In a message dated 4/18/2002 6:03:59 PM US Mountain Standard Time,
sommer@3rdm.net writes:
Going to slightly only a month away:
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay! DB's reviewing this one, too!
> Also, I'm experimenting with a different sort of style than what
> most may be accustomed to in my normal works. The humor is a bit
> more subdued than, say, NETTG or Heart of Sugar. This is more
> geared towards those that have found my other stuff a bit too
> silly for its own good.
Always a good idea to flex the old creativity muscle every once and a
while.
Yeah, try new things, see how I can make it all work out right, that sort of
thing.
I've noticed that since I've taken up fanfic writing, other kinds of writing
come a lot
easier. (Especially useful when several-page college-level essays are due. I
laugh while writing those as well. Oddly enough, I even score high on them...)
> I don't want to give away too much before actually starting the
> story, but from what I can tell, some will like it, and others
> won't enjoy it so much. It's all a matter of taste.
Like everything else
Yeah, I'd tend to agree. The thing is that I showed the story to two distinct
people
before advancing very far. One **LOVED** the concept, and the other
**LOATHED**
and despised it. So my thought process went something like: "Hmmmmmmm..."
> A young man trudged his way through the gloom.
>
> It was probably the worst Tuesday of his entire life.
Not counting the one where he died.
Well, yes, but he didn't know about that one yet. ^_-
> It was not so much that the day was not bright and sunny; the
> temperature hovered around seventy-six degrees Fahrenheit and not
> a single cloud graced the entire skyline. People were even walking
> through the streets of the city with broad and cheerful smiles on
> their faces.
>
> Moreover, birds were chirping.
I'd throw that in the paragraph above.
Yeah, I guess you're right:
It was not so much that the day was not bright and sunny; the
temperature hovered around seventy-six degrees Fahrenheit and not
a single cloud graced the entire skyline. People were even walking
through the streets of the city with broad and cheerful smiles on
their faces. Moreover, birds were chirping.
Funny how such a small change can make such a difference...
> "Hey, watch it!" someone called from behind the boy.
>
> Kato spun around to face the speaker.
It was the Juice himself
^_^
Oh, not Kato Kaelin? Nevermind. :)
Whenever I think of that guy, I always remember this one tasteless song
on Comedy Central: (music of Day-oh) "Ka-to, mistah Kaaaaa-toe. OJ's house
is now Kato's ho-oome! Kato live with Nicole Brown free! OJ's house is now
Kato's home..."
I mean, it was quite funny, but still, rather insensitive, given the
context...
> The black-haired man had apparently caught one of the more
> jagged edges of the paper in the eye, considering that his left one
> was closed and he winced in obvious discomfort.
Ouch
Yeah. Ocular paper cuts can be nasty...
> "I'm a wimp and I always trip over my own feet before I can
> throw a punch or try to kick. I have absolutely zero tolerance for
> pain, no strength, and everyone laughs at me. Stuff like that."
That would do it.
It's nice to have a humble opinion about oneself. ^_-
> The elder male shook his head. "You should have a little more
> self-confidence,
He does. He has confidence in his self getting beaten up when he tries to
fight.
Oh, yes. There are all kinds of confidence. The commonly accepted view is
only one facet of the possible meaning. ^_^
> Kato rubbed his bruised cheek, muddling over the insanity of
> his life. He supposed that one day, he could complain to the police
> and get the whole thing taken care of, but would that really solve
> anything?
Yes. Jail solves many problems, as long as you're not the one in them.
Agreed completely. There's a definite reason for law enforcement. It's a sad
commentary on society that a lot of victims don't tend to avail themselves of
that resource as much as they ought to.
> The cat tried to stand, but it wobbled around and fell back
> down. It had a pair of Band-Aids covering its poor little bruised
> forehead.
