Suggested changes: {before : after}
On Wed, 24 Apr 2002 08:23:52 -0700 (PDT) Thryth <thrythlind@yahoo.com> wrote:
"Stop!" Silk snapped jabbing a finger towards the
girl. The dark girl stopped and looked to her
uncertainly before sitting down again as Silk gestured
at her. She stared at Silk, fidgetting nervously, and
a worried expression {plane : plain} on her face. Silk didn't
trust any of it, the girl's species had a rather well
deserved reputation for deceipt and destruction.
A particularly heavy series of coughs started to
drive the woman to her knees, but {Tar : Tarre} was there to
hold her quickly.
"Mistress," Tarre said hopefully. "I can carry you
where you want to go."
"No!" Silk said impatiently after a moment's
consideration. "I'll walk." Another benefit, the
village elders would probably recognize and kill {Tar : Tarre}
on sight, relieving her of the problem of deciding
what to do with her.
********
The dark-skinned girl was hovering ever {close : closer} to Silk
as they walked on. Tarre wasn't certain what to do,
the strong and powerful woman that had rescued her
from those little green monsters no longer looked so
strong and powerful. She was thin, leaning on a
make-shift staff she had acquired, and wracked by
painful sounding coughs. Her right arm hung weakly at
her side, the veins visible with whatever poison or
disease ran through her body. Every time Tarre
suggested helping her, the Mistress told her not to.
She was considering this when Silk wearily let
herself down to the ground. {Tar : Tarre} looked around,
confused, the sun was still up and yet the Mistress
was stopping? This hadn't happened before.
"I...I know you said not to carry you {mistress : Mistress},"
Tarre said hesitantly, still moving forward.
"B...but, you said you didn't have much time. You are
too big for me to carry while flying, Mistress, and I
couldn't hold you like that anyway." The girl sounded
very sorrowful for the apparent failure.
The girl, creature, she had to keep reminding herself
of that, was actually carrying her in approximately
the right direction. She hadn't tried to take Silk
out somewhere and devour her while she was
unconscious. She frowned and considered still telling
{Tar : Tarre} to set her down, but her beleagured body fought
against that notion, and she let herself be carried
further.
"I want you to stop calling me Mistress," Silk said.
{Tar : Tarre} looked as if she had been slapped.
"You've been loyal and {caring : cared} of me all this time,"
Silk said. "I should have accepted your offer to
carry me the first time."
"I should have accepted the offer at least," Silk
said. "I'll not continue to treat you with scorn over
this. Quickly, I need you to find {my : me} three things."
She sat up with difficulty and after some time of
painfully digging through her pack had retrieved her
pen and ink. {Gripping the pen even : Just gripping the pen} seemed to bring
flaming pain to Silk's hand, but she had to get
through this.
"I won't be in condition to lead you safely in that
way," Silk said. She took a breath and continued.
"My people will kill you on sight if I am not able to
tell them otherwise, and the Phoenix People the same,
more so if I'm with you. Those are the kindest
options. The Musk are that way, and you would be a
great prize to them, {daughter : Daughter}." She stroked Tarre's
cheek. "You are too weak to fight even their weakest
warriors. You may as well go back to those goblins if
that happens." Tarre paled as much as possible with
her near-black skin.
I look forward to seeing more.
--
Mac :})
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