[FFML] [R.5/OMG]Marriage Wishes 1

**From the sick twisted and warped mind that brought
you, and is already righting another chapter of,
Family Trees....yet another spoof of typical cliches*

Introductions

Urd blinked a little dazedly, trying to decide
whether to be elated or depressed. On the one hand,
the wish she had been told to grant had just given her
the go ahead to mettle in the "Love octagon from
hell." On the other hand, the wish her subject, one
Nodoka Saotome, had made just gave her an almost
unreachable goal.
"Is something wrong, Urd?" Belldandy asked as she
noticed Urd staring into space again. She'd been
doing that since she got back from her assignment.
She had been so proud that Urd was again allowed to go
on assignment, she hoped nothing had gone wrong.
"To quote the woman," Urd said, dazed. "'I wish
you could all just get HAPPILY MARRIED to each
other.'"
"Ummm, oh dear," Belldandy said, she'd read the
file involved in the case Urd had gone on. Just in
case there was trouble. "Who were the 'all' she was
talking about?"
"Her kid," Urd lifted a finger, still staring into
space. "His first fiancee, his second fiancee, his
Amazon bride, this rich girl in the neighborhood, and,
since he has a Jusenkyo curse that makes him a girl,
this other kid she think would be a good match if he
ever chose to stay a girl. Oh...and the kicker..."
"There's more?" Belldandy said, sounding more than
a little shocked.
"Just before she made the wish," Urd said. "'Oh,
Urd-sama, you're such a wonderful lady, you'd make
such a good match for my son.'"
"She called YOU a lady?" Skuld said, from where she
was easedropping.
"Yeah," Urd said. "I almost had a heartattack when
she did that. But then she made the wish and I had
bigger problems to worry about."
"Wait a minute," Keiichi said, joining the family
meeting. "The wish was worded 'all of you'!?"
"Bingo!" Urd said. "So...now...I have to find a
way for all of us to willing enter into a multiple
marriage that ALL of us will be happy with." The
multiple part wasn't really bothering Urd that much.
It was the MARRIAGE part that was giving her fits of
hesistance.
"Wait," Skuld said. "There are failsafes in the
system to avoid pushing such wishes on any one with
free will. There has to be at least a remote chance
that..." Skuld trailed off.
"Right," Urd said. "And since the Ultimate Force
DIDN'T invalidate the wish..."
"There is a remote chance that all of you COULD
decided you want this," Belldandy finished. "I am
sorry, Urd, I asked Peorth to find an assignment to
let you back into work gently. She said she would try
to find one."
"Yeah, but did she say that she'd give it to me?"
Urd asked.
"Well, no I suppose she didn't," Belldandy said.
"Peorth," Keiichi and Skuld said simultaneously.
"Why am I not surprised."
Urd looked over toward them, it was scary the way
Skuld emulated Keiichi sometimes, usually when Urd was
suspected of something. Skuld might not love Keiichi
as a potential boyfriend, something that Urd had been
nervous about at one point, but she was certainly
treating him as a brother, whether she knew it or not.
"Well," Bellldandy said after a moment. "Do you
need any help with this?"
"I....I'll tell you if I do," Urd said. Then she
stood up with a sigh. "I suppose the first thing to
do is to get a look at my betrotheds."

