Miller, Bert wrote:
Thanks for writing! Feedback like this helps keep me
writing, by assuring me that _somebody_ reads these, and
by pointing out places where my explanations aren't clear
(or need other work). (And given the exposition this
story needed, there probably are going to be _some_ issues.)
Fantastic story, of course, but...
As much as I'm willing to suspend my disbelief, there's
a minor plot hole ... Since Ed has scanned the mimetic
holo cure from Mihoshi's rear, why not simply send that
copy to the group that wants to see it?
I don't think this is a major hole until the end. It IS
true, at that point, that 'Those' could stare at a repro
created by Ed, instead of the original. But what would
be the fun of that? :)
I think I can expand a bit on this in the story itself,
but before that point, Ed doesn't know where to send
a copy.
After getting the vidphone call from the shopping center, with wossname
posing as Mihoshi's mom, and then seeing that it surely wasn' her mom,
Tenchi could have asked Ed to send the holo to where Mihoshi & company
were asked to go.
He _could_ broadcast it to the whole planet,
perhaps, but until Tenchi's group finds out the whole
story, how could they be sure they really want to do
that? They don't know that 'Those' were the bystanders,
as opposed to the smugglers themselves, until then.
I may have missed something, but the only reason I knew that there was
one more group [besides the eco nuts and the folks with the bomb] after
Mihosh was the fact that there *was* the tatoo on her but... which of
course implied that there'd be someone who would want to capture her so
they could see it. The connection between the tatoo and the smuggler
incident wasn't clear until they met face to face at the end.
In fact, you've already written it so Tenchi himself thinks that it's
likely the victim was an innocent:
"Somebody, possibly the innocent passersby Mihoshi mentioned, has
been exiled from the beach since she was eighteen?"
Also, about the flaw in Mihoshi'a 'enhancements' ...
she acts the way she does *all* the time... and
afaics, in most of the original story,
she doesn't experience much "extraordinary exertions,
injuries, or, for that matter, elevated levels of
exposure to ultraviolet radiation"... so, obviously
there's got to be another reason for her personality.
Perhaps in that 'take your kids to work day' incedent, she
was effected by something, or multiple somethings?
Obviously I wasn't clear here. The idea was that if one's
blood supply was inhibited by the causes given, that
the brain suffered permanent damage. That corresponds to
real life with humans, I believe: brain cells will start
to die off if deprived of blood, and it doesn't necessarily
matter if the blood supply is restored later.
I suppose... but although she's clumsy and spacey, she's not stupid, and
I would expect the damage from blood deprivation to the brain to result
in stupidity, not mere spaceyness.
And considering that fat people don't regularly suffer blood loss to the
brain (fat tissue does have lots of blood vessels in it) ... unless the
genetic engineers really screwed up badly, the body will make up enough
blood for all of it's flesh... I doubt that her breasts would result in
not getting blood to the brain.
Another problem is that you've said earlier (when describing what's
needed to extend Kiyone's lifespan) that Mihoshi's breasts are
gas-filled... so they probably *wouldn't* need that much blood.
But partly, of course, I just felt that Mihoshi's enhancements
had to have SOME drawback; given their possibility,
otherwise every woman would want them.
Heh, you're abosolutely right on that, but I think you need another
explanation.
She isn't merely a ditz... she's an *inspired* ditz :)
Besides her fantastic luck/intuition, she's got remarkable
powers of observation. Now if only she was smart enough
to *understand* what she's observing :)
I made use of Mihoshi's observation/memorization abilities
twice in the story, if memory serves: she remembered the
faces of the Delmos kidnapping her, and she was able to
recite voluminous detail about the habits of each animal
at the zoo.
Seriously, though, I'm aware that I didn't explain Mihoshi's
luck in this story, and it would have been an obvious place
to do so. Part of this is my conscious decision to keep
some mysteries in place. However, I _did_ place one, and
only one, clue, as to why events might not follow causation
around Mihoshi. (I won't necessarily use this same clue
later on, so it's not necessarily a spoiler if I point it
out.) But did you notice the name and description of Mihoshi's
mother?
Umm... Celcia ... but I don't get the reference...
Ok, doing a web search... Ok, that explains the three who want to strip
her naked. Cute. :) But it doesn't explain why events might not follow
causation around her. Do I have to go watch TWHE to figure this out?