Okay, going to try to finish this...

     "Oh, I see," Kasumi said slowly.  "Did he really?  Well."

     Akane nodded ruefully.  "You can't possibly be interested in
him now."

     "Oh, I wouldn't say that."  Kasumi picked up another towel
and started folding it.

This Kasumi is twenty-one?  And Akane is eighteen?

Where I was going with this is that, while twenty-one-year-olds
who've been out in the world somewhere, in college or a job of some
sort, might be expected to have more mature views than high school
girls w.r.t. marriage and romance, Kasumi hardly fits into that
category.  Now, she HAS had to clean up after Happosai, so I suppose
that counts for something.  And, given Japanese attitudes towards
what counts as "too old" for women to be marriageable, she's probably
more desperate than a twenty-one-year-old American could possibly
be, more like a thirty-one-year-old American woman.  Still, I have
to wonder about how Kasumi got her more mature attitude; if anything,
Akane has more "worldly experience" than she does.

     "Boffed?  Screwed?" Ranma offered helpfully.  "Done a
horizontal kata with?"  Swat!

     "...someone else, I'd be so mad and heartbroken, I don't
know what I'd do.  But it would change everything.  How can you
even think of anything with Tofu-sensei now?"

Again, you're underlining your characterization of Akane very
effectively here.  And Ranma's comment fits him well.

     "Well, it's not like Tofu-sensei was engaged to me when he
did it," Kasumi pointed out.  "We didn't even have an
understanding.  And it's not exactly manly for a healthy, normal
bachelor of his age still to be a virgin, is it?"

Now THAT _is_ a Japanese attitude, I think.

     "Well...."  Akane looked like she was having trouble seeing
Tofu as "manly bachelor" rather than "friend and family doctor".

"target of adolescent crush"; "white knight up on a pedestal"

     "For that matter, we don't really know what Taro-san's, um,
experience is, either," Kasumi said, "and I haven't rejected him
on that account, have I?"

TARO:  I used to peep regularly on girls in the bath, but this one encounter
put me off on that...

     Ranma snorted.  "Pantyhose-Taro doesn't know crap about
women," she stated indelicately.  "I dunno what he's been doing
all these years, but he's been doing it by himself.  No way has
he ever gotten laid.  I'd bet money he hasn't even been kissed."

TARO:  If only all the girls I save from wild animals would stop
asking me for my name, I'd have done plenty!

     "I--"  Akane broke off, appalled, and stood speechless for a
moment.  "But--  It's still wrong!" she wailed.  "It doesn't
matter that he wasn't engaged to you, Kasumi-oneechan!  He was
CRAZY about you, and he slept with Gertrude-san anyway!  He
BETRAYED you!"

This might be a significant maturing experience for Akane, if she
thinks through her position here.  "Betrayal" is defined as betraying
one's own hopes?  Or someone you love from afar?  Rather than any
concrete contract or reciprocal agreement?  Presumably Akane thinks
that Ranma _won't_ betray her simply and solely because he loves her,
not because of his vows (moral conviction or social pressure, either
one).  For any male other than Ranma, this would be a dangerous
assumption, both ways:  if he stops saying (on a regular maintenance
schedule) that he loves her, will she assume he's cheating on her?
OTOH, given Ranma placed (through some ludicrous contrivance) in a
position where he has, or it appears that he has, cheated on her,
will she take it for granted that he doesn't love her?  

     Kasumi turned away and picked up another towel.  "Some
people only hear what I say when I'm calling them to dinner, I
suppose."

Heh.  Super-sneaky Kasumi strikes again.

     "Why, thank you so much for asking."  Kasumi's eyes twinkled
at Ranma for an instant.  She put the folded towel down and gazed
pensively into the depths of the linen closet.  "I suppose if my
husband or even my fiance had slept with another woman, I'd be
angry and hurt.

KASUMI:  If, for instance, you were my husband, and I found out
you'd fathered children by Ukyou, Shampoo, and Kiima in addition
to me, and were, or had been, boffing Akane and Kodachi on the
side, I'd feel rather put out.

  But really, he isn't, and so I'm not.  I'm not
entitled to be, after all.  I'm surprised, and a little
disappointed, perhaps, but mostly I'm... interested."

That's a very effective way to put it.

     "Sure.  I just came up with a way to do that really fast."
Snap-flappity-WHUMP!  "See?"