*******

Urd took a moment to acclimate herself to her new
location before looking around. Teleportation always
tended to leave her a little disoriented. Climbing
out of those TVs often proved difficult and painful.
She kept tripping and spilling herself over floors and
things, especially with these tiny tvs.
Next time she recycled herself she hoped she
recycled to a less dangerous method of travel. Like
fire or lightning or something.
In any case, Urd's momentary distraction is why she
didn't realize where she was until it was too late.
"Well, goddess," a voice said. Urd's eyes snapped
open as she looked around to see a pair of demons
eyeing her eagerly. "Isn't this an interesting turn
of events?"
Urd beat down her worry quickly and placed a mask
of determination over her face. She was only a second
class goddess, but it wasn't for lack of power as
Belldandy had said. Still, two demons, demons she
could feel were quite powerful as well.
"Yes it is," Urd said. "I didn't quite feel like
dealing with your ilk today. A pity the doublet
system is still in place, or I'd remove the two of you
from the scheme of things right now."
She could do it, she thought, even if it wasn't
really her style. She wanted to put on a little face
in case they got ideas though.
"Oh yes, the doublet system," one demon said.
"You're Urd aren't you? Which makes your double Mara,
right?"
~Oh, that is such a not good thing to hear,~ Urd
said. "What makes you say that?" Urd quietly started
preparing a spell.
"Isn't Mara one step above us on the promotion
scale?" the one demon said. "If she were to die who
would be promoted."
"Maybe the demons that helped rid Hell of such an
active thorn in its side while at the same time
removing an incompetent with sympathies for the enemy
from its employ," the other demon said.
"Easier said than done!" Urd shouted angrily. "URD
BOLT!!!"
The power swung forward and blasted into the demons
knocking them back, and then Urd was running. On even
terms she could beat them and kill them, but it would
be HARD work. And if she expected to win she HAD to
outright kill them, and that wasn't something she
could do.

