DB Sommer wrote:
I decided to be a bastard and send this out now, despite the fact I won't be
working on it for a couple of months most likely (but you never know with
the muse). But I couldn't resist writing it out now, so anxious I am to get
working on it. So here we go...
My advice, for what it's worth. I suck at English grammar, so find
yourself a salt shaker before you take any. ;)
Ancient parchment crackled and filled the air with a musty odor as the
scroll was unrolled for the first time in over two centuries. Over the
decades since its creation it had been subjected to every physical
punishment imaginable: Rain, fire, cold, and even five-year old children
armed with crayons. Being entombed in a damp cave for nearly a decade had
worn away the edges, and only a careful grip, along with a special
preservative oil, kept the scroll from disintegrating as it was forced from
the rolled up tube its form had carried since the day it had been completed.
The first instance of 'the scroll' scans awkwardly, because it's
referencing something we have no familiarity with. Now, this is just me,
and I'm usually wrong, but I would change the first 'the' to an 'a'.
The last sentence is quite long, too.
Tears filled the ancient master's eyes as the full impact of what he held in
his withered hands struck him. Back when he had first come across the scroll
during a tour of the Middle East some fifty years ago, he had been certain
he had overheard that sheik say the parchment held a recipe for some sort of
potion to increase one's amorous prowess. On the spot, Happosai decided it
was his responsibility to take such a powerful item away from one so
lascivious, lest the fat man used it on himself and unleashed his ill-gotten
adoration on the beautiful and vast harem he owned. A bevy of the most
attractive women made up the composition of the harem, representing a
veritable mountain of breasts. And the panties, certainly the sheik had
spared no expense in outfitting the women in his palace of pleasure. Even
Happosai had been hard pressed to liberate them all, but he had. That
success was one of the proudest accomplishments in his long life.
Now that's an image.
The answer struck him all at once, like a woman's slap when he tried to show
them his appreciation by embracing their chest. He stared down at the
parchment and said, "I wish everyone else in the world were nubile young
girls with large breasts, that they had an unlimited supply of panties, and
that they'll let a venerable old man like me grope them so that he can enjoy
his twilight years in peace and comfort."
ACK!
Nothing happened.
Whew!
"Klatuu. Barada. Necktie."
HAH!
Now, is this attributed to Evil Dead, or The Day the Earth Stood Still?
"Get away from me, you pervert!" Akane yelled as her fist met Happosai's jaw
right before he could land in the valley, or at least relatively large
ditch, that her cleavage created.
Oooh....
Small wisps of vapor began to peel away from the genie's form and hung in
the air. "My time on this plane of existence is short. If you do not make
your wish within the next five minutes, it will be lost to you forever, as
you measure time. Make your wish."
Hmm.
"I have my wish!" Akane gasped. It took her a moment to figure out how to
phrase the question so that it was simple enough to not be misinterpreted.
Satisfied with the phrasing and unwilling to waste another second lest she
lose this chance, Akane said, "I wish my mother had never been in a car
accident."
That's.... Hrm. This should be interesting.
Akane looked all around. She didn't feel any different. Why didn't she
remember her mother not dying in a wreck? Had she just magically appeared
upstairs in their father's bedroom and everything else remained the same?
Perhaps she had appeared somewhere else, but Akane had specifically
requested that her mother "be with us (meaning her family) today." Even if
the woman popped up next to Nabiki, wherever she was, they should still have
proof of their mother's continued survival within a couple of hours. At
least that was what Akane hoped.
Minor note -- I think Soun's room is on the first floor.
The sisters looked closely at the stranger and drew in deep breaths. The
newcomer's black hair was a familiar short cut, nearly identical to Akane's.
Deep brown eyes were guarded closely by short eyelashes. She wore a simple
white blouse and pleated skirt. Her body was slender, though one look at her
arms and legs showed that she possessed a sort of wiry strength. Her chest
was somewhat demure, though at the same time there could be no doubts
concerning her femininity. She was on the attractive side, Kasumi comparing
her closely to Akane in appearance, though she could see some of Nabiki in
the face as well. Akane's observations noted the same thing. The close
resemblance was made all the more uncanny by one simple fact:
I'm a bit confused as to how her chest can be 'demure'....
Kachinko Tendou looked strangely around the room, then leveled an accusatory
finger at the gaping girls. "All right! You two got about three seconds to
explain what you did to my house, or else there's going to be some ass
kicking going on, and from the looks of things, you two got more than enough
butt to last me a while!"
Very interesting.
Yes, the words are a parody from 'The Day the Earth Stood Still' just like
>from Army of Darkness. How can you go wrong referring to those two classics
of the film industry? ^_^
I got one! Neatness!
Honestly, I came up with this idea long before I saw the Battle Athletes TV
series. As soon as it hit those last few episodes, I said to myself, "Well,
looks like I'm not the only one that thought such an idea has a great deal
of mischievous potential." Things will not take quite the same course
obviously, but there might be a handful of similarities as well. Hopefully
I'll be right, though only future chapters will be able to see if I can
execute things in an enjoyable manner.
Mmm.... Battle Lesbians. I remember that anime.
This is the next 'sizable' project I have planned once I'm done with the cur
rent arc of Avenging. Tenative schedule has me doing a two part Dual! fic
next (didn't have enough time to properly start it today or I would have)
and then the conclusion of the Herb arc in Avenging, then working on this.
I've had it in my mind for quite some time, and discussed it with the gang
on FFIRC a while back. It seemed to meet with favorable responses there, so
hopefully the same will happen here.
Which fould cur rent Avenging? Is THAT why there's a part A and a
part B?
Thanks for reading.
Thanks for writing! I noticed, um, no real errors. At all. I might
have missed them, but it was an intriguing read.
And I'll try to have C&C for the last section of Avenging shortly,
but no promises. >_<
D.B. Sommer