Chan Wei Lik wrote:

Great piece of work!

Thanks.

This paragraph seems rather akward:

As the last words left her mouth, a sudden memory filled her of a story

her
English language class had to read to show their comprehension skills. She
remembered it all too well, knowing that with her luck the same thing
probably would have happened to her had she been in that situation. Now

she

found herself in hauntingly familiar surroundings, and fearful events

would

occur just as they had in the tale of the Monkey's Paw.<<

I suggest:

As the last words left her mouth, Akane remembered a story she once read

in

English language class. She knew that, with her luck, the same thing would
probably have happened to her had she been in the same situation. The

feared

events would now occur just as they had in the tale of the Monkey's Paw.

Used  most of what you said in the opening.

I know one way of sabotaging Akane's wish...

"So that she can be with us today,"

Here today, gone tomorrow.

No. Kachi has to stick around. Akane's wish was fulfilled as she said, if
not exactly how she wanted. She didn't have full information though, so it's
not her fault.

I'd also like to know how her wish got her a 17 year old Kachinko Tendo
instead of whatever age she ought to be. I've never seen Battle Atheletes
mind you.

As mentioned in Larry F's letter, and this isn't much of a spoiler, she was
in more than one accident. When Akane said 'never' that meant negating the
first one she was in, back when she was 17. This actually holds more
importance than merely Akane not getting quite what she wanted, as will
quickly become evident later.

Thanks for the comments.

D.B. Sommer




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