Heh.  I really thought that would never come up again.  Shows
what I know.

     "I think if you'd been in favor of the marriage from the
beginning, I might've just lumped you in with that crowd in my
mind.  But you were no happier with it than I was, and that gave
us something in common.

That's an interesting point that I don't recall seeing mentioned
before.

This whole discussion between Ranma and Akane is just funny
enough to be readable multiple times, but I'm a bit confused
as to why it's here; the thematic relevance to the rest of the
story doesn't seem overwhelming.  Additional characterization
for your primary protagonists?  If so, is this really the
proper place?

     Tofu slammed the tome closed decisively and stood up.
"There's no time for that, Nurse.  I must leave right away, or
I'll be late for a very important--"

     "No, Doktor," Gertrude interrupted firmly.  "You can't think
of going out in your condition-- whatever it is.  You must stay
here until the effects have--"

     "Nonsense."  Tofu waved an imperious hand.  "I feel fine."
He strode off, leaving a wisp of smoke behind.

Given how the effects are described to us later, you might
want to have Tofu say a word or two in German here, just to
underline the effect.  As it is, while Tofu is obviously
OOC later in the story, I don't think the drug's effect
of 'mimicry' is ever quite established through his actions
(as opposed to your description).

You might consider having Nabiki present at the beginning
of the picnic, when Tofu first arrives, as a way to emphasize
this.  Mimicry of Nabiki ought to be quite mistakeable.

     "Well, this will be interesting, won't it?"

     "That's one word for it," Akane admitted, giving her sister
a surprised look; the tone of Kasumi's voice reflected none of
the petulance she felt herself, and even seemed... eager?

You're establishing the contrast between Kasumi and Akane very
effectively here, but I find that I'm still wondering how Kasumi
managed to get this way.  One can see this attitude from a very
self-confident woman, but what in Kasumi's background gives rise
to such confidence in her attractiveness?  Just the recent
experience with Taro?

     "Pleased to meet you, Tendo-san," Gertrude said, bowing
correctly.  In the place of the jealous hostility she had shown
Akane and onna-Ranma at the clinic the previous day, the red-
headed nurse displayed wary respect.  Akane frowned a little at
the implied slight.

Heh.  Almost surprised she picked up on it.  Women do tend to,
though.

     "You're just acting kinda different."

     "Hey, no sweat," Tofu said casually.  "I did what you
suggested, and it's working fine."

     Ranma frowned a little; he couldn't quite put his finger on
what was wrong with the doctor-- besides that he wasn't going ga-
ga in Kasumi's presence, of course-- but his instincts were
flashing a red light.  "If you say so."

     Tofu switched his regard to her and his manner changed
again.  "Tea, please, Akane-chan."

You telling us as narrator that the herb had an effect which
we're supposed to be noticing.  Given the dialog you have, I
think you need to, or we'll miss it; only the dialog to Ranma
is really noticeable.  Again, suggest that a word or two of
German to Gertrude, and a word to Nabiki, then her disappearence,
might remove the need for the narrative explanation.

     Gertrude turned and caught sight of the remaining half of
the tako-nigiri: a finger of rice and, secured to the top of it
by a thin band of nori, a thin slice of boiled octopus tentacle,
its white meat contrasting with purple skin and the neat rings of
suckers.  She went pale, then green.  "Eeeek!"  Staggering to her
feet and backing away, she stared in horror as an uncomprehending
Tofu popped the rest of the bit of sushi into his mouth.  "Ugh!
Doktor Tofu, how could you?!"

     Tofu blinked and swallowed.  "What is the difficulty,
Nurse?"

If we're paying _very_ close attention, the fact that Tofu doesn't
know tells us that Gertrude has _another_ weakness (the dark,
as it turns out).  Suggest a reminder somewhere mid-story that
we still don't know about one of them, maybe a hint as to what
it is.

     "She can't stand octopus," Akane recalled.  "She was just
saying so when Kasumi--"  She broke off as a sudden suspicion
popped into her mind, and she glanced sidelong at her sister.
*No, it can't be.*

AKANE:  *After all, this isn't a Lawson fic, so Kasumi the
master manipulator shouldn't be anywhere near here.*

     "Quiet, girly-boy, I was talking to the one who wears the
pants in your family."

Heh.

