~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Scene V: Do You Think God is Dead?
"Have you ever looked me in the eye?
Have you ever told the truth?
Come on don't lie."
-Lisa Loeb, Look Me in the Eye
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Setting up a base was a lot of work. Une knew that
from experience, but getting Bern Headquarters online
was enough to drive anyone nuts... and she was
starting to doubt how sane she'd been in the first
place.
By all rights, she should have tossed in the towel.
She'd had enough of failure, enough of paperwork,
enough of letting Treize's dream fall to the wayside
whenever something else became expedited. She wasn't
meant for this leadership thing- she was an XO, not a
commanding officer. She liked working in the
shadows, not having the world's attention focused on
her every action.
Still, what was done was done, and she had always
been a firm believer in following through with what
she started. Staring at the mountainous heap of
paperwork in front of her, though, she was beginning
to wish otherwise. It had only been two days since the
relocation and there was already a thousand things to
be done, a thousand and one things that she had to
take care of, and she was tired. Brown had been scarce
lately, having busy setting up security defenses both
around the base and on all communications lines. Just
because they'd failed once didn't mean the terrorists
wouldn't try again.
She pushed her chair away from her desk, ignoring the
intercom, which had begun to beep incessantly again,
and stood up, going to the back of her cramped office
and pouring herself a cup of well-deserved coffee.
Military issue coffee wasn't anything to write home
about, which was why she always sent her assistant
(Gils-Reve lately, though Li had done so before) out
to by a gourmet blend. It came out of her salary,
but coffee was the very nectar of life, as any public
servant would cheerfully tell you. Somehow word of
her excellent brew had gotten out through the
Preventers, and she'd been spent a lot of time shooing
away officers who tried to snitch a cup.
The coffee in Bern wasn't her usual blend- while
good, Gils-Reve hadn't been able to find the usual
bitter Sonrisa brand she was used to. It was
slightly off, and she found herself adding sugar to it
thoughtlessly, where she usually took it black.
Great, she thought in weary amusement, I'm going to
have a caffeine buzz and a sugar high....
Coffee in hand, she stared out the window, feeling
morose. Things were falling to pieces before her eyes,
and she doubted that she would have the strength to
hold them together for much longer. She thought back
to Duo Maxwell's catchphrase with bitter irony. She
could run, she could hide, but she could never lie,
and she was afraid that she would have to admit to
Gils-Reves, to Li, to Sally, to Brown, to all the
pilots and those who she had sworn to protect, that
she wasn't good enough.
To make matters worse, it had started to rain
The intercom was still buzzing, and she stalked back
to her desk, prepared to flog the person who had the
nerve to buzz her during her quiet contemplation.
Slapping the button, she snapped, "What?"
"Um... Ma'am? I- I'm not quite sure I believe this,
but, you have a call- oh, hell. It's best you see
for yourself." Her usually competent and poised aide
sounded entirely flustered.
"Patch it through," she said, wondering what could
shake Gils-Reve so badly.
"Right away. Um, ma'am?"
"Yes?"
`"May I suggest respectfully that you sit down? This
may be a shock...." he babbled.
She took her seat, feeling a weird mixture of
bemusement and curiosity. "Open the channel,
Gils-Reve," she ordered.
The screen flicked into life, and she dropped her
coffee in her lap, scalding herself. She was dimly
aware of the pain, but that seemed to be far away.
How is this possible? her thoughts screamed in shock.
"Hello, my Lady," the smooth, so achingly familiar
voice intoned. "I'm back."
She stared.
Treize Khushrenada smiled at her, then frowned.
"What's wrong, my Lady?"
She found her voice then, leaping to her feet, her
hands clenched in rage. "I DEMAND to know what's going
on! What kind of idiotic prank is this?! Gils-Reve! I
want an explanation!!"
The lips of the blond man on the screen curved in a
sympathetic smile. "I understand this is somewhat of a
shock to you, Lady...I suggest you take your seat?"
Eyes flicked momentarily to the spilled coffee, the
broken fragments of the coffee cup. "I see you don't
believe your eyes."
"You're damn right I don't," Une said hotly, not
moving to sit down. "This isn't right...you're dead. I
saw you die."
Treize curved one eyebrow. "And seeing is believing,
isn't it, Lady?"
Her heart was pounding and she felt sick. This was a
prank. It had to be a prank. She had seen Wufei kill
him with her own eyes..."What's going on?" she
whispered, her hand fumbling blindly around her for
any kind of support.
"Une? Dear, can you quiet down and we'll explain?"
Another voice, one she had thought lost to her said,
and a face peeked over Treize's shoulder, resting a
companionable hand on his arm with familiarity.
"Noin?" she exclaimed. "But- what- how?" she
stuttered.
Noin's smile was as gentle as ever, though a glint of
mischief lit her violet eyes. "It's not so hard to
understand," she replied, amusement quirking her lips.
"But you need to listen, and listen well."
"I...I don't understand," she croaked. "You're
dead...you're both dead." She felt her vision turning
black and starry around the corners, warning that she
would topple over in a dead faint if she didn't sit
down. So she sat.
"I," Treize said gently, "am not dead. Obviously."
Noin laughed. "Really, Une...we thought you'd
understand. Can't you tell the difference between a
fake death and a real one?"
Treize nodded in agreement, smiling again. "That time
I 'died' in space, when Wufei killed me...that wasn't
me."
"WHAT?" Une exclaimed.
Treize shrugged. "It was easy enough. Any loyal
soldier would be willing to die for their commander.
It's all a matter of image manipulation...I placed a
masking image hologram inside the cockpit of Tallgeese
to fool comm screens into thinking that it was
actually me inside...when it wasn't."
Noin nodded sagely. "Like a stunt double."
Une had risen to her feet again, her hands shaking.
"You...you KNEW about this, Noin?!"
"Someone had to. I was the one who loaded Kramer-
that was his name, Russel G. Kramer- remember? We
used to use him for security purposes?"