*******

"RANMA!!! PREPARE TO DIE!!!" Ryouga shouted
swinging out with his umbrella. Ranma casually dodged
under it.
"Is that the best you got, P-Chan?" Ranma demanded.
To the casual observer what was going on was an all
out fight to the death. Of course, what the casual
observer couldn't know was that neither Ryouga nor
Ranma were fighting seriously.
Had they been fighting seriously then half the city
could have easily been leveled. Which was why most of
the onlookers and passersby simply ignored the fight,
or else watched it for a moment.
"Good morning, boys," a woman said as she walked by
the park. "Pleasent day out today."
"Hello Tanaka-san," Ryouga said before turning back
to Ranma. "Stand still and take your pain like a
man!!"
"Oh be quiet P-Chan," Ranma said, rolling his eyes.
"Oh, Kasumi said she'd be over tonight ta babysit for
you Tanka-san."
"Oh good," the woman said. "I wasn't certain what
I was going to do if she couldn't make it."
"Take me seriously damn it, Ranma!" Ryouga growled,
he came down with an axe kick that Ranma easily dodged
and then rolled to standing and stared for a moment
across the street.
"Hey, why'd you stop man?" Ranma asked as he came
up standing by Ryouga. Ryouga glanced across the
street and then at Ranma and nodded in that direction
again.
"She's doing it again," Ryouga said, talking about
the woman with the glasses and sketch pad across the
street.
"Again?!" Ranma sighed. "Man, what's she doing,
making a story about us to sell as a popular manga or
something?"
"Feh," Ryouga said. "As if anyone would want to by
a manga about a boy who's a girl half the time.
What'll it be called? Ranma-chan?" Ranma twitched,
and Ryouga latched onto the unusual chance of finding
something that bugged Ranma. "No...I got it. Ranma
1/2, perfect!"
"RYOUGA!!!!" Ranma roared. The continued fight was
forestalled by the ringing of a bell, which introduced
the Bicycle of Death as it landed on Ranma's head.
"Stop talking about creepy Sketch-Woman and take
Shampoo on date Airen!" Shampoo declared dragging her
pained husband to be from under her bike.
"Hey, I never said Takahashi-san was creepy," Ranma
muttered.
"RANMA!!" Ryouga growled. "How DARE you cheat on
Akane with Shampoo!!!"
"Stupid pig-boy go marry Kitchen-Destroyer then,"
Shampoo said sticking out her tongue at Ryouga as she
continued to glomp Ranma.
"Ahhh, hell," Ranma groaned.
The explosion stopped anything the three had to
say. Instantly the three of them were apart and in
battle stance as a white-haired woman came flying down
the street pursued by two dangerous looking men, also
flying.
The two men, dressed in dark clothes were firing
off blasts of crackling lightning at the white-haired
woman who blocked with what the martial artists
assumed was a shield formed out of ki.
The three martial artists, among the most powerful
of their age group, spared themselves a moment to try
and figure out what was going on, then they extended
their chi awareness. Then they moved.
Ryouga and Ranma pulled into their respective
chi-drawing stances while Shampoo charged towards the
low-flying combatants.
Urd turned away from her pursuers at the sound of a
loud, feminine scream of challenge. She was presented
with the sight of a purple haired girl charging
forward rather rapidly.
The girl had a healthy amount of chi, enough to
stand toe to toe with a minor god or demon. Though
she had not nearly so much as the two boys behind her.
Urd nearly had another heartattack, wondering whether
these mortals were attacking her or the demons.
She pulled up short and in her confusion over what
to do she almost let herself get hit from the two
demons behind her. Fortunately the charging girl had
tackled her out of the way.
Almost immediately the two boys released their chi
and green and yellow blasts flew across the scene to
smash into the unobservant demons. Urd breathed in
relief as she came to the conclusion that the unlooked
for reinforcements were on her side.
"Shampoo show stupid flying men thing or two,"
Shampoo snapped starting to stand up.
"They're not men," Urd snapped and pulling the girl
down. "They're demons, so just get the hell out and
let me deal with it." ~Besides, if my time of freedom
is limited I should enjoy the moments like this I have
left.~
"How do that while you feeling up Shampoo?" Shampoo
asked dryly.
"Well," Urd said with a smirk, something in the
back of her name nagging her about the name Shampoo.
"I hadn't considered that."
Shampoo's eye arched as she slipped out of Urd's
grip and stood up to charge forward at the recovering
demons. Ranma and Ryouga were quickly beside her and
the three martial artists didn't give their obviously
powerful time to totally recover.
Then Urd was standing up behind them, smirking
triumphantly.
"Well, well," she said. "This is a turn of events.
I may not be able to kill you two without
repercussions, but mortals! Now that's a different
story, isn't it?"
The demons backed off a moment after desparately
fighting to some breathing room from the three martial
artists. All in all the first exchange between mortal
and demon had been a draw.
Though now that there were three mortals and a
powerful goddess to aid them without directly
attacking the demons and thus triggering the doublet
system. Well the odds were decidedly against their
survival if they continued.
"Another time goddess," the demons said, taking to
the skies.
"Goddess?" Ryouga repeated as the demons fled.
"What the hell was that about?" Ranma demanded,
turning to the woman that had been getting chased. He
urked as he got a look at Urd's outfit.
It hadn't been very modest to begin with, and after
being chased around by demons for fifteen minutes it
was now appropriate wear for a number of bars.
Urd noticed the look and glanced down to see her
ruined robes. She shook her head in disgust.
"Of all the," she shook her head and then cast a
quick spell calling up her "bondage" outfit as some
had called what she was now wearing.
It seemed to be a perfectly normal outfit on first
glance, until one caught a look at all the little
leather straps and metal rings attached to those
straps. Especially the collar. Though overall, the
effect was cute rather than twisted. She hadn't worn
the outfit for a while, not since Mara had split her
demon and goddess halves.
"Goddess?" Ryouga repeated, having not turned
around yet.
"Well," Urd said. "Have I gotten to Nerima at
least?"
"Yes," Shampoo said. "Now strange, pervert-woman
be off."
"Hey," Ranma snapped. "She still hasn't explained
what that was about."
"Goddess?"
Then suddenly the three found themselves frozen as
Urd strode forward a small smirk on her face.
"Well, I sort of just happened by them on
accident," Urd explained to the frozen teens.
"Basically, they think if they kill me they'll get
promoted, standard politics in Hell really. Now I
have some business to attend to in Nerima, but
first..." She walked around them and gave them each a
rather obvious leer. "I feel like sowing some wild
oats, and you three deserve a reward."
"Ta, ta," Urd said walking away a few minutes
later. Back behind her, three rather confused
teenagers sat trying to collect their breaths. "I'm
sure we could have had a lot of fun together, but alas
not at the moment."
"She kiss good," Shampoo said, blinking, Urd had
already left. Shampoo was still in shock and trying
to determine what her emotional reaction should be.
"Very weird woman."
"Man," Ranma said. "At least it was just a kiss.
The last thing we need around her is another person
out to marry somebody."
Ryouga's mind was still blown out, he'd lost pretty
much all of his vocabulary in that one.

