C&C may be ignored at your discretion, of course!

--- Thryth <thrythlind@yahoo.com> wrote:

**From the sick twisted and warped mind that brought
you, and is already righting another chapter of,
Family Trees....yet another spoof of typical
cliches*

Hmm, I suppose this qualifies as a "loose canon"
warning?

Introductions

   Urd blinked a little dazedly, trying to decide
whether to be elated or depressed.  On the one hand,
the wish she had been told to grant had just given
her
the go ahead to mettle in the "Love octagon from
hell."  On the other hand, the wish her subject, one
Nodoka Saotome, had made just gave her an almost
unreachable goal.
   "Is something wrong, Urd?" Belldandy asked as she
noticed Urd staring into space again.  She'd been
doing that since she got back from her assignment. 
She had been so proud that Urd was again allowed to
go
on assignment, she hoped nothing had gone wrong.
   "To quote the woman," Urd said, dazed.  "'I wish
you could all just get HAPPILY MARRIED to each
other.'"
   "Ummm, oh dear," Belldandy said, she'd read the
file involved in the case Urd had gone on.  Just in
case there was trouble.  "Who were the 'all' she was
talking about?"
   "Her kid," Urd lifted a finger, still staring
into
space.  "His first fiancee, his second fiancee, his
Amazon bride, this rich girl in the neighborhood,
and,
since he has a Jusenkyo curse that makes him a girl,
this other kid she think would be a good match if he
ever chose to stay a girl.  Oh...and the kicker..."
   "There's more?" Belldandy said, sounding more
than
a little shocked.
   "Just before she made the wish," Urd said.  "'Oh,
Urd-sama, you're such a wonderful lady, you'd make
such a good match for my son.'"
   "She called YOU a lady?" Skuld said, from where
she
was easedropping.
   "Yeah," Urd said.  "I almost had a heartattack
when
she did that.  But then she made the wish and I had
bigger problems to worry about."
   "Wait a minute," Keiichi said, joining the family
meeting.  "The wish was worded 'all of you'!?"
   "Bingo!" Urd said.  "So...now...I have to find a
way for all of us to willing enter into a multiple
marriage that ALL of us will be happy with."  The
multiple part wasn't really bothering Urd that much.

Since when has Urd been willing to share the object of
her affection with anyone or anything else? Of course,
she may just be playing along until she can get that
part of the wish annulled.

<SNIP> 

*******

   Urd took a moment to acclimate herself to her new
location before looking around.  Teleportation
always
tended to leave her a little disoriented.  Climbing
out of those TVs often proved difficult and painful.

Eh? Is this a reference to her kicking Keiichi when
she first appeared? She just couldn't see him because
she chose to emerge legs first. She can move through a
TV with amazing speed when she wants to. 

She kept tripping and spilling herself over floors
and
things, especially with these tiny tvs.

Size doesn't really matter. She teleported
effortlessly through a camera the size of a lipstick
once. She isn't limited to TVs - in fact, no goddess
is limited to her "medium" other than by preference.
  

   Next time she recycled herself she hoped she
recycled to a less dangerous method of travel.  Like
fire or lightning or something.
   In any case, Urd's momentary distraction is why
she
didn't realize where she was until it was too late.
   "Well, goddess," a voice said.  Urd's eyes
snapped
open as she looked around to see a pair of demons
eyeing her eagerly.  "Isn't this an interesting turn
of events?"
   Urd beat down her worry quickly and placed a mask
of determination over her face.  She was only a
second
class goddess, but it wasn't for lack of power as
Belldandy had said.  Still, two demons, demons she
could feel were quite powerful as well.
   "Yes it is," Urd said.  "I didn't quite feel like
dealing with your ilk today.  A pity the doublet
system is still in place, or I'd remove the two of
you from the scheme of things right now."  
   She could do it, she thought, even if it wasn't
really her style.  She wanted to put on a little
face
in case they got ideas though.
   "Oh yes, the doublet system," one demon said. 
"You're Urd aren't you?  Which makes your double
Mara, right?"