Une vaguely recalled Treize's look-alike. He hadn't
had the same force of presence Treize had had, but
Kramer had been a master of waving to the crowds, and
with a voice adjuster, had ever given a few speeches
when Treize had been occupied elsewhere. "Why did you
kill him?" she asked.
Treize ran a hand through his strawberry blonde hair,
his expression slightly trouble. "It wasn't an easy
decision, but Kramer knew what would happen. He
loved the idea of being me... up to and including the
point of death."
"That's cruel," Une whispered.
Treize shrugged again. "It had to be done." His eyes
were no longer gentle. "Did you really think I would
give up my dream that easily, Lady?"
"I trusted you," she whispered. "Damn it...I-" She cut
herself short before she spilled her soul to the
world. I loved you, she wanted to say. I loved you
more than my life itself. Why couldn't it have been me
to die for you? Why couldn't...
Noin cleared her throat. "Une?"
She shook her head. "I don't believe you."
"You must, Une." Treize's use of her name instead of
her title made her look up at him. "The world is in
shambles, and it's up to us to make things right."
"You lied to me the first time," she mumbled. "How do
I know you're not lying to me again?"
His smile was strangely sorrowful. "You've changed
since we last met... I'm not sure I like it. Where
is my Lady who would follow me through hell and back?"
"She grew up," Une said bitterly. "She was forced
to... without you, there was no one else to count on."
"Really? What about Quatre? Duo? Why did you let the
other three pilots go into hiding? They could have
helped, and it would have given them purpose. What
about Zechs? Or even the lovely Noin?" Treize shook
his head, dismissing her excuse. "No, Une.... there
were plenty of people, but you were too proud to trust
in anyone."
"Shut up," Une snapped at him. "Where were you, then,
o mighty one, while the Preventers were knee-deep in
this crisis? I didn't see you coming out of hiding to
offer any suggestions."
"I thought you didn't need me anymore," Treize
replied. "Apparently I was wrong."
Noin nodded. "It was all Treize, you know. Inciting
the riots behind the A007 uprising, among other
things. He wanted to stir the World Nation up, get rid
of the complacent nest they'd been falling back into."
Une gasped. "So it was you? It was you behind the
pilots news release??"
Noin smiled softly. "I used a contact at
Headquarters to get Banks assigned to your wing. I
knew you'd have some sensitive information there...
Trei wanted to see you in action again."
Treize gave her a smile. "Without conflict, humans
stagnate." He looked over his former XO with a raised
eyebrow. "You've proven that maxim to me."
She clenched her fists, wanting to scream her denial,
but unable to. No, no, no..... she thought. This
couldn't be happening. Her Treize wouldn't do this
to her. Then something Noin had said penetrated her
mind. "Trei?"
"You two...seem to be very familiar," she said
slowly, not sure if she liked this new revelation or
not. "Something's going on that I'm missing."
Noin smiled impishly. "Haven't you guessed yet? Treize
and I are lovers."
"WHAT?" Une shrieked
"It's true," Treize said, with a sidelong look at Noin
that was somewhere between affection and exasperation.
"Though you could have kept it secret from her a
little longer, Lu."
"There wasn't a point. And since we're spilling
secrets, I thought we should spill ours." Noin crossed
her arms in front of her. "That capture of mine on
A007...it was just a way for me to get to Trei and
receive new...orders, shall we say." She and Treize
shared a smile and a glance.
Une shrieked at the top of her lungs, then grabbed
the stapler on her desk, chucking it against the wall.
It didn't shatter, so the experience did little to
mitigate her temper. "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?"
she demanded fiercely.
Treize's hand wrapped around Noin's waist
protectively. "I would think that was obvious, my
lady. I never committed to you, and Lu-"
"-was tired of playing faithful gal-pal to Zechs,"
Noin said.
"You two," Une seethed, "disgust me!"
Treize shrugged and looked sad. "Lu said you would say
the same thing," he said quietly. "Unfortunately then,
I suppose we have no choice."
"No choice for WHAT?"
"I'm sorry, my lady," he intoned. "I wish things could
have been different. I really do."
"TREIZE!" she screamed, pounding her fists on the
table, but his image winked out even as she opened her
mouth.
Her thoughts were a whirl... and there was only one
thing she could think of. Call Milliard and let the
blond-haired pilot deal with Treize. Whoever first
said "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned"
obviously knew a woman very much like the indomitable
General Une.
Unfortunately, just as she was reaching for the comm
to dial, the intercom screeched. "What?" she fairly
screamed at it, not needing anything else to ruin her
day.
"Err...ma'am?" It was Gils-Reves.
"I know better to expect any good news from you," she
said heavily. "Spill it. What happened?"
"The charges on Quatre Raberba Winner have been
dropped," he said.
She blinked. "What? How?"
"Legal loophole that Carrington was able to dance
through. Something about the arrest and countersuits
and... well, to be frank, I didn't understand it all.
She's requesting a raise, by the way."
Une rubbed her forehead, wondering why her head was
throbbing. When the shit hit the fan, it really
splattered. This was great news, but following on
the tail of her conversation with Treize, it gave her
the feeling that she'd been hit by a bus... or a
Mobile Suit. "You'd better not be kidding me!" she
growled threateningly.
"No, ma'am! Charges have been dropped, and Winner
send his thanks to us for our "superb cooperation and
fortitude yada yada yada..."
She grumbled. "All right. I have an important call to
make, so unless something major happens, do NOT
interrupt me."
Gils-Reve laughed. "Yes, ma'am."
She turned off the intercom, then dialed the familiar
number to Treize's old mansion. She hoped Milliard was
there...and well enough to pick up. From what she'd
heard about A007, he wasn't in too great of a shape.
But her fears were unfounded when the screen flashed
and a blond head appeared. "Hello, General," Milliard
Peacecraft said, nodding at her. He was bandaged, but
otherwise looked well.
"I need to tell you something, Milliard," she said.
"It's Zechs now."
She blinked. "All right. Zechs. I need to tell you
something, and don't interrupt me until I'm through."
He raised an eyebrow. "What is it?"