     "Or maybe you didn't HAVE a copper cash, and she told you so
you'd go away," Ranma guessed.

Heh.  Actually, Nabs would misdirect him, so that next time, when
he DID have some money, he wouldn't know to bluff.

     "Oh, that's right, you haven't met," Kasumi said.  "This is
Ono Tofu-sensei, and this is Nadelmann Gertrude-san.  Tofu-
sensei, Gertrude-san, this is Pa--" Kasumi broke off at Taro's
warning cough-- "excuse me, I mean Taro-san."  The three
exchanged cautious nods.  Kasumi continued, still wearing a bland
smile.  "Taro-san is one of Ranma and Akane's friends; I invited
him to an omiai recently, but we're not engaged yet.  Tofu-sensei
was our family doctor for a long time, and lots of people thought
he and I were a couple, but that was before he disappeared for a
year.  Gertrude-san is Tofu-sensei's nurse, of course."

Heh.

     "Girlfriend," Gertrude added, squeezing Tofu's arm, but no
one was paying attention to her.  Ranma and Akane were staring at
Kasumi, looking as stunned as if identical anvils had fallen
simultaneously on their heads; they couldn't dispute the truth of
Kasumi's statements, but it was hard to imagine a more incendiary
way to phrase them.

I think I'd try to do away with everything after that semicolon;
some things shouldn't require explanation.  OTOH, I probably do
leave more to suggestion and imagination in my own fic than many
readers might prefer, so you might want to get a few more
opinions on that.

     Tofu blinked rapidly behind his glasses.  "Omiai?  Not
engaged... yet?" he said weakly.  He looked at Taro.

          "My daughter is of marriageable age," Soun said,
     gesturing to the young woman clad in a fine kimono who knelt
     at his side.  "There was someone else who might have been
     interested, but for some reason he never approached us...
     ah, well, that's in the past."  He tucked his hands into his
     haori coat and assumed a benevolent look.  "I'm sure she'll
     make you a fine wife, lad."
     
          Lounging unaccompanied on the other side of the low
     table, Taro leered sociably at Kasumi.  "Whatever you say,
     Pops.  You won't mind if I try her out first, though...?"
     
          Kasumi blushed, lowered her head, and nodded shyly.

I think someone else commented on the indenting here.  I find
this okay as it stands, though a little more offsetting wouldn't
be amiss.  Perhaps a short horizontal sectional division, or
maybe even just opening with a sentence describing the Tendo's
tea-room.

Good way to show us what Tofu's thinking.

     "Family doctor?  Couple?"  Taro eyed Tofu with sudden
suspicion.

          Tofu came into the clinic room and set down his
     clipboard.  "Now, Kasumi-chan, be a good girl and take off
     your clothes so I can, ah, examine you."  His fingers
     wiggled suggestively.
     
          Seated on the examination couch in the middle of the
     room, Kasumi giggled.  "Whatever you say, Sensei."   She
     reached for the top button on her blouse.

Heh.  That's almost something Takeo from MTT would come up
with, given how little he had to start from.

the way.  Tofu stood and moved to face the Chinese youth,
displaying very similar body language.

which fits with what we learn later.  It ALL fits; it's just
that I would have liked to have figured out 'mimicry' before
being told, and didn't.

them!  After a few false starts, he got the knack of hitching his
traitorous body along the ground with his nose.

Heh.  Sounds like something Takahashi'd have Ryouga do.

     Ranma blinked.  "Was that 'thanks'?"  Taro scowled and gave
a tiny nod.  "How about that.  Kasumi-oneesan must be rubbing off
on ya--"

     "Ranma!"  Kasumi was just coming in the door with a tray,
still dressed in the kimono she'd worn to the aborted picnic.

Heh.  This has to be Kasumi pulling his leg, though; your
supersneaky master manipulator Kasumi would never mistake that.
Or maybe she'd making a point to Taro?

kun."  Akane heaved an exasperated sigh.  "I think she's trying
to civilize him or something."

     "Or something," Ranma agreed.

RANMA:  "After all, civilizing him is an impossibility."

     Akane stared at her sister.  "You're not thinking of two-
timing them, are you?"

     "Am I?"  Kasumi looked thoughtful.  "Yes, I suppose I am."

Heh.

     "Hmm... but I haven't 'got' Taro-kun, and I'm not 'going
with' Tofu-sensei, am I?"

