Great piece of work!

This paragraph seems rather akward:

As the last words left her mouth, a sudden memory filled her of a story

her
English language class had to read to show their comprehension skills. She
remembered it all too well, knowing that with her luck the same thing
probably would have happened to her had she been in that situation. Now she
found herself in hauntingly familiar surroundings, and fearful events would
occur just as they had in the tale of the Monkey's Paw.<<

I suggest:

As the last words left her mouth, Akane remembered a story she once read in
English language class. She knew that, with her luck, the same thing would
probably have happened to her had she been in the same situation. The feared
events would now occur just as they had in the tale of the Monkey's Paw.

I know one way of sabotaging Akane's wish...

"So that she can be with us today,"

Here today, gone tomorrow.

I'd also like to know how her wish got her a 17 year old Kachinko Tendo
instead of whatever age she ought to be. I've never seen Battle Atheletes
mind you.


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