"I just got a call from the most unexpected source,"
she said, twisted the bottom of her coffee-soaked
shirt between her fingers angrily. Her brown eyes
flashed dangerously as she stared at the screen.
Zechs seemed to flinch back, as though the
laser-sharpness of her gaze was burning him. "Treize
just called," she said bitterly.
Zechs blinked. "Huh? But that's-"
"Shut up!" she yelled. "Let me finish, you moron!"
He looked alarmed, but shut up.
"Apparently...he's not dead...well, of course he's not
dead...he called. But...apparently he's the one behind
the whole thing. The A007 uprising, the pilots'
unmasking....Noin's capture..."
If a reaction was what she was looking for, she got
it. "TREIZE was the one responsible for her death?!"
"Capture," she corrected him. "Not death. Because
um...she's still alive."
He gaped at her. "You're crazy."
"That's what I'd like to think," she said wearily.
"But no, they're both alive, and Noin is
apparently...involved...with Treize."
"You're LYING!" he spat out.
"Oh?" She was feeling particularly malicious. If
she had to suffer, then someone should suffer with
her.... misery loved company, after all. Her fingers
flew across the unit as she sent Zechs the last
conversation to come through. It was Preventer
policy to automatically save any conversation that
occurred, so it was easy for her to access and send.
"Take a look at this."
"Fine." Zechs put her on stand-by and her unit began
to play the equivalent of hold music.... she still
hadn't had time to customize it.
It was only too short a time before the hold music
vanished and Zechs' face reappeared. But it wasn't the
face of the man who had spoken to her just a moment
before. His eyes were wild.
"Zechs?" she said worriedly. "Are you all right?"
He gave a high-pitched laughed. "All RIGHT? You ask me
if I'm all RIGHT?" He laughed again, insanely, and she
backed away from the screen involuntarily.
"Zechs, don't do anything-"
"It's too funny." He was giggling now. "So
funny....I'm such an idiot. You know that?" He grinned
at her.
"That makes two of us..." she muttered. Her eyes
were direct. "So what do we do now?"
"WE? WE? WE do nothing, girl! I'M going to go
out and castrate Treize for not keeping it where it
belongs!"
She looked slightly worried. She was angry, but she
didn't want Treize permanently damaged... "We have to
worry about the repercussions of his return, Zechs.
This will have a serious affect on the world
community."
Zechs started to laugh, an insane laugh that sent
shudders dancing along her spine. "I don't give a
flying fuck!" he exclaimed.
"Apparently if you had given a fuck in the first
place, none of this would have happened!" Une declared
coarsely.
He leered at her. "Well don't worry. I'm going to
come and take care of things. Just stay there, ok?
Don't go anywhere."
"ZECHS!" she yelled, but he'd already signed off.
"Damn it!" She cursed, kicking her desk and then
howling in pain as she stubbed her toe.
Who would take her side? Zechs was lost to her, and
she didn't dare trust Sally quite yet. If Noin had
defected to Treize's side, who was to say that Sally
wasn't in on the plot? Her own subordinates, looking
to undermine her...she could hardly grasp the concept.
The next logical step, she reasoned, was to go back to
Geneva, where the pilots where. She needed to make
sure they hadn't been brainwashed by that...by that
damn self-centered bastard.
"Gils-Reve!" she called out, amazed at how shrill her
voice sounded. "I want my transport ready, ASAP!"
There was a muffled thump from the offer side of the
door, breaking glass, and a gunshot, barely concealed
by a silencer. Her eyes narrowed dangerously as she
drew her gun and trained it on the door. Was Treize
trying to kill her? she wondered.
The door swung inwards, and she lowered the gun as
soon as she saw a pair of familiar eyes peering at her
from a trademark unibang.
"Trowa?" she whispered.
He nodded slowly. "Just got out of the hospital. I
came to see if you needed me," he said to her softly.
Her eyes pooled with tears. Trowa she could trust-
she'd always felt a strange affinity for him, but
she'd never been more relieved to see anyone in her
entire life. "Trowa!" she whispered, then threw
herself forward, burying her face in the curve of his
neck, sobbing out the last hour of heartache.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Scene VI: Skeletons in the Closet
"Operation filth
They love to love the wealth
Of an SS Whore
Making scary sounds."
--Rob Zombie, Living Dead Girl
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Darkflight was in his room, packing up his belongings,
when he was interrupted. After the attack, it had
seemed useless to stay in a place where he was no
longer wanted, and had never been wanted in the first
place. He wanted out. He was going home to L1.
He'd taken all the free toiletries that the Preventers
had offered him in the bathroom: the soap, the
shampoo, the towels and toothpaste, even the shower
curtain and the bath rug. One never knew what would
come in handy back in the Breaks. He'd just finished
packing the last of his luggage in a second-hand
suitcase he'd snatched from some civilian in the lobby
that night when the woman hadn't been watching, was
tying his shoes when there was a knock on the door.
"What?" he called irritably. The door swung open, and
he recognized the Chinese boy standing there. "Chang
Wufei? What do you want?"
Wufei stepped into the room, his eyebrow arching a
little as he took in the suitcase next to Darkflight
and the bare condition of the room. "Leaving
already?" he asked mildly.
"And if I am? It's not like you'd care!" Darkflight
returned, glaring at the Chinese boy. "Why are you
here?" He was on the defensive, wondering why in the
hell a Gundam pilot would be visiting him. Surely
they'd have more interest in watching after Wing...no,
Heero now.
"I don't like you," Wufei said bluntly. "But some
interesting information has come my way recently,
something I thought you should see.
Darkflight glared. "The only thing I'm interested in
right now is a one-way ticket home!" And possibly a
joint.... he thought, but didn't verbalize his
craving.
"Humor me," the Shenlong pilot said. He produced a
disk from his hip pocket. He slid it into the
nearest reader, and a 3D image was projected into the
center of the room.
Darkflight recognized the two twisting pictures as
DNA, but he couldn't make sense of any of the
coloring. "What the hell is that?"
"They took a sample of your DNA when they took you
for detox," Wufei said. "And it so happens
that...we're related."