Heh. Interesting
Okay, so I needed a reason for Luna to really take a shine to the boy. A
rescue
effort seemed the most likely and believable thing. ^_^
> The boy had a sneaking suspicion that his parents might really
> be wealthy too, but they always violently denied it, especially when
> he asked for money to spend at the arcade. Money doesn't grow on
> trees, they always explained. His arguments that it did since the
> bills were made of paper didn't seem to improve things much.
That would be grows from trees, not on them.
That would have been the smart thing to say. Unfortunately, parents have this
thing against smart remarks as well. ^_^;;;;
> "Ooof!" The ten-foot-tall bald thug almost had the wind
> knocked out of him from the force of the impact.
Hopefully he's a cat lover and will let him pass.
Some bullies can be kind-hearted, in a roundabout and concealed way... Then
there are those that are just plain single-minded...
> next instant found that his fist had crashed straight into Nappa's
> face.
>
> *KEEERUUUNCCCHHH!* The sound of cartilage cracking
My. Hard shot.
Yeah, I wanted to get across the power that the kid's got tucked away.
Usagi had considerable power, SM being a sort of magical howitzer, as I've
heard and seen her described.
So, despite the new kid's overt wussiness, he should be similar in the aspect
that he's got something useful, if he'd just buckle down and get cracking.
> Vegeta's eyes widened for a second before he regained his
> confident smirk. "Fighting back, are we? This behavior must not be
> tolerated!" He placed two fingers at his lips and blew, creating a
> very loud whistle.
Summoned by the whistle, a pack of wild dogs attacked Vegeta.
We're saving that one for chapter 3. ^_^
> The receptionist sized him up. "Hmmm, does your pet have an
> appointment, young man?"
Kato: No. He only had a rotery phone and his paws didn't fit in the holes.
"Didn't he have a pencil?"
"It's his jaw that's hurt. He was trying to draft a bill."
I'm just itching to put these lines of yours in... but there is a flavor I'm
trying to
maintain. But it's okay, really! ^_^;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
> The nerd nodded. "Yes. Have you heard that Sailor V caught
> another bank thief this morning?"
>
> "Who?"
>
> "Sailor V. She's some masked vigilante out fighting crime in
> a short-skirted sailor suit. She's the talk of the town!"
Heh. This should be real fun. For a moment I wondered if the scouts would
all be guys.
That's been done a great deal... I wouldn't want to impose too much on
C.Jones's
creative territory. (I still think he did a nice job on SM:Reversal...)
So, now, I'm faced with the dilemma of how many other sailors to switch, or if
I should go with the option to have Kato the only one that's been... changed.
It'd make for some pretty strange relationships, considering how loyal the
other
girls always were to Usagi (ESPECIALLY Rei...).
And... just because it looks like Sailor V's a girl, that doesn't preclude
the chance
that she's not. Crossdressers (especially in the Ranma series[Tsubasa,
Ukyou]--or
even the SM series[Haruka, Star Lights]) can get quite adept.
I don't currently have any plans to do so. (It'd have to be one REALLY funny
scene
and perfect for the situation if I were to do it.) But that's just something
that occurred
to me. Appearances can always be deceiving.
However, when I'm trying to be blatant, I usually am. ^_^
> "Actually," Kato added, "without all the blood and junk on you,
> you're kind of a cute kitty."
Kato: I've got some hamsters I'd like to introduce you to.
(sounds of agonized squeaks, which gradually fade...)
> Naru sighed. "We've known each other for years, and you've
> always been the same. Maybe someday you'll grow out of it, but at
> this point, I doubt it." She patted him on the shoulder. "Take your
> cat home and get some rest. Honestly, you're always picking up these
> half-dead things and taking them home. Most of 'em didn't last too
> long, but maybe this time you'll be able to keep this one alive. Not
> like when you kept forgetting to feed that little bunny of yours."
The cat wet itself.
Good 'ol Elmyra ethics!
> The blue-uniformed boy stopped and looked over his shoulder. "I
> don't know. I was thinking about naming it Mokona, Ryo-Ohki, Puar,
> Oolong, or something like that."