Doublet pairings are unknown. That's the reason the
system works. Nobody knows who will die if they kill
someone. Nobody but Welsper and Belldandy, of course,
but that's a very special case. 

   ~Oh, that is such a not good thing to hear,~ Urd
said.  "What makes you say that?"  Urd quietly
started
preparing a spell.
   "Isn't Mara one step above us on the promotion
scale?" the one demon said.  "If she were to die who
would be promoted."
   "Maybe the demons that helped rid Hell of such an
active thorn in its side while at the same time
removing an incompetent with sympathies for the
enemy from its employ," the other demon said.

Hild would have the heads of any demons who tried such
a reckless thing.

   "Easier said than done!" Urd shouted angrily. 
"URD BOLT!!!"  
   The power swung forward and blasted into the
demons
knocking them back, and then Urd was running.  On
even
terms she could beat them and kill them, but it
would
be HARD work.  And if she expected to win she HAD to
outright kill them, and that wasn't something she
could do.

Or just beat them both to a pulp, then seal them. You
have a good handle on Urd's power level.

<SNIP>

   The explosion stopped anything the three had to
say.  Instantly the three of them were apart and in
battle stance as a white-haired woman came flying
down
the street pursued by two dangerous looking men,
also
flying.
   The two men, dressed in dark clothes were firing
off blasts of crackling lightning at the
white-haired
woman who blocked with what the martial artists
assumed was a shield formed out of ki.
   The three martial artists, among the most
powerful
of their age group, spared themselves a moment to
try
and figure out what was going on, then they extended
their chi awareness.  Then they moved.
   Ryouga and Ranma pulled into their respective
chi-drawing stances while Shampoo charged towards
the low-flying combatants.
   Urd turned away from her pursuers at the sound of
a loud, feminine scream of challenge.  She was
presented
with the sight of a purple haired girl charging
forward rather rapidly.  
   The girl had a healthy amount of chi, enough to
stand toe to toe with a minor god or demon.  Though
she had not nearly so much as the two boys behind
her.
 Urd nearly had another heartattack, wondering
whether
these mortals were attacking her or the demons.
   She pulled up short and in her confusion over
what
to do she almost let herself get hit from the two
demons behind her.  Fortunately the charging girl
had tackled her out of the way.
   Almost immediately the two boys released their
chi
and green and yellow blasts flew across the scene to
smash into the unobservant demons.  Urd breathed in
relief as she came to the conclusion that the
unlooked for reinforcements were on her side.
   "Shampoo show stupid flying men thing or two,"
Shampoo snapped starting to stand up.
   "They're not men," Urd snapped and pulling the
girl
down.  "They're demons, so just get the hell out and
let me deal with it."  ~Besides, if my time of
freedom
is limited I should enjoy the moments like this I
have left.~
   "How do that while you feeling up Shampoo?"
Shampoo asked dryly.  
   "Well," Urd said with a smirk, something in the
back of her name nagging her about the name Shampoo.

Eh!? Urd is as straight as an arrow. She thinks
girl-girl relationships are hilarious. Unless this is
one of the "typical cliches" (as mentioned in the
foreword) that Urd gets saddled with.

"I hadn't considered that." 
   Shampoo's eye arched as she slipped out of Urd's
grip and stood up to charge forward at the
recovering
demons.  Ranma and Ryouga were quickly beside her
and the three martial artists didn't give their
obviously powerful time to totally recover.
   Then Urd was standing up behind them, smirking
triumphantly.
   "Well, well," she said.  "This is a turn of
events.  I may not be able to kill you two without
repercussions, but mortals!  Now that's a different
story, isn't it?"
   The demons backed off a moment after desparately
fighting to some breathing room from the three
martial
artists.  All in all the first exchange between
mortal and demon had been a draw.  

Urd is powerful enough to use spells capable of
levelling Nerima, and that's without calling on World
of Elegance. Why would any demon(s) capable of facing
her down have trouble dealing with ki-wielding martial
artists? 