Darkflight snorted. "I don't believe it. How could we
be related, anyway? I'm part Japanese, not part
Chinese."
Wufei looked superior. "That's what you think! These
tests proved, without a doubt, that the blood running
through your veins is the blood of the Chang family
from L5. That means you and I are cousins."
Darkflight gaped at him. "Err..."
Wufei grabbed him and pulled him close in a joyful
hug. "It's so good to have a living relative!! The
ones I liked all died!"
Darkflight fainted.
When he finally came to, he found himself lying on
his bed, with Wufei sitting beside him looking very
happy. Which was actually kind of an understatement.
The Shenlong pilot was literally bouncing. It was
rather odd, to say the least. Darkflight stared for a
moment, then sat up, holding his head. "So...I wasn't
delusional and just thought up the cousins thing,
huh?"
Wufei shook his head, still grinning from ear to ear.
Scooting a bit away from him, Darkflight gave a very
half-hearted smile. It didn't seem right for his
newfound cousin to be smiling like that. It was
almost like being face to face with an ax murderer
that was quite happy to be doing his job.
"Um... I'm still leaving," Darkflight announced after
a minute.
His cousin pouted- actually pouted. "Why? I know we
didn't get off on the best foot, but I'm sure we can
find plenty in common.... I'm an assassin, you're an
assassin...."
Darkflight just stared in shock. "Um...."
"I admit it's not much to build a relationship on, but
you have to take what you can get."
Before Darkflight could reply, there was another
knock on the door. He cast a sidelong glance at Wufei
before he yelled, "What now?" If it was another pilot
announcing his newfound relationship with him, he was
going to scream.
Unfortunately, it proved to be much worse.
Wing and Shinobu burst through the open door, looking
very satisfied about something. Looking from one to
the other, Darkflight could see that something was up.
"What, Wing?" he snarled, not happy to see either of
them, and downright angry that people kept barging
into his room without notice.
"It's Heero," his former partner corrected, then
chirped cheerfully, "Guess what? Shinobu and I are
long-lost brothers!!"
Darkflight fainted again.
Wufei shook his head, still smiling widely. "He
keeps doing that." He cheerfully ruffled Darkflight's
hair. "Oh! I've got good news too."
Heero blinked, tilting his head to the side. "Really?
What is it?"
"Darkflight and I are long-lost cousins. We're going
to go into business together, since we're both
assassins." Wufei's grin, if even possible, seemed to
get much larger.
Darkflight groaned, opened his eyes and stared.
"Damn it! Why couldn't it all have just been some
horrible dream..." he whined, shutting his eyes again.
Wufei's grin nearly took in his ears, it was so wide.
"Cause I've got you, babe!" he said.
Darkflight winced at the bad Cher impression.
"Heero?"
"Yes?"
"My gun is in the desk drawer- do me a favor and shoot
me, okay?"
Heero blinked, but Shinobu bounced cheerfully over to
it. "I will! I think you're a bastard, anyway!" he
chirped.
Heero grabbed Shin's shoulder warningly. "That
would be a bad idea. If you kill him, he'll kill
you, then I'll have to kill Fei, then.... it wouldn't
be pretty. No killing any Gundam Pilot's family....
it's in our handbook."
Shinobu pretended disappointment. "Can I at least
maim him a little?"
Heero looked thoughtful, then shrugged. "Sure. As
long as you keep him in one piece."
Darkflight howled with fright and dived under the bed.
*
Quatre was sitting quietly on one of the chairs in
their makeshift bedroom, enjoying a quiet minute of
contemplation. The trial had been narrowly avoided,
thanks to Carrington's expertise, and it had been so
long since he'd had a moment to breathe.
"Quatre?" Aisha poked her head into the room.
"Yes?" he inquired, turning towards her, wondering
what it was.
"Queen Relena is here to see you," she said. "She's in
the lobby."
"Relena? Ah, all right." Quatre replied, giving his
sister one of his sweet smiles as he stood and
straightened his clothing. He headed out to the
lobby, wondering what Relena wanted.
Catching sight of the blonde as he entered the lobby,
Quatre raised his hand to wave at her, when suddenly
two figures went running past. "Ano..."
"Get back here, you! I still owe you a maiming!"
Shinobu yelled as he chased Darkflight through the
lobby. The other boy didn't even pause, running past
Relena, then stopping just as he got to the other
side. "A-atsuki?!"
Darkflight quickly retraced his steps and glomped the
girl, forgetting completely about Shinobu.
Quatre watched as Relena blinked. "I'm Relena..."
she said, but her words didn't seem to reach the
attractively dark boy.
"Atsuki.... I thought you'd died...." he whispered,
kissing her on the lips passionately. "I'm so glad
you're okay, Tsuki," he whispered.
Shinobu came back, holding the gun and scowling as he
recognized the woman the other boy was holding onto.
"Hide behind a girl," he muttered with discontent,
kicking his shoe against the floor.
The doors burst inwards again, and Quatre gasped as
two familiar people raced in, panting heavily. "Did
they go this way?" the shorter of them asked, leaning
over as he tried to catch his breath.
"HEEROOOO!!!" yelled Relena. "SAVE MEEE!"
Darkflight only held on to her tighter. "Come with me,
Atsuki! Let's go find paradise!" He tried to sweep her
up in his arms, but Relena squirmed and he lost his
hold.
"AHHH!!!" she yelled as she fell over.
Heero and Wufei looked at each other and sprinted into
the room, preceded by a gun-waving Shinobu. Darkflight
tugged on Relena's hand. "Come on! Let's go!"
"And WHAT," demanded a familiar voice behind Quatre as
he looked nervously on, "is this all about?"
"Dorothy!" he cried, turning around and running to
hide behind her. "Get me out of here!"
"If you tell me what the hell's going on!" she
demanded irritably.
"The world's gone mad!"
"Obviously." The two blondes watched the spectacle,
and finally Dorothy couldn't keep it in any longer.
She snickered.