What's wrong with Nuku-Nuku? :P
That's for when Luna rediscovers her shapeshifting powers, as outlined in the
manga. Human, she's not half-bad looking. ^_-
> Seated on the throne was one who could only be described as
> a titan among men. Muscles upon muscles adorned his massive frame.
> Pectorals bulged against his purple-stained chainmail. Legs, arms
> and neck displayed a stunning array of juts and mounds. A lock of
> red hair poked out of the front of his giant, horned helmet.
Well, another change, I see.
I asked one of my prereaders what I should do with the villains.
He said: "Mess 'em up!" I did my best to deliver.
> "Umm!" General Jadeite yelped in fright. She looked down at
> what she was wearing. It was a dark grey leotard with green trim, tan
> stockings, and a white puffball bunny-tail a little below the small
> of her back. "It's the latest thing in Dark Imperium military
> fatigues. Do you like it, Your Majesty?" She posed for him to get
> the full effect.
Heh. Beryl will have his hands full
Mihoshi's a handful, with or without any other generals.
> Kato's mother let him back in after a couple of minutes, giving
> the boy the chance to carry the cat back up to his room where they
> could have a proper conversation.
So she regards talking to cats as a step in the right direction? :)
He's getting delirious. Have to let 'em back inside or he might get even
worse. ;)
> "I think my name is Luna," the injured cat replied hesitantly,
> but brightened after some thought, "but you can call me anything you
> like, cutey!"
Is she in heat, or what? ^_^
Just a little hero worship. She's not getting physically attracted to him.
She's not going to assume human form and Ryouko-glomp him. Really.
...I mean it! ^_^;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
> "Meow?" Kato's kitty said in a surprised voice.
Shingo: Wow! You can get it to meow on command. I'm impressed. Most people
can't get cats to do anything, even that.
Hmm...
"Oh, that's nice," Kato said, then held up his cat. "Look at
this, my cat talks."
"Meow?" Kato's kitty said in a surprised voice.
The younger brother laughed. "Wow, you can get it to meow on
command! I'm impressed. Most people can't get cats to do -anything-,
even that."
Kato shook his head. "No, not meow-talk. I mean -talk-, as
in, 'hi, how are you?'"
Shingo smirked and rolled his eyes. "Oh, come on, Kato!
Everyone knows that cats only talk in fantasy! This is real life.
We're not living in a Kiki's Delivery Service movie or anything like
that."
> "Ah, yes. Ahem! Kato-kun, we are going to sing both parts of
> 'Row, Row, Row Your Lunar Gondola,' to prove that I am, in fact, a
> talking cat."
Heh. Anything is better than hearing Shatner, Nimoy, and Kelly try and do
it
though. :)
Kelly's a doctor, not a singer! ^_^
> "Humph, well, if people knew that I was special, they probably
> wouldn't mistreat me so badly, would they?
Too true.
Yeah, some people get afraid that odd animals would end up getting dissected.
The fact remains that, societally speaking, the people wouldn't stand for it.
Any scientist that tries it would probably get lynched.
> "And pay the bills," Shingo added, looking at his brother. "Did
> you spend -everything- you had fixing up this cat?"
Luna: Please don't use the term 'fixed' when refering to me.
^_^
"And pay the bills," Shingo added, looking at his brother. "Did
you spend -everything- you had fixing up this cat?"
Kato nodded. "Yeah, actually. I think I did."
"Erm. Please don't use the term 'fixed' when refering to me,
Luna whispered, then continued, "Well, no good deed must go
unrewarded!" She limped out of Kato's arms to stand in the middle of
the bed. "I want to pay you back, but I'm not sure what I could give
you."
> "Oooh, wait," Shingo added, examining the disc close-up,
> "this is like one of those things that they say Sailor V uses.
> Except she uses a compact. Or maybe it was a pen..."
A quill pen. Which was an improvement over the original design, which
employed an anvil.
Well, at least it wasn't silverpoint...
