Tom Keehn <zinyadel@hotmail.com> wrote:

Hey, let's face it, you're a funny guy. And you know what they say,
we're not laughing at you, we're laughing with you. They're lying, of
course. But that's life. And at least I admit it. Everybody else
pretends to take you seriously while you're listening, but as soon as
your back is turned, they break into chuckles. Who wouldn't? Like I
said, you're just a funny guy.

I'm not sure what you mean by 'pretends to take you seriously while you're
listening.'  Perhaps it should be 'around' instead of listening.

It's meant to mean when he's there and paying attention, yeah. I'll
think about rewording.

Second, even if she does like you as a person now, it's only because she
doesn't know the real you. You've got her hoodwinked, but how long do
you think that'll last? Any day now, she'll see what a stupid, clumsy
oaf she's got for a boyfriend, and then where will you be? Say, maybe
she even knows already. Maybe she's just playing along because she
doesn't want to hurt your feelings.

Suggestion for Ryoga's Demon.  During this list I'm surprised that Akane
isn't mentioned.  That is probably the biggest insult the demon could
throw at Ryoga.  Like hey buddy, what would Akari really think of you if
she knew about you and Akane.  I'm sure this tactic has worked before
seeing how at the end of Ryoga's first sequence with Akari ended with a
note that there was someone else in Ryoga's life.

That's a very good idea; I'll see what I can come up with.

AUTHOR NOTES: Character pieces generally aren't my thing, but I needed
something to do for an hour challenge, and there you are. As always,
comments are sought and welcomed. You can find my other work at
http://www.akane.org/gary/comics.html

In all I really liked this.  I'm not sure a lot more could be done with
this.  Basically come up with a string of things to depress Ryoga in a
'hey buddy ya know' format and carried out very well.  Other than the
apparent lack of use of the 'Akane weapon', I'd say Ryoga was quite sullen
at the end.

Glad you liked it. I agree that there's nowhere much further to go with
it, unless I were to take it beyond the level of character sketch and
add some external events that will influence and be influenced by
Ryoga's state of mind, at which point it really becomes a different
story.

I'm sooo not used to writing Ryoga with the extra 'u'.  Bad habit.

Hey, no problem. :)  Unless I'm specifically giving a spelling
correction, I generally use my own preferred romanizations when I'm
doing C&C. I figure people will be able to transpose. :)

Anyways, ciaow.

Thanks very much for the comments!


Gary

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