Her laughter rose slightly, and Quatre was surprised
that it echoed on his uchuu no kokoro in a strange
fashion. He found himself laughing as well, as
Relena tried to pry Darkflight off of her, Heero cast
indecisive looks back and forth between Shinobu and
Darkflight, obviously torn about what to do first, and
Wufei watched with fascination, his eyes unable to
leave the slender Japanese youth toting the gun.
Relena was still struggling to get away from
Darkflight, pouting at Heero the whole time because he
wasn't doing anything to save her. "HEERO! Come and
kill...err, wait...come and save me now!!" she
screeched.
Wufei was playing with the end of his ponytail,
looking very thoughtful as his gaze flickered back and
forth between Shinobu and Heero. Finally, he sidled
up to Shinobu. "What say we go get something to eat?
Those three will be like this for quite sometime now."
Shinobu looked at him thoughtfully. "Sure," he agreed
happily, hooking his arm through Wufei's, and together
they slipped out through the entrance.
Dorothy nudged Quatre and he glanced at her as she
indicated the entrance through which Shinobu and Wufei
had left. "Should we follow their example?"
He grinned wickedly, but before he could voice his
assent, she suddenly gave a startled exclamation of
surprise.
"Oh! I forgot to tell you what I came here for! Your
sister Atsuki is alive!"
"What?" Quatre exclaimed.
"It seems that she had vampire blood in her, and
killing her just turned her into a blood-sucking
fiend! She's going to be okay aside from that,
though...."
Quatre blinked. He'd hate to see what Dorothy would
consider "not okay" if that was her idea of "okay".
"Um.... sure thing, Dottie..."
She scowled. "Don't call me that!"
"It was affectionate!" Quatre protested.
"I HATE being called Dottie- makes me sound like I
have acute acne."
"Doro-chan?"
"That's better." She looked over at the other three
teens with amusement. Heero looked confused, Relena
was squirming, and Darkflight was professing undying
love. "Should we separate them and let them know
Atsuki's alive?"
Quatre considered it for a moment before shaking his
head. "Nah.... it's more fun this way." Giggling,
he offered Dorothy his arm, and she took it
gracefully.
*
Hilde sighed as she stood just inside the hanger
door, watching Duo as he polished Deathscythe. The
long-haired pilot was dancing around, music blaring
from inside the cockpit of the Gundam. Hilde had no
idea how he could stand to listen to such loud and
obnoxious music!
Looking down at her watch, Hilde frowned. He had
missed their dinner date, and why? Because he was
busy polishing his Gundam! She was getting really
tired of coming in second place behind Deathscythe
Hell when it came to Duo's affection. Watching him
for a few more minutes, she finally spun on her heel
and stalked away.
Duo's voice floated from behind her, singing loudly
and particularly out of tune to a loud and
particularly out of tune Japanese song. "I'M JUS IN
RAAAB!" he yelled, with Japanese accent and all. "I'M
JUS IN RAAAB! OH SING MY LIIIIIIFE!"
"Obviously not in 'raab' with me," Hilde muttered.
A small voice broke into her thoughts. "Hilde?"
She looked around. She was outside the hangar, and
there were few personnel on duty for the day and none
she could see near her. She wondered if she was
finally going crazy from Duo's influence on her when
the voice came again from a bush near the side of the
road.
"Who's there?" Hilde demanded sharply, and then gasped
in shock as a purple-haired girl came crawling out
from her hiding place, covered in leaves and twigs.
"Ilene!"
The girl's eyes were softer then they had been
before, and Hilde thought she saw the light of sanity
gleaming in them.
"I'm glad to see you're okay," she said softly, her
eyes looking up at the night sky in a melancholy
fashion. "I really don't know what got into me...
but the whack I got certainly knocked some sense back
into me." She raised her tiny hand to rest it against
her left breast, smiling as she felt her heartbeat.
"I'm really glad Enjolras made me wear that bullet
proof vest..."
Hilde smiled a little at that, running a hand through
her short purple hair before glancing back at Ilene.
"Normally, I would tell you that we should let Duo
know you're alive...but since he's forgotten all about
me, I think that can wait. How long have you been
hiding out here, Ilene?" she asked, coming over to
help the other girl dust off some of the leaves that
were stuck to her clothing.
Ilene looked forlorn. "I wasn't sure if it was safe or
not, so I've been kind of hiding out here since the
attack. I sneak into the hangar at nights. It's warmer
in there."
Hilde tsked. "You must be starving! Let's go get
something to eat." She smiled at the other girl.
"Shall we?"
Ilene grinned. "Sure!"
Inside the hangar, Duo was oblivious to his recently
departed girlfriend. He had Deathscythe, and right
now, that was all that matter. The music switched, and
another of his favorite Jrock songs came on. He
started to bob even more furiously, singing at the top
of his lungs.
Duo was nearly done polishing his beloved gundam, but
he didn't want to just leave. That would mean turning
off his jrock, and he certainly didn't want to do
that! His violet gaze slid over to Wing Zero and he
grinned. "Hehe..."
The brunette pilot was oblivious to the fact that
nearly everyone had abandoned the hanger, not able to
stand his out of tune singing any longer. "Hmm...I
wonder what Heero's doing? He's usually not away from
Wing Zero for long."
Oh well, he decided, perhaps Heero just needed to be
shown how to have a little fun. Pursing his lips, Duo
wondered how he could draw the former assassin out of
his shell...he felt like he didn't know the boy
anymore! He could drag Heero to a movie...but the base
didn't have a theatre and they weren't allowed to
leave the confines of the headquarters yet, as the
base was still under high security. So he'd have to
find entertainment inside the base. Scratching his
head, Duo bopped along to the music and stared up at
Wing Zero...then laughed out loud.
Heero was Japanese, and it was time the boy learned to
appreciate good Japanese music! Grabbing his toolbox
with a wicked grin, Duo set to tinkering with Wing
Gundam's comm system, hoping he had enough time to
install the sound system before Heero DID come to look
for his Gundam.
"MELTY LOVE!" he screeched along with the music.
"MELTY LOVE MELTY LOVE MELTY LOOOOOOVE!"
