I tried sending this directly to DB. Got rejected for 'content'

Didn't wanna waste all the time I spent on this (even if it's admittedly just the ramblings of a simple-minded fool) so here it is.

I lied. Instead of shrinking like the first part, or being the size I
anticipated, this baby grew on me. Now the whole thing will be a total of
140K. So I'm sending the remaining 100K out in two parts. The third part is
actually done, I merely have to do one more revision on it. It should be out
either tomorrow or the next day.

If it makes you feel any better, I told all of my readers that I would resolve a story arc in my fic by chapter seven for sure... It's now at chapter ten with no resolvation in sight.

uniform was open at the collar. He was trying painfully to act non-chalant,

Which was evident from the way his back was twisted at odd angles and how he groaned from time to time.

Saccharine smile plastered on her face, Mitsuki sat down in the empty seat
next to the senior and said in ecstatically happy tones, "Sanosuke."

Mitsuki: Whatever happened to that way cool sword of yours that you used in your first fight with Kenshin?

showing off a perfect set of teeth. "Hey, Sanada. Finally come to your
senses and dumped that wimp, Yotsuga, so you can go out with a real man?"

Mitsuki: Uh-huh. Say, have you seen the new transfer student, Ranma Saotome, anywhere?

He hadn't been

able to understand how she could reject him so casually when practically no
other girl had. 

Kuno: Tis a far better fate than my own, to be sure.

"I'm here on behalf of my cousin, Mitsuki Rara. She wants to go out with
you."

Even more evil thoughts.

That perked Sanosuke's interest far more than when he had first thought
Mitsuki dropped by to ask him out. That made her twice as irritated as
before.

Repetitive 'That'. Might want to change the second one.

hot-looking girls around here had lost their minds and were going for
pussies like him."

Tenchi: Hey!

Akito: (grumbles) I just wanted to be a cook...

in you and was hoping you would ask her out tonight."

I dunno if this is exactly what you meant her to say. He'd wait until that night to ask Rara out?

He smirked. "It's nice to see good taste wins out after all."

Kuno: There is hope for the world.

Mamoru: Ganbatte!

Mitsuki resisted the urge to wipe the smirk off with her fist. This was 

She's been resisting a lot of urges lately, ne?

"No!" Mitsuki shot to her feet and placed stood in front of him so he
couldn't get past.

'placed stood' is wrong. Dunno what you planned to put there though. Maybe get rid of 'placed'.

Though in Mitsuki's estimation, most rats would be good enough for a walking
piece of garbage like Sanosuke.

Mamoru: Hey!

"I'm so delighted, I think I'll throw up on you," was what Mitsuki wanted to
say. Instead what came out was a dull, "I'm flattered."

Nabiki: (chuckles) 'Flattened' would be more like it.

her mind. She liked snakes. Liked crushing the slithering vermin flat with
the nearest heavy object she could find.

Oddly religious, that image.

boasting to a nearby classmate, "Yeah, and Sanada wants me too. I can tell
these things."

Kuno: This person and I share a handful of useful abilities, apparently. 

The veins in Mitsuki's forehead bulged badly enough that people in the hall
kept mentioning the words 'brain embolism' as she walked past.

I sincerely doubt that japanese students wouls use 'brain embolism' in everyday conversation, but it's still funny.

entered, the room was full of chatter as all the other girls were already in
varying states of undress. 

Happosai: Paradise...

there were few things more irritating than fitness zealots.

Mamoru: (achoo!)

after classes. Unlike the previous two girls, Michiko had a great body, with
above average breasts, long legs, and not an ounce of fat. 

Ranma: Lemon fodder, those types of girls. Had one or two or three in my day.

Tenchi: It's amazing how these girls seem to pop up in every school. 

"Just when in the hell do you think you're doing, Sanada?" Tanaka had 

(ahem) _When_ in the hell do you think you're doing?

Mitsuki: Um... yesterday?

Mitsuki knew that had come out horribly wrong. Pretty much as horribly wrong
as she could have managed.

Haruka: Happened to me once, good thing Michiru was interested in me too. Could have been really embarrassing, that.

"You mean Arisa what's her name who had to leave school after she and Rei
got caught doing you know what in the restroom?"

Ranma: Doing what? Copying each other's homework?

Ukyo: (shakes her head) Clueless...

Tanaka led the charge this time. "Oh, so what you're saying is, we aren't
attractive enough for a pervert like you, is that it?"

Haruka: How about short-haired blondes in sailor fukus, Mitsuki-chan?

"Get out, you disgusting pervert!" Bottles of shampoo and other cleaning
utensils 

I don't really like combining 'cleaning' and 'utensils'. 'Tools' would be better, IMHO. I tend to associate the word 'utensil' with stuff like spoons and forks.

It had gone from one hell of a morning to one hell of a day.

Haruka: Let's make it one hell of an evening too! Michiru and I have room to spare!

Michiru: (blushes)

regret through its torso and pinned it to a wall, reminding her what was
going to happen if the situation  was left as it was.

So I take it a hot threesome is out of the question?

"All of it, except the money and soccer part. Kazuki stinks at soccer. Even
D is better at it than him."

Kazuki: (beams with pride)

even know him. There's... someone else I'm interested in." She began shyly
twiddling her fingers.

Kazuki: (achoo!)

"Yep. It'll give you good training for when you go out on dates with...
Kazuki." She barely forced out the last bit. Images of him and Rara
together, sighing happily to one another as they held hands and stared into
each other's eyes, darkened Mitsuki's mood.

Of course, it'd look remarkably like an image of herself with Kazuki.

Rara had definitely inherited her mother's cutting edge fashion sense.

Except for the hideous dominatrix outfit, of course.

absolutely miserable. It was the worst hang dog expressions Mitsuki had 

'worst hang dog expressions' sounds wrong to me.

appeared ready to burst into tears. "I wish I hadn't accepted going out
tonight."

'hadn't agreed to go out tonight' sounds better, IMHO.

the other. What had happened?

Nabiki: (yawns) Yuri, that's what happened.

inexplicable reason she felt as angry as she was delighted that Rara would
let herself be charmed so easily.

Haruka: Jealous...

almost as much as the loud, obnoxious clods that drove them.

Haruka: Hey!

interest in him. He was still the only man for her, even if she couldn't
being herself to tell him it aloud.

Ayeka: Like _that_ will help.

Ryoko: Take it from us: it doesn't matter whether he knows or not. 

instead of the simple friendship that currently existed between them.

Mamoru: Yeah, then we can get to the hot, kinky sex! (rubs hands together)

Only an aging guardrail stood as a barrier between the open lot and going
over the point and into the water.

Yeesh, even my baby sister knows to watch out for places like that.

Her struggles finally stopped altogether. This was what he had been waiting
for. His hands went to unbuckle his pants. It was about time this date had
finally gotten to the good part.

I think I hate Sano a lot more now. (checks) Yep, I do.

Well, that's it for part 2. Onwards to part 3!

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