   Though now that there were three mortals and a
powerful goddess to aid them without directly
attacking the demons and thus triggering the doublet
system.  Well the odds were decidedly against their
survival if they continued.
   "Another time goddess," the demons said, taking
to the skies.
   "Goddess?" Ryouga repeated as the demons fled.
   "What the hell was that about?" Ranma demanded,
turning to the woman that had been getting chased. 
He urked as he got a look at Urd's outfit.
   It hadn't been very modest to begin with, and
after
being chased around by demons for fifteen minutes it
was now appropriate wear for a number of bars.
   Urd noticed the look and glanced down to see her
ruined robes.  She shook her head in disgust.
   "Of all the," she shook her head and then cast a
quick spell calling up her "bondage" outfit as some
had called what she was now wearing.  
   It seemed to be a perfectly normal outfit on
first
glance, until one caught a look at all the little
leather straps and metal rings attached to those
straps.  Especially the collar.  Though overall, the
effect was cute rather than twisted.  She hadn't
worn
the outfit for a while, not since Mara had split her
demon and goddess halves.

Yeah, that's a nice nosebleed-inducing outfit! ^_^

   "Goddess?" Ryouga repeated, having not turned
around yet.
   "Well," Urd said.  "Have I gotten to Nerima at
least?"
   "Yes," Shampoo said.  "Now strange, pervert-woman
be off."
   "Hey," Ranma snapped.  "She still hasn't

explained

what that was about."
   "Goddess?"
   Then suddenly the three found themselves frozen
as Urd strode forward a small smirk on her face.
   "Well, I sort of just happened by them on
accident," Urd explained to the frozen teens. 
"Basically, they think if they kill me they'll get
promoted, standard politics in Hell really.  Now I
have some business to attend to in Nerima, but
first..." She walked around them and gave them each
a
rather obvious leer.  "I feel like sowing some wild
oats, and you three deserve a reward."
   "Ta, ta," Urd said walking away a few minutes
later.  Back behind her, three rather confused
teenagers sat trying to collect their breaths.  "I'm
sure we could have had a lot of fun together, but
alas not at the moment."

Ah, more of the "typical cliches". Urd has never
leered or made a pass at anyone other than Keiichi.
Well, she did "make a pass" once with Tamiya, but that
was only to verify that he was catatonic (he was), and
she was terribly embarrassed when the others caught
her at it.

   "She kiss good," Shampoo said, blinking, Urd had
already left.  Shampoo was still in shock and trying
to determine what her emotional reaction should be. 
"Very weird woman."
   "Man," Ranma said.  "At least it was just a kiss.

The last thing we need around her is another person
out to marry somebody."
   Ryouga's mind was still blown out, he'd lost
pretty
much all of his vocabulary in that one.

*******

   "Okay," Urd said.  "Ucchan's, one of the fiancees
should be here.  Really, how hard can it be to find
even one of these people in this little place?"  
   Yes, Urd had yet to connect the martial artists
she'd given those little "pecks" with the martial
artists she was supposed to be meeting.  Usually
Urd's
mind works better than that, but she was a little
distracted at the moment.
   Urd walked into restaurant and was greeted by the
sight of a waitress distributing okonomiyaki and a
young man cooking behind the gril.
  "Welcome to Ucchan's," the young man said happily.