> "Not now, Kato! I'm on a roll here!" Shingo rolled his eyes,
> then looked at the cat. "Sailor V goes around fighting crime in a
> multicolored school uniform that's, like, a couple sizes too small
> for her," he explained. "She always wears a mask that looks like a
> pair of big, obnoxious red glasses, and she's gone all around the
> country and's
'and'
Oh. I was using and's in a possible replacement of 'and has.'
Perhaps...
"Not now, Kato! I'm on a roll here!" Shingo rolled his eyes,
then looked at the cat. "Sailor V goes around fighting crime in a
multicolored school uniform that's, like, a couple sizes too small
for her," he explained. "She always wears a mask that looks like a
pair of big, obnoxious red glasses, and she's gone all around the
country and has been seen in China recently. Rumor has it she's
going to visit England soon!"
> "And gives her some kind of funky magical powers," Shingo
> added. "They say she shoots laser beams out of her compact and
> has patented moves like the Sailor V Kick."
Kato: You mean I could get superhuman powers and avenge myself on those
that
wronged me? Cool.
Too bad he's too dense to think of that right now. ^_^
> Kato looked at Luna, who nodded thoughtfully. The boy pursed
> his lips for a second, then opened his mouth to speak. He hesitated,
> remembering something important that had been mentioned. "Wait a
> sec, this isn't going to do anything weird, like turn me into
> something I don't wanna be, is it?"
Kato: Like a Spice Girl or something.
The horror. The Horror(tm) ^_^
> Luna froze, shocked by the idea. After a while, she laughed and
> waved a paw, shaking her head. "Oh, don't be silly, Kato-kun! I'd
> never give something to a handsome boy like yourself that'd turn you
> into..." She giggled again/ "
stray slash
Yup. Fixed it.
The '/' key is dangerously close to the '.' key...
> Luna struggled to her feet and limped over to check on Kato
> to see if he was okay.
drop 'to...okay.' We know why she's checking on him.
Gotcha.
Luna struggled to her feet and limped over to check on Kato.
His legs looked fine, and his arms didn't seem to have any burns
on them. Actually, he didn't seem to be wounded at all, aside from
the lump forming on his head.
> The image of Queen Serenity took a breath. "Many years ago,
> perhaps even centuries or millennia, I lived on a happy and
> prosperous world, the Moon. Unfortunately, we had enemies. What we
> call the Dark Kingdom attacked us and nearly destroyed us all.
Serenity: And all because we tried to exterminate them before they got us.
It was just rude, I'm telling you.
Whoever has the biggest and fastest gun wins. ^_^
> "K-chan, I CAN'T believe you mispronounced it like that,"
Heh. Didn't know that myself.
The difference between 'moshi-moshi' and 'mushi-mushi' is astounding...
> There was a long silence on the other end of the line. "Oookay,
> that's nice. You didn't trip and hit your head again, did you?"
Kato: No. A magical force hurled me into my bed, though. Got a lump on my
skull and everything.
I'd tend to agree that that line ought to be in the story...
There was a long silence on the other end of the line. "Oookay,
that's nice. You didn't trip and hit your head again, did you?"
Kato blinked. "Umm, no, not really. A magical force kind of
hurled me into my bed, though. Got a lump on my skull and everything.
Why?"
There was another uncomfortable pause. "No reason, Kato. No
reason at all." The girl's voice was starting to sound a bit
strained, but continued to be supportive and friendly. "So, what else
did your cat say?"
> A happy gleam came to the blond's eyes as he stared up at the
> ceiling while twiddling the phone cord between his fingers. "Wow,
> so the first person you wanted to talk to was -me-? That's great,
> Naru!"
Heh. He is desperate for any attention.
Any man in his position would be. ^_^
> "What can I say?" Naru added in a tone that suggested that
> she was shrugging. "You're like a brother to me."
Naru: One I want to have an incestuous relationship with.
Kato: Ewwww. You pervert. I'm not that hard up yet.
Naru: We'll see. I'm patient.
Kato: Umm... Gotta go. Have a date with a cat-girl...