*******

"Okay," Urd said. "Ucchan's, one of the fiancees
should be here. Really, how hard can it be to find
even one of these people in this little place?"
Yes, Urd had yet to connect the martial artists
she'd given those little "pecks" with the martial
artists she was supposed to be meeting. Usually Urd's
mind works better than that, but she was a little
distracted at the moment.
Urd walked into restaurant and was greeted by the
sight of a waitress distributing okonomiyaki and a
young man cooking behind the gril.
"Welcome to Ucchan's," the young man said happily.
"What can I get you?" Urd strode up to the counter
and watched the waitress.
"Oh, anything and sake," Urd said.
"Sorry," the young man said. "I don't have a liquor
license, I'll get you a soda instead." Urd sighed and
nodded her head in frustration.
"What do you find so interesting about Konatsu?" the
young man asked, supiciously.
"Konatsu?" Urd said, when the young man nodded she
sighed irritably. "Well scratch that, I was looking
for somebody else. Guess she's not here."
"Who were you looking for?" the chef asked, and she
began to draw on her chi reserves. Urd blinked for a
moment.
~Another one?!~ she said. ~The last time there was
a concentration of mortal powers like this was at
Atlantis when they were building that Tower of Babel
or whatever.~
"Excuse me?" the young man said, being polite but
starting to get a little antsy. "Didja here me?"
"Oh, no worries," Urd said. "I'll catch her later."
"And who is this person, you're looking for?" the
young man asked again.
Then Urd decided to shut him up. She stood up in a
blink almost too fast for the mortal to see and
suddenly planted her lips on the other's. As she had
said before, if she was getting married, she was
sowing some oats first. Even if they weren't very
deep oats.
The young man's eyes opened wide and stayed that
way as Urd pulled away smirking. She glanced around
at the shocked people in the restaurant as her most
recent paramour seemed to wilt to the floor.
"Not your concern, cutie," Urd said, striding out
the door. She was well gone and out of hearing range
by the time Konatsu broke through his shock.
"UKYOU-SAMA!!!"