"What can I get you?"  Urd strode up to the counter
and watched the waitress.
  "Oh, anything and sake," Urd said.
  "Sorry," the young man said.  "I don't have a
liquor
license, I'll get you a soda instead."  Urd sighed
and
nodded her head in frustration.
  "What do you find so interesting about Konatsu?"
the
young man asked, supiciously.
  "Konatsu?" Urd said, when the young man nodded she
sighed irritably.  "Well scratch that, I was looking
for somebody else.  Guess she's not here."
  "Who were you looking for?" the chef asked, and
she
began to draw on her chi reserves.  Urd blinked for
a
moment.
  ~Another one?!~ she said.  ~The last time there
was
a concentration of mortal powers like this was at
Atlantis when they were building that Tower of Babel
or whatever.~
  "Excuse me?" the young man said, being polite but
starting to get a little antsy.  "Didja here me?"
  "Oh, no worries," Urd said.  "I'll catch her
later."
  "And who is this person, you're looking for?" the
young man asked again.  
   Then Urd decided to shut him up.  She stood up in
a
blink almost too fast for the mortal to see and
suddenly planted her lips on the other's.  As she
had
said before, if she was getting married, she was
sowing some oats first.  Even if they weren't very
deep oats.
   The young man's eyes opened wide and stayed that
way as Urd pulled away smirking.  She glanced around
at the shocked people in the restaurant as her most
recent paramour seemed to wilt to the floor.
   "Not your concern, cutie," Urd said, striding out
the door.  She was well gone and out of hearing
range
by the time Konatsu broke through his shock. 
"UKYOU-SAMA!!!"

*******

   "Just what were those ditz's going on about?"
Akane
demanded irritably as she walked down the street
with
her friends.  They had just had an encounter with
some
St. Hebereke girls that had been making some unusual
implications about the night Kodachi had tried to
ambush her.
   "Oh come on, Akane," Sayuri said.  "You're
telling
me that you haven't even once thought of that?"
   "What are you talking about?" Akane demanded.
   "Just what those ditzes were talking about," Yuka
said.  "You got to admit, your fiancee isn't the
mostly manly out there in some aspects."
   "He's macho enough as it is," Akane said
irritably.
   "You know," Sayuri said, teasing her friend a
little.  "That just might mean you like them butch."
   "WHAT!?!" Akane shouted.
   "Hey," Yuka said, smirking as she joined in. 
"You
hang out with Ukyou a lot, don't you?"
   "I do NOT want to sleep with Ucchan," Akane said.
   "We never said anything about sleeping with her,"
Sayuri said.  "And Ucchan is it?"
   "You think Ranma is rubbing off on her?" Yuka
asked.  Akane fumed speechlessly for a few seconds
before her friends burst out laughing.
   "Oh come on," Sayuri said.  "We ALL know that
you'd
be the last to do ANYTHING with ANYBODY."  Akane
frowned, both at the teasing and the last bit.  She
wasn't entirely certain that was a good thing.
   "Whatever," Akane said.
   "Really," Yuka said.  "You're too easy to tease
sometimes."
   "Oh damn," Sayuri snapped, looking at her watch. 
"Sorry, we got to go."
   "Huh, what?" Yuka said.  "AHHH!! The
book-signing."
 She started running, but paused to turn to Akane. 
"Are you coming?"
   "No thanks," Akane said.  "I'm saving my money
for
some Utena stuff happening next week."  Sayuri and
Yuka both smirked for a moment.
   "There's that trend again," Sayuri said.  Then
she
was off running.
   "No wonder all those rumors follow you around,"
Yuka said, before she too took off running in a
combination of expectant panic and hysterical
laughter.
   "Ha.  Ha." Akane said irritably crossing her
arms.
   "Don't let them bother you," a woman said.  
   Akane turned to find a white haired woman about
twenty-four maybe and wearing an outfit that fit
perfectly well within both kinky and kawaii.  She
was
sitting on a park bench just to the side of the
path.
   "And what would you know about it?" Akane
demanded.
   "Well," Urd said.  "For one thing, they aren't
serious.  They were just looking to get a rise out
of
you.  For another, it might mean that if do lean
that
way that your friends won't instantly abandon you."
   "I do NOT lean that way," Akane declared angrily.
   "Have you ever heard the phrase," Urd started. 
"The lady doth protest too much?"  Akane winced.
   "It's just not...done," Akane said.
   "On the contrary," Urd said, smirking.  "It's
done
on an hourly basis."  Akane glared at her.  "On
Earth,
in Hell..."
   "Of course," Akane snapped at that.
   "And in heaven," Urd finished, deepening her
smirk.

And yet more common, if misguided, AMG cliches.