Ilene and Hilde, meanwhile, were at the base's
McDonald's (yes, the cursed meat empire still exists-
not only that, but it thrives), munching on their
meals. Hilde had ordered two super-sized Happy Meals
to get the toys, and Ilene was working her way through
her second Big Mac. The fries were cold, the drinks
were warm, and in general, it wasn't what either of
them would have chosen.
"...so them he decides to see exactly how many
spitballs he can throw at Ol' Hickory without getting
caught... Ilene was saying between bites. "Duo hit
him FIVE times before the fossil noticed- on the
sixth, he managed to angle it so that it seemed like
Helena had thrown it!"
Wufei and Shinobu were sitting a few tables away from
Ilene and Helena, a pile of food sitting in front of
them. For some inane reason, they had challenged each
other to a eating contest. The Shenlong pilot had to
admit this was the most fun he had had in a long time.
Shinobu managed to make him laugh, since looking at
him was almost like looking at Heero at times. Well,
if Heero weren't so...solemn all the time. "Ready?"
Shinobu grinned, took a sip of his soda, and nodded.
"Hai!" They each grabbed a burger, unwrapped it, and
started stuffing their faces. Both were certain that
the other couldn't beat them at this contest.
Distracted from their conversation by weird gurgling
and munching noises, Hilde and Ilene looked across the
restaurant to see the two boys intensely involved in
cramming food into their mouths. They looked at each
other, then grabbed their trays and darted over to
them.
"Hey!" Hilde yelled. "You can't leave us out of
this!!"
The boys looked up and Shinobu caught sight of Ilene.
"AGJOWA!" he yelled, which probably would have been
"ILENE!" if his mouth hadn't been full of food. As it
was, the effort caused a chunk of hamburger to lodge
in his trachea and he choked, turning blue.
A high-pitched wheezing sound emerged from him, but
Hilde was ready. She dropped her food on the table
and got behind him, expertly performing the Heimlich.
"You ok?" she asked, as she handed him his soda
"Take a drink, you'll feel better," she advise calmly.
Wufei seemed impressed in spite of himself. "You
seem to know what you're doing," he commented.
Hilde nodded. "You know how Duo eats," she said, and
the quartet shared a laugh. "Hoover" didn't even
begin to cover it.
Ilene shook her finger at Shinobu. "You made a mess!"
she scolded, trying to pick up the scattered food on
the table without her fingers touching the soggy
pieces of burger.
Wufei opened his mouth but at that moment the attack
sirens went off again (yes, even the McDonald's had
attack sirens.) The four of them jumped up and rushed
outside in alarm. "Could it be terrorists again?"
Ilene said, horrified.
Suddenly, a loud voice boomed over the base speakers.
"Allow me a peaceful descent and you will not be
harmed!"
Wufei and Hilde turned to each other in disbelief. "No
way!" Wufei gasped. "I killed him!"
"On the contrary, my dear Wufei," the voice on the
speaker said, and Wufei jumped ten feet into the air.
"I am not dead. The war, in fact, is just beginning!"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Scene VII: We All Fall Down
"Be kind to your web-footed friends
For a duck may be somebody's mother!
Be kind to your friends in the swamp
Where the weather is always damp!
You may think that this is the end�is it?"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Sally Po woke up. And then she screamed.
A pretty young woman wearing a long white dress
approached her, carrying a skein of thread. "I am the
Ghost of Christmas Past," the woman said.
Sally drew back into herself. "WHAT are you talking
about? You look more like Clotho, the Spinner of the
Fates..." Sally snapped. "And that was already DONE,
in Trio...."
The woman scowled. "You're not supposed to know
about that!" she said. I'm the omnipotent wri- oh
shit." she said glumly, tossing the skein aside.
"Quicksilver, I presume?"
The woman sighed and pulled off her blonde wig,
revealing a long manic-panic green ponytail. "I told
Ger-bear this was a bad idea."
*
Meanwhile, the McDonald's four had rushed from the
restaurant in time to see Trieze's shuttle landing.
Wufei looked at Hilde, who in turned looked at
Shinobu, who then looked at Ilene. She blinked at
them. "What?"
Trieze suddenly stepped out of the shuttle, placed his
hands on his hips, and let out a long, villainous
laugh. "All your base are belong to us! Hahaha!"
Noin stepped up behind the tall man, shaking her head
a bit. "Yes, Trieze dear..."
Hilde's eyes rounded. "Noin?! But...you're dead!
And so are you, Trieze! This isn't going to turn into
something like The Sixth Sense, is it?"
Treize laughed. "Don't worry, Hilde, it isn't you
we're concerned about." His gaze snapped to the
Chinese boy standing beside the purple-haired girl.
"Wufei!"
Wufei was covering his hands with his eyes, muttering
"I do NOT see dead people...I do NOT see dead
people..."
Shinobu kicked Wufei in the shins and he howled,
toppling over. Treize pulled an odd looking weapon
from his belt and pointed it at Wufei. The Chinese
pilot looked up.
"What the HELL is that?"
Grinning wickedly, Treize ignited his lightsaber.
"Wufei, I am your father!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" Wufei screamed.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Darkflight screamed. "That
means you're related to ME TOO!" (Darkflight had
suddenly acquired the ability to teleport instantly
between locations)
*
Une and Trowa had made their way into her office, once
they had landed in Geneva again. They had to find a
way to deal with the whole Trieze and Noin thing...and
prevent Zechs from going postal, of course. Of
course, that was a bit hard considering they couldn't
seem to keep their hands off of one another.
"Mmm...I think...I have Trieze's secret files...in my
closet still..." Une murmured, in between kisses.
Trowa nodded slightly and maneuvered them over to the
closet. Une reached out and opened the door, before
jumping into Trowa's arms in shock.
"Dor...Dorothy?! Quatre?!"
The two, in various states of undress, grinned up at
them in embarrassment.
"There's plenty of room in here," Quatre said, after
recovering from his shock. "Care to join us?"
Trowa looked thoughtful. "What a good idea," he said,
climbing into the closet and trying to drag Une in
after him.