*******

"Just what were those ditz's going on about?" Akane
demanded irritably as she walked down the street with
her friends. They had just had an encounter with some
St. Hebereke girls that had been making some unusual
implications about the night Kodachi had tried to
ambush her.
"Oh come on, Akane," Sayuri said. "You're telling
me that you haven't even once thought of that?"
"What are you talking about?" Akane demanded.
"Just what those ditzes were talking about," Yuka
said. "You got to admit, your fiancee isn't the
mostly manly out there in some aspects."
"He's macho enough as it is," Akane said irritably.
"You know," Sayuri said, teasing her friend a
little. "That just might mean you like them butch."
"WHAT!?!" Akane shouted.
"Hey," Yuka said, smirking as she joined in. "You
hang out with Ukyou a lot, don't you?"
"I do NOT want to sleep with Ucchan," Akane said.
"We never said anything about sleeping with her,"
Sayuri said. "And Ucchan is it?"
"You think Ranma is rubbing off on her?" Yuka
asked. Akane fumed speechlessly for a few seconds
before her friends burst out laughing.
"Oh come on," Sayuri said. "We ALL know that you'd
be the last to do ANYTHING with ANYBODY." Akane
frowned, both at the teasing and the last bit. She
wasn't entirely certain that was a good thing.
"Whatever," Akane said.
"Really," Yuka said. "You're too easy to tease
sometimes."
"Oh damn," Sayuri snapped, looking at her watch.
"Sorry, we got to go."
"Huh, what?" Yuka said. "AHHH!! The book-signing."
She started running, but paused to turn to Akane.
"Are you coming?"
"No thanks," Akane said. "I'm saving my money for
some Utena stuff happening next week." Sayuri and
Yuka both smirked for a moment.
"There's that trend again," Sayuri said. Then she
was off running.
"No wonder all those rumors follow you around,"
Yuka said, before she too took off running in a
combination of expectant panic and hysterical
laughter.
"Ha. Ha." Akane said irritably crossing her arms.
"Don't let them bother you," a woman said.
Akane turned to find a white haired woman about
twenty-four maybe and wearing an outfit that fit
perfectly well within both kinky and kawaii. She was
sitting on a park bench just to the side of the path.
"And what would you know about it?" Akane demanded.
"Well," Urd said. "For one thing, they aren't
serious. They were just looking to get a rise out of
you. For another, it might mean that if do lean that
way that your friends won't instantly abandon you."
"I do NOT lean that way," Akane declared angrily.
"Have you ever heard the phrase," Urd started.
"The lady doth protest too much?" Akane winced.
"It's just not...done," Akane said.
"On the contrary," Urd said, smirking. "It's done
on an hourly basis." Akane glared at her. "On Earth,
in Hell..."
"Of course," Akane snapped at that.
"And in heaven," Urd finished, deepening her smirk.
Akane stared at her as if she had just committed
blasphemy.
"But that's..." Akane sputtered.
"I'll tell you what," Urd said. "You can give
yourself a little test right now."
"What kind of a test," AKane asked supiciously,
looking the woman up and down.
"A kiss," Urd said. "Just a kiss."
"You want me," Akane said. "To kiss...let me
guess, you?"
"Yes," Urd said. "If you don't lean that way it
will be merely a strange and unpleasant memory, but
one that without a doubt proves you do not lean that
way. There aren't many in the three planes that kiss
better than I do."
"There's no magic or anything involved here is
there?" Akane asked.
"The only thing that's going to happen is you're
going to look behind some of the barriers you've built
in you mind," Urd promised. "I promise." There was a
small roll of thunder coming out of the clear sky
above as if confirming what she had spoken.
"Just a kiss?" Akane confirmed, looking around to
make sure nobody was watching her.
"I have to find some people in this part of town,"
Urd said. "No time for anything else. I was just
taking a break here." Akane blushed as an image came
unbidden to her mind.
"Umm, this means that you...?" Akane let her words
trail off.
"Oh, I'm AC/DC, dear," Urd said. "Man, woman, as
long as it has a pulse, to die for looks, and an
entertaining personality. I even know some spells to
shapechange for a little more...vareity if you know
what I mean. But I hear I may be settling down soon."
"Err, what?" Akane asked.
"Nothing to concern you, this is just me doing a
little favor," Urd said. "So what about that deal?"
Akane winced and looked back to where her friends had
vanished. He brow furrowed and her fists clenched as
she began to look at this as a challenge.
~I am NOT a lesbian,~ Akane declared silently
before turning to Urd. "All right, I'll do it!"
"That's the way," Urd said, smirking as she stood
up and strode seductively toward Akane.
She was tall, quite a bit taller than Akane
actually, and the woman had to look down into Akane's
determined face.
Akane tried hard to maintain her determination in
the face of the woman's soft hands sliding down to her
lower back before Urd leaned in and there lips met.
Akane's eyes flashed wide and as the embrace drew
out, and then she started to relax. In fact, she
could feel herself swooning in the older woman's arms.
Then it was over and the woman carefully guided the
blue-haired girl to sit down on the bench where she
had been.
"Well, does that help?" Urd asked. Akane silently
and slowly nodded her head.
"Hai," she said woodenly. "Sumimasen."
"No problem," Urd said. "Whatever conclusion you
come to girl. It's your life not their's, got it?"
"Hai," Akane said woodenly.
"Okay," Urd said. "Now I got to get back to work."
"Bai bai," Akane said waving and blinking.

*******

"And so I spent all day trying to find the five of
them," Urd said drunkenly to the girl next to her.
Just how the girl had gotten into the bar Urd neither
knew nor cared, but she was certainly too young to be
doing serious drinking. "And all day nothing!
They're supposed to stick out like sore thumbs, but
all day nothing."
"Ah, Urd-san," her companion said, a slim
black-haired girl in a brown Catholic school uniform.
"How terrible for you. I can completely sympathize.
Everytime I go looking for my love I find nothing but
my rivals seeking to block me from my true love."
"Hmph," Urd said. "You only have one guy to worry
about. I'm supposed to find four girls and two guys,
AND get them to love each other and me, AND find a way
to get all of us married to each other legally. I
mean, I've met five," she looked to her companion.
"Six people today I wouldn't mind spending an extended
amount of time with, but nobody with the right names."
She slammed down her fist. "Tomorrow! Tomorrow I'll
read that file straight through and get descriptions
and such!"
"A pity they aren't Amazons," Kodachi said,
slurring her words. "I understand they have some
rather interesting laws."
"Actually," Urd said. "One of them IS an Amazon,
but I really don't think they'd all want to live China
where we'd have to be for Amazon multiple marriages to
be accepted and allowed."
"Yes, but you would be married," Kodachi noted.
"And that should satisfy your honor on the subject of
the agreement's wordings." She turned to order
another drink from the bartender.
"Then it would just be a matter of finding some way
around the courts in Japan," Urd realized. "GIRL!
You are a GENIUS! OH-HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO"
"Yes," the drunken girl said. "I am that, aren't
I. OH-HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!"
"Ha," the equally drunken goddess snapped. "Now
just comes the hard part, have get us to all to fall
in love."
"Surely that can't be a problem for someone of your
obvious tastes," the girl indicated.
"You know," Urd said. "You say the sweetest
things."
The bartender, meanwhile, wished that his boss had
never sold out to the Kuno family.