     "Well, I suppose not, not exactly, but...."

Is Akane sweatdropping here?  Just wondering.

     "Akane, if one of them made me a proposal--" *or even a
proposition,* her thought filled in -- "I would certainly
consider it, but they haven't... and not for lack of
opportunities, either."  Kasumi sounded almost exasperated.  "All
Taro-kun had to do was follow through on the omiai, and we'd be
engaged now -- perhaps even married.  All Tofu-sensei had to do
was be serious for a few minutes, but instead he ran away for a
year."

     "Um."  Taken aback, Akane couldn't come up with a better
response.

Because there aren't any.  Kasumi _could_ be making her point
a lot stronger than she is.

     "You have a point there," Akane admitted.  She considered.
"I wonder if his time away... no, can't be."  She sprang to her
feet and paced back and forth.  "Whatever he did, maybe he can do
it again... no."  She stopped and faced her sister.  "No, you
just need to see what he's like when you're not around.

For a moment, I thought you were going to use my idea:  have
Akane take his glasses, then introduce Kasumi as someone else.
But your idea worked better, I think:  dressing Kasumi up as
Ranma is, I have to admit, not something which would have
occurred to me.  (Shouldn't have occurred to your characters,
either, given the possibilities for mayhem, but that's
another story.  Takahashi would have had them in blissful
ignorance too.)

     "Um."  Akane looked crestfallen, then brightened.  "I just
had an idea."

     "Oh, dear...."

KASUMI:  This is another stupid idea that's going to get me
killed, isn't it?

     "I haven't decided."  Gertrude smiled at the confused
expression on Akane's face.

     "But you slept with him!"

     It was Gertrude's turn to look confused.  "So?  I am a
liberated woman, ja?"  She dimpled.  "Besides, I wouldn't marry
someone I hadn't tried out... would you?"

No doubt Akane finds _this_ educational...

     Gertrude couldn't see much of the combat outside the clinic.
It was dark outside, and well-lit inside, and that meant all she
saw were shapes darting to and fro... and some of those shapes
were impossible.  One of the shapes exploded back into the room
through the smashed window.  She just had time to recognize it as
the young man from the picnic and the street when the room was
plunged into darkness.

     Gertrude was afraid of the dark.  Fortunately, there was
someone to grab onto for comfort...

Yep, I definitely think this needs a bit more setup...

     Ranma looked where she was pointing.  "Ooops."  Half of the
kettle had sliced partway through the thick conduit above a
mysterious box mounted on the wall of the building.  "I guess I
broke the juice, huh?"

I love that "mysterious box".  Just underlines how ignorant
they both are about other subjects, including electricity.

it's got-- oh, dear.*  The rough silk suggested the identity of
the bosom filling his palms, but before his lips could shape the
first syllable of "Sorry, Ranma--"

     "Oh, my!"

Heh.

     "I can't think of any way to stop it."

     Akane shook her head.  "Me either."

     "This is gonna be awful."

     Akane nodded.  "Poor Taro-kun..."

Heh.

     Gertrude's horrified eyes fastened on its tentacles.

     Its huge, wriggling, slimy, sucker-studded tentacles....

     Gertrude drew in a mighty breath, put her hands to her
cheeks, screwed her eyes shut, and let out a scream worthy of a
Valkyrie,

Heh.  You've definitely got to keep Gertrude around for a while.

     The doorbell rang.

     "Honestly, NOW what?" Akane exclaimed.

     "I'll get it," said Ranma, going out to the foyer.  He slid
the door open and blinked.  "Wow," he said involuntarily.

     Standing on the doorstep, a tall woman gave him a cool, foxy
smile.  Her straight black hair was cut into bangs in front and
fell to her waist at her back; an expensive-looking dress peeked
out from under her white lab-coat.  Two sleek suitcases rested
beside her.  "Good evening," she said.  "I'm Kouka Megumi.  I'm
looking for Ono Tofu-sensei... my fiance."

     "Glah," Ranma managed.

Heh.  Didn't see this coming, despite how Takahashi-like an
ending it is.

However, while Takahashi would never even mention this character
in the next chapter, I suggest that you keep her around, if only
long enough to give her a good reason for never appearing again.
And, who knows?  You might (or have?) already thought of a lot
to do with her.

An excellent read, Vincent.  Thanks for writing and sharing!

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