> Kato turned to face his brother. "They said that the zombie
> divisions are fighting a riot in the cemetery and couldn't be over
> for a few more hours."
Shingo: What about the AD Police?
Kato: Please. They're only useful if you need cannon fodder.
Of course, the AD police would be quite useful in the SM series...
> Then the effect died down when they could finally make out his
> features. Naru couldn't recognize him, but he was a young man
> somewhere between fourteen and seventeen with short blond hair. He
> wore a blue tuxedo with a white shirt and a red cape flowing behind
> him. He had on formal black shoes and wore a pair of white gloves.
That's a swtich, all right. Does Mamoru end up in a senshi outfit then? :)
Only if you want a horrific magical wave to go through him, making the
appropriate
modifications at a key and embarrassing moment.
...
You don't want THAT, do you? ^_^;;;;
> Mihoshi gasped and pulled out what looked like a small handgun.
> She frantically pointed it at Kato, then at Shingo, Naru, then back
> again. "Stay back and don't try to use any firearms. By order of the
> Dark Imperium, I'm placing you all under arrest for threatening to
> assault one of the Emperor's Generals and for interfering with
> Imperial energy taxation."
Heh. Cute
Yeah, Mihoshi is cute, isn't she? And just the type of villain we need for
this
one. ^_^
> Naru coughed in disbelief. "'My darling boy?!'" She stared at
> Luna. "Oh, great, he finally gets a girlfriend and she's a CAT!"
> Louder, she quipped, "Wow, K-chan, you got yourself a cat-girl!
> I never thought you had it in you!"
Hehehehe.
^_^ Can't beat this one.
> "Uhh, Moon Pummeling Action?"
That works.
Or maybe:
"Uhh, Moon Pummeling Action?" Sailor Moon ventured to say.
He paused, thinking of the words. "Moon" and "Action" felt
appropriate, and "Pummeling" seemed to be the right descriptive
term for what he just did.
Shingo grimaced and shook his head. "No, more like Moon One-
Hundred Fists of Destruction Action!"
"I guess that sounds... better," Kato muttered weakly.
Naru stared at him. "K-chan's actually fighting back," she
whispered to herself. "I never thought I'd live to see the day..."
> Kato stepped around the taller tuxedoed man and added, "Yeah,
> we're not criminals." He sighed in an flustered manner. "Look,
> draining people's energy and attacking innocent girls like my friend
> Naru,
friend, Naru
Oops! "Commas are your weakness!"
"Your faith in your friends is yours!"
Well, 'friend Naru' can be a proper way to put it, I _think_, but I'll go
with your
suggestion.
> "Yeah!" Shingo agreed. "For security reasons. I don't want
> to wake up to vampires knocking at my window all the time."
>
> "Oh," Kato replied with a frown, suddenly unable to combat
> Shingo's logic.
Nor could I, for that matter.
That's why superheroes keep secret identities, I suppose.
> The black cat took a deep breath, looking into the woman's
> eyes, convicted of every word of her speech.
convicted? Don't know as that's the word you should be going for.
Well... How about...
The black cat took a deep breath, looking into the woman's
eyes, absolutely convinced of every word of her speech.
> Emperor Beryl sat down on his garish, skeletal throne, his
> muscles rippling as he completed the task in a single smooth motion.
> As he did so, a peal of deep, roaring, bellowing laughter escaped
> from his powerful lungs. "BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!"
It did sound like she was successful, all right.
Mihoshi is frighteningly competent... for a stereotypical ditzy blonde. ^_^
> The fist-sized vertebrae in the Emperor's neck cracked as he
> nodded. "YES. SHE MAY REST, FOR NOW." He turned toward the empty
> darkness before his throne. "BUT UNTIL SHE RECOVERS, I WILL BORROW
> THE STRENGTH OF ANOTHER." He filled his gigantic lungs with air and
> called out, "THE GREAT AND POWERFUL MANSLAYER, GENERAL NEPHRITE,
> SHOW YOURSELF TO ME!"