"Wait!" Une said, disentangling herself from Trowa's
grasp and rushing back to her desk.
"What are you doing?" Trowa wanted to know, watching
her with puzzlement as she rummaged through the
drawers and pulled out a pack of Super Sized Almond
Crunch Pocky.
Une marched out of the room with a grim expression on
her face. "I'm going to show Treize who's boss around
here!"
Dorothy grinned wickedly and straightened her shirt
slightly. "Come on, Quat. This is a show you don't
want to miss!" He looked like he was going to
protest, but then she leaned in close and whispered
something to him.
"Bye, Trowa!" he said hastily, leaving his best friend
behind.
Trowa followed, wondering what Une was up to.... and
when she'd return her attention to HIM.... she was
the best at snogging he'd ever had.....
Une headed out to the landing area, a triumphant look
on her face. Yes, she would defeat Trieze with her
Pocky. He'd never know what hit him!
She faltered a bit as Wufei went running past her, in
hysterics, screaming something about Trieze not being
his father. Heero's assassin friend wasn't far behind
either, wailing at the top of his lungs.
*
Zechs, in the meantime, had dashed into the main
lobby, dressed in an ill-fitting outfit of Relena's,
with a long blonde wig on his head. He had finally
lost it, in the face of Trieze's and Noin's betrayal.
"WHERE IS SHE???" he yelled. "WHERE'S THAT TWO-FACED
BITCH?"
The secretary pointed towards the landing pads and hid
under her desk. Zechs ran up happily and planted a
kiss on her cheek. "Thank you dear!" he said happily
before regaining his dark scowl and dashing towards
where she had pointed. Unfortunately, his high heels
were hampering his progress, so he got to the landing
pad just in time to see Une run up with a box of Pocky
to confront Treize and Noin.
"NOIN!" Zechs yelled at the top of his lungs. "I'll
never forgive you for this!"
Noin gasped in fright at the sight of her one-time
boyfriend/lover in heels, a skirt, a wig, and holding
a polka-dotted purse. "Zechs, what a HORRID fashion
statement! And where on earth did you get that purse?
That is SO last year!"
He blinked. "I'm not Zechs! I'm Milliard!" he
pronounced putting his hands on his hips. "And how
DARE you put your hands all over my man like that!"
Everyone halted- even Une, who was attacking Treize
with her pocky. Milliard Peacecraft was BI?!?
"I don't think he's yours," an amused voice said, and
he turned to see Shinobu clinging to Wufei's arm,
trying to comfort the sobbing pilot. Zech's
beautiful blue eyes shimmered, and he smiled
beautifically.
"Heero-sama! Come here and kill me!" he said in a
girlishly high voice.
"Ha! My Men's Pocky can beat your Almond Pocky any
day, Une, even if it is super-sized!" Trieze crowed,
as he and Une went back to the Pocky duel.
"You'd like to think so, wouldn't you?!" Une replied,
springing forward and shoving the stick of Pocky she
held into Trieze's mouth. Grinning slightly, she
bounced back, ignoring his sudden hacking and
sputtering. "I win, especially since I remembered
that you're allergic to almonds! Take that!"
Une flashed the 'V for Victory' sign, winking at
everybody before heading back down the ramp and
glomping onto Trowa again. "So...where were we?"
"Help!" sputtered Treize, but it was too late. He'd
already swallowed some of the almond.
Noin was trying to stop Zechs from falling over on his
high heels and killing himself. "Zechs! Calm down!"
she cried.
Zechs wrestled himself away from her. "Get away from
me, Noin! I know all your secrets, you know! I can
expose them anytime!"
Noin's eyes grew wide with horror. "No!" She begged.
"Don't tell them about the SMAP/Backstreet Boys shrine
in my closet at the Academy! I'll stay out of your
way, I promise!"
Suddenly, things were interrupted with a loud noise
from Treize. Everyone stopped what they were doing and
stared. A long, white, furry tail was growing out of
his bottom. "Help," said Treize in a small voice.
A small burgundy haired girl was making her way
across the landing pad, a white bundle held in her
arms. Catching sight of the raving Zechs, she winced
a little, and turned to the tall blonde Preventer next
to her. "Umm, Mr. Tarrant, sir...are you sure you'll
be able to get this straitjacket on him? I could
always give him a tranq shot..."
Preventer Tarrant smiled confidently. "Nonsense," he
said, stepping up beside Zechs, who was still yelling
for Heero to come and kill him, and pinned him to the
ground with a smooth motion. Zechs babbled
incoherently and grabbed on to Treize's leg, then let
go with a yelp as he found it to be covered with white
fur, as Treize had turned into a giant white ferret.
Ferret-Treize squealed in sympathy.
"On second thought, Ms. Stormrider..." Gerald Tarrant
said, "I think we need that tranq shot after all. And
would you mind giving a little to Mr. Khushrenada
there as well?"
"No problem," the girl said, and efficiently jabbed
both of them with the needle. Within seconds Treize
and Zechs were out cold. Tarrant lifted Zechs onto his
shoulders and gestured to the girl.
"Get the wheelbarrow. We'll dump both of them in there
and cart them over to the loony bin."
Heero had had quite enough of the insanity, and headed
back to the hangar to polish Wing Zero a little.
He'd been looking forward to it for ages. He opened
the doors, and winced as he heard the painfully loud
music. It could only be one person. "DUO!"
*
Atsuki had found that she was rather hungry after
awakening as a vampire, so she prowled around the
base, looking for someone to snack on. Where was
everyone? Surely that little incident from earlier
was over.
Sally Po, meanwhile, was having a nice cut of tea with
Quicksilver. "It would have been nice if you'd let
me show my medical expertise," she grumbled.
"Hey, I made you a main character, unlike most
authors!" Quicksilver pointed out quickly.
Sally was just picking up her delicate china cup for
another sip of tea when the door slammed open.
"ANOTHER uninvited guest?" she said. "People are so
RUDE-" she was cut off as the girl jumped on top of
her.