*******

"URD!!!!!!" Skuld shrieked as she looked on the
sight that greeted her as she was sent to bring Urd to
dinner.
"Owww," Urd said, grumbling awake. "Quiet, squirt,
or I'll blow you back to the heavens."
"You're SUPPOSED To be betrothed you old hag!"
Skuld said. "By a WISH!!!" Urd winced as Skuld
continued shrieking.
"Keep it down, you'll wake..." Urd paused and tried
to remember if she had ever gotten the name of her
last companion the night before. "...her."
"You don't even know her NAME!!!" Skuld shrieked.
"Brother-dear," the girl next to Urd complained as
she stirred. "I am feeling 'ill' today, please take
your...wait a moment...just where am I?" Urd and
Skuld watched as the girl creaked open an eye and
slowly sat up, covering herself with the bed sheet.
"Errr, good morning," Urd said. The girl turned
even paler than she had been at the start as she
looked to the other person in the bed with her and
parts of last night began to filter into her brain.
"AH MEGUMISAMA!!!!" she screamed and practically
blazed out of the room. She was gone before Skuld and
Urd could react.
"What did you do?" Skuld demanded. "Seduce the
poor girl with one of your love potions?" Urd racked
her mind for a moment.
"Actually," Urd said. "I remember getting drunk
with her at the bar, and vaguely remembered the taxi,
but after that..." She shrugged.
"Right," Skuld said disbelievingly. "You're just a
big pervert, no way anybody is going to be interested
in marrying you. Much less six people."
"Oh, did Kodachi-san leave already?" Belldandy
asked as she looked into the room cautiously. Then
she glanced down at Skuld and gently scolded. "I told
you not to go into her room, Imoto-chan. Oh well, it
seems you didn't intrude on their privacy after all."
"You knew about this?" Skuld blinked.
"Oh yes," Belldandy said. "Keiichi and I helped
them into the house last night. They both fell asleep
right after reaching Urd's room. I didn't think we
should move you after that, you looked so
comfortable."
"Uh, thanks Bell," Urd said.
"B...but..." Skuld sputtered. "Isn't she supposed
to be getting herself married now or something. It
isn't right to be messing around like that."
"Oh, but that's one of the girls she's supposed to
marry, Skuld," Belldandy said. Skuld and Urd froze.
After a moment Skuld's face broke into a somewhat
silly grin as Urd look crestfallen.
"I spent all night with her and made NO move on
her?" Urd asked just as Skuld burst into giggles.
"Oh, I wouldn't say that," Bell said. "Perhaps you
just don't remember." Urd began to go over yesterday
in her mind, ignoring the hangover and her younger
sister as best as she could.
She had a sinking feeling as she turned to look at
the file. As she looked over the file and called up
descriptions and graphics the sinking feeling grew.
"Urd, please stop banging your head on the desk,"
Belldandy said. "Skuld, it's not nice to laugh at
Urd."
The middle sister sighed and shook her head as the
hangover combined with the desk eventually put her
sister back out, and Skuld almost suffocated on her
laughter. This was going to be a long day.

=====
"Caffeinated Kender? What's that, a berserk spell?" -
Tribble, Kender Warrior of the Celestial Kingdom
"God has to have a sense of humor, it's the only explanation for sex." - my father
"I have to write a how-to paper for class, so I'm writing a paper on how to be psuedo-evil." - my brother

http://members.aol.com/thrythlind/snake.html

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