James Champagne wrote:

This is an excellent little spamfic, but dangerous. It suggests too many
other ideas for "doorway scenes" in which relatively normal folks with
legitimate reasons to ring the bell get greeted by the more deranged members
of the anime world, and the wacky hijinks (or bloody mayhem a la Messer
Robinson) that ensue. Not that I want to start anything tempbannable here...

One trick is that the fics themselves are usually not bannable (unless
they're serious transgressions, say a fic where the characters do
nothing but flame a specific author, but I haven't seen any such
fics...well, ever, come to think of it).

---

*ding dong*

"RANMA NO BAKA!" *CRACK!*

Kasumi winced again as another victim fell to her sister's mallet.
Kasumi and Nabiki had long since learned to use the back door, and
Kasumi had put up a "No Visitors" sign out front, but some people simply
could not be bothered to read.  Like Soun, or Genma.

How long had it been, since Akane's temper slew her one hope of release
from her madness?  The one man patient and powerful enough to love her
despite her anger...

She wondered, not for the first time, why none of the neighbors had
reported the shattered heads - in broad daylight - or the illegal
burials in their back yard.  Kasumi feared for her own safety if Akane
even suspected she was going to report to the police, and was certain
the same was true for Nabiki.

Graduation was in but one more month, and Nabiki had already been
accepted to university while Akane had not.  Once that event was past,
she would no longer have to stay in this place, and could spirit Nabiki
away.  Surely Akane would not be suspicious of a grocery run until it
was too late.

Just one more month until freedom...

---

Lum smiled in pure mania as she pounded away on the keyboard.  True,
the humans saw her race's craze for computers as a reflection of their
own recent past, but there was so much more the Oni could do.  For
instance, certain forms of psychiatry.  A simple, out-of-the-blue shock
for her Darling - not that she suspected him of any particular
wrongdoing, not that he would be suspicious of an undeserved zap - to
put him under, then wire him to the computer...

Ah-HA!  As she suspected, his desires had wired his responses into a
form just as inflexible as a computer program.  Take, for instance,
what to do when opening the door for someone: a few specific named
cases, then "if (gender == female && age > prepubescent) { glomp; }
else { greet; }".  A few keystrokes removed the errant glomp
command...then a wry smile and a few more keystrokes moved the command
into what to do when he saw Lum.

---

*knock knock*

"Are you a god?"

Tenchi blinked.  It was obviously a recorded message, though he knew
Washu had to be behind this door: he'd checked everywhere else.  He
thought she was not a fan of Earth cinema, but even he had seen *that*
movie.  "Umm, yes?"

"Then DIE!"

He spent the next minute dodging energy beams before Washu stepped
back into her lab, saw the chaos, and stopped the system with a few
keystrokes.  "Geez, Tenchi.  I set that trap for Kagato a long time
ago.  How'd *you* trigger it?"


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