"GET OFF!" Sally yelled. "I DON'T SWING THAT WAY!"
Quicksilver watched with innocent eyes as Atsuki
ripped the shoulder of Sally's shirt off in an effort
to expose the Preventer General's neck. Sally
struggled, but her pathetic human reflexes were no
match for the vampire girl's, and Quicksilver made
sure to stand safely out of the way as Atsuki pounced.
"QS!" yelled a voice from the door. "Just WHAT do you
think you're doing??"
"Oh...hello Ger," Quicksilver said sheepishly. "Didn't
think that you would finish off Treize and Zechs so
quickly."
Gerald shook his head and watched in horrified
amusement as Atsuki bit into the unconscious Sally's
neck. Seconds later, Sally's eyes opened, and both
authors could see the unearthly glow that shone in
them.
"My," Sally said. "Being a vampire isn't so bad."
"See?" Quicksilver said quite quickly as she
straightened the ridiculous gown that costuming had
forced her to wear, "I finally figured a way to keep
my favorite characters truly immortal! I'll make
them all vampires!" She laughed wickedly, but Ger
hit her upside the head with a rolled-up copy of the
Evil Overlord's Handbook.
"You Idiot!!! Vampires immediately put this fic into
the clich�!"
"Well, I think people have probably figured out that's
what we're aiming for....."
Ger smiled. "I wonder how long it took them to notice
the date? April 1, 2002...."
Quicksilver giggled. "I rather thought it was a
mean stunt to pull. Perfect, but mean." She smiled.
"Do you want to be the one to tell them that ending
SnK early is just our April Fool's joke, or should I?"
"You just did. I WILL say that the REAL Act 9.2 will
be posted tomorrow...." He glanced nervously at
Sally, "And that we should get the hell out of here
before Sally decides she needs a snack!"
Quicksilver gulped, raised her skirts to an immodest
height, and darted for the door, with Preventer
Tarrant right on her heels.
*
"HEERO! Where are you, Heero?!" Relena yelled,
running through the Preventers building. There was
only one last place to check, and that was the hangar
that held the Gundams. "He's probably there..." she
muttered. As she drew closer, she could hear very
loud music being played. Opening the door to the
hangar, her jaw dropped in disbelief. "H-Heero? Duo?
What do you think you're doing?! Get your hands off
my man!"
Duo looked up from where he had been lip-locked with
Heero, a sly grin on his face. "I don't think he's
your man any more, Relena." As the music switched to
Gackt's Vanilla, Heero yanked Duo down for another
kiss, completely ignoring the blonde in the doorway.
As Relena opened her mouth to scream, she felt
something crash into her from behind. Recovering, she
looked around to find Hilde, Atsuki, and Ilene in the
doorway, each looking at the scene with horrified
expressions.
"DUO!" Hilde shrieked.
Duo looked up just in time to catch Ilene pulling a
furious Hilde back and trying to get her to put down
the butcher knife she held in her hand. He grinned. "A
crew sees cring knees!"
Quicksilver and Ger, using their authorial powers,
materialized to watch the scene.
"Popcorn?" Quicksilver offered.
Tarrant just gave her a Look�. "We're here to finish
up."
"Ok, ok... lemme read the credits. This fic was
brought to you with the help of Lyra Stormrider,
imouto-extraordinaire, the numbers 6 and 3.14, and the
letter F. All characters don't belong to us, never
will, even though we usually treat them better then
the real series. Finally, all errors and blame for
this fall on the shoulder of Gerald Tarrant-"
Gerald stiffened. "The paper doesn't say that!" he
protested.
"Yes it does..." Quicksilver said, hastily scrawling
on it.
Gerald snatched it away. "You missed something..." He
pointed out.
"No I didn't!"
He pointed at a small blob of ink. "And Quicksilver
claims responsibility for all typos and
misspellings...."
"I do not!" she said.
The two authors faded away, still arguing the blame,
leaving behind two happily snogging pilots, four
furious women, and a base that was about to be
destroyed by vampires and Pocky.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
NOT END SAINAN NO KEKKA ACT 9
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
As you've probably figured by our statements above,
this is NOT the real SnK 9.2, neither is it the ending
to the story. We hope that our April Fools joke didn't
damage any of you permanently (though I think it did
damage us permanently while writing it ^^;) and I hope
that none of you are upset that we WILL indeed be
continuing SnK to its ending in Act 13. Complaints,
rants, and rotten tomatoes for the bad humor can be
sent to, snkauthors@yahoo.com, as always.
Regarding our "announcement," I would hope that we
would never have to end SnK in such a manner. If worst
came to worst, we would put it on hiatus, but barring
freak accidents and acts of nature, we'd never decide
to slap an ending on it and call it "complete." We
love our fic too much to do that to it.
The real Act 9.2 will be posted tomorrow, April 2,
2002.
The Small Print:
Special thanks to Lyra Stormrider for guest-writing on
"Act 9.2." Jrock song references are courtesy of
Gerald Tarrant and Lyra Stormrider and are, in order
of appearance, Glay's "I'm in Love," Shazna's "Melty
Love," and Gackt's "Vanilla." "Cause I Got You Babe"
belongs to Cher. "All your base are belong to us" is
copyright from Toaplan's Zero Wing video game. The
Sixth Sense is brought to you by M. Night Shyamalan.
Lightsabers, the quote "I am your father," and the
subsequent "NOOO!" belong to Darth Vader and Luke
Skywalker, Star Wars, George Lucas, and LucasArts.
Pocky is the property of Glico, Inc. Guest appearance
of The White Ferret provided by Draco Malfoy and J.K.
Rowling. The Evil Overlord's Handbook provided
courtesy of all Evil Overlords everywhere. McDonald's
belongs to itself and probably still will in AC 197,
as do SMAP and the Backstreet Boys.
=====
"No matter what the bible says, the battle always goes to
the strong. And I am strong. I don't need to prove that to
anyone anymore."
-Excerpt from Sainan no Kekka- Act Seven, Scene VII
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Quicksilver/
http://www.midnightrevolution.org/gundam
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