I can't wait to see this one.
It's still up in the air, but I have in mind someone that sort of has the
nickname
or title of Manslayer...
> Oh no, Kato thought, they'd switched to the morning schedule.
Heh
I hate it when they do that...
> "That's me!" Naru called back with a smile. She held in
> her hands the gun that the boy remembered General Mihoshi had
> carried.
Hehehehe. Nothing like using the opposition's weaponry against them.
Hoo-yeah, baby!
> Naru laughed them to scorn and turned a dial on her weapon.
> "Oh, and extortion's 'just business,' right?"
>
> "Curse your logic!" Vegeta spat.
>
> "You're BOTH gonna pay fah dis!" Nappa cried in anger and pain.
She should shoot him again. :)
Hmm...
*BLAM!* The giant grunted and reeled back as he caught another
shot in the abdomen. "Aaaargh!!!"
"Say," Naru continued, "why don't you just leave the poor kid
alone and we'll call it even?" There was a new laser sight duct taped
to the barrel. She turned it on and made sure the leader of the thugs
saw the red dot on his chest.
Satisfactory? ^_^
> *BZREOW-REOW-REOW!* "Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaa," Naru laughed
> maniacally as she fired off several more shots into their midst, just
> barely missing their feet.
>
> "We'll get you for this!" Nappa called back as he stumbled
> quickly away.
Naru: Then I'd better kill you now.
Nappa; On second thought, you win and I'll never darken your doorway again.
Hmm...
*BZZR-TWANG!* The laser bolt took a chunk out of the brick wall
the thugs were standing near.
Most of the band yelled in fright and took off running.
*BZREOW-REOW-REOW!* "Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaa," Naru laughed
maniacally as she fired off several more shots into their midst, just
barely missing their feet. "Oh, I'm sorry, did I say I'd count to
three?" *BLAM!* "My bad." *POW!* "I never-" *P-TWANG!* "-was good
with counting and numbers-" *PROING!* "-and such. Heh, was that your
head there?! Don't worry, it's not like you used it, anyway!"
"We'll get you for this!" Nappa called back as he stumbled
quickly away.
"Then I'd better kill you now," Naru added with a nasty gleaam
in her eye.
Kato raised an eyebrow at the girl. Was this the same sweet,
kind, and polite girl he'd known all his life?
*KA-PING!!!*
"Urk!" Nappa choked, his eyes bulging wide as a shot whizzed
by his head. "I'll be back!" he again promised unintelligently as he
slipped around the corner.
"'Course you will!" Naru retorted with a grin. "And when you
try, I'll be ready and waiting for it!!! Hah hah hah haaaaa!"
> Naru smiled at that. "Yeah, it was, wasn't it? That's a
> nice piece of equipment there. It had some instructions hidden
> in the clip.
Heh. And it's magazine, not clip. Unless the writing was very, very small.
:)
Well, I was thinking that it was folded up with a little piece of chewing gum
stuck in it... It's not a very _big_ gun, I don't think...
Would it be better to have a large laser gun with a rechargeable magazine?
Neat little thing. Lots of changed, and still humorous. It might have
dragged a little in the middle, but overall a good read.
Well, if there's anything I can do to make it drag less, give me a couple of
specifics and I'll do my best to comply.
And thanks! I'm glad you liked it. I'm very glad to get this level of C&C from
so many people. It has been quite useful, as you've seen by my direct
application of it in my storylines. I do use as much as I can.
(Oh! And K'thardin, if you're reading, I'll get to applying your C&C to C:PSS2
as soon as I can. I've been a little pressed for time lately... But here's a
preliminary
thanks.)
-------------------------------
Benjamin A. Oliver
boredcollective@aol.com
"We are the Bored. Lower your shields and surrender your fics.
We will add your standup and slapstick comedy to our own.
Your humor will adapt to entertain us.
Resistance is and always has been: Futile."
Collective works available at:
http://rakhal.com/florestica/ben-oliver/index.html
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