Heaven doesn't even have a word for "gay". It's
virtually unknown even as a concept there, given
Peorth's reaction to an imagined Tamiya/Keiichi
pairing. She considered it as a scientist might study
some weird new form of insect. In her words, "Is that
what the locals call gay?" Heaven in certainly not
monogamous, but given the reactions of Belldandy, Urd
and Peorth to homosexual innuendo it certainly is
straight.

Hell is likely straight too, if Mara's reaction to
Megumi's cry of "Rape!" is any indication.

<SNIP>

*******

   "And so I spent all day trying to find the five
of
them," Urd said drunkenly to the girl next to her. 
Just how the girl had gotten into the bar Urd
neither knew nor cared, 

One might also wonder what Urd is doing in a bar as
well. It's something she never does canonically,
though it certainly is a well-used AMG cliche.

but she was certainly too young to
be
doing serious drinking.  "And all day nothing! 
They're supposed to stick out like sore thumbs, but
all day nothing."
   "Ah, Urd-san," her companion said, a slim
black-haired girl in a brown Catholic school
uniform. 
"How terrible for you.  I can completely sympathize.

Everytime I go looking for my love I find nothing
but
my rivals seeking to block me from my true love."
   "Hmph," Urd said.  "You only have one guy to
worry
about.  I'm supposed to find four girls and two
guys,
AND get them to love each other and me, AND find a
way
to get all of us married to each other legally.  

Why not just let the Ultimate Force take care of the
job?

I
mean, I've met five," she looked to her companion. 
"Six people today I wouldn't mind spending an
extended
amount of time with, but nobody with the right
names."
 She slammed down her fist.  "Tomorrow!  Tomorrow
I'll
read that file straight through and get descriptions
and such!"
   "A pity they aren't Amazons," Kodachi said,
slurring her words.  "I understand they have some
rather interesting laws."
   "Actually," Urd said.  "One of them IS an Amazon,
but I really don't think they'd all want to live
China
where we'd have to be for Amazon multiple marriages
to
be accepted and allowed."
   "Yes, but you would be married," Kodachi noted. 
"And that should satisfy your honor on the subject
of
the agreement's wordings."  She turned to order
another drink from the bartender.
   "Then it would just be a matter of finding some
way
around the courts in Japan," Urd realized.  "GIRL! 
You are a GENIUS!  OH-HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO"
   "Yes," the drunken girl said.  "I am that, aren't
I.  OH-HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!"
   "Ha," the equally drunken goddess snapped.  "Now
just comes the hard part, have get us to all to fall
in love."
   "Surely that can't be a problem for someone of
your
obvious tastes," the girl indicated.
   "You know," Urd said.  "You say the sweetest
things."
   The bartender, meanwhile, wished that his boss
had
never sold out to the Kuno family.

*******

   "URD!!!!!!" Skuld shrieked as she looked on the
sight that greeted her as she was sent to bring Urd
to
dinner.
   "Owww," Urd said, grumbling awake.  "Quiet,
squirt,
or I'll blow you back to the heavens."
   "You're SUPPOSED To be betrothed you old hag!"
Skuld said.  "By a WISH!!!"  Urd winced as Skuld
continued shrieking.
   "Keep it down, you'll wake..." Urd paused and
tried
to remember if she had ever gotten the name of her
last companion the night before.  "...her."
   "You don't even know her NAME!!!" Skuld shrieked.
   "Brother-dear," the girl next to Urd complained
as
she stirred.  "I am feeling 'ill' today, please take
your...wait a moment...just where am I?"  Urd and
Skuld watched as the girl creaked open an eye and
slowly sat up, covering herself with the bed sheet.
   "Errr, good morning," Urd said.  The girl turned
even paler than she had been at the start as she
looked to the other person in the bed with her and
parts of last night began to filter into her brain.
   "AH MEGUMISAMA!!!!" she screamed and practically
blazed out of the room.  She was gone before Skuld
and
Urd could react.

Was this a misspelling? When did Megumi enter this
scene?


Well, I think my cliche-o-meter is pegged for the
moment. Dare I read chapter 2?

Brian W.

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