the date before it began.

$Heh. I would have hit him.  Not because I wouldn't be paying
attention, but just because.

I wouldn't. I could dent my car, you know.

left behind in the dissolution of the Rara Army, which was for the best.
Though Miss Ra wasn't dangerous, merely misunderstood, most people,
especially men, felt uncomfortable in her presence. Kazuki was no
exception.
It was for the best that Mitsuki pretend she had never became that woman
and
get on with her life.

$Yup.  Just another one of those pesky voices.

Except this one really is another voice. :)

them
were alike and compatible, but there were times when she wished one of
them
was more aggressive and would find the courage to form a solid
relationship
instead of the simple friendship that currently existed between them.

$Sad but true.  Somebody's got to be on top and someone else on bottom.

Not always. Can be a meeting of equals.

to
ask her out again. Mitsuki found the thought reassuring, and hoped it
was
true, even if it meant she was a bad date. But she had so little
experience
with men, it was impossible to tell what mood Sanosuke was really in.

$And all this time Sanosuke is thinking, "I wonder if she'll swallow?"

I've learned that some of the ones that you think would, don't. And some of
those you neevr dream would, do.

into a small parking lot that was at least a mile away from the main
road.
It stood on a small promontory that allowed a perfect view of a lake
beyond.
Only an aging guardrail stood as a barrier between the open lot and
going
over the point and into the water.

$Aww, how romantic.  It's the local's most popular date-rape point.

Just plain cold.

"Let go of me!" Mitsuki tried pushing him away. In response, he
half-slapped, half-punched her hard across the face, sending a volley of
pain shooting through her brain. Stunned, she was only partially aware
of
the feel of him moving on top of her. She tried resisting,

$Stop!

 but he was far
too large and strong and the pain made it hard for her to think. He
easily
overpowered her weakly flailing fists

$Oh, help!

, wrapping her wrists with one of his
beefy hands and pinning them against the headrest of the backseat.

$Eeek!  Someone save me!

 With his
free hand he groped one of her breasts through her dress, pulling at it
roughly and causing her to squeal in anguish.

$Suddenly serious, Rara grabbed his wrist and twisted it away.
"Alright, pal, they're nipples, not radio tuners.  Now quit it."

Heh. But you'd better make sure you lay groundrule about that sort of thing
before hand. :)

"You know you love it, honey." He released the hold on her breast. He
moved
so his body was directly on top of hers, almost pining her to the seat
with
his frame. "I'm going to show you the time of your life. You're going to
be
begging for me to give it to you before the night is out."

$Heh.  He'll be begging for her to give it back.  Preferrably in one
peice.

Not quite dealt with that brutally. Oh, he'll be pissing blood for a while.
But they'll eventually get back in working order.

fifteen minutes ago and after cautiously searching the area for
predators,
was going to risk running out in the open to retrieve it. But then the
two
leggers' rumbler had come by and decided to rest in the open area.

$Heh, this is a funny POV.  I guess Sanosuke isn't the only one in the
area trying to get a nut.

Argh! Now that was one bad pun. I salute you.

to
admire his catch. It was a big acorn, one of the biggest he had ever
seen.
He would store the food and eat it later, when the cold came and there
were
no more acorns to be found.

$Actually, he'd probably forget, but it'd make a fine tree one day.

That thought occurred to me too, but I thought it too distracting.

He was still marveling at the size of the nut when the noises from the
car
stopped. So intent was the squirrel with admiring his catch that he
failed
to notice how quickly the sounds had ceased.

$Tsk, tsk.  No staying power.

No consciousness either.

to
the ground where the dry soil drank it greedily. The smell of blood
drifted
from the opening and assailed the squirrel's nostrils. Instincts took
over
as it was shaken out of its reverie and ran back to the protection of
its
tree, acorn left lying where it had been found.

$Yet sadly, none was to be had by any.

True.

Xxxxxxxxxx


$Sure, it'd have been dark if he'd succeeded, but I think it's darkly
humorous the way it turned out.

The main problem seems to be the sudden shift from humor to serious. I've
since put in a warning about the turn in the foreward. That should help a
lot.

The squirrel was a nice touch, but,

unfortunately, it creates the biggest problem.  Y'see, it's nearly
midnight when they get to the point.  As a rule, squirrels do not go
sniffing around for acorns in the middle of the night.  That's why when
I go hunting, I have to be in the woods right at daylight, and I leave
right at dark.  They go to bed with and get up with the birds.

Yeah. I don't recall seeing many at night. But I think we can let this one
slide. As I mentioned, the different POV let's me keep readers in the dark
as to Miss Ra taking over, so when the punch to Mitsuki S comes, it's
something of a surprise.

The annoying thing is, it's too good an idea to take out.  No one else
seems to have noticed, so you could probably get away with it.  Just say
he had trouble sleeping that night, or he ran out of sleeping pills.

There we go. Bullwinkle forgot to make the drugstore run for poor ole' Rock.
:)

Other than that, few mistakes, good flow, nice setup.  Rara's gonna be
pissed.

Yep. And she's going to take out her aggressions in the next part.

Thanks for the C+C. Like I said, I'll get back to you at a later time.

D.B. Sommer

Onward!

-Ragun







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