This is my first C&C so please feel free to disregard anything I say. ^_^.
I've been enjoying lurking on the list so much; I felt that I should
contribute the little bit that I can.

The introduction did catch my attention, however, the use of sentence
fragments was jarring as they were used throughout the piece,  I find that
if used sparingly they can add emphasis to a section but if used too often
any stylistic effect loses it potency, again, this is my opinion only.

The use of sentence fragments also made it impossible to make any comments
on grammar as I wasn't sure which bits were stylistic and which bits were,
mistakes

I am looking forward to the next part because I have no idea what Hotaru

is

thinking of ^_^;;

The use of fragments is used to repersent the fact that her fragmented
thought train. In the story it's 4:30, she's afrade, she's tired, and she's
confused.

I will combine some of the fragments though. They do get kinda redundent.
: )


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